Re: Pls don't judge me about this cat story

[Guest guest]

I have been in that position with my one dog. I tried everything but we had

built a brand new house and she was peeing every where. It broke my heart but we

took her to the pound and believe it or not someone adopted her that weekend and

when I they had her marked as a special needs.

If I were you I would take her to the pound you're still giving the kitty a

chance and leave the option up to the pound to put her down. You're not cold

just prob a little stressed and have other priorities ie: your.little babies

>Hi Mozz,

>

>I can tell that you are and have been a good, responsible, caring cat-mom.

I've been a cat-mom too, I had two that lived for quite a long time for

pure-breds. My little girl cat was 17 and the little boy cat was 15; he was 5

years younger than the girl and lived almost as long as she did. They were

almost like the kids I never had; they were sweet, dear little companions and

friends and yet so different in personality from each other. The girl was

fearless, but she hated everyone but me. The boy liked people but was scared of

them until he got to know them.

>

>I personally believe that part of being a good pet-mom is knowing, sensing when

their quality of life is deteriorating. When I sensed that each one was

beginning to have daily pain, I asked the vet to come to my home and put each

one to sleep in my arms. It took me longer to make the decision the first time.

My little girl cat was so amazingly intelligent, more like a dog than a cat.

She knew many words, could do tricks, and we " communicated " with each other

really well. My grief at the thought of losing her kept me from having her put

down longer than I should have. I was being selfish. She was in pain. I

finally made the call, and she died peacefully in my arms, in her home, on her

spot on the sofa, not at the terrifying vets after a terrifying ride in the car.

The little boy went peacefully too, a few years later.

>

>You have tried very hard to find a good place for your chronically ill cat

where she will be well taken care of, but there is apparently just not any place

available that is financially feasible. I would not judge you to be a bad

cat-mom or a bad human being if you had her put to sleep in your home, where she

could die peacefully in your arms. I think its the kindest, most responsible,

but hardest thing to do.

>

>But each person has to decide for himself or herself what she can tolerate, and

what feels right to you.

>

>Best of luck,

>

>-Annie

>

>

>>

>> I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking

from the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel

like I don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that

respond to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little

crazy and could use it.

>>

>> I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada

died, I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move

for me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I

don't want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once

when she was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my

deadbeat dad) facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was

rasied my a meth addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go

there. I just don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also

found me on FB and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we

never heard from her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this

a healthy thing for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada,

why invite other toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about

my cat, and pls don't judge me

about this- I feel like an a-hole.

>>

>> I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have spent

literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is

lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I just don't have

anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my dtr has been

pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me most of all,

is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was in the

hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they can never

come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little girl who is

the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a sister to

me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I don't want to

bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her. I have tried

every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging special needs

cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for 5K. Yeah right!

So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks me that I would

even consider

that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't do it. I don't know what to

do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and horrible. But in my heart of

hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me wonder- when did I get so

cold? I am actually considering doing it.

>>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I've got mixed feelings on this one Mozz. I've done the cat eldercare thing

three times now and I do know how exhausting and expensive it can be. You may

have already tried everything, but it sounds like your cat's IBD is not being

controlled well by the steroids. Did you already try all the non-standard foods

venison, duck, rabbit, and raw diet? If you haven't it would be worthwhile just

in case as it might help things.

Another option is to look up groups that do cat rescue in your area who may be

willing to work with you. You might still need to make a contribution but

probably nowhere near $5K. They usually have a network of people who do foster

care.

As far as keeping people out of your life who are likely to only bring more

trouble - I don't think that's cold, it is self-protective. But I think if you

have a pet for nine years, there is a level of commitment there to do what you

can to ensure as good an outcome as possible. I think being drained long-term

by a waify nada can lead to feeling cold in odd ways - it's happened to me to at

times. I guess what I'm saying is just remember this cat isn't a needy

manipulative person you've got to defend yourself from - just do your best to

try to find her a good outcome. That's all you can do.

[Guest guest]

I may get some nasty responses but I completely understand your position. You

are overwhelmed with responsibilities, have lacked the carefree childhood you

should have had, don't have any solid support from family members. The last

thing you need is a very sick cat to care for 24/7.

You say her quality of life is fine but a cat that limps, takes all kinds of

medications, throws up, has diarrhea and needs her butt shaved is probably not

having a great time. And she's 9 years old. Not ancient but not a kitten either.

I would discuss it with the vet again, share your concerns about her quality of

life. There comes a time to let go. I know because that's part of my job. I deal

with injured wildlife and have to make those tough decisions every day I'm at

work. I might be able to patch up all the fractures and injuries but if the

animal can't be released and live a normal life, we have to euthanize. Living in

a cage, being handled by humans every day is too stressful for the wild animal

and that's not a fair thing to do to them for the next 5 - 20 years.

Your cat isn't afraid of you but it's probably in pain. You decide whether you

can give it the care it needs for who knows how long.

>

> I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking

from the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel

like I don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that

respond to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little

crazy and could use it.

