My brother -- how can I help him?

August 23, 2010

I try to avoid talking to my brother. I love him dearly, but he talks, talks,

talks nonstop. Even if I say, " I have to run to a meeting " , he keeps going. " oh

sorry, yeah, go, don't want you to be late! Wait, one more thing... " And then

that goes on for 2 more minutes. (someone on this board once suggested he might

have Aspergers and I think they might be right. He doesn't get it when people

fidget and sigh b/c he's talking so much. that's not only reason I think of AS

with him, but I digress...)

If I say, I REALLY have to go now, the apt's on fire, he'll say, 'you always

have to go. you never can talk a long time with me. " guilt, guilt, guilt!!!! So

sick of it.

I know it's my own people pleasing, that I can't say, " I have to go. " And then

just hang up, b/c he guilts me when I have to go.

ANYway, on to my post: I told him I was going on vacation with my family soon

and I almost fell off my chair b/c he said to me in his official Older Brother

Voice, " ok, just make sure you check on mom the week before you go. " SIGH. I

really had to restrain myself.

I said, " I CHECK on Mom every day. I think that's plenty of checking. How much

more do you want me to check on her? " Then he fell apart. " I know. She makes me

call her twice a day. Why do I have to talk twice a day??? And then if she

doesn't hear from me at night, she freaks out and calls me 9 times until I pick

up! " He sounded like a frightened little kid. What on earth did our parents do

to us that they've had such power over us??

Anyway, how can I help someone like this?? I am DYING to tell him about bpd,

about how he's not really helping when he spends 72 hours with her every other

weekend. If I start discussing this kind of stuff with him, he gets defensive of

her. " She's oooold. She's so little and frail. " So I stay quiet and just let

him vent.

Does any one go through this with their sibling?

He's 46, never married, has never had a long term relationship. He's very much a

loner. It's hard to relate to him, and sometimes, honestly...I don't want to. He

can be just plain weird, very clingy, loud, and annoying in one moment,

standoffish and cold the next.

Any input would be great,

Fiona

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