Re: I feel so alone

September 15, 2010

(((()))) I agree with the great advice you've already got - talk to a

women's shelter. You need to get away from any dependence on any of these

people. Have you ever applied for disability? My nada did and the approval

process does take some months and they usually refuse people and make them

appeal the first time - just for kicks I guess. So money will be a

complicating factor, but that doesn't mean you can't start laying your plans

now, talking to some advocates who can help - you shouldn't have to live this

way. You deserve better!

>

> This is sadly a long rant that I need to let out because I have no one to talk

to anymore.... by the time you finish reading this you may understand slightly

why.

>

> I am a medical wreck. (emotionally and physically) When I was 2 years old I

was diagnosed with Celiac, Diabetes and Hypothyroidism. Two years ago I was

diagnosed with a lung disease that apparently is rare known as Nonspecific

Interstitial Pnemanitis... Now they think I have Autoimmune Enteropathy and

s Disease. I am usually very sick, or never feel well even when I feel

" better than normal " ... My boyfriend is usually pretty understanding and always

supportive, or so it seems. Sometimes he seems very aloof toward my illness and

acts like it isnt a huge deal even when im scared. (I was hospitalized last

december due to excess weight loss and stomach issues and he left me alone

usually until 9pm at night so he could go to work, take care of the dog, and go

Christmas shopping...which hurt because I was scared and all alone while they

were telling me different procedures/surgeries they were going to do and he was

not there) But things got even more interesting when his dad had a stroke in

April, he made sure to be at the hospital for his dad EVERY DAY before work and

immediately after work, he would come home (to our apartment) to cook dinner for

his dad and mom so they would not have to eat hospital food and take it up to

them, and he even spent the night with his dad. Now is this a flea? me feeling

sorry for myself? I understand its his dad and it was a scary situation... but I

was just as scared losing over 40lbs in 2 months and always being in pain. So

things got better with the dad a month later and he went into physical therapy,

but the mother said she needed him to move home to help with his father because

he was doing so poorly, she turned to me and said " you are welcome at our home

too. If you love my son, then we will love you. " I love my boyfriend dearly, but

his temper has gotten worse (he " accidentally " pushed me causing me to fall and

hit my head on a coffee table during a fight we had. And he has been just rough

in general, pushing me against walls etc etc. ... now this frightens me because

my mom is bpd and is verbally and physically abusive. But I always forgive him

for some stupid reason and he hasnt hurt me or been rough since that time. but

that aside....) So in July we moved in with his parents, and GUESS WHAT?! the

mother has an in home care nurse, the dad is able to walk, talk and eat just

fine... but with a cane.... My boyfriend said he did not know his dad was doing

so well otherwise we would not have given up our home together. (I feel like the

mother lied and manipulated him to get him to move home, or it was all about

saving money from his part.) So the last bad fight we had was in July when I was

looking at my boyfriends phone when I saw a text message from his mother that

says " She doesnt do anything around here, shes been here two weeks and she needs

to do your (my boyfriends) laundry, put hte sheets on your (my boyfriends) bed

and cook you dinner, you work full time you are tired. "

> that hurt incredibly to see that, I never feel well and am always in and out

of hospitals and always tired (due to possible addisons) and I do what I can,

which isnt a lot... but its the best I can do. Plus my boyfriend is a grown man

whose 28 years old and works a very lenient job as an IT guy..... why should I

do his laundry, bed and cook for him? Im not his wife. So when I confronted her

on that and the fact we moved in with them to help with the father even though

she never needs help with him she blew up at me and told me to " get out and you

arent sick, you use that as an excuse. I never wanted to tell my son that but

its the truth! you arent sick " At that point I started crying, because my bpd

mom tells me the same thing, and it makes me think im crazy and maybe im not

sick maybe I think I am or something (even though blood work and etc comes back

showing proof) so when I started crying she yells to me " Dont you dare start

doing *THAT* cry! Dont give me that! " At that point I packed all my shit and

stayed with my mom two nights, to which she went through all my belongings in my

car and found the lease I had signed with my boyfriend on our apartment and then

got pissed and kicked me out of her place, so lo and behold I ended back up at

my boyfriends parents house.... ugh! So to make things right I apologize to my

boyfriends mother and give her a hug... she never apologized to me or anything

in return, I even sent her a long long message saying how I want to try to fit

in with the family, and I love her son very much and I want to try to make this

home..yadda yadda... she never responded to that either, she never says hi to me

or talks to me when she sees me in the house. Then it comes down to her butting

in when my boyfriend and I are cooking.... tonight for instance we are making

tamales and we slow cooked the pork for 12 hours and stuck it in the fridge this

morning, then when we got back the pork was in the slow cooker with broth

covering it and it simmering.... SHE BOTHERED TO TRY OUR FOOD AND " FIX " IT FOR

US! ARRRGH! maybe these are all stupid things that I should not let bother me,

but I am wondering why I am even here any more! I cant talk to my own mother

about these issues, and I cant talk to my boyfriend about this specific issue

without fear that it will cause a fight.

