URGENT.....Advice Needed Please

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very very

guilty.

I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I have

spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was getting

married etc.

I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on my

wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the conversation.......

Me - Hi Mum

Nada - Is that you

Me - Yes, how are you?

Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to work so

busy etc.

Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me etc)

Me - Even longer pause

Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today, Jack

(my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little bugger.

Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is the

perfect time for her to ask about my son )

Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

Me - Ok then I best go

Nada - Ok bye

So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe it, I

think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I feel

like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are you ok

etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she wants.

Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me calling

totally abnormal behaviour??

I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

Thanks

xxx

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Eh, typical. Very self-absorbed--and incapable of focusing on anything else

outside of her particular world, a world comprised of only the items/events

SHE picks. Anything she doesn't pic for her world simply doesn't exist,

including your wedding and little boy, as stupid as that sounds. My mom had

a similar thing happen to her. After her parents disowned her, she simply

never existed to them anymore. When Mom's dad died, her nada listed only 2

kids and 4 grandkids in the obit. No mention of Mom, who was the oldest, and

the 6 grandkids. (Sadly, abuse repeats itself and I'm in the same situation

my mom was in. Except it's Dad being the douche.) It hurts, but after a

while you just have to remind yourself that her world is only made up of

stuff she chose. Take advantage of it, and be who YOU want to be, since Nada

doesn't want to ask how you're doing anyway. And have fun with your new

hubby and your son!

I'm sorry that she is being such a douche. I think we're all eternal

optimists, all of us KOs--because admittedly I fall into the same mental

trap of hoping that my fada will be better, sometimes!

::hugs::

Holly

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 3:18 PM, Newton wrote:

>

>

> Hi All,

>

> I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very

> very

> guilty.

>

> I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I

> have

> spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was

> getting

> married etc.

>

> I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on

> my

> wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the conversation.......

>

> Me - Hi Mum

> Nada - Is that you

> Me - Yes, how are you?

> Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to

> work so

> busy etc.

> Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me etc)

> Me - Even longer pause

> Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

> Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today,

> Jack

> (my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little

> bugger.

> Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is the

> perfect time for her to ask about my son )

> Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

> Me - Ok then I best go

> Nada - Ok bye

>

> So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe

> it, I

> think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

>

> Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I

> feel

> like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are you

> ok

> etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she wants.

>

> Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me

> calling

> totally abnormal behaviour??

>

> I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

>

> Thanks

> xxx

>

>