>

> I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada

died, I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move

for me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I

don't want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once

when she was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my

deadbeat dad) facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was

rasied my a meth addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go

there. I just don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also

found me on FB and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we

never heard from her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this

a healthy thing for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada,

why invite other toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about

my cat, and pls don't judge me about this- I feel like an a-hole.

>

> I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have spent

literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I

just don't have anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my

dtr has been pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me

most of all, is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was

in the hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they

can never come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little

girl who is the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a

sister to me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I

don't want to bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her.

I have tried every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging

special needs cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for

5K. Yeah right! So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks

me that I would even consider that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't

do it. I don't know what to do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and

horrible. But in my heart of hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me

wonder- when did I get so cold? I am actually considering doing it.

>

[Guest guest]

I don't think you're cold at all. That cat would have had the boot long before

now in my house. I'm a bad person to give pet advice. I love my dog Jack, but

he's the only pet out of ...umm, a whole lot, that actually got to stay. You

could put her on craig's list and see if there is a loving home she'd go to.

Can't blame you about the pound. I think they only keep them a short time

before euthanizing them.

Pls don't judge me about this cat story

I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking from

the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel like I

don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that respond

to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little crazy and

could use it.

I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada died,

I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move for

me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I don't

want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once when she

was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my deadbeat dad)

facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was rasied my a meth

addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go there. I just

don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also found me on FB

and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we never heard from

her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this a healthy thing

for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada, why invite other

toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about my cat, and pls

don't judge me about this- I f eel like an a-hole.

I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have spent

literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I

just don't have anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my

dtr has been pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me

most of all, is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was

in the hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they

can never come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little

girl who is the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a

sister to me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I

don't want to bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her.

I have tried every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging

special needs cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for

5K. Yeah right! So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks

me that I would even consider that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't

do it. I don't know what to do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and

horrible. But in my heart of hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me

wonder- when did I get so cold? I am actually considering doing it.

[Guest guest]

I agree, and that it why I am so shocked by my feelings. The cat I

mentioned that died from kidney issues- his health problems were extreme and I

did everything I could. I have always been the owner that gets their teeth

cleaned and opted for surgeries instead of euthansia. That's why I am so shocked

by my feelings. With this cat I have her on a special diet and meds which help

control the IBD, but there is still alot of poop and vomit episodes. She always

has poop stuck on her butt. Always. But truth be told I don't her quality of

life is horrible. She is def in a little pain from her limp but nothing crazy.

It's just it's not sanitary. And more than anything I want to have family get

togethers with my best friend and can't b/c of her son's severe cat allergy.

That REALLY bothers me. I have exhuasted all shelters and rescues and have the

same response to all: no. They all have too many cats to take on more at this

time. If I take her to the new house my friend can never bring her son over,

period. He'll never be able to come to b-day parties and bbqs. We sometimes have

holidays together- never at my home. He is like my nephew it just kills me.

But I have always held the same belief- pets are family and not to be gotten rid

of due to inconvenience. Again, that is why I am so surprised at myself now. I

am so upset about it I have a phone appt with my T. I just know that I don't

want the cat anymore. I just don't. I do feel like the cat is somewhat of an

innocent bystander to my 2+ year battle with nada and her cancer. I do feel like

I have just been let out of a prison camp and want to start over with simpler

things.

And here's the KO part- I am totally worried you think I am a total

irresponsible jerk, and I shouldn't worry about that. I know there was no

judgement in your post, only an opinion and some options. I hate that KO part

about myself. In all reality the only person jusding my harshly about this is

ME.

>

> I've got mixed feelings on this one Mozz. I've done the cat eldercare thing

three times now and I do know how exhausting and expensive it can be. You may

have already tried everything, but it sounds like your cat's IBD is not being

controlled well by the steroids. Did you already try all the non-standard foods

venison, duck, rabbit, and raw diet? If you haven't it would be worthwhile just

in case as it might help things.

>

> Another option is to look up groups that do cat rescue in your area who may be

willing to work with you. You might still need to make a contribution but

probably nowhere near $5K. They usually have a network of people who do foster

care.

>

> As far as keeping people out of your life who are likely to only bring more

trouble - I don't think that's cold, it is self-protective. But I think if you

have a pet for nine years, there is a level of commitment there to do what you

can to ensure as good an outcome as possible. I think being drained long-term

by a waify nada can lead to feeling cold in odd ways - it's happened to me to at

times. I guess what I'm saying is just remember this cat isn't a needy

manipulative person you've got to defend yourself from - just do your best to

try to find her a good outcome. That's all you can do.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mozz - I totally get the feeling of responsibility to the cat. I've always had

dogs. They are family members, and I depend on them to make me feel safe in my

home, too (as early alert systems, if nothing else). I love my dogs, and want

them to be safe, healthy, and happy. And when they get to a certain age, and

their quality of life starts deteriorating - not necessarily end-stage disease,

but arthritis, incontinence, etc. - I feel that it's my responsibility to allow

them to end their lives without pain or confusion. It is a privilege to love

and be loved by an animal. And it is a privilege to be allowed to give that

animal the final gift - an easing of pain.

