Jumping from the frying pan into the fire

[Guest guest]

warning - this post contains my opinions on a certain religious group. They are

simply my opinions and I am not trying to slander/offend/etc.

Since coming onto this website a lot of things that Ive done in my life make

more sense. Ive always been fiercely protective of myself and tried to be very

independant, but I can see a lot of the choices Ive made may have been as a

result of the damage my mother did to me growing up. Til now I hadnt considered

that to be the case, Ive alsways thought that I did a good job of " not having

baggage " .

When I left school I moved to the city to go to university. My boyfriend at the

time was a Scientolgist and before long I was too. The church convinced me to

drop out of uni and work for them - saying that they could fix my mother and the

upset she causes me. For the next 3 years I worked for free, lived below the

poverty line, put up with verbal abuse (called an SRA in the church - a " severe

reality adjustment " - basically being screamed at for up to several hours), and

my husband became violent when I was pregnant - with the permission of church

leaders. I hated the fact that my mother may have been right - these people were

not good to be around, so I think I put up with it for a lot longer than I

wanted to. I ended up having to pack a bag and disappear, staying at friends

places as members of the church tried to " recover " me. They stalked me for the

next 7 years, and I was terrified of what they would do to get me back in, until

I started reading a forum for ex-members and began to get a grip on what Id

actually been through and how they made me so scared. They scared me more than

my mother. Now I see how I put myself in a very similar position to how I had

been with my mother.

Im not saying its my mothers fault that I was so stupid. My own decisions have

always been my responsibility. But why couldnt I see these people for what they

were - conmen? I SAW them taking people's life-savings, I SAW them taking

advantage of the elderly, I saw it all and still thought it was for the " greater

good " for too long. I find it hard to understand how I was so stupid.

Now I can see that in desperation to try to understand why my mother was so

horrid, and wanting to belong to a group of people that understood me and seemed

to have all the answers, made me susceptable to influence if they said the right

things. Made me easy to brainwash. I just thought I was making my own decisions

and being independant.

Has anyone else tried to get out of the circle of influence of their nada, only

to fall into a similar relationship/group? Its only now that Im starting to join

the dots.... Its freaking me out a little.