Re: spoiling for a fight

[Guest guest]

Joe and Felicia, thanks for your responses. Nice to know I'm not the only one.

You know the funny part is that I hardly ever win or convince anyone of anything

- ever. I'm stepping away though nothing good comes from it.

A memory spark here...Joe what they said about you arguing with a stop sign, my

FOO would say that I was very argumentative when I was a kid. But really I was

just pointing out reality when they said crazy untrue things...they found this

" argumentative " and rude. Maybe that's where it all started. Hmmmm.

> >

> > Not here on this board though! So I just joined a new site because some

comments on there about something important to me were really pissing me off. I

just specifically to fight with these people. What the heck is wrong with me?

There are other nice people on that site that I could have joined and had a nice

conversation with - but nooooo I had to join and start fighting with somebody.

This makes me wonder...am I spoiling for a fight? I've done this kind of thing

before and I always feel like I'm fighting the good fight, standing up for the

downtrodden, etc. But in reality I'm picking fights with jerks on the

internet, and it usually ends up preoccupying and upsetting me. And of course I

can never make them see reason. This is leading to some self-examination. I

wonder if this is because I can't fight with my nada? or when I rarely try to

fight with her I never ever win or get her to make the smallest admission?

> >

> > Anybody else relate to this at all?

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Ha! My mom (nada) always said I was argumentative, too. It was just that I was

struggling to wrap my (mostly logical) brain around her (mostly warped)

gaslighting and skewed versions of events. Once I got to high school, I LOVED

Geometry because the process of using Euclidian proofs was so sensible and

elegant. Then when I got to take a logic course, that was great, too - it was so

wonderful to learn that there were direct, linear ways of reaching conclusions

based on data, rather than just pulling a story out of one's fanny and sticking

to it in the face of all disproof!

So when we lived in a place where politics is the lifeblood of the town, and

you're expected to be able to engage in reasoned debate with no hard feelings, I

had a ball. Dinner parties were a hoot, because no matter what our opinion was,

the only thing that mattered was that we could back up what we were saying with

facts. Then we moved to our current city and I got involved in the same kind of

debate (on a legal/constitutional subject) and was appalled to learn that the

other person had her feelings hurt because I was arguing. I thought it was a

sort of sport, like the Debate Club! But she was from a different background

and found any kind of conflict distressing. We are still friendly, but I know

I'll never have this kind of discussion with her again.

So now I only debate (or argue) when I know I have a " safe " opponent (somebody

who's on the same page about what we're doing). And there is really NO point in

arguing with strangers on the internet! I know we have spirited discussions

here sometimes, but I feel like we're all pretty much devoted to exploring BPD

issues and how they've affected us as KO's, so even when we disagree, there

should be no hard feelings - as is often said, " my two cents, take what's useful

and leave the rest. "

> >

> > I used to be on political sites alot. I would argue and argue for hours. It

was nothing but a waste of time. My family always told me I loved to argue and

would argue with a stop sign...I didn't realize then that the reason was I was

the painted black child and was blamed for everything and always had to defend

myself. One thing that occurred to me was that I wasn't paying attention to how

I felt about myself when i did that and what it did to me emotionally. It took

several years of doing that before I realized it was messing me up arguing on

the internet because it is so addictive and there is always someone out there to

argue with. After a break from that I now am aware of my feelings when I do it

and I don't really like myself when I do it.

> >

> > --- In WTOAdultChildren1@yah

>

> [The entire original message is not included]

>

>