In addition, something does happen when we have human children. I never thought

I could love anybody as much as I loved my first dog (the one I got after I

became an adult). He was my baby, my protector, my constant companion. But my

love and fierce devotion to my human son is just in a different category. So

things do change when we have kids.

I would differ with other posters in that I don't think it serves the cat well

to take him to a shelter. He's known you and your home his whole life (I'm

guessing) - at this point it would be confusing for him to have to get used to a

new environment, and he shouldn't have to spend time in a cage at the pound. I

think it would be kinder to have him put down. While housecats do live to be 15

or older, 9 is still pretty old.

And spending that kind of money on pet drugs - when you have two human kids to

put through college - I'm sorry, I just can't justify it unless you're rolling

in dough. Health maintenance vaccinations, of course. A surgery for a broken

leg, sure. But not medication for a chronic condition which will only get worse

as he ages. I know it sounds cold, but in your shoes I'd have the cat put down

and plan to adopt a pet who needs a home - maybe one that your friend's son

isn't allergic to.

>

> I've got mixed feelings on this one Mozz. I've done the cat eldercare thing

three times now and I do know how exhausting and expensive it can be. You may

have already tried everything, but it sounds like your cat's IBD is not being

controlled well by the steroids. Did you already try all the non-standard foods

venison, duck, rabbit, and raw diet? If you haven't it would be worthwhile just

in case as it might help things.

>

> Another option is to look up groups that do cat rescue in your area who may be

willing to work with you. You might still need to make a contribution but

probably nowhere near $5K. They usually have a network of people who do foster

care.

>

> As far as keeping people out of your life who are likely to only bring more

trouble - I don't think that's cold, it is self-protective. But I think if you

have a pet for nine years, there is a level of commitment there to do what you

can to ensure as good an outcome as possible. I think being drained long-term

by a waify nada can lead to feeling cold in odd ways - it's happened to me to at

times. I guess what I'm saying is just remember this cat isn't a needy

manipulative person you've got to defend yourself from - just do your best to

try to find her a good outcome. That's all you can do.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Mozz, it's okay I really do get where you are coming from - I felt the need

to share the other view, but it wasn't one of harsh judgment of you. I know

there are hard choices now with pet care because vets can offer levels of

disease care equivalent to what humans get. Back twenty years ago the option

just wasn't there, so the question of when to put to sleep wasn't so

complicated. There's good and bad in all of this. OTOH it's possible to keep

a beloved pet alive far longer OTOH the level of commitment and expense can be

back breaking.

One of my cats that passed had kidney disease, so I know if you took care of a

cat through that that's real commitment. You may also be burnt out on elder cat

care combined with all you went through with your nada's last days. When I was

on the Yahoo groups for my cat's kidney issues, every now and then I'd read

about someone who voluntarily went to the pound to adopt another cat with kidney

disease. They just got so into the role of caretaking they just kept going.

Such a person might adopt your kitty. You could also try posting on the Yahoo

feline IBD group - and yep those folks will likely be pretty judgmental, but

also someone ideally suited may step forward. Another vet with a second

opinion might be helpful too. Also some vet clinics I've been to have taken

over cats in your situation to live in their clinic.

Anywho, I'm glad you shared and please know that I don't think you are a jerk.

Sometimes we just end up with tough choices.

> >

> > I've got mixed feelings on this one Mozz. I've done the cat eldercare thing

three times now and I do know how exhausting and expensive it can be. You may

have already tried everything, but it sounds like your cat's IBD is not being

controlled well by the steroids. Did you already try all the non-standard foods

venison, duck, rabbit, and raw diet? If you haven't it would be worthwhile just

in case as it might help things.

> >

> > Another option is to look up groups that do cat rescue in your area who may

be willing to work with you. You might still need to make a contribution but

probably nowhere near $5K. They usually have a network of people who do foster

care.

> >

> > As far as keeping people out of your life who are likely to only bring more

trouble - I don't think that's cold, it is self-protective. But I think if you

have a pet for nine years, there is a level of commitment there to do what you

can to ensure as good an outcome as possible. I think being drained long-term

by a waify nada can lead to feeling cold in odd ways - it's happened to me to at

times. I guess what I'm saying is just remember this cat isn't a needy

manipulative person you've got to defend yourself from - just do your best to

try to find her a good outcome. That's all you can do.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks , I really appreciate your post. I had no idea there was a support

group for people with cats that have IBD. Maybe they will know of a resource I

haven't checked out. Thanks!

> > >

> > > I've got mixed feelings on this one Mozz. I've done the cat eldercare

thing three times now and I do know how exhausting and expensive it can be. You

may have already tried everything, but it sounds like your cat's IBD is not

being controlled well by the steroids. Did you already try all the non-standard

foods venison, duck, rabbit, and raw diet? If you haven't it would be

worthwhile just in case as it might help things.

