Re: Been gone for a while

[Guest guest]

Hi Styxia and Everyone,

I’ve been incredibly quiet myself for a while, too, for

the same reasons. I’ve been struggling mightily with the dichotomy

in my mind of needing to lose weight for real and present health concerns –

primarily the same diabetes struggles you have and the need to the internal

struggle caused by Intuitive Eating. In fact, I met with my dietitian who

has encouraged me both to IE and Overeaters Anonymous this morning to discuss

the confusion and mild panic as I’ve gained weight over the past few

months.

What I’ve concluded is that the withdrawal I

subconsciously made from this group is precisely the WRONG thing to do. I

need this group, I need the people in it, I need as much love and support as I

can find in an attempt to restore my life to sanity from a lifetime of highly

disordered eating. I suspect that’s what you need too Styxia.

If you have weight induced diabetes then the odds are you can

still live a very long and very healthy life as you bring your weight back into

a normal range. The truth is you can do that through restriction and

torturous exercise. But the other truth is that you won’t keep it

there – and that’s what’s important if you want to live to be

anywhere near 100 – if you don’t learn to eat normally. I

know there’s a lot of skepticism toward OA on this list but what I’ve

come to learn through my work in OA and my overall journey to self discovery is

that my weight is merely a symptom of much larger issues. I can’t

imagine that’s not the case for anyone who’s as overweight as I am

(347lb as a 5’8” 31 year-old man).

So, Styxia, I hope you will stay around. To the rest of

the group, who I have thought about daily but in silence, I’m excited to

be back and want you all to know how very much I need each of you.

Jon

From:

IntuitiveEating_Support

[mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of styxia@...

Sent: Monday, May 24, 2010 3:07 AM

To: Food and Feelings; Intuitive Eating; OO Support; Advanced OO;

IElonghaul

Subject: Been gone for a while

Dear group members,

I don't know if this mail is of interest for anyone. If you decide not

to read it now, that's perfectly ok.

I've been gone for a while, not having read mails. I have near 5000 of

unread mails now in my box. I didn't want to deal with " normal

eating "

anymore. I saw no " results " , in fact my physical and mental condition

got worse. A lot of the self-hatred came back, the " perfect " company

for

weight gain and worsening weight-related physical condition.

I'm on a horrible fence.

People in the groups say that it's possible to incorporate healthy

eating (e. g. eating appropriate for diabetes) into normal eating,

something I never was able to do.

I can't afford anymore spinning round and round and round the same

circle. I can't afford anymore to stay at this weight or gain even more.

My body hurts and I'm destroying it.

I can't afford anymore experimenting with " normal eating " while my

body

gets worse and worse. I can't afford sitting on the fence anymore. I

need to do something for my body now. In retrospect I should have taken

that decision years and years ago but the thought of being finally

someone who can eat " normally " and be healthy (and THIN - yes, I

admit

it) was as tempting as the promises of a diet.

I feel awful and still hope that I can use some techniques I learned

during the last years for my health, e. g. coping with the thought that

I should have done something about my physical condition about 14-15

years ago when I gained all the weight back I lost 16 years ago.

These numbers are hard to deal with. I mean 14-15 years ago? How could

this time have passed without me DOING SOMETHING that works??? Where was

my commitment???

I feel horrible about myself again.

I started eating healthily, following a program supposed to help

diabetes. I won't go into detail since I don't want to trigger anybody

but I can't afford eating unhealthy foods, i. e. foods that hurt my body

in a search for " normal eating " habits anymore.

I got diabetic while fat, BECAUSE of the fat. I now want to fix as much

damage as I possibly can. I still won't be a candidate to get 100 years

old, diabetic complications will get me sooner or later - but I prefer

them to get me LATER.

I don't know if I will leave the groups to get 1000% commited to eating

healthfully for my health, I guess most people on here don't care any or

the other way, I've been gone for a while after all, but maybe some day

I will have both: eating healthy foods and doing that like a normal

person.

Best wishes to everyone

styxia

[Guest guest]

I am quite quiet in this group, but reading the posts is always helpful for me.  Actually I wish the group was a little more active, so that means, I need to be more active posting too!

 

Hi Styxia and Everyone,

 

I’ve been incredibly quiet myself for a while, too, for

the same reasons.  I’ve been struggling mightily with the dichotomy

in my mind of needing to lose weight for real and present health concerns –

primarily the same diabetes struggles you have and the need to the internal

struggle caused by Intuitive Eating.  In fact, I met with my dietitian who

has encouraged me both to IE and Overeaters Anonymous this morning to discuss

the confusion and mild panic as I’ve gained weight over the past few

months.

 

What I’ve concluded is that the withdrawal I

subconsciously made from this group is precisely the WRONG thing to do.  I

need this group, I need the people in it, I need as much love and support as I

can find in an attempt to restore my life to sanity from a lifetime of highly

disordered eating.  I suspect that’s what you need too Styxia. 

