Re: a thought on emotional eating

[Guest guest]

Thanks, .

I'm looking forward to not needing to use food this way, but when I seem to need it most is when I have to work very long hours and I feel tired and sorry for myself. I give myself treats to get through the afternoon and evening stretches. But doing it consciously and without guilt, it ends up being two or three cookies instead of 20. That's progress.

April

April I am having that experience today. I am emotionally overeating, but I am not bingeing. The eating is soothing me. My hubby is upstairs smoking pot and watching football and instead of feeling lonely and neglected I am soothing my self with food and not feeling guilty about it. ------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

April-Yes, I can relate. I'm doing some of that too. Right now as a matter of fact, as my husband is on a long trip for work, after mostly being home for a while, and my sistere is her, but she isn't quite the help I was hoping for. She's actually making me want to eat a little more. So, I'm finding the thoughts of eating running across my brain often. Good news is that I recognize them for the stress eating they are and have learned that if I can pause they usually go away without food, BUT I'm still letting myself eat some of it just because I want to and I know that it will feel good in a situation that doesn't feel good to me. I feel good about that though, because they are thoughts I wouldn't have had and food I would have ate less than a year

ago.DawnTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Sun, January 9, 2011 2:48:40 PMSubject: a thought on emotional eating

Hi, All .

I had an insight about my own emotional eating that I wanted to share and ask if anyone else resonates with it. I realized that I've been trying too hard to do IE "right", that is, to give up emotional eating and just eat according to my internal signals. It's left me feeling like a bit of a failure for the ways in which I'm still eating emotionally (and still not losing weight - or even gaining some).

What I realized is that I'm jumping some steps in the process. I seem to actually need to say, "Yes, I'm eating emotionally right now" - noticing that I'm tired or sad or frustrated or bored or feeling sorry for myself - "and eating to soothe myself is the best I can do at the moment so it's okay." I feel like I really need to give myself permission - unconditional permission - to comfort myself with food when I need to. I need to stop telling myself that I have to "give it up" and instead reassure myself that I don't have to give it up until I'm ready to and until I can find other ways to handle those feelings.

I've done this a few times over the last week and it's had a very calming effect on me. Knowing and acknowledging that I'm eating to soothe myself seems also to allow me to eat just enough to soothe me, and not make me feel like I have to keep eating in an out of control way. The reality, for me, is that food is in fact soothing to some degree. And it seems that giving myself full permission to use food this way if I have to also allows me to stay in my body and remember that I don't actually enjoy the feeling of being stuffed and uncomfortable.

Anyone else have this experience or relate to it? April

[Guest guest]

Hi April,Thank you for sharing that realization! I don't know if it's an answer for others here, but it resonated with me.I live in New England, and we had a miserable snow storm on Friday. My office closed at 1:30 pm because of the weather, and I was absolutely terrified to drive home (six miles via highway) in what were practically white out conditions. This fear started after having a very miserable spin out in my car when we moved here in the dead of winter, over 20 years ago. It's ruled my life since for all that time, determining where I work and what I do all winter. It's been an awful burden.Last year at this time, my husband was working right nearby, so he could easily drive me when it snowed (although I always despaired over my phobic behavior, and wished I could drive myself--did not like feeling like a psych case). After a horrid lay-off that lasted nine months, my hubby's landed an excellent job--that is totally in the opposite direction and nowhere near my office. So-- I am on my own now with this winter weather.The minute I arrived home (a 45-minute ride that usually takes no more than 15 minutes), I made a bee-line for any comfort food I could find. I was absolutely, consciously using it as a tranquilizer. It was not enjoyable, the food I was "using" was not yummy, and I remember thinking, "What the heck are you doing to yourself?!" but continuing to do so. I also had that "failure" feeling."However, the next day, Saturday, I was back to IE. In fact, I guess I'd eaten so much the day before that I wasn't hungry until that next evening--and barely ate even when I did feel a slight hunger pang. Just wasn't hungry.I don't want to medicate myself with food, and I don't see this as acceptable for myself. But-- there was just no other option for me (even though in reality, of course, I know there were other options). Food was the only optionthat would do at that time.I expect this to happen to me every now and then, and while I don't like the thought of it, or recommend it, it served its purpose--and I need to accept that this will be no smooth journey. Maybe as I become more aware, or as I (we) write about things like this openly, the amount of food will decrease, or the frequency of these events will decrease--or I'll even be able to NOT do it most of the time.So--I can relate perfectly to what you've written.As a post script here--I drove wonderfully!! :-) I don't think that I'll be as terrified to drive in the snow next time (and there will definitely be several next times!). I really should move to Florida.>> Hi, All .> I had an insight about my own emotional eating that I wanted to share > and ask if anyone else resonates with it. I realized that I've been trying > too hard to do IE "right", that is, to give up emotional eating and just eat > according to my internal signals. It's left me feeling like a bit of a > failure for the ways in which I'm still eating emotionally (and still not > losing weight - or even gaining some). > What I realized is that I'm jumping some steps in the process. I seem > to actually need to say, "Yes, I'm eating emotionally right now" - noticing > that I'm tired or sad or frustrated or bored or feeling sorry for myself - > "and eating to soothe myself is the best I can do at the moment so it's > okay." I feel like I really need to give myself permission - unconditional > permission - to comfort myself with food when I need to. I need to stop telling > myself that I have to "give it up" and instead reassure myself that I > don't have to give it up until I'm ready to and until I can find other ways to > handle those feelings. > I've done this a few times over the last week and it's had a very > calming effect on me. Knowing and acknowledging that I'm eating to soothe myself > seems also to allow me to eat just enough to soothe me, and not make me > feel like I have to keep eating in an out of control way. The reality, for me, > is that food is in fact soothing to some degree. And it seems that giving > myself full permission to use food this way if I have to also allows me to > stay in my body and remember that I don't actually enjoy the feeling of > being stuffed and uncomfortable. > Anyone else have this experience or relate to it? > April>

