Re: Re: Can't seem to do this!

[Guest guest]

I have found that putting a pause between the urge to eat and the actual eating helps me refocus. I do all kinds of things, like take a bubble bath (great if you have the time at home), Set the kitchen timer for 20 minutes, make a cup of tea, listen to 3 songs, knit a few rows, read a chapter and of course the one that always helps the strongest urges, take a short walk around the block. At work, I use to get up and go to the restroom and do something distracting like brush my hair. I always gave myself permission to eat as long as I took a pause between the urge and the eating, so that I had time to think a bit more about hunger and need.

From: jetblacknewme

Sent: Saturday, January 01, 2011 7:31 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Can't seem to do this!

I wish I had something to say in reply to this other than "me too". I've been trying to do this for so long (over a year). And I've managed to legalise almost every 'forbidden' food. I have all the chocolate etc in my house. And there are times, occasional times when it clicks. The other day I went to the cinema and ate a few chocolates really slowly, and really enjoyed them and felt in control and satisfied by those few. But today I shoved the rest of the box down my throat in a guilt-filled frenzy and didn't enjoy it or feel in control at all. I'm gaining weight like crazy, and it's starting to bring up all the panicky diet thoughts in me again. Just saw photos of me from Christmas, and UGH indeed.I know it is - for me - all about using food as a drug, as a sedative to numb me out of feeling any uncomfortable emotion. I KNOW that knowing this MUST be the key to overcoming the emotional eating and beginning to eat intuitively. But I, like you, seem unable to pause before I reach for food, before I start yet another binge. I wish I knew the solution. I know journalling helps me to figure out the emotional stuff. That's as close as I've gotten so far. Let me know if you find anything that helps!------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

When I was deep in grieving, I learned something that helps me today. Sitting with feelings is very frightening because it is unknown territory, we become afraid of how bad those feelings may get if we don’t repress them. But someone once told me that feelings are like ocean waves, not only do the build and grow, but they also recede, wash away back into the sea. No matter how bad those feelings can get, they have to wash away in end. I started to experiment with attempting to find the point that the “feelings†were at the top of the wave. I discovered it was really true, those feelings, when you sit with them, they do rise and they do fall.

Another way to think about feelings is to acknowledge them, much in the same way we pay attention to hunger and food needs, we can pay attention to emotional needs. Sometimes just saying out loud THIS IS A NO GOOD ROTTEN DAY AND IT WILL SOON PASS, helps me to realize that I cannot control every aspect of my life and sometimes I need to let things be as they are and accept that it is temporary. In the same thought process, I also realize that I can often change how I want to feel. Meditation, sleep, walking, listening to pleasant music, there are so many pleasurable things to do, should I chose to change the outcome of how I am feeling. The things about masking feelings with food, drugs or alcohol is that the bad feelings are compounded by the substance. We will feel worse in the end, because now we have added a physical discomfort on top of an emotional one.

As always, these ideas are for only intended to experiment with moving past the initial fear of sitting with feelings and not meant to replace mental healthcare if depression or true anxiety is involved.

From: jetblacknewme

Sent: Sunday, January 02, 2011 11:26 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Can't seem to do this!

Bakum,Thank you so much for your kind reply. I'm a little embarrassed to say it actually moved me to tears! (Having a pretty emotional day I guess!) You're so right about the feelings. Anxiety, loneliness, sadness, disappointment, anger (usually directed at myself). I think these are the ones I'm avoiding the most. I'm in a pretty bad place right now (literally as well as emotionally). And I guess it's so uncomfortable for me to feel these feelings that I try to shove them down with food. I'm terrified of just sitting and FEELING my feelings. They overwhelm me enough as it is. But I do understand that I need to if I'm going to overcome this. And I want so badly to overcome this.Your encouragement has really given me some strength, and really means a lot to me, so thanks again Nicky------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Yes, I easily get overwhelmed by emotions, by chaos, by just being around too much commotion or people. Food always seemed to calm me down too. But after working on it, I realized that eating food was such a temporary fix, I mean all it was, was a momentary distraction. It actually didn’t work as well as other things I tried. Making a list of things that worked better than eating helped me see that there were at least possibilities I was not even trying! Of course, not all things work all the time, so I try to see what “calming influence†works best for the given situation. Again, taking that “pause†before eating is the time I think about ALL the possibilities and options I have to make myself feel better. Sometimes eating is the best option, sometimes sleeping, bathing, listening to music, meditation.....is the better choice for self nurturing. It’s the “option†that makes the difference. I wish I had known that many years ago. What a black and white worked I lived in thinking that food and eating was the ONLY option.

