Re: Re: Re-introducing myself

[Guest guest]

Hi Sunny and others,

I think that we can control who and what we find attractive...and

this is my theory.

I used to have weird definitions about whom I found attractive. I

went to different extremes, even for a time thinking I preferred only

those my size...but that was " sour grapes " , assuming no one would

find me attractive. Weird, but my own internal processes...I've just

realized how much my idea of what is attractive has changed over

time. Chemistry? I think it can change as we evolve as people.

I know a few men who " can't help it " , they are only attracted to

those 20 years younger who look like models. Why? They are

guaranteed never to have to be vulnerable around another person.

Many people in the gay community, myself included, found that we had

weird senses of whom we found attractive based on our own

preconceived notions...some found people that " looked gay " less

attractive until they fully came out of the closet, and then

preferred people that " looked REALLY GAY " , only to settle into a

balanced attitude that is more oriented towards individuals rather

than " ideas " of someone's appearance. Internalized ageism and

internalized homophobia are big issues!!!

If I set my standards so " high " that no one " in my league " (for lack

of a better term) will want to be with me, then I don't have to be

vulnerable...I can protect myself from being hurt. Though many of us

like to think we don't possibly do that, I'm sure we can look at

friends and relatives we know who sabotage themselves and reject

potentially wonderful suitors by stating that said people are " too

fat " , " too thin " , " too this " , " too that. "

Chemistry IS important. But, so also is identifying our internalized

fatphobia. And yes, it's possible to have internalized fatphobia!!!

If we lived in a culture where fat were considered the height of

attractiveness, most people around us would be lusting after us. SO

MUCH of attraction is cultural, socialized, and on and on.

I find many different body sizes attractive. Why not? I don't have

a " type " ...and don't want to have a type. I would gladly date

someone my size, and have dated a wide variety of sizes.

In my world, there are many wonderful people to date and many people

interested in me. I'd never allow someone even a moment of space to

discuss how I should diet, and if someone thought they'd love me

" despite " my size rather than finding me beautiful as-is, I'd kick-em

to the curb. Life is too short than to deal with those who don't

find me attractive.

So I'm not into the thought that appearance doesn't matter...because

I believe in adorning myself and making myself look good. But I also

think that society has a f* & ked up idea of what is beautiful...and SO

MUCH is beautiful. 80 women are beautiful, as are 20 year olds. 300

lb women are beautiful, as are 150 lb women. BUT, if I can't find

myself attractive, how in the world is any one else on this planet

going to find me attractive? THen I'm putting out to the universe

" I'm ugly, but I hope you'll find me gorgeous and want to adore my

body. " How in the world can I ALLOW myself to be loved and adored if

I don't love myself? It's pretty hard to impossible.

This is an important part of the intuitive eating process, in my

opinion.

Cheers,