[Guest guest]

Hi April,

good observation & it reminds me that Geneen keeps rminding us, " don't judge,

just notice, be aware........ " Many of the IE books make a point of telling

readers not to try to CHANGE things but to just pay attention to what is

happening & then to start very slowly to change the things that don't seem to be

working any more. I think that seems like a really kind thing to do for

ourselves.

mj

>

> Hi, All .

> I had an insight about my own emotional eating that I wanted to share

> and ask if anyone else resonates with it. I realized that I've been trying

> too hard to do IE " right " , that is, to give up emotional eating and just eat

> according to my internal signals. It's left me feeling like a bit of a

> failure for the ways in which I'm still eating emotionally (and still not

> losing weight - or even gaining some).

> What I realized is that I'm jumping some steps in the process. I seem

> to actually need to say, " Yes, I'm eating emotionally right now " - noticing

> that I'm tired or sad or frustrated or bored or feeling sorry for myself -

> " and eating to soothe myself is the best I can do at the moment so it's

> okay. " I feel like I really need to give myself permission - unconditional

> permission - to comfort myself with food when I need to. I need to stop

telling

> myself that I have to " give it up " and instead reassure myself that I

> don't have to give it up until I'm ready to and until I can find other ways

to

> handle those feelings.

> I've done this a few times over the last week and it's had a very

> calming effect on me. Knowing and acknowledging that I'm eating to soothe

myself

> seems also to allow me to eat just enough to soothe me, and not make me

> feel like I have to keep eating in an out of control way. The reality, for me,

> is that food is in fact soothing to some degree. And it seems that giving

> myself full permission to use food this way if I have to also allows me to

> stay in my body and remember that I don't actually enjoy the feeling of

> being stuffed and uncomfortable.

> Anyone else have this experience or relate to it?

> April

>

[Guest guest]

That is a very good point, April. I feel the same way. I am wading through my various mindful eating books and finding some of it not really clicking in the way that I thought it would. it all sounds good on paper, but how I really eat, how I really make choices about food and drink sometimes does not match the lofty ideals of mindful eating (which is how I think of it when I don’t get it). Sometimes, it all seems to sound like double talk, trying to be the opposite of dieting but essentially coming back down to the same thing...eat less...mindfully! Mind you! lol.

I have done a lot of the “work†on this before, so stepping back into some of it feels silly. I just want to clear my mind and take it in a direction I want to take it, following no one’s suggested path. I read last night in The Slow Down Diet about writing the new script for how I want to eat and live the rest of my life and become that person now, eat that way now. That really resonated with me.

From: aprimartin@...

Sent: Sunday, January 09, 2011 5:11 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: a thought on emotional eating

I do think there's a rebellious part of me that needs to be sure that giving up emotional eating isn't just some new idea to push me around, like another diet. I need to be very clear - in some primitive and slightly nutty part of me - that I have the right and the ability to eat emotionally if I want to, before I'm willing to feel like the choice to give it up is actually my own.

April

[Guest guest]

Thank you for sharing this. I really appreciate your saying "most of the time". That's such an important phrase for us perfectionists to hear!

