Re: talking yourself down off of the ledge

[Guest guest]

Hi " Joe " ,

One of the last times I spoke with my nada on the phone was, I believe, Mother's

Day. My Sister had asked me if I was willing to just briefly say hello to nada,

and I said OK. I am grateful to my Sister for many reasons and feel that I owe

her a lot. I spoke to nada. All nada did was cry.

In earlier years that would have melted me, I would have melted into a puddle of

guilt and self-recrimination, but for some reason now I could listen to it and

remain calm. I think I was able to do this because somehow I finally have been

able to access my very deeply buried well of repressed outrage that I was never

allowed to feel when I was growing up (and beyond.) No matter how cruelly my

nada spoke to me or no matter how badly she frightened me or hurt me or beat me,

I just had to take it, silently, when I was younger. I was not allowed to ever

express any of my own anger or hurt or outrage.

But now I can.

And so when I heard her crying on the phone, my most dominant thought was, " How

DARE you try and manipulate me with guilt and my empathy, AGAIN? I know exactly

how insincere, how fake those tears are. You've used those tears on me my whole

life, when you'd beaten me so badly I would scream in terror when you'd try to

approach me afterward, and suddenly you were scared for yourself, scared that

the abuse you'd inflicted would become obvious to other people, so you'd play on

my sympathy and cry and sob pitifully and beg for forgiveness. You'd promise to

never do it again, but you never meant it. You'd scream at me and call me vile

names and perhaps beat me again the next day, if I happened to spill a glass of

juice or something. Over, and over, and over and over again I bought into your

sobs and tears and promises.

But I don't buy into it now.

So hearing my nada sobbing on the phone this last time just triggered my

memories of being abused, physically and emotionally abused by her, and it made

me angry.

I suggest that maybe you're afraid of succumbing to your parents again because

they can still manipulate your sympathy and perhaps they know how to trigger

misplaced feelings of guilt they've implanted in you. They installed your

" buttons " after all, so they know exactly where they are and how to push them

very effectively.

Perhaps if you allow yourself to instead tap into and feel the real anger that

is probably there in you on some level, your righteous outrage at being used and

manipulated by your own parents, it will over-ride their guilt-inducing powers.

Think, " How DARE they try to trick and use me this way? That's outrageous! How

gullible do they think I am? " Or something to that effect.

Might be worth a try. Having a diary helps too; keep track of every time

they've tricked you, used you, hurt you, and then promised to not do it again.

When you're feeling weak and vulnerable, read your diary.

-Annie

>

> I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling themselves back

from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep making the same mistake over

and over, I can't even afford to have conversations with either parent because

they are so stressed and so both are acting out of their own personality

disorders even more than usual.

>

> Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of that keeps

you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or mantra that keeps you

sane when you are contacted by them in some way whether mail or text or phone

call? or if you are NC what are the things you say to yourself in your head to

keep you from taking a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental

ward scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my crazy

moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at' when I am getting

weak. I can only have small talk with them right now, everything else is just a

free fall into psych ops. I started smoking again a couple days ago.

>

> The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump her garbage

on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would be 'gloom, despair, and

agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery...etc'. She honest to go

thinks that I don't have problems of my own apparently, plus I'm here all day

with the kids so I see alot more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am

in school full time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally makes me

want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me that she thinks that

she is the only one being affected emotionally by this situation. She has done

this to me all her life, and I literally want to backhand her every time she

starts whining right now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info

about this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my nephews). She

just enables and whines, and then when I tell her to stop enabling and whining,

she plays the victim even more.

>

> I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments, what goes

through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the light bulb just went

on and you got clarity, or it can be a medidation or quote or mantra. I need all

the help I can get, I would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about

being as LC as possible.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi " Joe " ,

One of the last times I spoke with my nada on the phone was, I believe, Mother's

Day. My Sister had asked me if I was willing to just briefly say hello to nada,

and I said OK. I am grateful to my Sister for many reasons and feel that I owe

her a lot. I spoke to nada. All nada did was cry.

