WENT NC....BUT HOW CAN I MORN SOMETHING THAT NEVER EXISTED?

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone,

I have never posted before but I feel like I need support from people that

really understand.

My nada is really getting my goat even after 2 months NC. She has many

faces...the waif, witch, drama queen...but she only shows her BPD to me. She is

super charasmatic...there for everyone but me. She cleans and cooks for her

friends, takes them to Dr's appointments...people thing she is the greatest!

Needless to say everyone in my family thinks I am cold and calculating...how

could I ever cut someone so nice out of my life?

My mom never protected me nor loved me. She has mentally and physically abused

me since I remember concious thought. She had this " game " she used to play with

me calling me things like rooten old tuna fish sandwich when i was about 3 years

old and I had to come up with something mean to say back. I didnt get it then

and now after I have had children i really wonder what was going on in her head.

I never got to pick out my own clothes make any decisions on what classes i took

like piano...swimming i did what she wanted me to do even though i hated it. She

threw me out of her house when I was 14 because her boyfriend came on to me and

she chose him over me. She doesnt believe me to this day even though they have

been broken up for at least 10 years...

I have been off and on NC and LC for about 20 years.(i live 400 miles away from

her) The reason i went NC this time is because she has not gotten the correct

medical treatment or tests after a car accident. She has been walking around

with a broken leg for about a year. She was in waif mode. Every day she

complained about her leg yet did nothing about it! i told her what to do yet

she refused to go anywhere but urgent care because of course... all nadas dont

have good insurance or any money...for that matter>>> this is where it gets

good... my husband is a Dr. and only treats people injured in car accidents. i

told her she does not have to pay anything and that she just has to hire an

attorney. car insurance will pay for all her tests and treatments. Instead she

wanted to pay for the tests herself and if she could not could i give her the

money? I took the bully by the horns and called an attorney and made her an

appointment...i told her i absolutely would not help her pay for a $5,000 mri

since she could get one for free! She told me to get off my high horse because i

dont know everything and car insurance is different in her state!

I told her I talked to the attorney in her state and it is just about the same.

she hung up on me. the point is I really felt bad for her and wanted her to get

better. i thought she had a blood clot or something and it worried me that she

was not taking care of herself. now i know it was just a huge manipulation ploy

for sympathy...she loved being a cripple she got all this attention i dont think

she wanted to give it up. but now she has a huge cast...i am sure she is loving

it! especially because the dr's will still give her pain pills!

bpd on narcodics=trouble!

my life is just too busy to play nada games right now...i know as she ages it is

just going to get worse. i am afraid!!!!!

[Guest guest]

Yep, we get it, for sure. The high-functioning bpds and npds can appear

charming and charismatic when it suits their purpose, and they can save up their

irritability, frustration and rage and unleash it only against those who can't

or won't fight back (their own children and/or spouse, or maybe a pet) behind

the privacy of closed doors. My bpd/npd mother is like that. People who don't

know her very well think she is just adorable, but they don't see her with her

mask of perfection off.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the super-waif; that's got to be very

stressful and frustrating for you. Good for you for just consulting with an

attorney about her case, at least now you know for sure that she could easily

have gotten help for herself but chose to play the victim instead. Such choices

clearly illustrate how dysfunctional her mind is.

-Annie

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I have never posted before but I feel like I need support from people that

really understand.

>

> My nada is really getting my goat even after 2 months NC. She has many

faces...the waif, witch, drama queen...but she only shows her BPD to me. She is

super charasmatic...there for everyone but me. She cleans and cooks for her

friends, takes them to Dr's appointments...people thing she is the greatest!

Needless to say everyone in my family thinks I am cold and calculating...how

could I ever cut someone so nice out of my life?

>

> My mom never protected me nor loved me. She has mentally and physically abused

me since I remember concious thought. She had this " game " she used to play with

me calling me things like rooten old tuna fish sandwich when i was about 3 years

old and I had to come up with something mean to say back. I didnt get it then

and now after I have had children i really wonder what was going on in her head.

