Re: Re: Re-introducing myself

[Guest guest]

"I am really working on teaching my son

that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size,

ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this

adequately, but I'm learning... '

I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, "Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me" and at 55 years old, I truly don't want to be alone forever. So while I'd love to convince myself that my weight doesn't matter, it does matter to others and I can't pretend it doesn't as much as I'd love to.

Sunny

Re: Re-introducing myself

Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people (or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless it's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk away from toxic people in my life and move on. I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a job that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel alive and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's finding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the moment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy. For me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the ocean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have. You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing... lol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE from external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I see on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work - to be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body conscious and when he says "mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat" (he's only 7 and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate those "voices" from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will drown out those voices. When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows I had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I can't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this adequately, but I'm learning... April G

>

> Hi April -

> > You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as

> unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a

> surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have

> inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy

> about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to

> be. But as for the need for a "perfect" body, I have found when dealing with

> my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things

> about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my

> smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my

> appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair,

> etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts

> that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There

> are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have

> brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along

> with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love.

> > - Casey

>

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

"I am really working on teaching my son

that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size,

ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this

adequately, but I'm learning... '

I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, "Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me" and at 55 years old, I truly don't want to be alone forever. So while I'd love to convince myself that my weight doesn't matter, it does matter to others and I can't pretend it doesn't as much as I'd love to.

Sunny

Re: Re-introducing myself

Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people (or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless it's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk away from toxic people in my life and move on. I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a job that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel alive and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's finding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the moment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy. For me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the ocean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have. You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing... lol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE from external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I see on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work - to be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body conscious and when he says "mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat" (he's only 7 and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate those "voices" from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will drown out those voices. When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows I had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I can't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this adequately, but I'm learning... April G

>

> Hi April -

> > You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as

> unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a

> surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have

> inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy

> about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to

> be. But as for the need for a "perfect" body, I have found when dealing with

> my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things

> about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my

> smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my

> appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair,

> etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts

> that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There

> are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have

> brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along

> with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love.

> > - Casey

>

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

"I am really working on teaching my son

that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size,

ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this

adequately, but I'm learning... '

I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, "Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me" and at 55 years old, I truly don't want to be alone forever. So while I'd love to convince myself that my weight doesn't matter, it does matter to others and I can't pretend it doesn't as much as I'd love to.

Sunny

Re: Re-introducing myself

Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people (or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless it's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk away from toxic people in my life and move on. I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a job that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel alive and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's finding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the moment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy. For me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the ocean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have. You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing... lol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE from external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I see on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work - to be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body conscious and when he says "mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat" (he's only 7 and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate those "voices" from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will drown out those voices. When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows I had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I can't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this adequately, but I'm learning... April G

>

> Hi April -

> > You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as

> unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a

> surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have

> inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy

> about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to

> be. But as for the need for a "perfect" body, I have found when dealing with

> my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things

> about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my

> smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my

> appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair,

> etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts

> that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There

> are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have

> brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along

> with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love.

> > - Casey

>

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

And do you really want a guy who would say something so awful? Sorry to be so blunt, but any man who would value a size over a personality he seems to like isn't worth the time, IMO. I currently weigh about 45 pounds more than my husband, and everyday he tells me that I am beautiful. I realize I am one of the lucky ones, but men like him are out there, and if you put your focus on liking you whether you are a size 0 or a size 32 you will find men who will love you too. When you worry what others want and expect from you there is no way to love yourself, IMO. I realize it's not so simple to do, but I think it is crucial to love yourself before you can find anyone else who will.

Alia

----- Original Message -----

From: ert4dogz@...

I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, "Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me"

[Guest guest]

And do you really want a guy who would say something so awful? Sorry to be so blunt, but any man who would value a size over a personality he seems to like isn't worth the time, IMO. I currently weigh about 45 pounds more than my husband, and everyday he tells me that I am beautiful. I realize I am one of the lucky ones, but men like him are out there, and if you put your focus on liking you whether you are a size 0 or a size 32 you will find men who will love you too. When you worry what others want and expect from you there is no way to love yourself, IMO. I realize it's not so simple to do, but I think it is crucial to love yourself before you can find anyone else who will.

