Re: Nada reverses facts..... Infuriating!

[Guest guest]

HFB,

I'm not sure if this applies to you, but I have been frustrated with the

reversing of facts because it shows that nada doesn't give us the benefit of the

doubt. In fact, it shows that nada thinks poorly of us, is willing to give a

complete stranger the benefit of the doubt, and is sure that we have done

something to deserve bad treatment. Even if we have clearly told nada that this

person has mistreated/abused us, she will take their side over ours any day.

It is unbelievable that anyone who truly cares about us would react this way.

Even my distant acquaintances would never treat me like this, so it is

heartbreaking that our nadas, who are suppose to support us in times of crisis,

only add fuel to the fire.

Don't feel bad for confiding in nada. That is a natural, ingrained reflex for a

child to think they can trust their parent and rely on them for support. You

*can* take out all this anger on nada, where it belongs.

I'm sorry to hear about your supervisor, good luck with your job search!

>

> I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

>

> I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

>

> Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. " Um

excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

>

> Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

>

> I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like the

jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

>

> Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

>

[Guest guest]

HFB,

I'm not sure if this applies to you, but I have been frustrated with the

reversing of facts because it shows that nada doesn't give us the benefit of the

doubt. In fact, it shows that nada thinks poorly of us, is willing to give a

complete stranger the benefit of the doubt, and is sure that we have done

something to deserve bad treatment. Even if we have clearly told nada that this

person has mistreated/abused us, she will take their side over ours any day.

It is unbelievable that anyone who truly cares about us would react this way.

Even my distant acquaintances would never treat me like this, so it is

heartbreaking that our nadas, who are suppose to support us in times of crisis,

only add fuel to the fire.

Don't feel bad for confiding in nada. That is a natural, ingrained reflex for a

child to think they can trust their parent and rely on them for support. You

*can* take out all this anger on nada, where it belongs.

I'm sorry to hear about your supervisor, good luck with your job search!

>

> I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

>

> I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

>

> Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. " Um

excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

>

> Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

>

> I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like the

jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

>

> Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

>

[Guest guest]

Mine does this too. Its as though we don't speak the same language, and when

information I'm giving her isn't registering with her (isn't remembered by her)

she'll just make up the missing parts. She also has a tendency to remember

things in a negative way, or opposite to the way they actually happened.

I think my nada dissociates more than I ever realized, and her memories are like

swiss cheese. When she does remember an event, she distorts it as her being the

victim. She is never wrong, and never the persecutor, always the victim.

I suppose that could also be due to the bpd " negative cognitive filter. " She

assigns a negative interpretation to neutral events, comments and interactions.

Or, it could be due to narcissism. If she finds a conversation or piece of

information boring or irrelevant to herself, she just stops paying attention,

then later will just invent parts of the conversation or information.

Its very frustrating to attempt to have a rational, meaningful, real

conversation with my nada. It feels more like being in the book " Alice in

Wonderland " and trying to have a conversation with an insane fantasy literary

character:

" ...Humpty Dumpty said gaily, as she turned it round for him, `I thought it

looked a little queer. As I was saying, that seems to be done right -- though I

haven't time to look it over thoroughly just now -- and that shows that there

are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents --

'

`Certainly,' said Alice.

`And only one for birthday presents, you know. There's glory for you!'

`I don't know what you mean by " glory, " ' Alice said.

Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. `Of course you don't -- till I tell you. I

meant " there's a nice knock-down argument for you! " '

`But " glory " doesn't mean " a nice knock-down argument, " ' Alice objected.

`When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, `it means

just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less.'

***

((((sigh))))

-Annie

>

> I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

>

> I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

>

> Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. " Um

excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

>

> Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

>

> I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like the

jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

>

> Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

>

[Guest guest]

Mine does this too. Its as though we don't speak the same language, and when

information I'm giving her isn't registering with her (isn't remembered by her)

she'll just make up the missing parts. She also has a tendency to remember

things in a negative way, or opposite to the way they actually happened.

I think my nada dissociates more than I ever realized, and her memories are like

swiss cheese. When she does remember an event, she distorts it as her being the

victim. She is never wrong, and never the persecutor, always the victim.

I suppose that could also be due to the bpd " negative cognitive filter. " She

assigns a negative interpretation to neutral events, comments and interactions.

Or, it could be due to narcissism. If she finds a conversation or piece of

information boring or irrelevant to herself, she just stops paying attention,

then later will just invent parts of the conversation or information.

Its very frustrating to attempt to have a rational, meaningful, real

conversation with my nada. It feels more like being in the book " Alice in

Wonderland " and trying to have a conversation with an insane fantasy literary

character:

" ...Humpty Dumpty said gaily, as she turned it round for him, `I thought it

looked a little queer. As I was saying, that seems to be done right -- though I

haven't time to look it over thoroughly just now -- and that shows that there

are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents --

'

`Certainly,' said Alice.

`And only one for birthday presents, you know. There's glory for you!'

`I don't know what you mean by " glory, " ' Alice said.

Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. `Of course you don't -- till I tell you. I

meant " there's a nice knock-down argument for you! " '

`But " glory " doesn't mean " a nice knock-down argument, " ' Alice objected.

`When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, `it means

just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less.'

***

((((sigh))))

-Annie

>

> I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

>

> I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

>

> Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. " Um

excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

>

> Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

>

> I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like the

jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

>

> Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

>

[Guest guest]

OMG, this is my life prior to LC. I don't know why but I had a much needed

chuckle at the absurdity of your nada's behavior. Gawd, they really are crackers

aren't they?