In earlier years that would have melted me, I would have melted into a puddle of

guilt and self-recrimination, but for some reason now I could listen to it and

remain calm. I think I was able to do this because somehow I finally have been

able to access my very deeply buried well of repressed outrage that I was never

allowed to feel when I was growing up (and beyond.) No matter how cruelly my

nada spoke to me or no matter how badly she frightened me or hurt me or beat me,

I just had to take it, silently, when I was younger. I was not allowed to ever

express any of my own anger or hurt or outrage.

But now I can.

And so when I heard her crying on the phone, my most dominant thought was, " How

DARE you try and manipulate me with guilt and my empathy, AGAIN? I know exactly

how insincere, how fake those tears are. You've used those tears on me my whole

life, when you'd beaten me so badly I would scream in terror when you'd try to

approach me afterward, and suddenly you were scared for yourself, scared that

the abuse you'd inflicted would become obvious to other people, so you'd play on

my sympathy and cry and sob pitifully and beg for forgiveness. You'd promise to

never do it again, but you never meant it. You'd scream at me and call me vile

names and perhaps beat me again the next day, if I happened to spill a glass of

juice or something. Over, and over, and over and over again I bought into your

sobs and tears and promises.

But I don't buy into it now.

So hearing my nada sobbing on the phone this last time just triggered my

memories of being abused, physically and emotionally abused by her, and it made

me angry.

I suggest that maybe you're afraid of succumbing to your parents again because

they can still manipulate your sympathy and perhaps they know how to trigger

misplaced feelings of guilt they've implanted in you. They installed your

" buttons " after all, so they know exactly where they are and how to push them

very effectively.

Perhaps if you allow yourself to instead tap into and feel the real anger that

is probably there in you on some level, your righteous outrage at being used and

manipulated by your own parents, it will over-ride their guilt-inducing powers.

Think, " How DARE they try to trick and use me this way? That's outrageous! How

gullible do they think I am? " Or something to that effect.

Might be worth a try. Having a diary helps too; keep track of every time

they've tricked you, used you, hurt you, and then promised to not do it again.

When you're feeling weak and vulnerable, read your diary.

-Annie

>

> I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling themselves back

from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep making the same mistake over

and over, I can't even afford to have conversations with either parent because

they are so stressed and so both are acting out of their own personality

disorders even more than usual.

>

> Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of that keeps

you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or mantra that keeps you

sane when you are contacted by them in some way whether mail or text or phone

call? or if you are NC what are the things you say to yourself in your head to

keep you from taking a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental

ward scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my crazy

moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at' when I am getting

weak. I can only have small talk with them right now, everything else is just a

free fall into psych ops. I started smoking again a couple days ago.

>

> The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump her garbage

on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would be 'gloom, despair, and

agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery...etc'. She honest to go

thinks that I don't have problems of my own apparently, plus I'm here all day

with the kids so I see alot more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am

in school full time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally makes me

want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me that she thinks that

she is the only one being affected emotionally by this situation. She has done

this to me all her life, and I literally want to backhand her every time she

starts whining right now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info

about this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my nephews). She

just enables and whines, and then when I tell her to stop enabling and whining,

she plays the victim even more.

>

> I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments, what goes

through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the light bulb just went

on and you got clarity, or it can be a medidation or quote or mantra. I need all

the help I can get, I would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about

being as LC as possible.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi " Joe " ,

One of the last times I spoke with my nada on the phone was, I believe, Mother's

Day. My Sister had asked me if I was willing to just briefly say hello to nada,

and I said OK. I am grateful to my Sister for many reasons and feel that I owe

her a lot. I spoke to nada. All nada did was cry.

In earlier years that would have melted me, I would have melted into a puddle of

guilt and self-recrimination, but for some reason now I could listen to it and

remain calm. I think I was able to do this because somehow I finally have been

able to access my very deeply buried well of repressed outrage that I was never

allowed to feel when I was growing up (and beyond.) No matter how cruelly my

nada spoke to me or no matter how badly she frightened me or hurt me or beat me,

I just had to take it, silently, when I was younger. I was not allowed to ever

express any of my own anger or hurt or outrage.

But now I can.

