Re: Reminding myself that this is a journey

[Guest guest]

that sucks. i'm so sorry. how completely obnoxious and offensive and ill mannered. which completely reflects on her and not at all on you.... and still, i get why it hurts. 

i think it's awesome that you are able to deflect her criticism when it's professional... that's a great start! and we are here to help with the rest.the more i do IE, the more i think it's COMPLETELY about the fact that society teaches us that self worth = appearance. if we didn't think that our appearance mattered, if it was like the color of our eyes or our shoe size, none of these issues would come up. if someone told us to lose weight, like changing our shoe size, we could shrug and say, " yeah, tried that, didn't really work " and FORGET about it. 

and as for rebuttals... maybe this is 17 kinds of wrong, but what about, " No, are you? "

 

This is feeling very " two steps forward, one step back " for me. I have been really focusing on embracing and loving my body as it is, changing my negative internal monologue, and adjusting my view of skinny=beautiful. I feel like I have been doing well, progressing slowly toward body acceptance and starting to see a kinder self view emerge.

And then, out of the blue, a coworker asks me if I am pregnant. And, though I feigned nonchalance, I wanted to run back to my office and hide under my desk for the rest of the day. This person is often blunt and English is her second language, so her comments generally lack tact and subtlety. Also, she has never been welcoming to me and regularly criticizes me in public. I know in my head that she is a negative, difficult person, and when she makes comments that attack me on professional merit, I can quickly come back with a polite but firm response that diffuses her inappropriate criticism. So why, when she criticizes my body, can't I come back with an equally strong response? Why does that still reduce me to a teary adolescent?

I know that this is not a linear path and that I will have peaks and valleys in my progress towards intuitive eating and self acceptance, but it sure is hard to take comfort in that when you are plopped unceremoniously into a valley.

Just for fun, here are some responses that I wish I had said to her:

-You think I look pregnant? How wonderful! My husband always thought I looked the most beautiful when I was pregnant!

-No, I'm not pregnant, but I am still proud of this belly that produced my two amazing boys! (while rubbing said belly)

-Well, you know you're never supposed to ask someone if they are pregnant so you don't hurt their feelings if they aren't really pregnant. I guess it's a good thing I am not easily offended. I am just grateful for this healthy body I have been given.

[Guest guest]

that sucks. i'm so sorry. how completely obnoxious and offensive and ill mannered. which completely reflects on her and not at all on you.... and still, i get why it hurts. 

i think it's awesome that you are able to deflect her criticism when it's professional... that's a great start! and we are here to help with the rest.the more i do IE, the more i think it's COMPLETELY about the fact that society teaches us that self worth = appearance. if we didn't think that our appearance mattered, if it was like the color of our eyes or our shoe size, none of these issues would come up. if someone told us to lose weight, like changing our shoe size, we could shrug and say, " yeah, tried that, didn't really work " and FORGET about it. 

and as for rebuttals... maybe this is 17 kinds of wrong, but what about, " No, are you? "

 

This is feeling very " two steps forward, one step back " for me. I have been really focusing on embracing and loving my body as it is, changing my negative internal monologue, and adjusting my view of skinny=beautiful. I feel like I have been doing well, progressing slowly toward body acceptance and starting to see a kinder self view emerge.

And then, out of the blue, a coworker asks me if I am pregnant. And, though I feigned nonchalance, I wanted to run back to my office and hide under my desk for the rest of the day. This person is often blunt and English is her second language, so her comments generally lack tact and subtlety. Also, she has never been welcoming to me and regularly criticizes me in public. I know in my head that she is a negative, difficult person, and when she makes comments that attack me on professional merit, I can quickly come back with a polite but firm response that diffuses her inappropriate criticism. So why, when she criticizes my body, can't I come back with an equally strong response? Why does that still reduce me to a teary adolescent?

I know that this is not a linear path and that I will have peaks and valleys in my progress towards intuitive eating and self acceptance, but it sure is hard to take comfort in that when you are plopped unceremoniously into a valley.

Just for fun, here are some responses that I wish I had said to her:

-You think I look pregnant? How wonderful! My husband always thought I looked the most beautiful when I was pregnant!