> > >

> > > Another option is to look up groups that do cat rescue in your area who

may be willing to work with you. You might still need to make a contribution

but probably nowhere near $5K. They usually have a network of people who do

foster care.

> > >

> > > As far as keeping people out of your life who are likely to only bring

more trouble - I don't think that's cold, it is self-protective. But I think if

you have a pet for nine years, there is a level of commitment there to do what

you can to ensure as good an outcome as possible. I think being drained

long-term by a waify nada can lead to feeling cold in odd ways - it's happened

to me to at times. I guess what I'm saying is just remember this cat isn't a

needy manipulative person you've got to defend yourself from - just do your best

to try to find her a good outcome. That's all you can do.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

To the person with the cat:

I am a veterinarian, and this is my take on the situation.

First of all, there ARE some no-kill shelters out there who will take her in.

There is one around here for special needs animals and they don't ask for $5000

that I know of. If you don't get lucky near your home, try the net. You may

find something. There are even cat rescue people who will organize a human

chain for transport if an animal needs to go several hundred miles: Person A

picks the cat up at your house, goes 50 miles, and hands her off to person B,

who goes thirty miles and hands her off to someone else, etc. These are people

who have the time and the space in their lives for this. You don't right now

and that is understandable.

If you find that you do have to put the cat to sleep, find another veterinarian.

I used to have this attitude and worked at practices that had this attitude, and

while I think it's a valid perspective, I realize it's not always a realistic

perspective. When I realized that some people would possibly dump or abuse an

animal (and I'm not saying I think you would! but some ppl would), or take an

animal to a pound (not a good solution, because at most pounds the new owners

won't know what they are getting and why an animal was given up, and end up with

a situation they didn't want and euthanize/abuse/abandon anyway), I changed my

stance on this and will euthanize in most cases if an owner requests it. I work

in a low income area and sad to say that's how my medical decisions for myself

will have to be made in my declining years, too.

It's a bad situation. I hope you can find a workable solution. Let me know

what your therapist thought about it if you are able and wish to. (I have to

deal with these issues on a daily basis so am curious to see what their

perspective is.)

--.

[Guest guest]

Talk to another vet and another vet and another vet until you find one that will

put her out of her misery. This cat has NO quality of life, from what it sounds

like. Ask friends who their vet is, and call them and talk to them over the

phone until you find a vet that will give her a euthanasia shot. At the very

least, PLEASE take her to a shelter that does not sell to research labs or that

does not use the gas chamber but instead uses humane euthanasia. The minute they

get your information and you walk out the door they will put her to sleep. She

is not adoptable.

>

> I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking

from the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel

like I don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that

respond to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little

crazy and could use it.

>

> I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada

died, I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move

for me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I

don't want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once

when she was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my

deadbeat dad) facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was

rasied my a meth addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go

there. I just don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also

found me on FB and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we

never heard from her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this

a healthy thing for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada,

why invite other toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about

my cat, and pls don't judge me about this- I feel like an a-hole.

>

> I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have spent

literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I

just don't have anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my

dtr has been pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me

most of all, is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was

in the hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they

can never come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little

girl who is the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a

sister to me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I

don't want to bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her.

I have tried every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging

special needs cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for

5K. Yeah right! So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks

me that I would even consider that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't

do it. I don't know what to do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and

horrible. But in my heart of hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me

wonder- when did I get so cold? I am actually considering doing it.

>

[Guest guest]

I disagree about Craigslist, there have been horror stories about people who

have adopted animals from there and ended up torturing them to death, one in the

press in the last few years was a man who hanged them, dismembered them, nailed

them to boards, etc...they found three cats nailed to a board in the woods and

one had a microchip, through which the police found the owner, and surprise, the

cat had been adopted off of craiglist that week, by a 'very nice-seeming young

man' who had a history of torturing and killing cats, his former roomate had

once come in to their apartment and found him sawing a cat in half in the

bathtub...and the roomate said he had found a cat hanging from a tree by the

neck prior to this but never suspected his roomate was responsible. Sorry for

the graphic details but anyone who adopts a cat with this medical history and

projected expenses for medical needs needs to pay a huge adoption fee just to

show they are willing to take that on. I don't see that happening on craigslist,

with all the competition from animals place for adoption that are healthy. This

cat has suffered enough with all her medical conditions as it is.

As a last ditch effort you might try bestfriends.org if you are out west, they

have a huge no-kill animal shelter

>

>

> I don't think you're cold at all. That cat would have had the boot long

before now in my house. I'm a bad person to give pet advice. I love my dog

Jack, but he's the only pet out of ...umm, a whole lot, that actually got to

stay. You could put her on craig's list and see if there is a loving home she'd

go to. Can't blame you about the pound. I think they only keep them a short

time before euthanizing them.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Pls don't judge me about this cat story

>

>

>

>

> I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking

from the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel

like I don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that

respond to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little

crazy and could use it.