And so when I heard her crying on the phone, my most dominant thought was, " How

DARE you try and manipulate me with guilt and my empathy, AGAIN? I know exactly

how insincere, how fake those tears are. You've used those tears on me my whole

life, when you'd beaten me so badly I would scream in terror when you'd try to

approach me afterward, and suddenly you were scared for yourself, scared that

the abuse you'd inflicted would become obvious to other people, so you'd play on

my sympathy and cry and sob pitifully and beg for forgiveness. You'd promise to

never do it again, but you never meant it. You'd scream at me and call me vile

names and perhaps beat me again the next day, if I happened to spill a glass of

juice or something. Over, and over, and over and over again I bought into your

sobs and tears and promises.

But I don't buy into it now.

So hearing my nada sobbing on the phone this last time just triggered my

memories of being abused, physically and emotionally abused by her, and it made

me angry.

I suggest that maybe you're afraid of succumbing to your parents again because

they can still manipulate your sympathy and perhaps they know how to trigger

misplaced feelings of guilt they've implanted in you. They installed your

" buttons " after all, so they know exactly where they are and how to push them

very effectively.

Perhaps if you allow yourself to instead tap into and feel the real anger that

is probably there in you on some level, your righteous outrage at being used and

manipulated by your own parents, it will over-ride their guilt-inducing powers.

Think, " How DARE they try to trick and use me this way? That's outrageous! How

gullible do they think I am? " Or something to that effect.

Might be worth a try. Having a diary helps too; keep track of every time

they've tricked you, used you, hurt you, and then promised to not do it again.

When you're feeling weak and vulnerable, read your diary.

-Annie

>

> I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling themselves back

from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep making the same mistake over

and over, I can't even afford to have conversations with either parent because

they are so stressed and so both are acting out of their own personality

disorders even more than usual.

>

> Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of that keeps

you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or mantra that keeps you

sane when you are contacted by them in some way whether mail or text or phone

call? or if you are NC what are the things you say to yourself in your head to

keep you from taking a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental

ward scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my crazy

moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at' when I am getting

weak. I can only have small talk with them right now, everything else is just a

free fall into psych ops. I started smoking again a couple days ago.

>

> The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump her garbage

on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would be 'gloom, despair, and

agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery...etc'. She honest to go

thinks that I don't have problems of my own apparently, plus I'm here all day

with the kids so I see alot more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am

in school full time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally makes me

want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me that she thinks that

she is the only one being affected emotionally by this situation. She has done

this to me all her life, and I literally want to backhand her every time she

starts whining right now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info

about this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my nephews). She

just enables and whines, and then when I tell her to stop enabling and whining,

she plays the victim even more.

>

> I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments, what goes

through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the light bulb just went

on and you got clarity, or it can be a medidation or quote or mantra. I need all

the help I can get, I would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about

being as LC as possible.

>

[Guest guest]

I don't post on here often but I come to this group a lot.

It helps to remind me that I'm not the crazy one. Keeping my

Son away from my volatile Fada. I've been NC with him for 9 months

Now. He still continues to text call etc. However, he does so only

Around big events. Example: my sons upcoming surgery next week.

My mother is about to have a nervous breakdown over us not speaking.

She plays the victim. She's in complete denial about my dads abusive

behavior.

So I'm LC with her. When these episodes of insanity happen it just

proves my decision is just. Despite their claims that I'm causing them

devastation. I know Its not my fault and that giving in to their

Emotional outbursts would just start the cycle over. Once I had my son

my wants and needs do not matter. His well being comes first. I can

not allow him to be around such violence. So i gues more than

anything, when I start having thoughts about giving in I think about

what I was put through. My son will NEVER be subjected to that abuse.

I refuse to have he go through what I did.

Sent from my iPhone

> I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling

> themselves back from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep

> making the same mistake over and over, I can't even afford to have

> conversations with either parent because they are so stressed and so

> both are acting out of their own personality disorders even more

> than usual.

>

> Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of

> that keeps you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or

> mantra that keeps you sane when you are contacted by them in some

> way whether mail or text or phone call? or if you are NC what are

> the things you say to yourself in your head to keep you from taking

> a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental ward

> scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my

> crazy moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at'

> when I am getting weak. I can only have small talk with them right

> now, everything else is just a free fall into psych ops. I started

> smoking again a couple days ago.