Alia

----- Original Message -----

From: ert4dogz@...

I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, "Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me"

[Guest guest]

Wow, I find all of you so inspiring! Amy, what you had to say mirrors all the ways IE is helping me learn to celebrate and savor everything about my life, not just the food part. (And that includes butter and coffee!). You made me laugh out lout sitting here at work with that. Yes, healthy and wholesome foods do include butter. Sing it sister!

[Guest guest]

Good for you. I think we have to remind ourselves too about the culture we live in.  In some countries thin women would be the ones who were totally ignored or teased and the " heavy " , voluptulous ones are admired and thought of as attractive.  I sometimes joke to myself that I was just born in the wrong country. The last time I went to my MD I chose to not be weighed at all. I have been doing that, weighing myself for 50 years or so and I am not going to do it for my last 30. " Funny " thing was he thought I looked like I had lost weight(had gained 15lbs.) and the prior visit he didn't even notice that I had lost 15lbs. Wow, running that far! I can hardly walk around the block but it's not all do to weight. Due to other health issues I have been unable to be very active for several years now. I do a lot better when I keep up with my 5 year old grandson. I think I push myself and it is so much more fun. Last year I could hardly walk and had to use a walker. So I need to remind myself daily how well I am doing. No marathons yet

 

I can reply to this message from both sides of the spectrum.  I've been heavy , like I am right now (333lbs) and I've also been lighter (200lbs), which because I'm tall and have a large body structure, put me in size tens and twelves.  I lost all that weight and it taught me a very valuable lesson.  We are all shallow, and we are all attracted to " pretty " things.  I remember clearly that when I was thin a man that I had a crush on for five years slapped me on the a** and said, " Looking good girl... We definately need to hang out now. "   After I got over the shock, I realized something.  I didn't want him.  He was a pretty package, but now I knew what he really was.  He was just looking for a trinket.  Something or someone who looked the part. 

 

Please understand that I'm not saying that every man who prefers a smaller woman is like that...  However, I have noticed a great deal of them.  And I wondered why that was, and I came to a conclusion for myself.  As other people on here have already said, I was treating myself like crap when I was heavier, so why would anyone else want to date me?  I didn't even like myself... how could I ask someone else to?

 

That being said, I'm in a season of rewriting my own story.  I'm the fat girl who is getting on with her life.  I'm not waiting for it anymore.  I'm running a half marathon this weekend to celebrate my 30th birthday.  I'm running a full marathon in two months.  I'm taking Zumba because it's fun.  I'm eating ice cream because it's delicious.  I'm learning to read food labels carefully not because I'm on a diet, but because I'm honoring my body by putting healthy, whole foods into it.  Those include butter!  lol... 

 

I'm drinking too much coffee, laughing too loud, buying red glasses, painting my nails, taking risks with my career, and learning to accept myself.  I'm not perfect but I'm a heck of a lot more fun when I'm being real. 

 

If I lose weight, I lose weight.  I hope not to gain anymore, but if I do, that's a bridge I have to cross.

 

Blessings to all of you!

Amy 

 

 

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Sent: Tue, March 8, 2011 12:03:43 PMSubject: Re: Re-introducing myself

 

I too am single, have been for 16 years. Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I have been there where I felt sorry for myself because no one wanted to be with me because of my size. But we HAVE to learn to find the love inside of ourselves and from a higher power. We do not need a man to love us!!!!! Fill your life with lots of family, friends, pets and the love from a devine being that loves us no matter what. And treat yourself the way you would want a man to. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to a nice dinner, take yourself to a movie, buy yourself chocolate or jewelry, light candles and be romantic to yourself. And by the way, there are tons of men out there that do like a bigger woman. They may not want to admit it because society says they shouldn't, but they are out there and they can be hard to find. I know because I've met them. But in order for them to love us, we have to first love ourselves. Then if we love ourselves and we do

end up being alone, it won't really matter because we have the best lover, friend and companion ever - ourselves!Alana

>> > " I am really working on teaching my son > that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, > ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this

> adequately, but I'm learning... '> > I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, " Sorry, you're really sweet but

you're just a little too big for me " and at 55 years old, I truly don't want to be alone forever. So while I'd love to convince myself that my weight doesn't matter, it does matter to others and I can't pretend it doesn't as much as I'd love to.