Hi April,Thank you for sharing that realization! I don't know if it's an answer for others here, but it resonated with me.I live in New England, and we had a miserable snow storm on Friday. My office closed at 1:30 pm because of the weather, and I was absolutely terrified to drive home (six miles via highway) in what were practically white out conditions. This fear started after having a very miserable spin out in my car when we moved here in the dead of winter, over 20 years ago. It's ruled my life since for all that time, determining where I work and what I do all winter. It's been an awful burden.Last year at this time, my husband was working right nearby, so he could easily drive me when it snowed (although I always despaired over my phobic behavior, and wished I could drive myself--did not like feeling like a psych case). After a horrid lay-off that lasted nine months, my hubby's landed an excellent job--that is totally in the opposite direction and nowhere near my office. So-- I am on my own now with this winter weather.The minute I arrived home (a 45-minute ride that usually takes no more than 15 minutes), I made a bee-line for any comfort food I could find. I was absolutely, consciously using it as a tranquilizer. It was not enjoyable, the food I was "using" was not yummy, and I remember thinking, "What the heck are you doing to yourself?!" but continuing to do so. I also had that "failure" feeling."However, the next day, Saturday, I was back to IE. In fact, I guess I'd eaten so much the day before that I wasn't hungry until that next evening--and barely ate even when I did feel a slight hunger pang. Just wasn't hungry.I don't want to medicate myself with food, and I don't see this as acceptable for myself. But-- there was just no other option for me (even though in reality, of course, I know there we re other options). Food was the only optionthat would do at that time.I expect this to happen to me every now and then, and while I don't like the thought of it, or recommend it, it served its purpose--and I need to accept that this will be no smooth journey. Maybe as I become more aware, or as I (we) write about things like this openly, the amount of food will decrease, or the frequency of these events will decrease--or I'll even be able to NOT do it most of the time.So--I can relate perfectly to what you've written.As a post script here--I drove wonderfully!! :-) I don't think that I'll be as terrified to drive in the snow next time (and there will definitely be several next times!). I really should move to Florida.>> Hi, All .> I had an insight about my own emotional eating that I wanted to share > and ask if anyone else resonates with it. I realized that I've been trying > too hard to do IE "right", that is, to give up emotional eating and just eat > according to my internal signals. It's left me feeling like a bit of a > failure for the ways in which I'm still eating emotionally (and still not > losing weight - or even gaining some). > What I realized is that I'm jumping some steps in the process. I seem > to actually need to say, "Yes, I'm eating emotionally right now" - noticing > that I'm tired or sad or frustrated or bored or feeling sorry for myself - > "and eating to soothe myself is the best I can do at the moment so it's > okay." I feel like I really need to give myself permission - unconditional > permission - to comfort myself with food when I need to. I need to stop telling > myself that I have to "give it up" and instead reassure myself that I < br>> don't have to give it up until I'm ready to and until I can find other ways to > handle those feelings. > I've done this a few times over the last week and it's had a very > calming effect on me. Knowing and acknowledging that I'm eating to soothe myself > seems also to allow me to eat just enough to soothe me, and not make me > feel like I have to keep eating in an out of control way. The reality, for me, > is that food is in fact soothing to some degree. And it seems that giving > myself full permission to use food this way if I have to also allows me to > stay in my body and remember that I don't actually enjoy the feeling of > being stuffed and uncomfortable. > Anyone else have this experience or relate to it? > April>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, .

I'm spurred on by your post to take this one step further:

Last night I found myself going for cashew nuts when I knew I wasn't hungry. So I told myself, "It's fine if you want to eat when you're not hungry, just notice what emotional needs or distress you might be trying to comfort." I went through asking Was I overtired? sad? angry? - the usual suspects. None of those fit. So why was I eating, when I knew that eating was going to make me gain weight?

"I'm eating because I have the right to gain weight if I want to!" I was stunned to hear that answer. And even more surprised to find that I actually meant it. It goes something like this:

"I'm sick and tired of being pushed around for 55 years and told that I have to stop gaining weight, that I have to lose weight, that my body is wrong. I'm sick and tired of agreeing with all those messages, of treating myself like all of that is true. Who says I have to lose weight? My partner? My son? My patients? My skating coach? My dead parents? The fashion industry? I want the option, the unreserved option, to gain weight if I want to! I want a feeling of autonomy over my body. I want to be the one and only one who decides how full I want to feel and how big I want to be."

This is not a feeling I've EVER had. I've never felt angry about weight issues in a way that claimed my autonomy. I love it and am afraid I may lose it. This anger is the most delicious thing I've ever tasted.

April

That is a very good point, April. I feel the same way. I am wading through my various mindful eating books and finding some of it not really clicking in the way that I thought it would. it all sounds good on paper, but how I really eat, how I really make choices about food and drink sometimes does not match the lofty ideals of mindful eating (which is how I think of it when I don’t get it). Sometimes, it all seems to sound like double talk, trying to be the opposite of dieting but essentially coming back down to the same thing...eat less...mindfully! Mind you! lol.

I have done a lot of the “work†on this before, so stepping back into some of it feels silly. I just want to clear my mind and take it in a direction I want to take it, following no one’s suggested path. I read last night in The Slow Down Diet about writing the new script for how I want to eat and live the rest of my life and become that person now, eat that way now. That really resonated with me.

From: aprimartin@...

Sent: Sunday, January 09, 2011 5:11 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: a thought on emotional eating

I do think there's a rebellious part of me that needs to be sure that giving up emotional eating isn't just some new idea to push me around, like another diet. I need to be very clear - in some primitive and slightly nutty part of me - that I have the right and the ability to eat emotionally if I want to, before I'm willing to feel like the choice to give it up is actually my own.