My nada decided that I don't like potatoes even though I ate them my whole life

and she served them at every meal she ever cooked. She also decided I am an

inpatient person, just like her. Whereas some of my friends have expressly told

me that they find me to be exceptionally patient. My nada's judgements are

mostly a twist on real fact, such as when I complained about a difficult

roomate, not paying rent on time, he wasn't working, etc. Nada's response? " I

didn't realize you liked this boy romantically. " WTF????

> >

> > I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

> >

> > I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

> >

> > Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. "

Um excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

> >

> > Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

> >

> > I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like

the jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

> >

> > Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

> >

>

[Guest guest]

OMG, this is my life prior to LC. I don't know why but I had a much needed

chuckle at the absurdity of your nada's behavior. Gawd, they really are crackers

aren't they?

My nada decided that I don't like potatoes even though I ate them my whole life

and she served them at every meal she ever cooked. She also decided I am an

inpatient person, just like her. Whereas some of my friends have expressly told

me that they find me to be exceptionally patient. My nada's judgements are

mostly a twist on real fact, such as when I complained about a difficult

roomate, not paying rent on time, he wasn't working, etc. Nada's response? " I

didn't realize you liked this boy romantically. " WTF????

> >

> > I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

> >

> > I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

> >

> > Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. "

Um excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

> >

> > Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

> >

> > I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like

the jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

> >

> > Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

> >

>

[Guest guest]

OMG, this is my life prior to LC. I don't know why but I had a much needed

chuckle at the absurdity of your nada's behavior. Gawd, they really are crackers

aren't they?

My nada decided that I don't like potatoes even though I ate them my whole life

and she served them at every meal she ever cooked. She also decided I am an

inpatient person, just like her. Whereas some of my friends have expressly told

me that they find me to be exceptionally patient. My nada's judgements are

mostly a twist on real fact, such as when I complained about a difficult

roomate, not paying rent on time, he wasn't working, etc. Nada's response? " I

didn't realize you liked this boy romantically. " WTF????

> >

> > I don't know if any of you have nadas that do this but I can't seem to let

this one go, I am really stewing over it. My nada has reversed, and twisted some

things I have told her so that she has things utterly backwards. As usual.

> >

> > I am LC with my nada but recently I spoke with her because it was her

birthday. During the breif phone conversation I stupidly mentioned something

about currently looking for a new job. (background, I am having difficulty with

my current supervisor and I swear supervisor is NPD) Nada is aware of the

problem in an only superficialy way. I have complained to nada in the past about

my bosses' horrible ineptitude as a manager and ongoing micromanagement among

other issues.

> >

> > Well, nada says to me " It sounds like this woman is very intimidating. "

Um excuse me? I don't know how nada always manages to reverse the situation and

twist the facts into completely the opposite of what's really going on. I

replied " Intimidating? The woman is an idiot mom. " I don't feel intimidated by

the supervisor, only that I can't work with someone who is so inept.

> >

> > Nada has ALWAYS done this. I should learn, even with LC I CANNOT tell nada

anything or I will inevitably find myself fuming and annoyed. Do they do this on

purpose? I don't know why this is bothering me so much but I just HATE when she

does this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I guess it's a trigger of some

sort.

> >

> > I have a lot of memories about nada twisting my words to make me look like

the jerk in every situation. Sometimes nada will just insert facts that aren't

actually facts and I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

Arrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

> >

> > Ah, ok I am done. Feeling a little better now. LOL

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Words mean what I want them to mean - YES YES YES she did that

Twisting facts to paint herself the victim - Yessss 100% of the time

Boy didn't pay rent so " I didn't realize you liked this boy romantically, "

Okay, i have to admit I spat water all over the room this made me laugh so

hard!!!!! Nada did that too but in my case she would have responded with

" I'm very worried that you might be a SLUT because this boy didn't pay on

time. "

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 8:39 PM, Simpson wrote:

>

>

> Yes my nada does this as well. Her biggest one is " knowing " something that

> is a completely twisted piece of information or what I call " playing dumb " .

> She will insist that something is true because " someone " told her. For

> example, when I went into labor with DD my water broke at home very early

> in

> labor. I was waiting for the doctor to call back with instructions to go to

> the hospital. Nada called 3 times in those 15 minutes and had my brother

> call a 4th when I would not listen to her. She insisted that when your

> water breaks t baby is coming very soon and I must ignore the doctor's

> instructions to wait for a call and go to the ER. My contractions were

> still 10 minutes apart! (DD was born almost 30 hours later).I really think

> she believes she is the expert in all things medical. She also remembers

> things differently than I do. Also with my first birth I told her that

> night that I would not be having the baby until sometime tomorrow(she was

> there for the birth). She left work and showed up that night. When the

> baby didn't arrive in the next few hours she chastised me for " making her "

> call of work when it was taking so long.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, the second part to this is the 'playing dumb' act. After I get angry with

her and exasperated because she's twisted the facts to the point of FUBAR, she

plays dumb as to why I am so pissed. Then she does the 'you have a problem and I

just want peace' act. OMG These women are nucking futs!!!

At one point in my life (I was about 20) I overheard my nada and my golden child

older brother talking. I thought I was having hallucinations but it's true. I

was working as a waitress in a restaurant that was attached to a motel, and I

got along really well with my boss. My nada and bada were discussing how they

thought my boss might be 'pimping me out' Yes Cowgirl, you're not the only one

who gets the slut treatment for being normal. OMFG