> > Sunny>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for taking the time to write all that out Alana. I'm sure it will help lots of people. I'm a bit different. I find it really hard to fool myself with affirmations and telling myself things. Please don't take offense to this, as it's just who I am. I'm a glass half full kind of person but I am also realistic. I can't convince myself of things just because I wish it was so. Believe me, I wish it was so. I've spent the last 10 years trying exactly what you say to no avail. I do LOVE me, as a person. I'm a great person. But no, I don't think my body is attractive, no matter how much I've tried to see it that way for much longer than 10 years. And as superficial as it sounds, I do understand why the men I'm interested in are not attracted to my body type. I don't find anything attractive about men who are 100+ pounds overweight. You can't control what you find attractive. You either are attracted or you're just plain not. The last guy who did show interest suddenly decided he could come up with a diet and exercise plan that I would love! He could fix me, regardless of my medical issues and regardless of my disordered eating and diet history. He was appalled that I was unwilling to discuss dieting, how could I want to stay like this?? After listening to his big plan a couple conversations in a row I decided he wasn't really in to me for me.

Best,

Sunny

Re: Re-introducing myself

> > > Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people > or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless > t's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk > way from toxic people in my life and move on. > I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a > ob that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel > live and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's > inding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the > oment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy. > or me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the > cean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have. > You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing... > ol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE > rom external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I > ee on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work - > o be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body > onscious and when he says "mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat" (he's only > and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate > hose "voices" from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will > rown out those voices. > When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows > had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I > an't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son > hat everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, > thnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this > dequately, but I'm learning... > April G

> --- In IntuitiveEating_Support , Casey Anne <ruddenca@> > rote:

> > Hi April -

> > You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as

> unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a

> surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have

> inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy

> about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to

> be. But as for the need for a "perfect" body, I have found when dealing with

> my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things

> about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my

> smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my

> appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair,

> etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts

> that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There

> are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have

> brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along

> with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love.

> > - Casey

> > > > -----------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for taking the time to write all that out Alana. I'm sure it will help lots of people. I'm a bit different. I find it really hard to fool myself with affirmations and telling myself things. Please don't take offense to this, as it's just who I am. I'm a glass half full kind of person but I am also realistic. I can't convince myself of things just because I wish it was so. Believe me, I wish it was so. I've spent the last 10 years trying exactly what you say to no avail. I do LOVE me, as a person. I'm a great person. But no, I don't think my body is attractive, no matter how much I've tried to see it that way for much longer than 10 years. And as superficial as it sounds, I do understand why the men I'm interested in are not attracted to my body type. I don't find anything attractive about men who are 100+ pounds overweight. You can't control what you find attractive. You either are attracted or you're just plain not. The last guy who did show interest suddenly decided he could come up with a diet and exercise plan that I would love! He could fix me, regardless of my medical issues and regardless of my disordered eating and diet history. He was appalled that I was unwilling to discuss dieting, how could I want to stay like this?? After listening to his big plan a couple conversations in a row I decided he wasn't really in to me for me.