April

[Guest guest]

After I had lost 120 pounds in my mid 30’s, I was hot. My intention to lose weight was just to get healthier, to get people/family off my back about my obesity. I was not prepared for what happened. Men were tripping over themselves to date me. I went from being totally invisible to men to being in the major spotlight. I was startled at first and then became very ANGRY about it. I had not changed, only my body changed. This whole period in my life was mind bending. I discovered the power behind the looks and how it influences people. I lost friendships with women from jealousy. I found men shallow and not interested in knowing me for me. At it’s worse, I realized that I understood Marilyn Monroe’s pain. To be desired for appearance but not self is demoralizing. I wished for nothing more than a real relationship and real love. When I could take it no longer, I stood in the middle of the room and screamed that I would never diet again! I would eat whatever I wanted, I would be my own person! I was so angry, so resentful of the starvation I went through to become thin and supposedly acceptable only to find that it had nothing to do with who I was inside.

It was a breakthrough. It came because earlier that year (this happened 7 years after I lost the weight) I had first read IE. I couldn’t follow the book at the time because I was not ready to, I will still starving myself to keep the weight off. But when I had had enough, the book’s message was there in my mind and I wanted to be free of the pressures that being thin or obese had on me.

Isn’t it the most wonderful feeling in the world, to feel so relieved that we can be ourselves and make decisions for ourselves that have no conditions placed on them by others? I felt so free that day, so relieved, so self empowered. It changed everything, until I lost the ability to strength it, because I had no support back then, as we do now here on groups like this.

This is so exciting for you to find that voice within you, April!

From: aprimartin@...

Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 2:34 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: a thought on emotional eating

Thanks, .

I'm spurred on by your post to take this one step further:

Last night I found myself going for cashew nuts when I knew I wasn't hungry. So I told myself, "It's fine if you want to eat when you're not hungry, just notice what emotional needs or distress you might be trying to comfort." I went through asking Was I overtired? sad? angry? - the usual suspects. None of those fit. So why was I eating, when I knew that eating was going to make me gain weight?

"I'm eating because I have the right to gain weight if I want to!" I was stunned to hear that answer. And even more surprised to find that I actually meant it. It goes something like this:

"I'm sick and tired of being pushed around for 55 years and told that I have to stop gaining weight, that I have to lose weight, that my body is wrong. I'm sick and tired of agreeing with all those messages, of treating myself like all of that is true. Who says I have to lose weight? My partner? My son? My patients? My skating coach? My dead parents? The fashion industry? I want the option, the unreserved option, to gain weight if I want to! I want a feeling of autonomy over my body. I want to be the one and only one who decides how full I want to feel and how big I want to be."

This is not a feeling I've EVER had. I've never felt angry about weight issues in a way that claimed my autonomy. I love it and am afraid I may lose it. This anger is the most delicious thing I've ever tasted.

April

[Guest guest]

What a great post, ! Thank you!

April

After I had lost 120 pounds in my mid 30’s, I was hot. My intention to lose weight was just to get healthier, to get people/family off my back about my obesity. I was not prepared for what happened. Men were tripping over themselves to date me. I went from being totally invisible to men to being in the major spotlight. I was startled at first and then became very ANGRY about it. I had not changed, only my body changed. This whole period in my life was mind bending. I discovered the power behind the looks and how it influences people. I lost friendships with women from jealousy. I found men shallow and not interested in knowing me for me. At it’s worse, I realized that I understood Marilyn Monroe’s pain. To be desired for appearance but not self is demoralizing. I wished for nothing more than a real relationship and real love. When I could take it no longer, I stood in the middle of the room and screamed that I would never diet again! I would eat whatever I wanted, I would be my own person! I was so angry, so resentful of the starvation I went through to become thin and supposedly acceptable only to find that it had nothing to do with who I was inside.

It was a breakthrough. It came because earlier that year (this happened 7 years after I lost the weight) I had first read IE. I couldn’t follow the book at the time because I was not ready to, I will still starving myself to keep the weight off. But when I had had enough, the book’s message was there in my mind and I wanted to be free of the pressures that being thin or obese had on me.

Isn’t it the most wonderful feeling in the world, to feel so relieved that we can be ourselves and make decisions for ourselves that have no conditions placed on them by others? I felt so free that day, so relieved, so self empowered. It changed everything, until I lost the ability to strength it, because I had no support back then, as we do now here on groups like this.

This is so exciting for you to find that voice within you, April!

From: aprimartin@...

Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 2:34 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: a thought on emotional eating

Thanks, .

I'm spurred on by your post to take this one step further:

Last night I found myself going for cashew nuts when I knew I wasn't hungry. So I told myself, "It's fine if you want to eat when you're not hungry, just notice what emotional needs or distress you might be trying to comfort." I went through asking Was I overtired? sad? angry? - the usual suspects. None of those fit. So why was I eating, when I knew that eating was going to make me gain weight?

