Re: advice for what to expect with NC

[Guest guest]

Guilt, anger, sorrow, sleeplessness, tiredness, extreme eating, trust

issues, withdrawal from normal social activities. I guess these symptoms are

normal when you're grieving a loss, no matter how destructive your nada was

... you still never get another mom. And some days you'll feel profoundly

wonderful because you aren't sticking around for the abuse, and you'll feel

in control and independent, but at the same time be prepared to battle with

some intense and paradoxical emotions. You're doing the right thing for your

well being. Remember, you can never help others get their oxygen mask on, if

you are suffocating yourself. Your nada is sick, but you don't have to be

sick, you also don't have to be the martyring care-taker either. Just take

it one moment at a time, try to enjoy your new found freedom, and every time

you feel guilt creeping up, really think about why you're in this place of

no contact, write down your feelings, jog, write on this message board, have

ice cream, laugh with friends, love your mate, make a new family by choosing

meaningful and trusting relationships. You deserve to have love and peace,

security and calm. You may want to write your nada a rational, non-emotional

letter about the reasons why her behavior has led you to no contact.

Remember not to accuse, simply state " when you do this it makes me feel... "

This letter will give her the option of getting help, perhaps she will see a

therapist on a regular basis, perhaps not. It doesn't matter what she does,

it matters that you move on, get productive, because a busy woman has no

time to sit and dwell. If I only could take my own advice, I wouldn't be a

nervous eater, and have so many walls up around men. Well tomorrow is a new

day, I am going to be productive, and not binge eat to cover up my feelings.

I bought new jeans from express today and they aren't going to fit nicely if

I keep treating my body like I hate myself. I still feel enormous guilt

about my nada, and not being able to FIX her. I have been using this site on

a regular basis and it's really changed my life. Before this site, I was a

wreck.

On Sat, Jul 24, 2010 at 5:22 PM, cocochanel1005 wrote:

>

>

> I'm planning on going completely NC with nada in Aug and will cut off every

> possible means of communication. I have never tried to do this before and

> I'm expecting the worst (from her), and also some rough emotions. I've been

> trying LC for several months and I anticipated that nada would fight it, but

> I never imagined that she would flip into complete crazy mode for months

> because I only wanted to talk once a week.

>

> I know many of you are either in a permanent NC situation or have done NC

> at some point. What should I anticipate from nada, or challenges I'll face

> on my own?

>

> Thanks!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Expect the usual: hoovering and smear campaigns. Expect her to try to get in

touch with you.

And expect it to be emotionally strange. But strange in a good way.

It was rough, and it started a period of grieving. It was also a most

straightforward life, and a life of much much much more freedom.

I've never ever once regretted it.

May it go well!

Blessings,

Karla

>

> I'm planning on going completely NC with nada in Aug and will cut off every

possible means of communication. I have never tried to do this before and I'm

expecting the worst (from her), and also some rough emotions. I've been trying

LC for several months and I anticipated that nada would fight it, but I never

imagined that she would flip into complete crazy mode for months because I only

wanted to talk once a week.

>

> I know many of you are either in a permanent NC situation or have done NC at

some point. What should I anticipate from nada, or challenges I'll face on my

own?

>

> Thanks!

>

>