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hate object

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Does anyone feel like a 'hate object' for their PD parent? I was thinking about

this today after getting hit with another one of my father's tirades of sick,

they are averaging every few days now, and for some reason I started thinking

about the phrase 'object of my affection' which is whom you project love on to,

and I was thinking about how it's the opposite with him and I am who he projects

hate onto and it is probably 'self-hate' since it is infinite. This has been

going on for 41 years. So I feel that if it was something I did it would be over

by now. And I am unwilling to beleive my mere existence is enough of a reason to

hate someone. Which leads me to the conclusion the hate is coming from inside

him, and it has to be 'cleared' at certain intervals, kind of like a pulsar

emits radiation at intervals.

I remind him of something, probably the vulnerable child he was, that was

abused. Not that that excuses anything or makes it easier. I'm so tired of it.

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