>

> Then to make matters worse I spent yesterday with my mom, where so was her

queen self until her cat got outside and she went waif on me and said " God hates

me! " over and over... So I made Lost signs, called the vet clinics around town

and reported it and reported it to the shelters and posted it on craigs list,

while she sat there and cried, (which made me feel so bad) but then while we

were looking for the cat she raged and started saying how her kids (my sister

and I) are ungrateful and stupid and helpless and we are this and that, and then

she went back to her waif self.... then by the time I left at 8pm she called me

raging again and had taken all the lost posters I put up as well as the

craigslist ad...I dont even know why..... She said it was because I lied to her

about various things even though she made me swear those things on the Bible and

I'm going to hell. (I do admit that I did lie to her once on that Bible ... and

I felt like crap because I am catholic.. but it literally came down to lying on

the bible or getting hit...) Anyways, what she was raging about happened over a

year ago, so I have no idea how it even came up. But today she is fine and

happy.

>

> I have no one to talk to anymore, I cant talk to my boyfriend about her

without causing him to hate her more which stresses me out and I cant talk to my

boyfriend about how I hate living with his parents and what I think about them

without making him upset and I cant talk to my mom about my boyfriend/living

situations without it blowing up in my face later, and I obviously cant tell her

that shes crazy....

>

> I am lost and dont know where to go or what to do anymore, the tiniest things

are beginning to set me off (like my boyfriends mother taking our pork and doing

it HER way... it just makes me think that the way I cooked it wasnt good enough,

or something.... and when I mentioned it to my boyfriend he goes " It tastes

better though! " ..... Its just htings my bpd mom would do... like making the

lost signs and CL ad... you work hard to do it and its not good enough.... Its

never good enough. I feel like no one cares about me here, and I feel like IM

STUCK here because I have no where else to go.... Im pathetic.

>

> are these fleas? am I overreacting because of how I grew up with my bpd mom?

Any thoughts? I just need some insight because I feel like everyone is against

me and im going crazy or something.

>

> -

>

September 15, 2010

Thank you all for being so supportive, I will look into a womans shelter right

now. I have considered it before but am scared to go because I do not know how I

will get my medications and doctors appointments that I need. Does the womans

shelter help with that? I am applying for disability and SSI, but I work a *very

very* part time job, so I do not know if I qualify for disability or not. (I

work at a hospital in a research lab, and the professor I work for knows all my

medical issues and lets me work an hour if thats all I can handle that day, or 5

hours if I want, or not come in at all. So he is very understanding... But I

think I will be denied for being able to hold down any sort of employment.)

I have slowly come to realize all the people that should be supporting me and

helping me *are* abusive and bringing me down, and that is what makes me the

most sad. Why is it so many people around me are all abusive and not supportive?

Is it common to go from one abusive situation to another? - Im just so scared to

leave because of everything that is going on. I know I need to leave, its just a

matter of taking that big scary leap and hoping for the best.

Again, Thank you all. You are really life savers and I feel a better knowing

there are people who understand and people I can talk to.

>

> ;

>

> Your boyfriend, your mother and his parents are abusive. You need to get out

of there. Consider very seriously the choice to go to a woman's shelter and

never go back to any of them. With your health issues, get on disability so you

won't be dependant on anyone. These people are not good for you. Especially if

you are ill and these people are denying it and ignoring you. Start formulating

a plan to LEAVE.

>

> I'm sure there are others on this list who can give you more information. We

have all " left, " or are in the process or are about to or seriously planning. Me

included. It's not easy but it is time to just stop taking abuse. Part of the

issue is realizing it is abuse. It's a process. But these people are bad news.

This group will help you. We've all been there. Once they are out of your life,

your health issues will be easier to deal with - without those " rocks " tied to

your ankles.

>

> Flowers in Oz

>

> -----Original Message-----

> >

> >>

> >I am lost and dont know where to go or what to do anymore, the tiniest things

are beginning to set me off (like my boyfriends mother taking our pork and doing

it HER way... it just makes me think that the way I cooked it wasnt good enough,

or something.... and when I mentioned it to my boyfriend he goes " It tastes

better though! " ..... Its just htings my bpd mom would do... like making the

lost signs and CL ad... you work hard to do it and its not good enough.... Its

never good enough. I feel like no one cares about me here, and I feel like IM

STUCK here because I have no where else to go.... Im pathetic.

> >

> >are these fleas? am I overreacting because of how I grew up with my bpd mom?

Any thoughts? I just need some insight because I feel like everyone is against

me and im going crazy or something.

> >

> >-

> >

> >------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The Essential

Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop

Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

@... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> >To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> >Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

September 15, 2010

> (((Your boyfriend, your mother and his parents are abusive}}} please listen

seriously to this advice from another post- YOU really need to save yourself

here- and remember you so deserve better than this.

I have a BP mother- and NPD husband- I know that feeling of being

emotionally and physically exhausted and done. My body just really revolted

against me 2 years ago- and I was almost hospitalized-Please

take care of yourself- you are worth it!

Keep posting- and keep knowing you are a valuable and wonderful person!!