"I'm eating because I have the right to gain weight if I want to!" I was stunned to hear that answer. And even more surprised to find that I actually meant it. It goes something like this:

"I'm sick and tired of being pushed around for 55 years and told that I have to stop gaining weight, that I have to lose weight, that my body is wrong. I'm sick and tired of agreeing with all those messages, of treating myself like all of that is true. Who says I have to lose weight? My partner? My son? My patients? My skating coach? My dead parents? The fashion industry? I want the option, the unreserved option, to gain weight if I want to! I want a feeling of autonomy over my body. I want to be the one and only one who decides how full I want to feel and how big I want to be."

This is not a feeling I've EVER had. I've never felt angry about weight issues in a way that claimed my autonomy. I love it and am afraid I may lose it. This anger is the most delicious thing I've ever tasted.

April

[Guest guest]

April and ,Such powerful work for both of you! That's awesome, truly, in every sense of the word! I think that IE can become the " IE Diet " for many people if we are not careful. But it's awesome to see that you two are both doing the emotional work that goes along with IE... discovering the reasons for WHY you eat. 

Truly, April, I think you are EXACTLY right to let yourself eat when you feel the need, emotional or otherwise. Over time, as you just acknowledge the fact that you are doing it, I think you will find the impulse to do so will lessen. But it may never go away entirely. And that's fine! " Normal " eaters eat for emotional reasons, too. 

My trigger for emotional eating is fatigue, as well. Which seems ironic to me, because it should be so much more easily controlled than when I am angry or sad, no? But when I am past-the-point exhausted, that's when I want, or NEED, that nurturing that i feel like i get from food. It doesn't happen all that often anymore, and I have faith that it will get less and less with time. Just like now, i NEVER (or almost never) eat past the point of fullness. Not because of a rule, but because I discovered that I don't like how it feels AT ALL. but if i'm in some special situation, like my friend's annual Hanukkah party where she makes the world's best latkes, I give myself permission to do so. And you know what, the next time I had latkes (her recipe, which I just learned), I ate two. Didn't even want them anymore. 

In case my message is getting lost here... what I'm trying to say is: just pay attention to awareness, and don't worry about " rules " -- they are all external. Let your body guide you and then there are no external expectations to rebel against.

All the best... and keep up the great work!AbbyIE since 11/08

 

What a great post, ! Thank you!

April

 

After I had lost 120 pounds in my mid 30’s, I was hot. My intention to lose weight was just to get healthier, to get people/family off my back about my obesity. I was not prepared for what happened.  Men were tripping over themselves to date me.  I went from being totally invisible to men to being in the major spotlight.  I was startled at first and then became very ANGRY about it.  I had not changed, only my body changed.  This whole period in my life was mind bending.  I discovered the power behind the looks and how it influences people.  I lost friendships with women from jealousy.  I found men shallow and not interested in knowing me for me.  At it’s worse, I realized that I understood Marilyn Monroe’s pain.  To be desired for appearance but not self is demoralizing.  I wished for nothing more than a real relationship and real love.  When I could take it no longer, I stood in the middle of the room and screamed that I would never diet again!  I would eat whatever I wanted, I would be my own person!  I was so angry, so resentful of the starvation I went through to become thin and supposedly acceptable only to find that it had nothing to do with who I was inside.

 

It was a breakthrough.  It came because earlier that year (this happened 7 years after I lost the weight) I had first read IE.  I couldn’t follow the book at the time because I was not ready to, I will still starving myself to keep the weight off.  But when I had had enough, the book’s message was there in my mind and I wanted to be free of the pressures that being thin or obese had on me.

 

Isn’t it the most wonderful feeling in the world, to feel so relieved that we can be ourselves and make decisions for ourselves that have no conditions placed on them by others?  I felt so free that day, so relieved, so self empowered.  It changed everything, until I lost the ability to strength it, because I had no support back then, as we do now here on groups like this.

 

This is so exciting for you to find that voice within you, April!

 

 

From: aprimartin@...

Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 2:34 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: a thought on emotional eating

Thanks, .

I'm spurred on by your post to take this one step further:

Last night I found myself going for cashew nuts when I knew I wasn't hungry. So I told myself, " It's fine if you want to eat when you're not hungry, just notice what emotional needs or distress you might be trying to comfort. " I went through asking Was I overtired? sad? angry? - the usual suspects. None of those fit. So why was I eating, when I knew that eating was going to make me gain weight?

 

  " I'm eating because I have the right to gain weight if I want to! " I was stunned to hear that answer. And even more surprised to find that I actually meant it. It goes something like this:

 

" I'm sick and tired of being pushed around for 55 years and told that I have to stop gaining weight, that I have to lose weight, that my body is wrong. I'm sick and tired of agreeing with all those messages, of treating myself like all of that is true. Who says I have to lose weight? My partner? My son? My patients? My skating coach? My dead parents? The fashion industry? I want the option, the unreserved option, to gain weight if I want to! I want a feeling of autonomy over my body. I want to be the one and only one who decides how full I want to feel and how big I want to be. "

 

This is not a feeling I've EVER had. I've never felt angry about weight issues in a way that claimed my autonomy.  I love it and am afraid I may lose it. This anger is the most delicious thing I've ever tasted.