>

> I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada

died, I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move

for me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I

don't want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once

when she was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my

deadbeat dad) facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was

rasied my a meth addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go

there. I just don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also

found me on FB and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we

never heard from her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this

a healthy thing for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada,

why invite other toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about

my cat, and pls don't judge me about this- I f eel like an a-hole.

>

> I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have spent

literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I

just don't have anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my

dtr has been pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me

most of all, is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was

in the hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they

can never come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little

girl who is the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a

sister to me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I

don't want to bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her.

I have tried every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging

special needs cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for

5K. Yeah right! So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks

me that I would even consider that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't

do it. I don't know what to do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and

horrible. But in my heart of hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me

wonder- when did I get so cold? I am actually considering doing it.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You have gone above and beyond for this pet, that much is clear. A sign to me

that she is very depressed is that she is not cleaning herself. This may get me

in trouble for saying it, but in my opinion your veterinarian has let you and

your cat both down with this stance. It is part of their job. I have worked for

vets who would euthanize anything and those who would only do so for their own

clients, I have snuck animals out the back door with the knowledge of vets that

objected to putting a *healthy* animal to sleep because it was no longer

convenient to their lifestyle, and taken them to humane rescues...in fact the

vet that allowed me to do this always said, 'its the quality of life, not the

quantity'. I have had two cats put down in the last six months, one who was

feline leukemia postive with hyperthyroid whose hyperthyroid was spiraling out

of control and left her nothing but skin and bones, who hated her medication,

and was supposed to have it twice a day and who would run and hide from me so I

wouldn't be able to give it. I gave her twice the amount instead and she would

vomit it up...it was either have her put to sleep or let her starve, because I

couldn't afford the $800 to have her thyroid nuked that was my only other

option. The other one was an outside cat my parents adopted who was shot in the

head but managed to live and make it home. I am sorry that your vet is reluctant

to put her out of her misery but cats are very clean animals and when they stop

cleaning themselves that is a strong sign that they are depressed and perhaps it

is time to move on, if the condition isn't curable.

> >

> > I've got mixed feelings on this one Mozz. I've done the cat eldercare thing

three times now and I do know how exhausting and expensive it can be. You may

have already tried everything, but it sounds like your cat's IBD is not being

controlled well by the steroids. Did you already try all the non-standard foods

venison, duck, rabbit, and raw diet? If you haven't it would be worthwhile just

in case as it might help things.

> >

> > Another option is to look up groups that do cat rescue in your area who may

be willing to work with you. You might still need to make a contribution but

probably nowhere near $5K. They usually have a network of people who do foster

care.

> >

> > As far as keeping people out of your life who are likely to only bring more

trouble - I don't think that's cold, it is self-protective. But I think if you

have a pet for nine years, there is a level of commitment there to do what you

can to ensure as good an outcome as possible. I think being drained long-term

by a waify nada can lead to feeling cold in odd ways - it's happened to me to at

times. I guess what I'm saying is just remember this cat isn't a needy

manipulative person you've got to defend yourself from - just do your best to

try to find her a good outcome. That's all you can do.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

One more thing, I just wanted to empathize because I am in the same situation

right now with my 14 year old australion shepherd mix who has arthritis and

problems in all four of her legs. She still has a light in her eyes but I know

she is in pain...literally every day I ask myself, 'is it time'...I really don't

know what to do so I am praying it will soon be clear. She has always been an

outside dog but I have moved her in with me at night in preparation for keeping

her fully inside this winter but I anticipate that she may not make it that long

because the weather greatly affects her mobility and joint flexibility. I also

had my 10 year old rabbit put down a few months ago after he contracted some

kind of torticollis...he was literally fighting to the end, still eating on

carrots and I gave him water through a syringe the last few days of his life,

luckily I was able to find a vet that was willing to put him to sleep though she

had never seen him as a client. Sorry to have posted so much but this topic has

been my life for the past six months, I have lost so many animals, and had not

lost one since 2004 prior to this. (I also lost a cat to getting run over by a

car). I don't think you are 'cold' at all, I think you are tired, she is tired,

you both know it is the end of her life, and you just need to find a merciful

vet to ease her into the next world. The extreme judgement you are making on

yourself probably is a KO thing, but remember that at every turn you have done

the right thing for this animal, including attempting to have her put to sleep

humanely.

>

> I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking

from the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel

like I don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that

respond to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little

crazy and could use it.

>

> I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada

died, I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move

for me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I

don't want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once

when she was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my

deadbeat dad) facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was

rasied my a meth addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go

there. I just don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also

found me on FB and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we

never heard from her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this

a healthy thing for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada,

why invite other toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about

my cat, and pls don't judge me about this- I feel like an a-hole.

>

> I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have spent

literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I

just don't have anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my

dtr has been pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me

most of all, is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was

in the hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they

can never come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little

girl who is the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a

sister to me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I

don't want to bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her.

I have tried every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging

special needs cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for

5K. Yeah right! So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks

me that I would even consider that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't

do it. I don't know what to do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and

horrible. But in my heart of hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me

wonder- when did I get so cold? I am actually considering doing it.