Best,

Sunny

Re: Re-introducing myself

> > > Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people > or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless > t's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk > way from toxic people in my life and move on. > I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a > ob that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel > live and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's > inding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the > oment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy. > or me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the > cean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have. > You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing... > ol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE > rom external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I > ee on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work - > o be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body > onscious and when he says "mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat" (he's only > and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate > hose "voices" from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will > rown out those voices. > When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows > had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I > an't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son > hat everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, > thnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this > dequately, but I'm learning... > April G

> --- In IntuitiveEating_Support , Casey Anne <ruddenca@> > rote:

> > Hi April -

> > You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as

> unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a

> surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have

> inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy

> about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to

> be. But as for the need for a "perfect" body, I have found when dealing with

> my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things

> about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my

> smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my

> appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair,

> etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts

> that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There

> are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have

> brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along

> with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love.

> > - Casey

> > > > -----------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for taking the time to write all that out Alana. I'm sure it will help lots of people. I'm a bit different. I find it really hard to fool myself with affirmations and telling myself things. Please don't take offense to this, as it's just who I am. I'm a glass half full kind of person but I am also realistic. I can't convince myself of things just because I wish it was so. Believe me, I wish it was so. I've spent the last 10 years trying exactly what you say to no avail. I do LOVE me, as a person. I'm a great person. But no, I don't think my body is attractive, no matter how much I've tried to see it that way for much longer than 10 years. And as superficial as it sounds, I do understand why the men I'm interested in are not attracted to my body type. I don't find anything attractive about men who are 100+ pounds overweight. You can't control what you find attractive. You either are attracted or you're just plain not. The last guy who did show interest suddenly decided he could come up with a diet and exercise plan that I would love! He could fix me, regardless of my medical issues and regardless of my disordered eating and diet history. He was appalled that I was unwilling to discuss dieting, how could I want to stay like this?? After listening to his big plan a couple conversations in a row I decided he wasn't really in to me for me.

Best,

Sunny

Re: Re-introducing myself

> > > Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people > or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless > t's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk > way from toxic people in my life and move on. > I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a > ob that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel > live and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's > inding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the > oment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy. > or me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the > cean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have. > You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing... > ol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE > rom external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I > ee on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work - > o be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body > onscious and when he says "mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat" (he's only > and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate > hose "voices" from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will > rown out those voices. > When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows > had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I > an't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son > hat everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, > thnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this > dequately, but I'm learning... > April G

> --- In IntuitiveEating_Support , Casey Anne <ruddenca@> > rote:

> > Hi April -

> > You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as

> unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a

> surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have

> inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy

> about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to

> be. But as for the need for a "perfect" body, I have found when dealing with

> my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things

> about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my

> smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my

> appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair,

> etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts

> that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There

> are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have

> brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along

> with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love.

> > - Casey

> > > > -----------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Beautifully written Amy. I especially love the paragraph about rewriting your life. I am also that fat girl and have been for many years. And believe me if a man walked by me and slapped me on the ass, for any reason, I'd be both offended and disgusted, even though he thought it was a compliment.

I didn't mean to open a can of worms when I posted about men I've been interested not wanting me due to my size. Like I said in another post, I LOVE me, as a person. I also appreciate what my body can do and I am always grateful for it and for not being any worse off than I am. I don't find fat pretty, I never have, and I really doubt i ever will but that doesn't stop me from loving who I am. And I'm not desperate to find someone either, though I think my post did come across as if I were. I think I was making a point that yes, it can matter what people think, even though it shouldn't. The sad reality is, what people think does affect the way think treat each other.

Sunny

Re: Re-introducing myself

I too am single, have been for 16 years. Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I have been there where I felt sorry for myself because no one wanted to be with me because of my size. But we HAVE to learn to find the love inside of ourselves and from a higher power. We do not need a man to love us!!!!! Fill your life with lots of family, friends, pets and the love from a devine being that loves us no matter what. And treat yourself the way you would want a man to. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to a nice dinner, take yourself to a movie, buy yourself chocolate or jewelry, light candles and be romantic to yourself. And by the way, there are tons of men out there that do like a bigger woman. They may not want to admit it because society says they shouldn't, but they are out there and they can be hard to find. I know because I've met them. But in order for them to love us, we have to first love ourselves. Then if we love ourselves and we do end up being alone, it won't really matter because we have the best lover, friend and companion ever - ourselves!