From: reneegavin

Sent: Sunday, January 02, 2011 5:26 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Can't seem to do this!

Thanks, everyone. I guess I am starting to realize that I do eat in order to suppress any kind of feeling that is the least bit uncomfortable. Even good feelings like excitement! I do tend to get overwhelmed easily, and I guess the food tends to keep me in a calmer mood.

[Guest guest]

The pause it not meant to replace or deny eating. It is just a practice to develop the habit of checking in with yourself before doing anything. I pause and reflect whenever I need to connect myself with the situation. It’s about being present, being in tune with where your thoughts are taking you and whether you need to realign the direction for optimal self care and satisfaction. Eating is a pleasurable experience and very nurturing. It’s only one of many possibilities. Pausing breaks the chain of command, helps us make the choice for the best solution to the immediate situation. This habit helps in other area’s of my life too, like when dealing with urges to spend money! lol

From: jetblacknewme

Sent: Sunday, January 02, 2011 11:35 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Can't seem to do this!

Hi Thanks for the suggestions - I think taking a pause would be really beneficial to me, if only even for one minute! Because right now I go STRAIGHT for the food without pausing even for one second! Unfortunately the bubble bath is out of the question but I think the other ones might really help. And knowing I can still eat afterwards if I really am hungry - I think this is a crucial factor because otherwise I think it would feel kind of like slipping into diet/ED mode - that self-denial and avoidance of food. Hopefully I can give this pausing method a go next time I get that urge!Nicky------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

I'm feeling like this too. I bought some dark chocolate chips and for a while I was able to eat them slowly and enjoy them, but lately I'm been eating a whole bag of them. I'm gaining weight, my clothes feel tight and I'm thinking of going back to Weight Watchers meetings. I'm really tired of this. I should be able to control what I put in my mouth, but it seems I can't like I'm a food addict.

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Sat, January 1, 2011 8:09:58 PMSubject: Re: Can't seem to do this!

I wish I had something to say in reply to this other than "me too". I've been trying to do this for so long (over a year). And I've managed to legalise almost every 'forbidden' food. I have all the chocolate etc in my house. And there are times, occasional times when it clicks. The other day I went to the cinema and ate a few chocolates really slowly, and really enjoyed them and felt in control and satisfied by those few. But today I shoved the rest of the box down my throat in a guilt-filled frenzy and didn't enjoy it or feel in control at all. I'm gaining weight like crazy, and it's starting to bring up all the panicky diet thoughts in me again. Just saw photos of me from Christmas, and UGH indeed.I know it is - for me - all about using food as a drug, as a sedative to numb me out of feeling any uncomfortable emotion. I KNOW that knowing this MUST be the key to overcoming the emotional eating and beginning to eat intuitively. But I, like

you, seem unable to pause before I reach for food, before I start yet another binge. I wish I knew the solution. I know journalling helps me to figure out the emotional stuff. That's as close as I've gotten so far. Let me know if you find anything that helps!

[Guest guest]

,Are you eating the chips while multi-tasking, or are you able to stop and focus on them and really enjoy them?Many of us find that when we eat while distracted, it takes much longer to feel satisfied, because we aren't savoring the experience. Even if you can take a break for just a couple of minutes, you may find you are satisfied with fewer chips. It's also an emotional thing, of course, reminding yourself that you deserve a break, whether you eat during it or not!

you might also check in with yourself and just ask what you are feeling or thinking about while you eat the chips? or are you using them to avoid thinking? is something else going on with you that you haven't been able to address?

good luck.... hang in there... this is hard work and takes patience. but the more you can relax into it and remember that this is " just a phase, " the sooner and easier it will pass.

all the best,abbyIE since 11/08 

 

I'm feeling like this too.  I bought some dark chocolate chips and for a while I was able to eat them slowly and enjoy them,  but lately I'm been eating a whole bag of them.  I'm gaining weight, my clothes feel tight and I'm thinking of going back to Weight Watchers meetings.  I'm really tired of this.  I should be able to control what I put in my mouth,  but it seems I can't like I'm a food addict.   

