New Here, Just began reading Stop Walking on Eggshells

[Guest guest]

Good Evening Everyone,

I am new here and just recently was able to put a name with my mothers actions

and emotions, I began seeing a counselor with my boyfriend due to excess

fighting because of major outside influences on our relationship and doubts that

I have due to things my mother says about his and my relationship. I am 21 years

old and she has always had a temper and been verbally and physically abusive to

my older sister of (23 years) and I.

When I began going to the counselor I told her a little about my mothers

behavior and actions and she said it sounded like my mother has BPD, and told me

to read Stop Walking on Eggshells which I just picked up at the bookstore this

morning. It has helped immensely in the few hours I have been reading it! My

mother fits eight of the signs of BPD and is *DEFIANTLY* an Invisible BPD.

I have been with my boyfriend almost three years and my mother and I always

fight because she has been abusive ever since I can remember (seemingly more

after my father passed away when I was 8 years old) she has raging fits and

tempers and will be destructive to anything, usually things she knows I care

about or enjoy... like ruining my favorite book, or kicking in a painting my

great grandmother painted or worse.... smothering my sister and I with a pillow,

or holding knives to me, or pulling my hair out..... I have become very

hyper-vigilant and insecure with myself and not trusting of anyone.... (ex:

Issues with my boyfriend)

Glad to see im not alone, and I hope to be able to talk and have someone to

listen!

Good luck to you all!

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry to hear you have been through all that. We have all been

there and will be here to listen. I am fairly new here myself and have

found this group to be very helpful.

[Guest guest]

Hi Sweetie,

Welcom, wow! Sometimes I think when they are nice sometimes and horrible

other times it is even more confusing. . . I'm sorry. You deserved so much

better! I think you need to set some boundaries with your mom. Maybe not NC

right away, up to you, but talking 15 times a day is ridiculous!!! I can

imagine that might cause problems in your relationship,. Nada can make

friends of her own, so don't feel guilty.

Hugs, Girlscout

>

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>

> Your nada is showing all the BPD traits and her behaviour sounds very

> familiar. This constant going back and forth from a 'nice, normal' to rages,

> name calling, belittling is all, unfortunately, very typical.

>

> I think I really understood the black hole of the BPD madness when I became

> a mother myself in my late 20's. All of the sudden you realize that it is

> NOT normal to be loving and caring with your kids one minute and then, a

> minute later, turn into a screaming, insulting, shouting profanities monster

> to your own children.

>

> A mother does not verbally and physically attack her children like that.

> Kids will make you loose your temper, but, I never, NEVER, felt the urge to

> rage or get angry at my kids like she did with me. I love going shopping, or

> bringing them to their sport practices, or their school performances. It is

> normal for every mother, really. I do not insult or call my kids names even

> if I get angry at them. I do not pull knives, pull their hair, or beat them.

> My nada used to (not the knives, even though she got to the point of biting

> me on the face!) and her excuse was always that: " All mothers get angry at

> times " . The abusive behaviour of a BPD is really pathological, dangerous and

> unacceptable. There is a very big difference between beating and abusing

> your kids and `reprimand' or give them healthy time outs!

>

> My nada could change her 'mood' within seconds. I remember inviting her,

> many years ago, to a theater show (because, of course, she was complaining

> that she was alone - their biggest fear - that I was never spending enough

> time with her and blah, blah, blah). It was a lovely comedy and she truly

> enjoyed it, she actually was having a good time. After the performance, we

> went to a cafe'. I ordered a cup of tea and - horror - put one teaspoon of

> SUGAR in it. Within seconds, completely out of the blue, she started raging,

> insulting me calling me a fat slut, a fat whore and 'how could my boyfriend

> sleep with such a disgusting fatso' etc. etc. Does this sound normal? No, it

> isn't. As you said, ONE word or ONE action can set a BPD off. Trust your

> feelings, your mother is BPD and there is very little you can do.

>

> Please learn not to feel guilty. It is not up to you to be a `Mother to

> your mother', to be responsible for your mother happiness. Also, kids

> eventually leave home! Please don't feel bad or guilty for " leaving your mom

> all alone at home " , She is an adult and cannot pretend or demand to have her

> daughters at home or in constant, daily contact with her for the rest of her

> life. It is emotional blackmail.

>

> And, for your own sanity, feel free to switch off the phone when you want.

> Everybody has the right to privacy, peace and quiet. You cannot be available

> 24/7.

>

> Good luck to you!

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > Hi all!

> >

> > Its been rough and many times I thought my mother might hurt my sister or

> I very badly... I never wanted to call child services because she always

> told me if I did I would be separated from my sister if I did. I live with

> my boyfriend now, and my sister lives with hers so we are out of the

> situation and with people who really love and care about us. But I have

> continuos contact with my mother, she will call me a minimum of 15 times a

> day.

> >

> > I feel guilty just saying bad things about her, because it was very hit

> or miss with her. Some days she was so sweet, and the next minute you had to

> run for cover. I heard that was a very common trait with BPD, or do you guys

> think she has something different?

> >

> > Some days she would be nice and would want to hang out go to lunch and

> watch movies with me, but if I happened to say or do something she didnt

> agree with all hell would break loose. She made my sister and I great

> dinners at night, and went to every dance or band concert we had, took us to

> friends or school events, bought us nice clothes, comforted us when we were

> upset and crying... so its times like that I think about that makes me think

> she was a great mother... but then its like I said before, she would smother

> us, or hold knives to us, or pull our hair out, or destroy our items, or

> just verbal abuse. She calls me a C*** now when she gets mad at me, or a

> worthless piece of shit, or she will call me a slut for living with my

> boyfriend and say very vulgar things, or she will drive by where I live now

> and key my car.... its really stupid and immature.

> >

> > Some days its so hard for me, I get so stressed out and scared. I feel

> like im always going to be judged for who I am, I over think everything I do

> and somedays im just so exhausted because of all the fighting.

> >

> >

> > How does every one here handle it? How did you go NC? (I'm VERY high

> contact and feel bad and guilty for leaving my mom all alone at home, and

> she guilt trips me for moving out and leaving her alone...telling me she

> might slip in the shower and die and no one would be there to help her...

> blah blah blah.... so my guilt is so high I feel I have to answer every

> phone call or email from her, I get SO STRESSED if I leave my phone upstairs

> when im downstairs incase I miss her call, half because she used to scream

> at the top of her lungs if I didnt answer her phone calls and part because I

> feel bad if I dont...its like her and my cell phone control my life....)

> >

> >

> >

> > Sorry for rambling!

> >

> > Im so happy I found this place! You are all so strong!

> >

> > -

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