-No, I'm not pregnant, but I am still proud of this belly that produced my two amazing boys! (while rubbing said belly)

-Well, you know you're never supposed to ask someone if they are pregnant so you don't hurt their feelings if they aren't really pregnant. I guess it's a good thing I am not easily offended. I am just grateful for this healthy body I have been given.

[Guest guest]

Love that reply. Short and to the point.

 

that sucks. i'm so sorry. how completely obnoxious and offensive and ill mannered. which completely reflects on her and not at all on you.... and still, i get why it hurts. 

i think it's awesome that you are able to deflect her criticism when it's professional... that's a great start! and we are here to help with the rest.the more i do IE, the more i think it's COMPLETELY about the fact that society teaches us that self worth = appearance. if we didn't think that our appearance mattered, if it was like the color of our eyes or our shoe size, none of these issues would come up. if someone told us to lose weight, like changing our shoe size, we could shrug and say, " yeah, tried that, didn't really work " and FORGET about it. 

and as for rebuttals... maybe this is 17 kinds of wrong, but what about, " No, are you? "

 

This is feeling very " two steps forward, one step back " for me. I have been really focusing on embracing and loving my body as it is, changing my negative internal monologue, and adjusting my view of skinny=beautiful. I feel like I have been doing well, progressing slowly toward body acceptance and starting to see a kinder self view emerge.

And then, out of the blue, a coworker asks me if I am pregnant. And, though I feigned nonchalance, I wanted to run back to my office and hide under my desk for the rest of the day. This person is often blunt and English is her second language, so her comments generally lack tact and subtlety. Also, she has never been welcoming to me and regularly criticizes me in public. I know in my head that she is a negative, difficult person, and when she makes comments that attack me on professional merit, I can quickly come back with a polite but firm response that diffuses her inappropriate criticism. So why, when she criticizes my body, can't I come back with an equally strong response? Why does that still reduce me to a teary adolescent?

I know that this is not a linear path and that I will have peaks and valleys in my progress towards intuitive eating and self acceptance, but it sure is hard to take comfort in that when you are plopped unceremoniously into a valley.

Just for fun, here are some responses that I wish I had said to her:

-You think I look pregnant? How wonderful! My husband always thought I looked the most beautiful when I was pregnant!

-No, I'm not pregnant, but I am still proud of this belly that produced my two amazing boys! (while rubbing said belly)

-Well, you know you're never supposed to ask someone if they are pregnant so you don't hurt their feelings if they aren't really pregnant. I guess it's a good thing I am not easily offended. I am just grateful for this healthy body I have been given.

[Guest guest]

A retort that never seems to come at the moment needed is -

" No, are you? "

And there isn't an 'expiration date' on a reply either. You are well within your

boundaries to approach this lady - one on one - and let her know that her

remarks were unnecessary. Yes perhaps she thought she was being casually polite,

but NO, remarks one's appearance are out of bounds unless they are totally

positive/complimentary. Pregnancy is a private affair until/unless announced or

so obvious that one needs not ask.

About the ONLY comment I make to others about their appearance is -

" You are looking health and happy. " or " I am happy to see you. "

Remarks like " You look soooo much better since you had that wart removed. " are

NOT compliments - just an observation.

Establishing boundaries and having them respected is part of IE too. Lovely to

hear you are working on that important area. Best to you!

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

> And then, out of the blue, a coworker asks me if I am pregnant.

[Guest guest]

A retort that never seems to come at the moment needed is -

" No, are you? "

And there isn't an 'expiration date' on a reply either. You are well within your

boundaries to approach this lady - one on one - and let her know that her

remarks were unnecessary. Yes perhaps she thought she was being casually polite,

but NO, remarks one's appearance are out of bounds unless they are totally

positive/complimentary. Pregnancy is a private affair until/unless announced or

so obvious that one needs not ask.

About the ONLY comment I make to others about their appearance is -

" You are looking health and happy. " or " I am happy to see you. "

Remarks like " You look soooo much better since you had that wart removed. " are

NOT compliments - just an observation.

Establishing boundaries and having them respected is part of IE too. Lovely to

hear you are working on that important area. Best to you!

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

> And then, out of the blue, a coworker asks me if I am pregnant.