when Body image screws up your entire evening

[Guest guest]

I was in a fat mood the entire Sat and not because I was eating excessively.It

was just excessive body checking. I wrote a lot of affirmations and they helped

to some extent.

My boyfriend invited me to see a play and I accepted. He then added I was going

to meet his best friend who was going to be there.That sent an inmediate red

flag. My mind started going in all directions but mainly one: I am too fat to

meet him, he is going to look at my fat ass, he is going to count the rolls

under my stomac\h, etc, etc.

To make things worse, my boyfriend said his ex-girlfriend was the main actress

in the play.

I was ready to say that I didn't feel well to go. After all, I had the perfect

excuse: I have had a cold for the last 2 days and I didnt want to sneeze and

cough in a small theatre.

Anyway, the affirmations on accepting my body styarted to work and I felt

stronger so I did get dressed and fortunately, it was ONLY a fat mood as my

clothes did fit.

We walked into the theatrer and as we were waiting for the tickets, my

boyfriend's friend came to greet us and then we walked to the room.

My boyfriend wanted me to sit by his friend's girlfriend but I didnt want to be

near a superskinny girl who was going to make me feel super fat.

During the entire two hour play, I was doing nothing but over studying my

boyfriend's ex. They broke up more than 6 years ago and there is no indication

that they want to get back but I can't help comparing myself to the women he

dated.

so during the entire play, I was studying at every detail of her body.

I have done the same in the past with a girl he dated in 2004. She gained a lot

of weight and I even went to the point of printing her current picture to tell

myself that I don't want to get as fat as she got.

I know this is sick.

an yway, to end my story about last night, let me say that the body checking

went on to the point of making me isolate myself.The play ended and we went to

the lobby. I imagined that they were going to wait for the actress to come out

and talk to her so I pretened to be busy on my phone. I pretended to pick up a

call and I stepped outside.

I wasn't comfortable meeting my boyfriend's ex despite the fasct that I didnt

think she was cuter or more successful than me.

Despite feeling that I was beautiful, I allowed her to have more power over me.

My boyfriend came out to ask me to be introduced to his ex girlfriend and I told

him: " Thanks, I pass " .

We came home and we didn't talk about it. My boyfriend said his friend thought

that I was cute. He didn't mention anything about why I didnt waqnt to meet his

ex. We just left it like that, no discussion.

Do I know why I really didn't want to meet her?

no

probably more body checking, more insecurities.

I did tell him that he should have told me in advance that they were planning on

waiting for the actors after the play.