I never got to pick out my own clothes make any decisions on what classes i took

like piano...swimming i did what she wanted me to do even though i hated it. She

threw me out of her house when I was 14 because her boyfriend came on to me and

she chose him over me. She doesnt believe me to this day even though they have

been broken up for at least 10 years...

>

> I have been off and on NC and LC for about 20 years.(i live 400 miles away

from her) The reason i went NC this time is because she has not gotten the

correct medical treatment or tests after a car accident. She has been walking

around with a broken leg for about a year. She was in waif mode. Every day she

complained about her leg yet did nothing about it! i told her what to do yet

she refused to go anywhere but urgent care because of course... all nadas dont

have good insurance or any money...for that matter>>> this is where it gets

good... my husband is a Dr. and only treats people injured in car accidents. i

told her she does not have to pay anything and that she just has to hire an

attorney. car insurance will pay for all her tests and treatments. Instead she

wanted to pay for the tests herself and if she could not could i give her the

money? I took the bully by the horns and called an attorney and made her an

appointment...i told her i absolutely would not help her pay for a $5,000 mri

since she could get one for free! She told me to get off my high horse because i

dont know everything and car insurance is different in her state!

> I told her I talked to the attorney in her state and it is just about the

same. she hung up on me. the point is I really felt bad for her and wanted her

to get better. i thought she had a blood clot or something and it worried me

that she was not taking care of herself. now i know it was just a huge

manipulation ploy for sympathy...she loved being a cripple she got all this

attention i dont think she wanted to give it up. but now she has a huge cast...i

am sure she is loving it! especially because the dr's will still give her pain

pills!

> bpd on narcodics=trouble!

>

> my life is just too busy to play nada games right now...i know as she ages it

is just going to get worse. i am afraid!!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

oh, honey. that is a terrible story and i am glad you are here because people

here on this site have seen the wizard behind the curtain and we understand,

know, and can testify to the 'dark side' of those sickeningly charismatic bpd's

and npd's that gave birth to us. It righteously SUCKS what is going on. Not

getting medical treatment like this in order to continue to hold a child hostage

emotionally just shows the lengths that these folks will go to sometimes to

weigh heavily on your mind.

Even with all I have experienced it still took me about six months to see the

bpd in my sister in law, even with her living here. she is very low key and

comes across as very normal, but she is some type of weird hoarder type (not

that she hoards objects but that she doesn't clean AT ALL and her house ends up

looking like a hoarder house) who is a witch to one of her children and a queen

in general to her family...but to strangers, they would never detect her. you

have to really get up close and personal to know what she's about.

The broken leg thing sounds like some Munchausen stuff. That's over your head

unless you are a shrink. And mixed in with that might be some narcotic

addiction, it's common for people with problems not to do anything about a

medical situation if they know it will fix the problem and put the pills out of

their reach. Caring means you are a compassionate person but both of those

situations require qualifed professionals to treat. It's unfair to ask that of

you, my mother has kind of done the same thing to me all my life. Hugs.

>

> Hello everyone,

>

> I have never posted before but I feel like I need support from people that

really understand.

>

> My nada is really getting my goat even after 2 months NC. She has many

faces...the waif, witch, drama queen...but she only shows her BPD to me. She is

super charasmatic...there for everyone but me. She cleans and cooks for her

friends, takes them to Dr's appointments...people thing she is the greatest!

Needless to say everyone in my family thinks I am cold and calculating...how

could I ever cut someone so nice out of my life?

>

> My mom never protected me nor loved me. She has mentally and physically abused

me since I remember concious thought. She had this " game " she used to play with

me calling me things like rooten old tuna fish sandwich when i was about 3 years

old and I had to come up with something mean to say back. I didnt get it then

and now after I have had children i really wonder what was going on in her head.

I never got to pick out my own clothes make any decisions on what classes i took

like piano...swimming i did what she wanted me to do even though i hated it. She

threw me out of her house when I was 14 because her boyfriend came on to me and

she chose him over me. She doesnt believe me to this day even though they have

been broken up for at least 10 years...