Alana

>

>

> "I am really working on teaching my son

> that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size,

> ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this

> adequately, but I'm learning... '

>

> I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, "Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me" and at 55 years old, I truly don't want to be alone forever. So while I'd love to convince myself that my weight doesn't matter, it does matter to others and I can't pretend it doesn't as much as I'd love to.

>

> Sunny

>

Your email settings: Individual Email|Traditional

Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)

Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch to Fully Featured

Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Beautifully written Amy. I especially love the paragraph about rewriting your life. I am also that fat girl and have been for many years. And believe me if a man walked by me and slapped me on the ass, for any reason, I'd be both offended and disgusted, even though he thought it was a compliment.

I didn't mean to open a can of worms when I posted about men I've been interested not wanting me due to my size. Like I said in another post, I LOVE me, as a person. I also appreciate what my body can do and I am always grateful for it and for not being any worse off than I am. I don't find fat pretty, I never have, and I really doubt i ever will but that doesn't stop me from loving who I am. And I'm not desperate to find someone either, though I think my post did come across as if I were. I think I was making a point that yes, it can matter what people think, even though it shouldn't. The sad reality is, what people think does affect the way think treat each other.

Sunny

Re: Re-introducing myself

I too am single, have been for 16 years. Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I have been there where I felt sorry for myself because no one wanted to be with me because of my size. But we HAVE to learn to find the love inside of ourselves and from a higher power. We do not need a man to love us!!!!! Fill your life with lots of family, friends, pets and the love from a devine being that loves us no matter what. And treat yourself the way you would want a man to. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to a nice dinner, take yourself to a movie, buy yourself chocolate or jewelry, light candles and be romantic to yourself. And by the way, there are tons of men out there that do like a bigger woman. They may not want to admit it because society says they shouldn't, but they are out there and they can be hard to find. I know because I've met them. But in order for them to love us, we have to first love ourselves. Then if we love ourselves and we do end up being alone, it won't really matter because we have the best lover, friend and companion ever - ourselves!

Alana

>

>

> "I am really working on teaching my son

> that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size,

> ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this

> adequately, but I'm learning... '

>

> I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, "Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me" and at 55 years old, I truly don't want to be alone forever. So while I'd love to convince myself that my weight doesn't matter, it does matter to others and I can't pretend it doesn't as much as I'd love to.

>

> Sunny

>

Your email settings: Individual Email|Traditional

Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)

Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch to Fully Featured

Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

Beautifully written Amy. I especially love the paragraph about rewriting your life. I am also that fat girl and have been for many years. And believe me if a man walked by me and slapped me on the ass, for any reason, I'd be both offended and disgusted, even though he thought it was a compliment.

I didn't mean to open a can of worms when I posted about men I've been interested not wanting me due to my size. Like I said in another post, I LOVE me, as a person. I also appreciate what my body can do and I am always grateful for it and for not being any worse off than I am. I don't find fat pretty, I never have, and I really doubt i ever will but that doesn't stop me from loving who I am. And I'm not desperate to find someone either, though I think my post did come across as if I were. I think I was making a point that yes, it can matter what people think, even though it shouldn't. The sad reality is, what people think does affect the way think treat each other.

Sunny

Re: Re-introducing myself

I too am single, have been for 16 years. Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I have been there where I felt sorry for myself because no one wanted to be with me because of my size. But we HAVE to learn to find the love inside of ourselves and from a higher power. We do not need a man to love us!!!!! Fill your life with lots of family, friends, pets and the love from a devine being that loves us no matter what. And treat yourself the way you would want a man to. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to a nice dinner, take yourself to a movie, buy yourself chocolate or jewelry, light candles and be romantic to yourself. And by the way, there are tons of men out there that do like a bigger woman. They may not want to admit it because society says they shouldn't, but they are out there and they can be hard to find. I know because I've met them. But in order for them to love us, we have to first love ourselves. Then if we love ourselves and we do end up being alone, it won't really matter because we have the best lover, friend and companion ever - ourselves!