April

  

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Abby. This is perfectly wonderful support! It really makes a difference to have what you're feeling validated.

April

April and ,

Such powerful work for both of you! That's awesome, truly, in every sense of the word!

I think that IE can become the "IE Diet" for many people if we are not careful. But it's awesome to see that you two are both doing the emotional work that goes along with IE... discovering the reasons for WHY you eat.

Truly, April, I think you are EXACTLY right to let yourself eat when you feel the need, emotional or otherwise. Over time, as you just acknowledge the fact that you are doing it, I think you will find the impulse to do so will lessen. But it may never go away entirely. And that's fine! "Normal" eaters eat for emotional reasons, too.

My trigger for emotional eating is fatigue, as well. Which seems ironic to me, because it should be so much more easily controlled than when I am angry or sad, no? But when I am past-the-point exhausted, that's when I want, or NEED, that nurturing that i feel like i get from food. It doesn't happen all that often anymore, and I have faith that it will get less and less with time. Just like now, i NEVER (or almost never) eat past the point of fullness. Not because of a rule, but because I discovered that I don't like how it feels AT ALL. but if i'm in some special situation, like my friend's annual Hanukkah party where she makes the world's best latkes, I give myself permission to do so. And you know what, the next time I had latkes (her recipe, which I just learned), I ate two. Didn't even want them anymore.

In case my message is getting lost here... what I'm trying to say is: just pay attention to awareness, and don't worry about "rules" -- they are all external. Let your body guide you and then there are no external expectations to rebel against.

All the best... and keep up the great work!

Abby

IE since 11/08

What a great post, ! Thank you!

April

After I had lost 120 pounds in my mid 30’s, I was hot. My intention to lose weight was just to get healthier, to get people/family off my back about my obesity. I was not prepared for what happened. Men were tripping over themselves to date me. I went from being totally invisible to men to being in the major spotlight. I was startled at first and then became very ANGRY about it. I had not changed, only my body changed. This whole period in my life was mind bending. I discovered the power behind the looks and how it influences people. I lost friendships with women from jealousy. I found men shallow and not interested in knowing me for me. At it’s worse, I realized that I understood Marilyn Monroe’s pain. To be desired for appearance but not self is demoralizing. I wished for nothing more than a real relationship and real love. When I could take it no longer, I stood in the middle of the room and screamed that I would never diet again! I would eat whatever I wanted, I would be my own person! I was so angry, so resentful of the starvation I went through to become thin and supposedly acceptable only to find that it had nothing to do with who I was inside.

It was a breakthrough. It came because earlier that year (this happened 7 years after I lost the weight) I had first read IE. I couldn’t follow the book at the time because I was not ready to, I will still starving myself to keep the weight off. But when I had had enough, the book’s message was there in my mind and I wanted to be free of the pressures that being thin or obese had on me.

Isn’t it the most wonderful feeling in the world, to feel so relieved that we can be ourselves and make decisions for ourselves that have no conditions placed on them by others? I felt so free that day, so relieved, so self empowered. It changed everything, until I lost the ability to strength it, because I had no support back then, as we do now here on groups like this.

This is so exciting for you to find that voice within you, April!

From: aprimartin@...

Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 2:34 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: a thought on emotional eating

Thanks, .

I'm spurred on by your post to take this one step further:

Last night I found myself going for cashew nuts when I knew I wasn't hungry. So I told myself, "It's fine if you want to eat when you're not hungry, just notice what emotional needs or distress you might be trying to comfort." I went through asking Was I overtired? sad? angry? - the usual suspects. None of those fit. So why was I eating, when I knew that eating was going to make me gain weight?

"I'm eating because I have the right to gain weight if I want to!" I was stunned to hear that answer. And even more surprised to find that I actually meant it. It goes something like this:

"I'm sick and tired of being pushed around for 55 years and told that I have to stop gaining weight, that I have to lose weight, that my body is wrong. I'm sick and tired of agreeing with all those messages, of treating myself like all of that is true. Who says I have to lose weight? My partner? My son? My patients? My skating coach? My dead parents? The fashion industry? I want the option, the unreserved option, to gain weight if I want to! I want a feeling of autonomy over my body. I want to be the one and only one who decides how full I want to feel and how big I want to be."

This is not a feeling I've EVER had. I've never felt angry about weight issues in a way that claimed my autonomy. I love it and am afraid I may lose it. This anger is the most delicious thing I've ever tasted.

April

[Guest guest]

You are all so right that there is so much emotional work that goes into IE.

I've been doing this for 2 years and I still find myself eating emotionally when

I'm not paying attention to my needs and my awareness.