>

[Guest guest]

thank you so much for your input. Would you mind emailing me or posting me

where you are or the shelter info you mentioned? I have been calling, emailing,

searching the web all over my state and I seriously can not find one who will

take my cat. One told me that it's because it's kitten season and in their

shelter alone they received 700 kittens. Would you mind telling me your opinion

on whether it would be more humane to put her to sleep or take her to a no-kill

shelter? I ask because the thought of her being cold, lonely and scared on a

cage makes me sick.

Thanks again!

>

> To the person with the cat:

>

> I am a veterinarian, and this is my take on the situation.

>

> First of all, there ARE some no-kill shelters out there who will take her in.

There is one around here for special needs animals and they don't ask for $5000

that I know of. If you don't get lucky near your home, try the net. You may

find something. There are even cat rescue people who will organize a human

chain for transport if an animal needs to go several hundred miles: Person A

picks the cat up at your house, goes 50 miles, and hands her off to person B,

who goes thirty miles and hands her off to someone else, etc. These are people

who have the time and the space in their lives for this. You don't right now

and that is understandable.

>

> If you find that you do have to put the cat to sleep, find another

veterinarian. I used to have this attitude and worked at practices that had

this attitude, and while I think it's a valid perspective, I realize it's not

always a realistic perspective. When I realized that some people would possibly

dump or abuse an animal (and I'm not saying I think you would! but some ppl

would), or take an animal to a pound (not a good solution, because at most

pounds the new owners won't know what they are getting and why an animal was

given up, and end up with a situation they didn't want and

euthanize/abuse/abandon anyway), I changed my stance on this and will euthanize

in most cases if an owner requests it. I work in a low income area and sad to

say that's how my medical decisions for myself will have to be made in my

declining years, too.

>

> It's a bad situation. I hope you can find a workable solution. Let me know

what your therapist thought about it if you are able and wish to. (I have to

deal with these issues on a daily basis so am curious to see what their

perspective is.)

>

> --.

>

[Guest guest]

OMG!! That is horrible! I am just so horrified! That honestly was a fear of mine

about giving her to someone I don't know. Not that she would be tortured, but

that she would not be provided a good home. Thank you for all of your feedback

on this. My heart goes out to you with your animal decisions. Whatever you

decide I know it will be with the best intentions at heart.

> >

> >

> > I don't think you're cold at all. That cat would have had the boot long

before now in my house. I'm a bad person to give pet advice. I love my dog

Jack, but he's the only pet out of ...umm, a whole lot, that actually got to

stay. You could put her on craig's list and see if there is a loving home she'd

go to. Can't blame you about the pound. I think they only keep them a short

time before euthanizing them.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Pls don't judge me about this cat story

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking

from the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel

like I don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that

respond to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little

crazy and could use it.

> >

> > I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada

died, I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move

for me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I

don't want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once

when she was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my

deadbeat dad) facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was

rasied my a meth addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go

there. I just don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also

found me on FB and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we

never heard from her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this

a healthy thing for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada,

why invite other toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about

my cat, and pls don't judge me about this- I f eel like an a-hole.

> >

> > I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have

spent literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I

just don't have anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my

dtr has been pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me

most of all, is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was

in the hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they

can never come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little

girl who is the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a

sister to me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I

don't want to bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her.

I have tried every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging

special needs cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for

5K. Yeah right! So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks

me that I would even consider that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't

do it. I don't know what to do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and

horrible. But in my heart of hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me

wonder- when did I get so cold? I am actually considering doing it.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

OMG!! That is horrible! I am just so horrified! That honestly was a fear of mine

about giving her to someone I don't know. Not that she would be tortured, but

that she would not be provided a good home. Thank you for all of your feedback

on this. My heart goes out to you with your animal decisions. Whatever you

decide I know it will be with the best intentions at heart.

> >

> >

> > I don't think you're cold at all. That cat would have had the boot long

before now in my house. I'm a bad person to give pet advice. I love my dog

Jack, but he's the only pet out of ...umm, a whole lot, that actually got to

stay. You could put her on craig's list and see if there is a loving home she'd

go to. Can't blame you about the pound. I think they only keep them a short

time before euthanizing them.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Pls don't judge me about this cat story

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking

from the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel

like I don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that

respond to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little

crazy and could use it.

> >

> > I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada

died, I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move

for me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I

don't want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once

when she was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my

deadbeat dad) facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was

rasied my a meth addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go

there. I just don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also

found me on FB and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we

never heard from her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this

a healthy thing for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada,

why invite other toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about

my cat, and pls don't judge me about this- I f eel like an a-hole.

> >

> > I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have

spent literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I

just don't have anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my

dtr has been pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me

most of all, is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was

in the hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they

can never come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little

girl who is the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a

sister to me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I

don't want to bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her.