>

> I have been off and on NC and LC for about 20 years.(i live 400 miles away

from her) The reason i went NC this time is because she has not gotten the

correct medical treatment or tests after a car accident. She has been walking

around with a broken leg for about a year. She was in waif mode. Every day she

complained about her leg yet did nothing about it! i told her what to do yet

she refused to go anywhere but urgent care because of course... all nadas dont

have good insurance or any money...for that matter>>> this is where it gets

good... my husband is a Dr. and only treats people injured in car accidents. i

told her she does not have to pay anything and that she just has to hire an

attorney. car insurance will pay for all her tests and treatments. Instead she

wanted to pay for the tests herself and if she could not could i give her the

money? I took the bully by the horns and called an attorney and made her an

appointment...i told her i absolutely would not help her pay for a $5,000 mri

since she could get one for free! She told me to get off my high horse because i

dont know everything and car insurance is different in her state!

> I told her I talked to the attorney in her state and it is just about the

same. she hung up on me. the point is I really felt bad for her and wanted her

to get better. i thought she had a blood clot or something and it worried me

that she was not taking care of herself. now i know it was just a huge

manipulation ploy for sympathy...she loved being a cripple she got all this

attention i dont think she wanted to give it up. but now she has a huge cast...i

am sure she is loving it! especially because the dr's will still give her pain

pills!

> bpd on narcodics=trouble!

>

> my life is just too busy to play nada games right now...i know as she ages it

is just going to get worse. i am afraid!!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

I have experienced that scenario, from a now-ex friend whom I ended up going No

Contact with because I finally recognized that she has a lot of the same

behavior traits as my nada, including lots of narcissistic pd traits. This

individual actually blamed me because she was in a minor car accident while

driving herself over to visit me. So, I'm betting your nada has some npd traits

if she's going to blame you for her smashing her own finger in a door, only

because she was thinking about you when she did it.

All I can say in both cases is... " amazing. "

-Annie

> > >

> > > Hello everyone,

> > >

> > > I have never posted before but I feel like I need support from people that

really understand.

> > >

> > > My nada is really getting my goat even after 2 months NC. She has many

faces...the waif, witch, drama queen...but she only shows her BPD to me. She is

super charasmatic...there for everyone but me. She cleans and cooks for her

friends, takes them to Dr's appointments...people thing she is the greatest!

Needless to say everyone in my family thinks I am cold and calculating...how

could I ever cut someone so nice out of my life?

> > >

> > > My mom never protected me nor loved me. She has mentally and physically

abused me since I remember concious thought. She had this " game " she used to

play with me calling me things like rooten old tuna fish sandwich when i was

about 3 years old and I had to come up with something mean to say back. I didnt

get it then and now after I have had children i really wonder what was going on

in her head. I never got to pick out my own clothes make any decisions on what

classes i took like piano...swimming i did what she wanted me to do even though

i hated it. She threw me out of her house when I was 14 because her boyfriend

came on to me and she chose him over me. She doesnt believe me to this day even

though they have been broken up for at least 10 years...

> > >

> > > I have been off and on NC and LC for about 20 years.(i live 400 miles away

from her) The reason i went NC this time is because she has not gotten the

correct medical treatment or tests after a car accident. She has been walking

around with a broken leg for about a year. She was in waif mode. Every day she

complained about her leg yet did nothing about it! i told her what to do yet

she refused to go anywhere but urgent care because of course... all nadas dont

have good insurance or any money...for that matter>>> this is where it gets

good... my husband is a Dr. and only treats people injured in car accidents. i

told her she does not have to pay anything and that she just has to hire an

attorney. car insurance will pay for all her tests and treatments. Instead she

wanted to pay for the tests herself and if she could not could i give her the

money? I took the bully by the horns and called an attorney and made her an

appointment...i told her i absolutely would not help her pay for a $5,000 mri

since she could get one for free! She told me to get off my high horse because i

dont know everything and car insurance is different in her state!