>

> The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump

> her garbage on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would

> be 'gloom, despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive

> misery...etc'. She honest to go thinks that I don't have problems of

> my own apparently, plus I'm here all day with the kids so I see alot

> more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am in school full

> time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

> every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally

> makes me want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me

> that she thinks that she is the only one being affected emotionally

> by this situation. She has done this to me all her life, and I

> literally want to backhand her every time she starts whining right

> now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info about

> this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my

> nephews). She just enables and whines, and then when I tel l her to

> stop enabling and whining, she plays the victim even more.

>

> I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments,

> what goes through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the

> light bulb just went on and you got clarity, or it can be a

> medidation or quote or mantra. I need all the help I can get, I

> would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about being as LC

> as possible.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't post on here often but I come to this group a lot.

It helps to remind me that I'm not the crazy one. Keeping my

Son away from my volatile Fada. I've been NC with him for 9 months

Now. He still continues to text call etc. However, he does so only

Around big events. Example: my sons upcoming surgery next week.

My mother is about to have a nervous breakdown over us not speaking.

She plays the victim. She's in complete denial about my dads abusive

behavior.

So I'm LC with her. When these episodes of insanity happen it just

proves my decision is just. Despite their claims that I'm causing them

devastation. I know Its not my fault and that giving in to their

Emotional outbursts would just start the cycle over. Once I had my son

my wants and needs do not matter. His well being comes first. I can

not allow him to be around such violence. So i gues more than

anything, when I start having thoughts about giving in I think about

what I was put through. My son will NEVER be subjected to that abuse.

I refuse to have he go through what I did.

Sent from my iPhone

> I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling

> themselves back from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep

> making the same mistake over and over, I can't even afford to have

> conversations with either parent because they are so stressed and so

> both are acting out of their own personality disorders even more

> than usual.

>

> Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of

> that keeps you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or

> mantra that keeps you sane when you are contacted by them in some

> way whether mail or text or phone call? or if you are NC what are

> the things you say to yourself in your head to keep you from taking

> a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental ward

> scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my

> crazy moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at'

> when I am getting weak. I can only have small talk with them right

> now, everything else is just a free fall into psych ops. I started

> smoking again a couple days ago.

>

> The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump

> her garbage on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would

> be 'gloom, despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive

> misery...etc'. She honest to go thinks that I don't have problems of

> my own apparently, plus I'm here all day with the kids so I see alot

> more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am in school full

> time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

> every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally

> makes me want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me

> that she thinks that she is the only one being affected emotionally

> by this situation. She has done this to me all her life, and I

> literally want to backhand her every time she starts whining right

> now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info about

> this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my

> nephews). She just enables and whines, and then when I tel l her to

> stop enabling and whining, she plays the victim even more.

>

> I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments,

> what goes through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the

> light bulb just went on and you got clarity, or it can be a

> medidation or quote or mantra. I need all the help I can get, I

> would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about being as LC

> as possible.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't post on here often but I come to this group a lot.

It helps to remind me that I'm not the crazy one. Keeping my

Son away from my volatile Fada. I've been NC with him for 9 months

Now. He still continues to text call etc. However, he does so only

Around big events. Example: my sons upcoming surgery next week.

My mother is about to have a nervous breakdown over us not speaking.

She plays the victim. She's in complete denial about my dads abusive

behavior.

So I'm LC with her. When these episodes of insanity happen it just

proves my decision is just. Despite their claims that I'm causing them

devastation. I know Its not my fault and that giving in to their

Emotional outbursts would just start the cycle over. Once I had my son

my wants and needs do not matter. His well being comes first. I can

not allow him to be around such violence. So i gues more than

anything, when I start having thoughts about giving in I think about

what I was put through. My son will NEVER be subjected to that abuse.

I refuse to have he go through what I did.

Sent from my iPhone

> I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling

> themselves back from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep

> making the same mistake over and over, I can't even afford to have

> conversations with either parent because they are so stressed and so

> both are acting out of their own personality disorders even more

> than usual.