Alana

>

>

> "I am really working on teaching my son

> that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size,

> ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this

> adequately, but I'm learning... '

>

> I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, "Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me" and at 55 years old, I truly don't want to be alone forever. So while I'd love to convince myself that my weight doesn't matter, it does matter to others and I can't pretend it doesn't as much as I'd love to.

>

> Sunny

>

Your email settings: Individual Email|Traditional

Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)

Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch to Fully Featured

Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

right on, Alana!i totally agree!abbyand ps confidence is the sexiest thing EVER. far more than (low) weight. but i don't think men (or women, for that matter) are always aware of that. they might think they prefer skinny people, but then say, " i knew this one woman, she was big but MAN she was hot. "  

 

I too am single, have been for 16 years. Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I have been there where I felt sorry for myself because no one wanted to be with me because of my size. But we HAVE to learn to find the love inside of ourselves and from a higher power. We do not need a man to love us!!!!! Fill your life with lots of family, friends, pets and the love from a devine being that loves us no matter what. And treat yourself the way you would want a man to. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to a nice dinner, take yourself to a movie, buy yourself chocolate or jewelry, light candles and be romantic to yourself. And by the way, there are tons of men out there that do like a bigger woman. They may not want to admit it because society says they shouldn't, but they are out there and they can be hard to find. I know because I've met them. But in order for them to love us, we have to first love ourselves. Then if we love ourselves and we do end up being alone, it won't really matter because we have the best lover, friend and companion ever - ourselves!

Alana

>

>

> " I am really working on teaching my son

> that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size,

> ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this

> adequately, but I'm learning... '

>

> I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, " Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me " and at 55 years old, I truly don't want to be alone forever. So while I'd love to convince myself that my weight doesn't matter, it does matter to others and I can't pretend it doesn't as much as I'd love to.

>

> Sunny

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Re: Re-introducing myself

>

>

> Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people

> or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless

> t's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk

> way from toxic people in my life and move on.

> I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a

> ob that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel

> live and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's

> inding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the

> oment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy.

> or me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the

> cean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have.

> You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing...

> ol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE

> rom external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I

> ee on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work -

> o be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body

> onscious and when he says " mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat " (he's only

> and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate

> hose " voices " from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will

> rown out those voices.

> When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows

> had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I

> an't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son

> hat everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size,

> thnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this

> dequately, but I'm learning...

> April G

> --- In IntuitiveEating_Support , Casey Anne <ruddenca@>

> rote:

>

> Hi April -

>

> You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as

> unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a

> surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have

> inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy

> about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to

> be. But as for the need for a " perfect " body, I have found when dealing with

> my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things

> about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my

> smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my

> appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair,

> etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts

> that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There

> are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have

> brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along

> with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love.

>

> - Casey

>

>

>

> -----------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

right on, Alana!i totally agree!abbyand ps confidence is the sexiest thing EVER. far more than (low) weight. but i don't think men (or women, for that matter) are always aware of that. they might think they prefer skinny people, but then say, " i knew this one woman, she was big but MAN she was hot. "  

 

I too am single, have been for 16 years. Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I have been there where I felt sorry for myself because no one wanted to be with me because of my size. But we HAVE to learn to find the love inside of ourselves and from a higher power. We do not need a man to love us!!!!! Fill your life with lots of family, friends, pets and the love from a devine being that loves us no matter what. And treat yourself the way you would want a man to. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to a nice dinner, take yourself to a movie, buy yourself chocolate or jewelry, light candles and be romantic to yourself. And by the way, there are tons of men out there that do like a bigger woman. They may not want to admit it because society says they shouldn't, but they are out there and they can be hard to find. I know because I've met them. But in order for them to love us, we have to first love ourselves. Then if we love ourselves and we do end up being alone, it won't really matter because we have the best lover, friend and companion ever - ourselves!

