Frustrated. Period. Why can't I do better?

August 11, 2010

Hi Everyone.

I'm frustrated right now because I've noticed that my sister, even though she's

grown up in the same house I have with the same Nada is doing much better than I

am. Luckily, she moved out early which I'm sure helped. She also is able to go

on many trips and she has an active social life and her finances seem to be in

order; and she has had a loving, nurturing bf for 3 going on 4 years now and

they are both very happy with eachother. No dysfunction or codependency that I

see.

She also works part time as a manager--almost full time. She also goes to school

full-time and finishes all her homework quickly and has time left over for her

social endeavors. She never had trouble voicing her opinion, standing up for

herself, or being assertive. That is often my downfall. :/

I am happy for her, yet I feel bad about msyelf because I feel like I've

struggled so to get to where I am. I still do not have a good social support

system ( I feel). I'm still working on it. I just broke off another budding (yet

dysfunctional) relationship...why again? I made another mistake. I am struggling

with my finances and I just barely missed getting taken advantage of at work ( I

stood up for myself). I also feel like I can never juggle my social and work

time. I also have trouble finding ppl to go out with.

I look at other factors tho: my sister was more or less the golden child most of

her life. I was often the scapegoat. Her education was fully paid for as was her

car. Mine was not. Her computer was paid for.. I had to buy my own. Her

insurance is paid for. Mine was not.

She spent her early years in a somewhat stable household ( I did not--lived in a

volatile abusive home til I was 7 and we moved in w my grandparents right when

she was born). That could have something to do with it.

I don't really know. All I know is I'm trying my best and I'm just not there

yet. Gotta keep climbing. Has anyone else been frustrated about a similar

difference between them and their siblings? It makes me have low self esteem

when I have these thoughts. Esp. the dysfunctional relationship part. That part

sucks. I just got out of one.

Joy

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