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Sent: Sat, January 1, 2011 8:09:58 PMSubject: Re: Can't seem to do this!

 

I wish I had something to say in reply to this other than " me too " . I've been trying to do this for so long (over a year). And I've managed to legalise almost every 'forbidden' food. I have all the chocolate etc in my house. And there are times, occasional times when it clicks. The other day I went to the cinema and ate a few chocolates really slowly, and really enjoyed them and felt in control and satisfied by those few. But today I shoved the rest of the box down my throat in a guilt-filled frenzy and didn't enjoy it or feel in control at all. I'm gaining weight like crazy, and it's starting to bring up all the panicky diet thoughts in me again. Just saw photos of me from Christmas, and UGH indeed.

I know it is - for me - all about using food as a drug, as a sedative to numb me out of feeling any uncomfortable emotion. I KNOW that knowing this MUST be the key to overcoming the emotional eating and beginning to eat intuitively. But I, like

you, seem unable to pause before I reach for food, before I start yet another binge. I wish I knew the solution. I know journalling helps me to figure out the emotional stuff. That's as close as I've gotten so far. Let me know if you find anything that helps!

[Guest guest]

Eating fast and automatically is not only a habit, but it is a way of disguising to ourselves how much we eat and a reactive behaviour that gives us inner permission to eat, yet not deal with it.

You might want to get playful with your food. I call it “making puzzlementsâ€. Next time, change how you perceive eating by creating an offbeat situation. Try putting one slice of bread on a plate, say, ten plates, ten slices of bread and arrange them on the table in a way that pleases you. Sit down and look at it. What happens? What are your thoughts? If you start to eat, which plate did you pick? Why? Does seeing the individual servings make you feel you’d never eat 10 slices, or are you disguising how much you eat when they are all together in a bundle? There is nothing right or wrong about eating 1 slice or 10 slices. It is about how you think and how it makes you react. If you eat the way you always eat, there is nothing to think about.

When I was having trouble keeping myself from cramming handfuls of potato chips in my mouth, I would do things to make myself become aware of my behaviour. Things like line up potato chips on a paper towel and number them out of sequence. I used a sand type egg timer and I could eat one potato chip every 3 minutes, in order. I noticed how I watched the timer with a hawk eye at first, then grew irritated, then wondered why it bothered me that the chips weren’t in the right order, creating a distracting pattern on the paper towel.

These playful ways to eat help to get you to think differently, like creating a puzzle for yourself and experiencing eating when all the cues have been changed. When I first learned the One Bowl Method, I had all kinds of reactions. I had to eat all of my food from a small bowl. There were no rules about what went into the bowl, but I had to put the food in it, wash it afterwards and take it everywhere with me. What I ended up dealing with is resentments (the bowl was too small, it needed hand washing) happiness (the bowl gave comfort, it was MINE, it meant nourishment) and finally it provided an image of my stomach. I saw what I put in my bowl as what I was putting into my stomach. Here are some of the other weird things I have done:

Made my husband hide 20 caramels in plain site. I had to use my eyes to find and eat them.

Had my grandson decide on how much cake I could have. I had to see a serving size through his eyes.

Ate a plateful of food blindfolded. I tried to describe how it tasted through other senses. I made a mess too!

I laid out 100 mini marshmallows trying to decide at what number they didn’t taste good anymore.

I Fletcherized. lol, that is when you chew a mouthful until it dissolves completely before swallowing. That was hard!

Treated candy at work like a cigarette, I could eat candy when I went outside, like the smokers do, one piece at a time. Hard in the wintertime!

All these sorts of things are to be done in the name of fun and exploration. Make up your own puzzlements. Ask your own questions about your own reactions. One I have not tried yet and is suggested in one of my mindful eating books is to see food as non-food. She suggests taking a food like a fruitcake and throwing it against a tree in handfuls, as though they are snowballs. Just experiencing that food can be used as an object that does not need to be eaten to enjoy the act of playing with it. For fun, gaze at this website..... it gets pretty creative in look at food as something other than nourishment: http://noms.icanhascheezburger.com/

Mindfulness comes from thinking what is happening in the moment, sometimes we have to shake the tree to see it exists.