One of my triggers is also fatigue. When I haven't had a good night's sleep, I

am almost propelled into the place near my office that sells the most awesome

hot muffins. And when I'm tired I buy one, even if they don't have a flavor I

like. I know it's because I'm so tired. And when I buy a muffin because I'm

tired, I don't eat it with mindfulness and awareness. I just shove it down.

Since they are so good, when I have one, I much prefer to have it because I that

is what I want that particular morning and I'm hungry. And when I get a muffin

just because it's what I want, I then eat it slowly and I savor every bite. I

definitely see a big difference when I'm tired or in a very emotional state.

>

> >

> >

> > *What a great post, ! Thank you!*

> > *April *

> >

> > In a message dated 1/11/2011 2:03:14 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> > martini.mouse@... writes:

> >

> >

> >

> > After I had lost 120 pounds in my mid 30's, I was hot. My intention to

> > lose weight was just to get healthier, to get people/family off my back

> > about my obesity. I was not prepared for what happened. Men were tripping

> > over themselves to date me. I went from being totally invisible to men to

> > being in the major spotlight. I was startled at first and then became very

> > ANGRY about it. I had not changed, only my body changed. This whole period

> > in my life was mind bending. I discovered the power behind the looks and

> > how it influences people. I lost friendships with women from jealousy. I

> > found men shallow and not interested in knowing me for me. At it's worse, I

> > realized that I understood Marilyn Monroe's pain. To be desired for

> > appearance but not self is demoralizing. I wished for nothing more than a

> > real relationship and real love. When I could take it no longer, I stood in

> > the middle of the room and screamed that I would never diet again! I would

> > eat whatever I wanted, I would be my own person! I was so angry, so

> > resentful of the starvation I went through to become thin and supposedly

> > acceptable only to find that it had nothing to do with who I was inside.

> >

> > It was a breakthrough. It came because earlier that year (this happened 7

> > years after I lost the weight) I had first read IE. I couldn't follow the

> > book at the time because I was not ready to, I will still starving myself to

> > keep the weight off. But when I had had enough, the book's message was

> > there in my mind and I wanted to be free of the pressures that being thin or

> > obese had on me.

> >

> > Isn't it the most wonderful feeling in the world, to feel so relieved that

> > we can be ourselves and make decisions for ourselves that have no conditions

> > placed on them by others? I felt so free that day, so relieved, so self

> > empowered. It changed everything, until I lost the ability to strength it,

> > because I had no support back then, as we do now here on groups like this.

> >

> > This is so exciting for you to find that voice within you, April!

> >

> >

> >

> > *From:* aprimartin@...

> > *Sent:* Monday, January 10, 2011 2:34 PM

> > *To:* IntuitiveEating_Support

> > *Subject:* Re: Re: a thought on emotional eating

> >

> >

> > *Thanks, .*

> > *I'm spurred on by your post to take this one step further: *

> > *Last night I found myself going for cashew nuts when I knew I wasn't

> > hungry. So I told myself, " It's fine if you want to eat when you're not

> > hungry, just notice what emotional needs or distress you might be trying

tocomfort. " I went through asking Was I overtired? sad? angry? - the usual

> > suspects. None of those fit. So why was I eating, when I knew that eating

> > was going to make me gain weight?

> >

> > " I'm eating because I have the right to gain weight if I want to! " I was

> > stunned to hear that answer. And even more surprised to find that I actually

> > meant it. It goes something like this:

> >

> > " I'm sick and tired of being pushed around for 55 years and told that I

> > have to stop gaining weight, that I have to lose weight, that my body is

> > wrong. I'm sick and tired of agreeing with all those messages, of treating

> > myself like all of that is true. Who says I have to lose weight? My partner?

> > My son? My patients? My skating coach? My dead parents? The fashion

> > industry? I want the option, the unreserved option, to gain weight if I want

> > to! I want a feeling of autonomy over my body. I want to be the one and only

> > one who decides how full I want to feel and how big I want to be. "

> >

> > This is not a feeling I've EVER had. I've never felt angry about weight

> > issues in a way that claimed my autonomy. I love it and am afraid I may

> > lose it. This anger is the most delicious thing I've ever tasted.

> > April

> > *

> > * *

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks! I just wanted to mention that fatigue was also one of my triggers, and I realized that when exhausted and wanted to bad to “let go” and relax, that extreme eating was a way to knock myself out food until I had to sleep...you know, putting oneself in a food coma. I used food to push me into sleep. Just thought I’d share.

From: Abigail Wolfson

Sent: Tuesday, January 11, 2011 5:35 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: a thought on emotional eating

April and ,

Such powerful work for both of you! That's awesome, truly, in every sense of the word!

