Re: Returning for more support

[Guest guest]

Oh honey I just don't have any advice, but I do remember your story and it is

TOTALLY REASONABLE to expect a call before a visit. I just wanted to offer my

support.

Deanna

>

> Hi,

>

> I was in this group for a while about a year and a half ago and now I'm

returning for much needed support. I'm the only child of a BPD non-nurturing

mother who's treated me like the unwanted step-child my entire life. When I was

first in this group, I set one simple boundary with my parents to start calling

first instead of dropping by unexpectedly. My parents were furious and didn't

speak to me for 12 weeks. Most pleasant 12 weeks of my life! During that time,

realizing the Silent Treatment wasn't working, my mother dragged my oldest son

into the middle, telling him how angry my father was about it etc. He called

and told me and I explained the situation and told him they were pouting and he

understood. Well she's been working on hoovering my son and between her and my

son's BPD wife, my son doesn't speak to me at all. Our relationship is

completely gone. But that wasn't enough to satisfy my evil mother, now she's

working to hoover my younger son as well. He's 23 and lives with his gf.

Suddenly he's spending all his days off at my parent's house, and even sees them

more than he sees his gf because of their conflicting work hours.

>

> Tonight we went to dinner with my parents, younger son and his gf for my

husband's and father's birthday. Older son and his wife didn't attend as they

were in marriage counseling (and I hope he divorces his BPD wife, but that's

another story). At the restaurant, my mother asked about older son and why he

wasn't there, then inquired if he was still sick, knowing full well he doesn't

talk to us so how would we know. Then she addressed my younger son who is

suffering from a cold and inquired if the cough medicine she'd given him was

helping. She just had to get in those little jabs to let me know she's got my

kids in her corner and is using them as pawns to punish me. AND....she's never

been nurturing to me a day in my life yet now she's the PLAYING the nurturing

sweet little grandmother role....UGGH! I wish my kids could remember how she

treated them when they were little, for she was anything but nurturing then!

And if anyone deserved to not be a grandmother, it was my mother. BUT instead,

I'm the one who's been shut out of my own grandson's life by his BPD mother.

>

> My husband was at my parents house about a month ago and my mother started

badmouthing me to him too. I don't want to see my mother anymore. About 2

months ago, I had 5 minutes alone with my father and asked him to come by so I

could talk to him about his wife. He said " What's to talk about? You just have

to put up with her. "

> Well no I don't. I'm not married to her. She's been in competition against

me all my life, first for my father's attention and now for the attention of my

sons.

>

> My mother is 79 years old and I truly believe she'll outlive me purely out of

spite. I have recently considered telling her to remove me from her Will

because I'm not going to be subjected to any more of her emotional blackmail.

>

> R

>

[Guest guest]

Oh honey I just don't have any advice, but I do remember your story and it is

TOTALLY REASONABLE to expect a call before a visit. I just wanted to offer my

support.

Deanna

>

> Hi,

>

> I was in this group for a while about a year and a half ago and now I'm

returning for much needed support. I'm the only child of a BPD non-nurturing

mother who's treated me like the unwanted step-child my entire life. When I was

first in this group, I set one simple boundary with my parents to start calling

first instead of dropping by unexpectedly. My parents were furious and didn't

speak to me for 12 weeks. Most pleasant 12 weeks of my life! During that time,

realizing the Silent Treatment wasn't working, my mother dragged my oldest son

into the middle, telling him how angry my father was about it etc. He called

and told me and I explained the situation and told him they were pouting and he

understood. Well she's been working on hoovering my son and between her and my

son's BPD wife, my son doesn't speak to me at all. Our relationship is

completely gone. But that wasn't enough to satisfy my evil mother, now she's

working to hoover my younger son as well. He's 23 and lives with his gf.

Suddenly he's spending all his days off at my parent's house, and even sees them

more than he sees his gf because of their conflicting work hours.

