new, asking for feedback, tx.

[Guest guest]

Hello.

Very new here. My BP mother passed away a while back. We were estranged for a

long time. When I reunited with her and the family I saw that protecting the

" facade " was what she wanted from me and all she was capable of, and I had to

protect myself still to a great degree after trying so hard to reach some kind

of level of communication. I feel like my life has been about carrying this

enormous secret. And the secret was even part secret from me until now.

I see myself overreacting in relationships and keep people arm's length very

often. I have broached subject of BP in past with therapists who dismissed it

in terms of me or my BP. I just read in two days the Lawson book and was

dumbfounded and am dismayed after all my psychological digging I did not explore

this until now. In a way, too, I feel a kind of peace and a validation for what

I went through. Grief but also a relief to call it and label it and respect it,

the depth of my struggle.

Suddenly I seem to be identifying BP past behaviors in me, and applying BP

behaviors to many others in my life past and now. Is that normal when one first

takes off the blinders on this? I suspect a lot of people do have BP ... to

varying degrees.

I am not sure what is appropriate in emailing here as a newbie or is there

a more appropriate forum for me as an older adult child of a BP who has passed

on? What I have read, though, has helped me take this seriously even more than

the book.

Any suggestions on what next to read or do?

Thanks. Best, lizzie