Guest guest Posted September 17, 2010 Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 Well I couldn't stay NC for too long. I just felt way too guilty, like a bad daughter, etc. I know it's not necessarily true, that I shouldn't feel guilty, but I can't help it. It was too much stress, I feel so bad for my nada despite all the trouble she causes. All my friends and my boyfriend think I should just cut her off, but everytime I try I am so overwhelmed with guilt that I'm worse off than before. Especially reading some of your guy's posts about nadas/fadas who would never apologize, who never admit that they were abusive... my nada DOES admit this, admits she has BPD (she is the one that told me when I was a kid), admits she was emotionally abusive to me. She cries about it, saying she messed me up and that my mental illnesses are her fault, that she was able to not physically abuse me the way her dad did but she still verbally abused me the way her mom did. When she has these periods of lucidness, she feels very guilty. She knows it's her own fault I don't want to be with her much and she says so. She apologizes, and I think she means it. It just doesn't mean much to me, because I know she never changes despite the apologies. As well, I've been really good with boundries the past couple years and going in the car with her is a big no no I should not have done, especially when she's coming home from something as triggering as a funeral. I know if I stick with my " rules " I don't have to tolerate verbal abuse from her, because I just leave/hang up. The only problem is she kept pushing for more and more time with me, and frankly once a week is too much. I'm going to work at keeping it much less, now. Ugh, now I feel like a failure for not being able to go NC. I hate that, I feel like I fail at EVERYTHING I do. Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2010 Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 Casey, it's no problem. Just set the boundaries you want and stick with them. It sounds like you already know how to do that. > > Well I couldn't stay NC for too long. I just felt way too guilty, like a bad daughter, etc. I know it's not necessarily true, that I shouldn't feel guilty, but I can't help it. It was too much stress, I feel so bad for my nada despite all the trouble she causes. All my friends and my boyfriend think I should just cut her off, but everytime I try I am so overwhelmed with guilt that I'm worse off than before. > > Especially reading some of your guy's posts about nadas/fadas who would never apologize, who never admit that they were abusive... my nada DOES admit this, admits she has BPD (she is the one that told me when I was a kid), admits she was emotionally abusive to me. She cries about it, saying she messed me up and that my mental illnesses are her fault, that she was able to not physically abuse me the way her dad did but she still verbally abused me the way her mom did. When she has these periods of lucidness, she feels very guilty. She knows it's her own fault I don't want to be with her much and she says so. She apologizes, and I think she means it. It just doesn't mean much to me, because I know she never changes despite the apologies. > > As well, I've been really good with boundries the past couple years and going in the car with her is a big no no I should not have done, especially when she's coming home from something as triggering as a funeral. I know if I stick with my " rules " I don't have to tolerate verbal abuse from her, because I just leave/hang up. > > The only problem is she kept pushing for more and more time with me, and frankly once a week is too much. I'm going to work at keeping it much less, now. > > Ugh, now I feel like a failure for not being able to go NC. I hate that, I feel like I fail at EVERYTHING I do. > > Casey > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2010 Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 Casey, it's no problem. Just set the boundaries you want and stick with them. It sounds like you already know how to do that. > > Well I couldn't stay NC for too long. I just felt way too guilty, like a bad daughter, etc. I know it's not necessarily true, that I shouldn't feel guilty, but I can't help it. It was too much stress, I feel so bad for my nada despite all the trouble she causes. All my friends and my boyfriend think I should just cut her off, but everytime I try I am so overwhelmed with guilt that I'm worse off than before. > > Especially reading some of your guy's posts about nadas/fadas who would never apologize, who never admit that they were abusive... my nada DOES admit this, admits she has BPD (she is the one that told me when I was a kid), admits she was emotionally abusive to me. She cries about it, saying she messed me up and that my mental illnesses are her fault, that she was able to not physically abuse me the way her dad did but she still verbally abused me the way her mom did. When she has these periods of lucidness, she feels very guilty. She knows it's her own fault I don't want to be with her much and she says so. She apologizes, and I think she means it. It just doesn't mean much to me, because I know she never changes despite the apologies. > > As well, I've been really good with boundries the past couple years and going in the car with her is a big no no I should not have done, especially when she's coming home from something as triggering as a funeral. I know if I stick with my " rules " I don't have to tolerate verbal abuse from her, because I just leave/hang up. > > The only problem is she kept pushing for more and more time with me, and frankly once a week is too much. I'm going to work at keeping it much less, now. > > Ugh, now I feel like a failure for not being able to go NC. I hate that, I feel like I fail at EVERYTHING I do. > > Casey > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2010 Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 Casey, it's no problem. Just set the boundaries you want and stick with them. It sounds like you already know how to do that. > > Well I couldn't stay NC for too long. I just felt way too guilty, like a bad daughter, etc. I know it's not necessarily true, that I shouldn't feel guilty, but I can't help it. It was too much stress, I feel so bad for my nada despite all the trouble she causes. All my friends and my boyfriend think I should just cut her off, but everytime I try I am so overwhelmed with guilt that I'm worse off than before. > > Especially reading some of your guy's posts about nadas/fadas who would never apologize, who never admit that they were abusive... my nada DOES admit this, admits she has BPD (she is the one that told me when I was a kid), admits she was emotionally abusive to me. She cries about it, saying she messed me up and that my mental illnesses are her fault, that she was able to not physically abuse me the way her dad did but she still verbally abused me the way her mom did. When she has these periods of lucidness, she feels very guilty. She knows it's her own fault I don't want to be with her much and she says so. She apologizes, and I think she means it. It just doesn't mean much to me, because I know she never changes despite the apologies. > > As well, I've been really good with boundries the past couple years and going in the car with her is a big no no I should not have done, especially when she's coming home from something as triggering as a funeral. I know if I stick with my " rules " I don't have to tolerate verbal abuse from her, because I just leave/hang up. > > The only problem is she kept pushing for more and more time with me, and frankly once a week is too much. I'm going to work at keeping it much less, now. > > Ugh, now I feel like a failure for not being able to go NC. I hate that, I feel like I fail at EVERYTHING I do. > > Casey > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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