URGENT.....Advice Needed Please

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

I am just so pissed off right now, along with feeling very sad and very very

guilty.

I called my nada just before, I have not seen her in over a year now, I have

spoke to her only once on the phone a few months ago to tell her I was getting

married etc.

I called before to test the water, to see if she would congratulate me on my

wedding and ask about my son her grandson, this is the conversation.......

Me - Hi Mum

Nada - Is that you

Me - Yes, how are you?

Nada - Im just on my way back to my flat with my new boyfriend, been to work so

busy etc.

Me - Oh right, long pause, (waiting to see if she will congratulate me etc)

Me - Even longer pause

Me - Has my sister changed her telephone number

Nada - Ermm no not that I know of, she is busy etc, I spoke to her today, Jack

(my nephew nadas other grandson), he is 2 on saturday he is a little bugger.

Me - Awww that is lovely, I miss him, (im thinking in my head, this is the

perfect time for her to ask about my son )

Me - Long pause again, waiting for her to ask

Me - Ok then I best go

Nada - Ok bye

So that was the conversation, I got off the phone crying, couldnt believe it, I

think I really need to give up hope that she will ever change.

Now I am sat here feeling guilty as hell for getting on with my life, I feel

like calling her back saying awww mum you sounded really bad before are you ok

etc, blah blah, but I know that I cant and wont, as that Is what she wants.

Is it me or was that telephone conversation, or more her reaction to me calling

totally abnormal behaviour??

I feel a little confused, guilty and upset, along with anger.

Thanks

xxx

[Guest guest]

, your nada is an infant. This was her stupid, pathetic little way of

sticking it to you. You must be punished for being such a bad daughter and

abandoning your nada afterall. I hope you see how insane this is?

The reality is that you don't deserve that, nobody does. You haven't done

anything wrong and there's nothing that you can do to make your nada change....

and it hurts, badly.. and I am sorry. Your nada truly cannot see past her own

nose and her illness is the cause, not you. Please don't call her again because

that's exactly what she wants and this is punishment for you.

Congratulations on your own family, it sounds like you have a lot to be

celebrating. Just an idea but you could adopt a grandma for your little guy,

there's plenty of older women out there with a lot of love and extra cookies to

distribute. Someone who could offer the grandmotherly love and support to you

and your son that we all need and crave.

Just remember, your nada is an infant. That telephone conversation, quite

literally, could be a small child on the other end. Read it again but imagining

a 3 year old talking to you. I hope this helps..

Hugs from HF.