Guest guest Posted August 26, 2010 Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 Annie, I LOVE your new designation for Cluster B disorders!! I am laughing out loud on that one. Definitely right on the money, Girl! Jan > > I wish I could picture my mother as just a rather tall little girl and let her behaviors just roll off me and not affect me, but my mother is just so damned *mean.* She actually wants to hurt me; she goes out of her way to hurt me. She actually feels justified in saying ugly, critical, denigrating, insulting things to me. I would go so far as to say *meanness*, the desire to hurt another, is the defining trait underlying all my mother's negative behaviors. > > If that's a child's behavior, then that is one spoiled, mean, hateful child who was never given boundaries, who was never given consequences for breaking boundaries or for hurting other people, a child who never developed even a rudimentary sense of empathy, and who simply doesn't care if she's hurting someone else as long as she is getting her own way: being the center of attention and being catered to. > > Its just... I just don't want to be around that any more. I feel like I've put in enough decades trying to please her and getting raked over the coals instead for not being good enough. I'm just tired of it. I'm topped off. > > In a fit of pique once, and indulging in " black " or " gallows " humor, I suggested that the combination of several Cluster B disorders (like my nada has) be renamed " SAD " , which would stand for " Sadistic Asshole Disorder " . Who knows, the DSM gets revised every few years. Maybe they'll like the idea of a name for the combo of bpd/npd/hpd/aspd. > > -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2010 Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 Annie, I loved your new " SAD " name... I laughed out loud too! My mom is really mean like that as well... always saying terribly mean and degrading things... I empathize with you! jen > > > > I wish I could picture my mother as just a rather tall little girl and let her behaviors just roll off me and not affect me, but my mother is just so damned *mean.* She actually wants to hurt me; she goes out of her way to hurt me. She actually feels justified in saying ugly, critical, denigrating, insulting things to me. I would go so far as to say *meanness*, the desire to hurt another, is the defining trait underlying all my mother's negative behaviors. > > > > If that's a child's behavior, then that is one spoiled, mean, hateful child who was never given boundaries, who was never given consequences for breaking boundaries or for hurting other people, a child who never developed even a rudimentary sense of empathy, and who simply doesn't care if she's hurting someone else as long as she is getting her own way: being the center of attention and being catered to. > > > > Its just... I just don't want to be around that any more. I feel like I've put in enough decades trying to please her and getting raked over the coals instead for not being good enough. I'm just tired of it. I'm topped off. > > > > In a fit of pique once, and indulging in " black " or " gallows " humor, I suggested that the combination of several Cluster B disorders (like my nada has) be renamed " SAD " , which would stand for " Sadistic Asshole Disorder " . Who knows, the DSM gets revised every few years. Maybe they'll like the idea of a name for the combo of bpd/npd/hpd/aspd. > > > > -Annie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2010 Report Share Posted August 27, 2010 I was just laughing so hard at your definition for SAD! Wow you should make more! That is such a funny idea! Anyway I was reading how Annie and Fiona you both had experiences where your nadas were a bit more queenly and witchy as you were children but turned waifier as they aged. This is how it is for me too. My nada was always the queen/witch, but now as I have left and gone nc she is very waify to my sister and father. I think the witch is still inside her because she is still playing these games, I think it is hiding and waiting for me to come back but she has changed both emotionally and in her physical appearance dramatically over the past few years. LB > > > >> >> > > > >> >> Nada always blame me for let her live alone and she repeats it every > > >chance she has. I'm sooooo fed up with her talks that I can't stand her anymore. > > >Just to think about she's coming to visit me makes ke nervous about. My husband > > >either. > > > >> >> She loves to says to everybody how she suffered to raise me struggling to > > >save money cause my father was a bastard. She is a single mother but my father > > >visited us every night and when I was sleeping, he went back to his wife and > > >kids home. My mother was his lover for18y. I was born in their 5th love affair > > >year. She always says that she didn't love him and just wanted to have a kid. > > >She was 31yo when I came to this world to be the only daughter of her.Now I'm > > >43, never got pregnant and it's be my last year to get pregnant according to my > > >FENGSHUI and one doctor said it's already too late. Since I married last year my > > >scary Nada says that I should not get pregnant because I'd have a kid with > > >problem. This year she got very paranoid about this and begged me to promise her > > >that I wouldn't get pregnant. I told her that I would promise anything and that > > >she should not to worry because I wasn't thing about to get pregnant. In fact, > > >sometimes I want to > > > have > > > >> a > > > >> >> baby, most of the time I'm scared about. Thanks God my husband is not > > >crazy to have one and he knew that it would be difficult for me as I'm much > > >older than him. > > > >> >> The worst thing my Nada said about it was: " you should never get pregnant > > >othewise your kid will born deffected and give you trouble the rest of your life > > >because God will give you a lesson for not taking care of your mother who > > >devoted all life to raise you and worked day and night to give you a better > > >education! " > > > >> >> I told this episode to her neighbour ( my hotline. Salvation) who is > > >very religious and she said to my mom to stop to say those things to me because > > >it hurts me. After this she never said again until she breaks up in tears when I > > >said she could stay for 3 weeks in my place. > > > > > > >> >> Is this all because she lives alone? > > > >> >> > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 2010 Report Share Posted August 27, 2010 > > That's true; those experiments in " learned helplessness " showed that if a living creature is tormented under conditions in which it learns (after endlessly repeated sessions of physical torture) that there is no escape, the creature becomes limp and passive and just endures the torture. The creature has been psychologically " broken. " > > Pretty horrific, pretty monstrous, to subject one's own child to treatment that will break the child's mind and will in such a way. And how easy: a child, the very definition of " helpless " and " dependent " , comes into this world pre-programmed to abjectly trust her mother. > > So if mommy calls her little child vile names and smacks her around, terrifies her, and says something like " You make me do this because you are very bad but I love you anyway " , or rejects and neglects her child, saying something like, " You don't deserve any attention or care, you are worthless " , or cries and clings to the child (parentifies the child) and says something like, " Its your job to take care of mommy; if you leave mommy you will kill her " (or some such thing) the child has no way of objectively evaluating or judging that she's being subjected to physical and psychological torture. > > Its just so sad that at the current time and in the forseeable future there is simply no system in place with the objective and authority to evaluate whether a person is mentally healthy, competent and responsible enough to be allowed to raise kids. Its just not possible to have something like that in place and have personal freedom too. Its an unresolvable dilemma, I guess. > > -Annie > Exactly Annie - that child has no way to know it isn't normal, just life. I just read part of a disturbing article about " preschooler depression " here http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/29/magazine/29preschool-t.html And it just concerns me so much. If a kid is acting depressed at age 2, maybe rather than diagnosing them with depression a good hard look needs to be taken at the PARENTS! I wish like you there could be a system in place to help kids, but even the systems we've got look quickly to make it a problem in the children's biology rather the parents. Ugh. I wish it were a better world too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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