>

> Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of

> that keeps you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or

> mantra that keeps you sane when you are contacted by them in some

> way whether mail or text or phone call? or if you are NC what are

> the things you say to yourself in your head to keep you from taking

> a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental ward

> scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my

> crazy moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at'

> when I am getting weak. I can only have small talk with them right

> now, everything else is just a free fall into psych ops. I started

> smoking again a couple days ago.

>

> The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump

> her garbage on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would

> be 'gloom, despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive

> misery...etc'. She honest to go thinks that I don't have problems of

> my own apparently, plus I'm here all day with the kids so I see alot

> more of the bad situation than she does. Plus I am in school full

> time. I have already had to drop 2 classes because of this, and

> every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which literally

> makes me want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me

> that she thinks that she is the only one being affected emotionally

> by this situation. She has done this to me all her life, and I

> literally want to backhand her every time she starts whining right

> now. Because I am the only one confronting and getting info about

> this situation and talking to outside authorities (about my

> nephews). She just enables and whines, and then when I tel l her to

> stop enabling and whining, she plays the victim even more.

>

> I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments,

> what goes through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the

> light bulb just went on and you got clarity, or it can be a

> medidation or quote or mantra. I need all the help I can get, I

> would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments about being as LC

> as possible.

>

>

[Guest guest]

You've just described one of the stunts I believe that my elderly nada is very

capable of pulling, out of a sense of entitlement to " get back at " me for going

No Contact.

I've stated several times now to my Sister and once to both nada and her

therapist at the same time (by conference call) that I wish my name to be

removed from all nada's financial instruments and her will. I want there to be

no possible way for me to have access to any of nada's funds.

Plus, I will never be alone in a room (or anywhere) with my nada ever again.

She has already made insinuations that my Sister was responsible for worsening

an injury nada received (nada was alone at her home and fell, and broke some

bones) so I believe my nada is quite capable of claiming that I would trip her

or push her or in some way physically injure her if I should ever be so foolish

as to allow myself to be alone with her again.

I'll no longer visit her in her home again, either. I don't want to set up the

possibility of being accused of stealing anything.

Its just so sad that I feel the need to protect myself this way, but my nada's

behaviors over the decades of my life have shown me over and over again that

when she becomes pissed off at me she wants to " get me back. "

-Annie

> >

> > I would like to hear people's self-talk when they are pulling themselves

back from the ledge of being hoovered back in. I keep making the same mistake

over and over, I can't even afford to have conversations with either parent

because they are so stressed and so both are acting out of their own personality

disorders even more than usual.

> >

> > Is there one particularly bad example that you remind yourself of that keeps

you from being hoovered? or do you have a meditation or mantra that keeps you

sane when you are contacted by them in some way whether mail or text or phone

call? or if you are NC what are the things you say to yourself in your head to

keep you from taking a flying leap back into insanity. Does anyone do mental

ward scrapbooks? I am thinking about doing this, a visual aid of what my crazy

moments have been like in order to have something to 'look at' when I am getting

weak. I can only have small talk with them right now, everything else is just a

free fall into psych ops. I started smoking again a couple days ago.

> >

> > The worst thing is that my martyr waif nada keeps wanting to dump her

garbage on me. I can't take it. The theme song to her life would be 'gloom,

despair, and agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery...etc'. She

honest to go thinks that I don't have problems of my own apparently, plus I'm

here all day with the kids so I see alot more of the bad situation than she

does. Plus I am in school full time. I have already had to drop 2 classes

because of this, and every time I go around them, she starts her whining, which

literally makes me want to ring her neck because it's such a violation to me

that she thinks that she is the only one being affected emotionally by this

situation. She has done this to me all her life, and I literally want to

backhand her every time she starts whining right now. Because I am the only one

confronting and getting info about this situation and talking to outside

authorities (about my nephews). She just enables and whines, and then when I

tell her to stop enabling and whining, she plays the victim even more.

> >

> > I know that most people here are LC or NC but in those weak moments, what

goes through your head? It can be a specfic situation where the light bulb just

went on and you got clarity, or it can be a medidation or quote or mantra. I

need all the help I can get, I would appreciate any 'reinforcing' admonishments

about being as LC as possible.

> >

>