From: reneegavin

Sent: Tuesday, January 04, 2011 9:11 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Can't seem to do this!

Ugh..I went grocery shopping yesterday, and instead of only buying the same old foods, decided to really try and mix it up with foods I have been craving and truly enjoy. I bought a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread, and did great....with the first piece. However, last night and this morning, it all went downhill fast. The entire loaf is almost gone! I don't get why it's SO hard for me to take that pause. It's like I can't even remember to when the thought of the food enters my head. It's thought, then straight to the food, and it's in my mouth before I even realize it. Once in awhile when I am eating, I will try to eat slowly and enjoy it, but it never lasts more than a few seconds, and even in those few seconds, I'm not really tasting it. It's so odd. How could I want the food so bad when I really hardly ever even taste it or enjoy it???

[Guest guest]

Good advice April! Another thing that helped me was to not eat standing up in the kitchen with an open bag of whatever. I get my portion out, put it on a plate, sit down with it and eat it. And, if I still want more, I get it. Don't get me wrong, I still eat mindlessly, and have work to do. I slip up more than anything on freaking myself out thinking I am going to gain again. I am so fortunate to have a friend that has got it together so well that she always says the right things to get me on track.

Subject: Re: Re: Can't seem to do this!To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, January 4, 2011, 8:22 AM

When I started IE, I was thrilled with the idea of decriminalizing food and for the first few weeks I ate too much of everything because my system didn't really believe that I could actually have as much as I want of it forever. Forever. As much as I want. The advice I got was not to worry at all about weight at the beginning, not to worry yet about how much I was eating. Just to wait until I was hungry and keep reassuring myself that I could have as many cookies as FELT SATISFYING to me. Keep the focus on satisfaction. Make each eating experience a satisfying one - eating the thing you most want when you're comfortably hungry. Paying attention to how lovely and delicious it is when you eat. And if you keep your focus on satisfaction you will find in a few days that you don't actually want to eat to discomfort because that's not satisfying.

I also started talking to my little deprived hungry self, saying, at the first sign of hunger: Yes, honey, I'm going to feed you. I'm going to feed you. To counteract all those decades of telling myself I would NOT feed myself, because I had already eaten to much, because I was too fat, because this was fattening food, etc. Yes, sweetheart, I'm going to feed you.

And I caught myself every time I started to think that I was eating too many cookies or too much ice cream and I should try to eat less later. And I'd reassure myself, No, you don't have to worry about later - I promise that when you get hungry later, I will again feed you as much as you need of something really tasty.

The body and mind really get terribly scared of deprivation after all the diets we've put them on. I don't know about you, but I was telling myself every minute of every day that I shouldn't be eating. To the point of trauma.

Finally, gradually, my system has started to believe that I really will feed it and it's starting to calm down.

Hope this helps.

April

Ugh..I went grocery shopping yesterday, and instead of only buying the same old foods, decided to really try and mix it up with foods I have been craving and truly enjoy. I bought a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread, and did great....with the first piece. However, last night and this morning, it all went downhill fast. The entire loaf is almost gone! I don't get why it's SO hard for me to take that pause. It's like I can't even remember to when the thought of the food enters my head. It's thought, then straight to the food, and it's in my mouth before I even realize it. Once in awhile when I am eating, I will try to eat slowly and enjoy it, but it never lasts more than a few seconds, and even in those few seconds, I'm not really tasting it. It's so odd. How could I want the food

so bad when I really hardly ever even taste it or enjoy it???> > > Â > > > > > > I'm feeling like this

too. I bought some dark chocolate chips and for a while I was able to eat them slowly and enjoy them, but lately I'm been eating a whole bag of them. I'm gaining weight, my clothes feel tight and I'm thinking of going back to Weight Watchers meetings. I'm really tired of this. I should be able to control what I put in my mouth, but it seems I can't like I'm a food addict.  > > > > > > > > To: IntuitiveEating_Support > Sent: Sat, January 1, 2011 8:09:58 PM> > Subject: Re: Can't seem to do this!> >  > > I wish I had something to say in reply to this other than "me too". I've been trying to do this for so long (over a year). And I've managed to legalise almost every 'forbidden' food. I have all

