Re: Your dad is reincarnated as our dog

[Guest guest]

I wanted to reply to the original topic, but I couldn't find it. Hope this is

an ok place for my response...

For me, developing a self separate from my nada and grannada basically involved

me making a list of attributes I wanted to have (e.g., kind, tolerant,patient,

trustworthy, etc.) and actively working to develop them. Some traits, like being

assertive and not so defensive, I'm still working on, but I think I've gotten

the others down pat. One trait I've worked to cultivate is to not be over

emotional (because in my mind it makes me vulnerable), and a strange result of

that is that I speak in basically a monotone. Not that that's particularly

relevant, but I thought it was weird.

Lol, I just read over that, and I think I may possibly have control issues.

Jaimie

[Guest guest]

I wanted to reply to the original topic, but I couldn't find it. Hope this is

an ok place for my response...

For me, developing a self separate from my nada and grannada basically involved

me making a list of attributes I wanted to have (e.g., kind, tolerant,patient,

trustworthy, etc.) and actively working to develop them. Some traits, like being

assertive and not so defensive, I'm still working on, but I think I've gotten

the others down pat. One trait I've worked to cultivate is to not be over

emotional (because in my mind it makes me vulnerable), and a strange result of

that is that I speak in basically a monotone. Not that that's particularly

relevant, but I thought it was weird.

Lol, I just read over that, and I think I may possibly have control issues.

Jaimie

[Guest guest]

Its amazing how similar the behaviors are, sometimes, among those with bpd.

Back in June I had to attend a family function and my nada was there.

Unfortunately I wound up sitting next to nada for the very formal ceremony, and

sure enough she felt she had to say something ugly and insulting to me about my

appearance. Again. If there had been a way for me to change seats, I would

have, but it was assigned seating and a full house. I suppose I could have

gotten up and just stood in the back. If such a situation occurs again, I won't

be so cowardly and I will get up and just leave her sitting there. She is very

cagey and will wait patiently for opportunities to say mean, ugly things when

I'm trapped with her in social situations where she knows I don't want to make a

scene. It reminds me of the way she would wait and attack me when I was trapped

alone in the car with her, or at home.

Man, I hate that trait in her. Its like a snake coiled and waiting for the

right moment to strike. Brrrr.

-Annie

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> > > My therapist is really wanting me to discover who I am without my mom's

> > > voice in my head telling me what a fat, selfish, uncaring, foolish, ugly

> > > slob I am. I have such a low self esteem because of what I have always

been

> > > told about myself. For instance, what weight would I be happy at? (without

> > > my mom's voice telling me I need to be her anorexic size 0) It is

difficult

> > > for me to tell?? I have never formed my own opinions on things like weight

> > > because it was pounded into me since I was a tiny girl that the most

> > > important thing was to be thin...

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> > > Now, being slightly overweight causes great depression for me... But,

> > > realitically, I have had four boys... Of course I am going to have a

stomach

> > > with extra skin that wont go away... My mom always laughs at my breasts...

> > > (I breast fed all my sons for 1 year each) and my breasts are a little

saggy

> > > now... She makes fun and says that if I dont get implants I will need to

> > > start buying panty hose to use for bras...

> > >

> > > How does one build a self-esteem at the age of 31 without her NADA's voice

> > > constantly in her head when its been there since she was born?...

> > > Personally, I do not agree with all the plastic surgery my NADA goes

> > > through... I want to learn to be happy with what God gave me... I want to

be

> > > happy with the saggy breasts that allowed me to breast feed my sons...

> > >

> > > Do any of you find yourselves trying to figure out who you would like to

be

> > > or who you are (and being happy) when that is against everything youve

ever

> > > been taught about yourself? I dont know about you but as a young child I

> > > thought my NADA knew it all... Dont all small children look to their

parents

> > > for the answers? So how do you learn as an adult to throw all that rubbish

> > > in the can and re-create an identity for yourself? Has anyone found

> > > something that worked well in getting Nada's thoughts of you out of your

> > > head and creating a self-identity based on what makes you happy? And what

> > > does make me happy? I have always lived for HER happiness... NOT MINE!

What

> > > does make me happy???? Good question...!!! I would love any thoughts!

> > > jen

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