My trigger for emotional eating is fatigue, as well. Which seems ironic to me, because it should be so much more easily controlled than when I am angry or sad, no? But when I am past-the-point exhausted, that's when I want, or NEED, that nurturing that i feel like i get from food. It doesn't happen all that often anymore, and I have faith that it will get less and less with time. Just like now, i NEVER (or almost never) eat past the point of fullness. Not because of a rule, but because I discovered that I don't like how it feels AT ALL. but if i'm in some special situation, like my friend's annual Hanukkah party where she makes the world's best latkes, I give myself permission to do so. And you know what, the next time I had latkes (her recipe, which I just learned), I ate two. Didn't even want them anymore.

[Guest guest]

hmmmmmmm, that shines a light on something for me. I never realized that it is

what I do, too. I have been having sleep issues (menopuase related) & at times,

I find I am " medicating " myself with late night TV & bingeing on food. I never

really twigged in to the fact that I was actually trying to " knock myself out "

as you so appropriately said it. Thank you for the aha moment. I just love when

those happen.

mj

>

> Thanks! I just wanted to mention that fatigue was also one of my triggers,

and I realized that when exhausted and wanted to bad to " let go " and relax, that

extreme eating was a way to knock myself out food until I had to sleep...you

know, putting oneself in a food coma. I used food to push me into sleep. Just

thought I'd share.

>

>

>

> From: Abigail Wolfson

> Sent: Tuesday, January 11, 2011 5:35 PM

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Subject: Re: Re: a thought on emotional eating

>

>

> April and ,

>

> Such powerful work for both of you! That's awesome, truly, in every sense of

the word!

>

> My trigger for emotional eating is fatigue, as well. Which seems ironic to me,

because it should be so much more easily controlled than when I am angry or sad,

no? But when I am past-the-point exhausted, that's when I want, or NEED, that

nurturing that i feel like i get from food. It doesn't happen all that often

anymore, and I have faith that it will get less and less with time. Just like

now, i NEVER (or almost never) eat past the point of fullness. Not because of a

rule, but because I discovered that I don't like how it feels AT ALL. but if i'm

in some special situation, like my friend's annual Hanukkah party where she

makes the world's best latkes, I give myself permission to do so. And you know

what, the next time I had latkes (her recipe, which I just learned), I ate two.

Didn't even want them anymore.

>

[Guest guest]

Hello April,Not sure what has been posted, so sorry if I repeat anything already mentioned.When people approached IE, like with all things they can do it with a near religious zeal. Which is good in terms of embracing & doing, yet blinkers. IE is as you have realised not about simply eating when your hungry, honouring hunger etc, but also about respecting where you are in the given moment. It is a mindful, honest practice at its heart. Your current needs are paramount, so if you need to emotionally eat - then do so. Learn from those episodes, in time they do lessen. Giving yourself permission to eat for comfort can be very empowering, to say 'yeah it may be rubbish food, but it fills me with love, so I am going to eat as much as I want of it' can set you free. Acceptance, indulging & eating out of love for the self rather than out of hatred is a major step. Pam

[Guest guest]

Hi, Pam.

This is wonderful support, in your delightfully Brit way! Thank you!

I am finding that the more I make satisfaction my goal and refused to be pushed around by any "shoulds" - and not just the diet shoulds (you should eat less, you shouldn't eat this or that food) but also the shoulds that I can create from IE (you should only eat sitting down, you should only eat when physically hungry, you should never eat for emotional reasons, etc.) and the ENORMOUS SHOULD I've lived under since I was a child with a weight obsessed mother: you should always feel terrible about your body and always want to be thinner no matter what you weigh...(breathe here, April!)...the more adult and integrated I feel, like I'm actually making my own choices instead of acting out of rebellion.

Thanks again!

April

Hello April,Not sure what has been posted, so sorry if I repeat anything already mentioned.When people approached IE, like with all things they can do it with a near religious zeal. Which is good in terms of embracing & doing, yet blinkers. IE is as you have realised not about simply eating when your hungry, honouring hunger etc, but also about respecting where you are in the given moment. It is a mindful, honest practice at its heart. Your current needs are paramount, so if you need to emotionally eat - then do so. Learn from those episodes, in time they do lessen. Giving yourself permission to eat for comfort can be very empowering, to say 'yeah it may be rubbish food, but it fills me with love, so I am going to eat as much as I want of it' can set you free. Acceptance, indulging & eating out of love for the self rather than out of hatred is a major step. Pam

[Guest guest]

Hello AprilHi, Pam.This is wonderful support, in your delightfully Brit way! Thank you!lol, not sure what a Brit way is, do we support different? made me chuckle. At least I never talked about the weather ...Pam x

[Guest guest]

Hi, Pam.

LOL...yes, you support with delightfully British metaphors (American English isn't nearly so rich with colorful expressions) and extra "u"'s in words like "honour"!

April

Hello AprilHi, Pam.This is wonderful support, in your delightfully Brit way! Thank you!lol, not sure what a Brit way is, do we support different? made me chuckle. At least I never talked about the weather ...Pam x

[Guest guest]

as a hypnotherapist metaphors rule! x