Blessings,

Malinda

September 15, 2010

Hi Hon, I'm so sorry! No, the pork is not a small deal! She undermined

you!!!

I was in a similar situation in my early 20s. I was a college student,

married etc. My husband's mother was freaking nuts - I can't even diagnose

her. We rented our housing from her. Well, I got sick of her ways and I

moved out and got myself my own apartment!! And it felt great!! My husband

and I got back together after that for about 6 years, but of course we split

up in the end because his mother was a witch and he was a passive agressive

dishrag asshole. . . and splitting from him also felt great. So anyway, my

point is I have been in a similar situation. . . and you can do it. and you

can have better. Freedom!!!

Hugs, girlscout

>

> > (((Your boyfriend, your mother and his parents are abusive}}} please

> listen seriously to this advice from another post- YOU really need to save

> yourself here- and remember you so deserve better than this.

>

> I have a BP mother- and NPD husband- I know that feeling of being

> emotionally and physically exhausted and done. My body just really revolted

> against me 2 years ago- and I was almost hospitalized-Please

> take care of yourself- you are worth it!

>

> Keep posting- and keep knowing you are a valuable and wonderful person!!

>

> Blessings,

> Malinda

>

September 15, 2010

Kudos to you for taking those first scary steps toward rescuing yourself from

your abusive mother and from your abusive boyfriend and his mean mother.

Why are they so unsupportive and invalidating toward you? Well, narcissitic pd

people only see others as a source of narcissistic supply for themselves. A

relationship with an npd person is a very one-way street, with you doing all the

giving and them doing all the receiving. But if you need something from the

person with npd, then they suddenly lose interest in you and ignore you or

actively reject you. The exception: if appearing kind and generous and

nurturing toward you can earn the npd person big publicity points, as in public

attention and praise, then they'll do it.

My advice is to not just blindly take a big scary leap, but to carefully plan

what you're going to do. Seek out help, advisors, counselors. Make

appointments with social services, talk to your doctors, find out what's

available in your area or nearby areas RE housing and assistance and medical

help. The npds in your life aren't going to be much if any help, so you will

have to help yourself and you'll feel really empowered when you do! Then you

can thumb your nose at them and say, " Have a nice life, you creeps! " as you

leave them behind you.

-Annie

> >

> > ;

> >

> > Your boyfriend, your mother and his parents are abusive. You need to get out

of there. Consider very seriously the choice to go to a woman's shelter and

never go back to any of them. With your health issues, get on disability so you

won't be dependant on anyone. These people are not good for you. Especially if

you are ill and these people are denying it and ignoring you. Start formulating

a plan to LEAVE.

> >

> > I'm sure there are others on this list who can give you more information. We

have all " left, " or are in the process or are about to or seriously planning. Me

included. It's not easy but it is time to just stop taking abuse. Part of the

issue is realizing it is abuse. It's a process. But these people are bad news.

This group will help you. We've all been there. Once they are out of your life,

your health issues will be easier to deal with - without those " rocks " tied to

your ankles.

> >

> > Flowers in Oz

> >

> > -----Original Message-----

> > >From: laiiku <lane.melissa@>

> > >>

> > >I am lost and dont know where to go or what to do anymore, the tiniest

things are beginning to set me off (like my boyfriends mother taking our pork

and doing it HER way... it just makes me think that the way I cooked it wasnt

good enough, or something.... and when I mentioned it to my boyfriend he goes

" It tastes better though! " ..... Its just htings my bpd mom would do... like

making the lost signs and CL ad... you work hard to do it and its not good

enough.... Its never good enough. I feel like no one cares about me here, and I

feel like IM STUCK here because I have no where else to go.... Im pathetic.

> > >

> > >are these fleas? am I overreacting because of how I grew up with my bpd

mom? Any thoughts? I just need some insight because I feel like everyone is

against me and im going crazy or something.

> > >

> > >-

> > >

> > >------------------------------------

> > >

> > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The

Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to

Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write

@ DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> > >

> > >To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> > >

> > >Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

September 15, 2010

My friend has MS and has a part-time job and was able to get disability. Even

with MS it took appeals and a bunch of other crap to get it. I think as long as

your hours are under a certain amount you can qualify, but you might have to

fight them a bit. Don't accept the first rejection.

I think a woman's shelter would help you sort out how to get your medications

and such. Please talk to them and tell them of your medical needs and they have

resources to help you out. They might have advice about getting on disability

too.

I think it is common to leave one abusive situation and enter another. We are so

used being treated that way, to thinking abuse is what love looks like, that we

end up in similar situations time and again.

I know it's scary to leave. But once you do, you'll find you can meet TRUE

friends who will support you and love you. Just think about that, and how nice

it would be to not be so stressed out and have all that drama. Your body can't

heal properly with all that emotional baggage you are dealing with now. I know

for myself, I really have to FORCE MYSELF to consider myself before others. I

worry so much about whether I'm going to upset other people, that I forget my

own needs, and my health suffers. With your chronic illnesses, this must be even

worse!

*hugs* I hope you get the strength to leave. You'll feel so much better if you

do!

Casey