> > > I told her I talked to the attorney in her state and it is just about the

same. she hung up on me. the point is I really felt bad for her and wanted her

to get better. i thought she had a blood clot or something and it worried me

that she was not taking care of herself. now i know it was just a huge

manipulation ploy for sympathy...she loved being a cripple she got all this

attention i dont think she wanted to give it up. but now she has a huge cast...i

am sure she is loving it! especially because the dr's will still give her pain

pills!

> > > bpd on narcodics=trouble!

> > >

> > > my life is just too busy to play nada games right now...i know as she ages

it is just going to get worse. i am afraid!!!!!

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Amieb-

I noticed a fantastic typo in your post " I took the bully by the horns " instead

of bull.

Isn't that what we all need to do? take the bully by the horns?

Wow, that sounds like a really tough situation. It's amazing that she'd deal

with that much physical pain rather than get proper help.

Good for you for staying strong and refusing to lend the money.

Laiiku- in a lot of ways it takes WAY less energy to go LC or NC. It's very very

hard at first, but I found that once I did it (for about seven years) it was a

complete game-changer. Now 20 years later, My mom has gone from totally

dominating phone conversations (to the point other people in the room would

assume I was on hold) to having a good give and take and thanking me for

calling.

It's still not and never will be perfect, but for me it allowed me to ease back

into contact on my own terms.

It also let me experience life and normal relationships without all the constant

drama, so when I did get back in touch it was crystal clear to me how weird they

were and how stressful it could be.

It also made them treat me much, much better. Because I had proven I could, and

would, leave if they misbehaved. Because what do BPDs fear most? Abandonment.

Good luck to you both.

Letty

> > >

> > > Hello everyone,

> > >

> > > I have never posted before but I feel like I need support from people that

really understand.

> > >

> > > My nada is really getting my goat even after 2 months NC. She has many

faces...the waif, witch, drama queen...but she only shows her BPD to me. She is

super charasmatic...there for everyone but me. She cleans and cooks for her

friends, takes them to Dr's appointments...people thing she is the greatest!

Needless to say everyone in my family thinks I am cold and calculating...how

could I ever cut someone so nice out of my life?

> > >

> > > My mom never protected me nor loved me. She has mentally and physically

abused me since I remember concious thought. She had this " game " she used to

play with me calling me things like rooten old tuna fish sandwich when i was

about 3 years old and I had to come up with something mean to say back. I didnt

get it then and now after I have had children i really wonder what was going on

in her head. I never got to pick out my own clothes make any decisions on what

classes i took like piano...swimming i did what she wanted me to do even though

i hated it. She threw me out of her house when I was 14 because her boyfriend

came on to me and she chose him over me. She doesnt believe me to this day even

though they have been broken up for at least 10 years...

> > >

> > > I have been off and on NC and LC for about 20 years.(i live 400 miles away

from her) The reason i went NC this time is because she has not gotten the

correct medical treatment or tests after a car accident. She has been walking

around with a broken leg for about a year. She was in waif mode. Every day she

complained about her leg yet did nothing about it! i told her what to do yet

she refused to go anywhere but urgent care because of course... all nadas dont

have good insurance or any money...for that matter>>> this is where it gets

good... my husband is a Dr. and only treats people injured in car accidents. i

told her she does not have to pay anything and that she just has to hire an

attorney. car insurance will pay for all her tests and treatments. Instead she

wanted to pay for the tests herself and if she could not could i give her the

money? I took the bully by the horns and called an attorney and made her an

appointment...i told her i absolutely would not help her pay for a $5,000 mri

since she could get one for free! She told me to get off my high horse because i

dont know everything and car insurance is different in her state!

> > > I told her I talked to the attorney in her state and it is just about the

same. she hung up on me. the point is I really felt bad for her and wanted her

to get better. i thought she had a blood clot or something and it worried me

that she was not taking care of herself. now i know it was just a huge

manipulation ploy for sympathy...she loved being a cripple she got all this

attention i dont think she wanted to give it up. but now she has a huge cast...i

am sure she is loving it! especially because the dr's will still give her pain

pills!

> > > bpd on narcodics=trouble!

> > >

> > > my life is just too busy to play nada games right now...i know as she ages

it is just going to get worse. i am afraid!!!!!

> > >

> >

>