the chocolate etc in my house. And there are times, occasional times when it clicks. The other day I went to the cinema and ate a few chocolates really slowly, and really enjoyed them and felt in control and satisfied by those few. But today I shoved the rest of the box down my throat in a guilt-filled frenzy and didn't enjoy it or feel in control at all. I'm gaining weight like crazy, and it's starting to bring up all the panicky diet thoughts in me again. Just saw photos of me from Christmas, and UGH indeed.> > I know it is - for me - all about using food as a drug, as a sedative to numb me out of feeling any uncomfortable emotion. I KNOW that knowing this MUST be the key to overcoming the emotional eating and beginning to eat intuitively. But I, like you, seem unable to pause before I reach for food, before I start yet another binge. I wish I knew the solution. I know journalling helps me to figure out the emotional stuff. That's as

close as I've gotten so far. Let me know if you find anything that helps!>------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

everything said in these emails makes sense in theory for me but how to apply

them is another story. Weight Watchers has no forbidden foods you can eat

whatever you choose but you must count it. and write it down. It really worked

for me at first. I got down to goal weight and stopped going to meetings. I

think it is the support of the WW meetings that helped me keep in line. But I

can't seem to do their points program I don't want to count points for

everything I eat. They used to have a core program where you could eat from a

list of whole foods until you were satisfied and when you were hungry and use

points when you wanted extras like sweets. That worked for me. They say it's

not a diet it's a lifestyle. Sorry didn't mean to make this a commercial for

WW. Yesterday I did not binge and had one serving of chocolate chips and sat and

enjoyed them. So one day at a time I will continue. Thanks for your ESH and

ncouragement

[Guest guest]

That's brave, . Go for it. I was terrified at the beginning. A day at a time is a great idea. Or one meal at a time.

April

It kinda feels like standing on the edge of a high cliff with no guard rail, what's going to stop me from falling over the cliff, if I don't have my points or calories to keep me in check, will I go wild and binge forever if I allow myself to eat what I want. Well I ate white flour noodles and a slice of white bread soaked in gravy for lunch because I gave myself permission to do so. and I am not bingeing. so I going to keep trying to eat this way one day at a time.

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Wed, January 5, 2011 9:04:13 AMSubject: Re: Re: Can't seem to do this!

You are right. Theory and application are two different things. Nothing like armchair philosophy. lol.

That is why I mention the inner voice, the one inside us that has the answer we seek. It is a very quiet and calm voice, often hard to hear after so much chatter going on in our head about what we think we know. Deep down, we know what we want out of this experience and where we want to go with it. we just need to keep an open mind to thinking in a different way. It’s not always going to come clearly or even make sense. I am struggling right now with my Buddhist studies with many of the concepts of attachment and letting go. I read the page over and over again and say “huh� lol. Then I set the book down and clear my mind, move onto something else and then BINGO, something else in my life will make me connect the dots because the theory was already brewing in my head.

The security of counting points on WW is what is keeping you attached to it. I feel the same way about calorie counting. There is a built in safety net, knowing those dang numbers. Have you ever counted every binge calorie? I have. I had to know! Yes, I was able to lose a great deal of weight calorie counting, but in the end, the only thing I know how to do is count calories. It does not help me manage my emotions, my anxiety, my way of thinking. To keep from continuing the binge and dieting cycles the rest of my life, I need to move in a different direction, even if it means the discomfort of uncertainty and new territory.

From: Doe

Sent: Wednesday, January 05, 2011 7:00 AM

To: intuitiveeating_support

Subject: Re: Re: Can't seem to do this!

everything said in these emails makes sense in theory for me but how to apply them is another story. Weight Watchers has no forbidden foods you can eat whatever you choose but you must count it. and write it down. It really worked for me at first. I got down to goal weight and stopped going to meetings. I think it is the support of the WW meetings that helped me keep in line. But I can't seem to do their points program I don't want to count points for everything I eat. They used to have a core program where you could eat from a list of whole foods until you were satisfied and when you were hungry and use points when you wanted extras like sweets. That worked for me. They say it's not a diet it's a lifestyle. Sorry didn't mean to make this a commercial for WW. Yesterday I did not binge and had one serving of chocolate chips and sat and enjoyed them. So one day at a time I will continue. Thanks for your ESH and ncouragement ------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Way to go!

April

Progress report. I did not binge today. Ate three meals including white flour and sugar. This was very scary for me, including these "forbidden" foods. ------------------------------------