Alana

>

>

> " I am really working on teaching my son

> that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size,

> ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this

> adequately, but I'm learning... '

>

> I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, " Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me " and at 55 years old, I truly don't want to be alone forever. So while I'd love to convince myself that my weight doesn't matter, it does matter to others and I can't pretend it doesn't as much as I'd love to.

>

> Sunny

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Re: Re-introducing myself

>

>

> Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people

> or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless

> t's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk

> way from toxic people in my life and move on.

> I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a

> ob that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel

> live and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's

> inding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the

> oment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy.

> or me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the

> cean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have.

> You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing...

> ol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE

> rom external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I

> ee on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work -

> o be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body

> onscious and when he says " mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat " (he's only

> and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate

> hose " voices " from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will

> rown out those voices.

> When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows

> had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I

> an't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son

> hat everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size,

> thnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this

> dequately, but I'm learning...

> April G

> --- In IntuitiveEating_Support , Casey Anne <ruddenca@>

> rote:

>

> Hi April -

>

> You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as

> unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a

> surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have

> inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy

> about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to

> be. But as for the need for a " perfect " body, I have found when dealing with

> my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things

> about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my

> smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my

> appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair,

> etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts

> that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There

> are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have

> brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along

> with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love.

>

> - Casey

>

>

>

> -----------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sunny and others,

I think that we can control who and what we find attractive...and

this is my theory.

I used to have weird definitions about whom I found attractive. I

went to different extremes, even for a time thinking I preferred only

those my size...but that was " sour grapes " , assuming no one would

find me attractive. Weird, but my own internal processes...I've just

realized how much my idea of what is attractive has changed over

time. Chemistry? I think it can change as we evolve as people.

I know a few men who " can't help it " , they are only attracted to

those 20 years younger who look like models. Why? They are

guaranteed never to have to be vulnerable around another person.

Many people in the gay community, myself included, found that we had

weird senses of whom we found attractive based on our own

preconceived notions...some found people that " looked gay " less

attractive until they fully came out of the closet, and then

preferred people that " looked REALLY GAY " , only to settle into a

balanced attitude that is more oriented towards individuals rather

than " ideas " of someone's appearance. Internalized ageism and

internalized homophobia are big issues!!!

If I set my standards so " high " that no one " in my league " (for lack

of a better term) will want to be with me, then I don't have to be

vulnerable...I can protect myself from being hurt. Though many of us

like to think we don't possibly do that, I'm sure we can look at

friends and relatives we know who sabotage themselves and reject

potentially wonderful suitors by stating that said people are " too

fat " , " too thin " , " too this " , " too that. "

Chemistry IS important. But, so also is identifying our internalized

fatphobia. And yes, it's possible to have internalized fatphobia!!!

If we lived in a culture where fat were considered the height of

attractiveness, most people around us would be lusting after us. SO

MUCH of attraction is cultural, socialized, and on and on.

I find many different body sizes attractive. Why not? I don't have

a " type " ...and don't want to have a type. I would gladly date

someone my size, and have dated a wide variety of sizes.

In my world, there are many wonderful people to date and many people

interested in me. I'd never allow someone even a moment of space to

discuss how I should diet, and if someone thought they'd love me

" despite " my size rather than finding me beautiful as-is, I'd kick-em

to the curb. Life is too short than to deal with those who don't

find me attractive.

So I'm not into the thought that appearance doesn't matter...because

I believe in adorning myself and making myself look good. But I also

think that society has a f* & ked up idea of what is beautiful...and SO

MUCH is beautiful. 80 women are beautiful, as are 20 year olds. 300

lb women are beautiful, as are 150 lb women. BUT, if I can't find

myself attractive, how in the world is any one else on this planet

going to find me attractive? THen I'm putting out to the universe

" I'm ugly, but I hope you'll find me gorgeous and want to adore my

body. " How in the world can I ALLOW myself to be loved and adored if

I don't love myself? It's pretty hard to impossible.

This is an important part of the intuitive eating process, in my

opinion.

Cheers,