I have tried every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging

special needs cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for

5K. Yeah right! So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks

me that I would even consider that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't

do it. I don't know what to do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and

horrible. But in my heart of hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me

wonder- when did I get so cold? I am actually considering doing it.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

OMG!! That is horrible! I am just so horrified! That honestly was a fear of mine

about giving her to someone I don't know. Not that she would be tortured, but

that she would not be provided a good home. Thank you for all of your feedback

on this. My heart goes out to you with your animal decisions. Whatever you

decide I know it will be with the best intentions at heart.

> >

> >

> > I don't think you're cold at all. That cat would have had the boot long

before now in my house. I'm a bad person to give pet advice. I love my dog

Jack, but he's the only pet out of ...umm, a whole lot, that actually got to

stay. You could put her on craig's list and see if there is a loving home she'd

go to. Can't blame you about the pound. I think they only keep them a short

time before euthanizing them.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Pls don't judge me about this cat story

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking

from the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel

like I don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that

respond to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little

crazy and could use it.

> >

> > I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada

died, I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move

for me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I

don't want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once

when she was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my

deadbeat dad) facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was

rasied my a meth addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go

there. I just don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also

found me on FB and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we

never heard from her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this

a healthy thing for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada,

why invite other toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about

my cat, and pls don't judge me about this- I f eel like an a-hole.

> >

> > I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have

spent literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I

just don't have anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my

dtr has been pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me

most of all, is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was

in the hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they

can never come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little

girl who is the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a

sister to me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I

don't want to bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her.

I have tried every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging

special needs cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for

5K. Yeah right! So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks

me that I would even consider that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't

do it. I don't know what to do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and

horrible. But in my heart of hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me

wonder- when did I get so cold? I am actually considering doing it.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

IF you decide to have her put gently to sleep at your home, her home, where she

feels comfortable and safe, with you cradling her in your arms, petting her and

telling her she's a good kitty and you love her so (Lord, I'm getting teary just

remembering this) I think that is less stressful, bewildering and

terror-inducing for the pet than taking her to the vet's/clinic/shelter to have

it done. The vet I found was very compassionate; she waited patiently while I

said my final goodbyes and then she took my cat's body with her for cremation

(or whatever your choice is: burial, scattering of ashes, etc.) Its not

inexpensive to select home euthanasia and I had to search to find a vet who even

made house calls, but I think it was worth it.

-Annie

>

> OMG!! That is horrible! I am just so horrified! That honestly was a fear of

mine about giving her to someone I don't know. Not that she would be tortured,

but that she would not be provided a good home. Thank you for all of your

feedback on this. My heart goes out to you with your animal decisions. Whatever

you decide I know it will be with the best intentions at heart.

>

[Guest guest]

Just wanted to add another idea here Mozz - you don't have to limit yourself to

what is in your state. Your cat can been sent by air anywhere in the country

for a couple hundred dollars. There are even people who specialize in pet

transport, so you have the option to look at a broader range of places. Good

luck!

> >

> > To the person with the cat:

> >

> > I am a veterinarian, and this is my take on the situation.

> >

> > First of all, there ARE some no-kill shelters out there who will take her

in. There is one around here for special needs animals and they don't ask for

$5000 that I know of. If you don't get lucky near your home, try the net. You

may find something. There are even cat rescue people who will organize a human

chain for transport if an animal needs to go several hundred miles: Person A

picks the cat up at your house, goes 50 miles, and hands her off to person B,

who goes thirty miles and hands her off to someone else, etc. These are people

who have the time and the space in their lives for this. You don't right now

and that is understandable.

> >

> > If you find that you do have to put the cat to sleep, find another

veterinarian. I used to have this attitude and worked at practices that had

this attitude, and while I think it's a valid perspective, I realize it's not

always a realistic perspective. When I realized that some people would possibly

dump or abuse an animal (and I'm not saying I think you would! but some ppl

would), or take an animal to a pound (not a good solution, because at most

pounds the new owners won't know what they are getting and why an animal was

given up, and end up with a situation they didn't want and

euthanize/abuse/abandon anyway), I changed my stance on this and will euthanize

in most cases if an owner requests it. I work in a low income area and sad to

say that's how my medical decisions for myself will have to be made in my

declining years, too.

> >

> > It's a bad situation. I hope you can find a workable solution. Let me know

what your therapist thought about it if you are able and wish to. (I have to

deal with these issues on a daily basis so am curious to see what their

perspective is.)

> >

> > --.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Two quick notes:

One, if a cat is too large he/she may not clean itself. It's kind of like being

plus size and trying to do yoga...a lot harder to twist and reach! Those cats

need help keeping themselves clean.

Two, I have heard of a case around here where a vet was supposed to put an

animal to sleep and sent it home with someone else. The previous owner found

out somehow and that person got themselves in a lot of trouble. I understand

the impulse but you can get yourself in legal trouble that way, so if I want to

find the animal another home I make sure I have permission.