>

> Tonight we went to dinner with my parents, younger son and his gf for my

husband's and father's birthday. Older son and his wife didn't attend as they

were in marriage counseling (and I hope he divorces his BPD wife, but that's

another story). At the restaurant, my mother asked about older son and why he

wasn't there, then inquired if he was still sick, knowing full well he doesn't

talk to us so how would we know. Then she addressed my younger son who is

suffering from a cold and inquired if the cough medicine she'd given him was

helping. She just had to get in those little jabs to let me know she's got my

kids in her corner and is using them as pawns to punish me. AND....she's never

been nurturing to me a day in my life yet now she's the PLAYING the nurturing

sweet little grandmother role....UGGH! I wish my kids could remember how she

treated them when they were little, for she was anything but nurturing then!

And if anyone deserved to not be a grandmother, it was my mother. BUT instead,

I'm the one who's been shut out of my own grandson's life by his BPD mother.

>

> My husband was at my parents house about a month ago and my mother started

badmouthing me to him too. I don't want to see my mother anymore. About 2

months ago, I had 5 minutes alone with my father and asked him to come by so I

could talk to him about his wife. He said " What's to talk about? You just have

to put up with her. "

> Well no I don't. I'm not married to her. She's been in competition against

me all my life, first for my father's attention and now for the attention of my

sons.

>

> My mother is 79 years old and I truly believe she'll outlive me purely out of

spite. I have recently considered telling her to remove me from her Will

because I'm not going to be subjected to any more of her emotional blackmail.

>

> R

>

[Guest guest]

bless your heart. that has to be infuriating. if she lives long enough, both of

your sons will see the light about her, and if she doesn't, the better for all

involved. Hugs!

>

> Hi,

>

> I was in this group for a while about a year and a half ago and now I'm

returning for much needed support. I'm the only child of a BPD non-nurturing

mother who's treated me like the unwanted step-child my entire life. When I was

first in this group, I set one simple boundary with my parents to start calling

first instead of dropping by unexpectedly. My parents were furious and didn't

speak to me for 12 weeks. Most pleasant 12 weeks of my life! During that time,

realizing the Silent Treatment wasn't working, my mother dragged my oldest son

into the middle, telling him how angry my father was about it etc. He called

and told me and I explained the situation and told him they were pouting and he

understood. Well she's been working on hoovering my son and between her and my

son's BPD wife, my son doesn't speak to me at all. Our relationship is

completely gone. But that wasn't enough to satisfy my evil mother, now she's

working to hoover my younger son as well. He's 23 and lives with his gf.

Suddenly he's spending all his days off at my parent's house, and even sees them

more than he sees his gf because of their conflicting work hours.

>

> Tonight we went to dinner with my parents, younger son and his gf for my

husband's and father's birthday. Older son and his wife didn't attend as they

were in marriage counseling (and I hope he divorces his BPD wife, but that's

another story). At the restaurant, my mother asked about older son and why he

wasn't there, then inquired if he was still sick, knowing full well he doesn't

talk to us so how would we know. Then she addressed my younger son who is

suffering from a cold and inquired if the cough medicine she'd given him was

helping. She just had to get in those little jabs to let me know she's got my

kids in her corner and is using them as pawns to punish me. AND....she's never

been nurturing to me a day in my life yet now she's the PLAYING the nurturing

sweet little grandmother role....UGGH! I wish my kids could remember how she

treated them when they were little, for she was anything but nurturing then!

And if anyone deserved to not be a grandmother, it was my mother. BUT instead,

I'm the one who's been shut out of my own grandson's life by his BPD mother.

>

> My husband was at my parents house about a month ago and my mother started

badmouthing me to him too. I don't want to see my mother anymore. About 2

months ago, I had 5 minutes alone with my father and asked him to come by so I

could talk to him about his wife. He said " What's to talk about? You just have

to put up with her. "

> Well no I don't. I'm not married to her. She's been in competition against

me all my life, first for my father's attention and now for the attention of my

sons.

>

> My mother is 79 years old and I truly believe she'll outlive me purely out of

spite. I have recently considered telling her to remove me from her Will

because I'm not going to be subjected to any more of her emotional blackmail.

>

> R

>