--.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I had planned to give you a detailed description of my T's view on the cat and

honestly I can not as we went over so much I feel a little mentally jumbled. She

of course could not tell me what to do, but she did stress to exhaust all

options before making my decision so as to make the best one, and reassured me

no matter what I decide, I am not a bad person, because I am just NOT. So I felt

better after talking to her, even though I still don't know what I am going to

do.

>

> To the person with the cat:

>

> I am a veterinarian, and this is my take on the situation.

>

> First of all, there ARE some no-kill shelters out there who will take her in.

There is one around here for special needs animals and they don't ask for $5000

that I know of. If you don't get lucky near your home, try the net. You may

find something. There are even cat rescue people who will organize a human

chain for transport if an animal needs to go several hundred miles: Person A

picks the cat up at your house, goes 50 miles, and hands her off to person B,

who goes thirty miles and hands her off to someone else, etc. These are people

who have the time and the space in their lives for this. You don't right now

and that is understandable.

>

> If you find that you do have to put the cat to sleep, find another

veterinarian. I used to have this attitude and worked at practices that had

this attitude, and while I think it's a valid perspective, I realize it's not

always a realistic perspective. When I realized that some people would possibly

dump or abuse an animal (and I'm not saying I think you would! but some ppl

would), or take an animal to a pound (not a good solution, because at most

pounds the new owners won't know what they are getting and why an animal was

given up, and end up with a situation they didn't want and

euthanize/abuse/abandon anyway), I changed my stance on this and will euthanize

in most cases if an owner requests it. I work in a low income area and sad to

say that's how my medical decisions for myself will have to be made in my

declining years, too.

>

> It's a bad situation. I hope you can find a workable solution. Let me know

what your therapist thought about it if you are able and wish to. (I have to

deal with these issues on a daily basis so am curious to see what their

perspective is.)

>

> --.

>

[Guest guest]

Okay, don't judge me either --- I've been a constant pet-parent since college,

and I've always taken excellent care of my pets, have always taken them to the

vet for checkups and emergency issues, even when I didn't have a lot of money

and I would say to you GO TO ANOTHER VET IMMEDIATELY. I am SHOCKED that your vet

won't put this animal down. You have spent time, money and tons of compassion on

this animal, and it's just time for her to go. Trying to transfer her to a new

home or to a shelter at this point in her life would be cruel.

I had a very similar experience with a dog: she was 11, terribly arthritic, on

expensive medication, and when whe had a baby, the dog became jealous and

violent. I couldn't see that anyone would take her in her condition and sending

her to the pound was just too horrible for me to contemplate. My vet was totally

sympathetic and offered to put her down immediately.

Don't feel guilty at all. Sending a sick, expensive animal who's lived with you

her whole life to a shelter would be awful for both of you! Seriously, just call

a different vet. I think you'll get a better response.

>

> I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking

from the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel

like I don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that

respond to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little

crazy and could use it.

>

> I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada

died, I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move

for me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I

don't want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once

when she was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my

deadbeat dad) facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was

rasied my a meth addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go

there. I just don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also

found me on FB and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we

never heard from her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this

a healthy thing for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada,

why invite other toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about

my cat, and pls don't judge me about this- I feel like an a-hole.

>

> I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have spent

literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I

just don't have anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my

dtr has been pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me

most of all, is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was

in the hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they

can never come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little

girl who is the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a

sister to me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I

don't want to bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her.

I have tried every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging

special needs cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for

5K. Yeah right! So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks

me that I would even consider that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't

do it. I don't know what to do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and

horrible. But in my heart of hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me

wonder- when did I get so cold? I am actually considering doing it.

>

[Guest guest]

I wonder, too, if there's a no kill shelter in the area? If you're feeling

guilty for letting her go that might help you feel better. And...try not to

feel so guilty!! Sometimes doing what is best for a pet means finding it a home

where it's needs are more easily served.

It's a health hazard for you to be handling cat feces anyway, if you're

pregnant. Super super high risk of toxoplasmosis for you and the baby!!!

Ninera

>

[Guest guest]

I agree, it seems very odd that the vet wouldn't put an aging, sick cat down.

Definitely call another vet. Don't be hard on yourself, I think putting the cat

down is probably better than giving her to the pound, where she'll just suffer

and be alone before they put her down anyway.

Casey

> >

> > I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking

from the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel

like I don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that

respond to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little

crazy and could use it.

> >

> > I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada

died, I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move

for me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I

don't want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once

when she was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my

deadbeat dad) facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was

rasied my a meth addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go

there. I just don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also

found me on FB and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we

never heard from her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this

a healthy thing for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada,

why invite other toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about

my cat, and pls don't judge me about this- I feel like an a-hole.

> >

> > I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have

spent literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I

just don't have anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my

dtr has been pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me

most of all, is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was

in the hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they

can never come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little

girl who is the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a

sister to me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I

don't want to bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her.

I have tried every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging

special needs cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for

5K. Yeah right! So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks

me that I would even consider that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't

do it. I don't know what to do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and

horrible. But in my heart of hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me

wonder- when did I get so cold? I am actually considering doing it.

> >

>