 

If you have weight induced diabetes then the odds are you can

still live a very long and very healthy life as you bring your weight back into

a normal range.  The truth is you can do that through restriction and

torturous exercise.  But the other truth is that you won’t keep it

there – and that’s what’s important if you want to live to be

anywhere near 100 – if you don’t learn to eat normally.  I

know there’s a lot of skepticism toward OA on this list but what I’ve

come to learn through my work in OA and my overall journey to self discovery is

that my weight is merely a symptom of much larger issues.  I can’t

imagine that’s not the case for anyone who’s as overweight as I am

(347lb as a 5’8” 31 year-old man).

 

So, Styxia, I hope you will stay around.  To the rest of

the group, who I have thought about daily but in silence, I’m excited to

be back and want you all to know how very much I need each of you.

 

Jon

 

From:

IntuitiveEating_Support

[mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of styxia@...

Sent: Monday, May 24, 2010 3:07 AM

To: Food and Feelings; Intuitive Eating; OO Support; Advanced OO;

IElonghaul

Subject: Been gone for a while

 

 

Dear group members,

I don't know if this mail is of interest for anyone. If you decide not

to read it now, that's perfectly ok.

I've been gone for a while, not having read mails. I have near 5000 of

unread mails now in my box. I didn't want to deal with " normal

eating "

anymore. I saw no " results " , in fact my physical and mental condition

got worse. A lot of the self-hatred came back, the " perfect " company

for

weight gain and worsening weight-related physical condition.

I'm on a horrible fence.

People in the groups say that it's possible to incorporate healthy

eating (e. g. eating appropriate for diabetes) into normal eating,

something I never was able to do.

I can't afford anymore spinning round and round and round the same

circle. I can't afford anymore to stay at this weight or gain even more.

My body hurts and I'm destroying it.

I can't afford anymore experimenting with " normal eating " while my

body

gets worse and worse. I can't afford sitting on the fence anymore. I

need to do something for my body now. In retrospect I should have taken

that decision years and years ago but the thought of being finally

someone who can eat " normally " and be healthy (and THIN - yes, I

admit

it) was as tempting as the promises of a diet.

I feel awful and still hope that I can use some techniques I learned

during the last years for my health, e. g. coping with the thought that

I should have done something about my physical condition about 14-15

years ago when I gained all the weight back I lost 16 years ago.

These numbers are hard to deal with. I mean 14-15 years ago? How could

this time have passed without me DOING SOMETHING that works??? Where was

my commitment???

I feel horrible about myself again.

I started eating healthily, following a program supposed to help

diabetes. I won't go into detail since I don't want to trigger anybody

but I can't afford eating unhealthy foods, i. e. foods that hurt my body

in a search for " normal eating " habits anymore.

I got diabetic while fat, BECAUSE of the fat. I now want to fix as much

damage as I possibly can. I still won't be a candidate to get 100 years

old, diabetic complications will get me sooner or later - but I prefer

them to get me LATER.

I don't know if I will leave the groups to get 1000% commited to eating

healthfully for my health, I guess most people on here don't care any or

the other way, I've been gone for a while after all, but maybe some day

I will have both: eating healthy foods and doing that like a normal

person.

Best wishes to everyone

styxia

-- Sue on FritzCheck out my blogs at: http://alifeofbooks.blogspot.com/http://suesresearch.blogspot.com

http://suesretirementmusings.blogspot.com/Check out my books on Goodreads: <

[Guest guest]

Jon,

I think it's interesting that you're dietitian directed you to Overeaters

Anonymous, as they encourage cutting out entire food groups and are generally

very restrictive eaters. Some people lose a great deal of weight, but many many

others are unsuccessful. I know, because I went to OA for years and simply just

could not convince myself that I was " allergic " to sugar and white flour and

that I should never eat them again. I knew there had to be a better way, and

have found it in IE. When I went to treatment for my eating disorder, my

treatment team also discouraged OA as a means of recovery. What do you think?

Kayla

>

> Hi Styxia and Everyone,

>

>

>

> I've been incredibly quiet myself for a while, too, for the same reasons.

> I've been struggling mightily with the dichotomy in my mind of needing to

> lose weight for real and present health concerns - primarily the same

> diabetes struggles you have and the need to the internal struggle caused by

> Intuitive Eating. In fact, I met with my dietitian who has encouraged me

> both to IE and Overeaters Anonymous this morning to discuss the confusion

> and mild panic as I've gained weight over the past few months.

>

>

>

> What I've concluded is that the withdrawal I subconsciously made from this

> group is precisely the WRONG thing to do. I need this group, I need the

> people in it, I need as much love and support as I can find in an attempt to

> restore my life to sanity from a lifetime of highly disordered eating. I

> suspect that's what you need too Styxia.

>

>

>

> If you have weight induced diabetes then the odds are you can still live a

> very long and very healthy life as you bring your weight back into a normal

> range. The truth is you can do that through restriction and torturous

> exercise. But the other truth is that you won't keep it there - and that's

> what's important if you want to live to be anywhere near 100 - if you don't

> learn to eat normally. I know there's a lot of skepticism toward OA on this

> list but what I've come to learn through my work in OA and my overall

> journey to self discovery is that my weight is merely a symptom of much

> larger issues. I can't imagine that's not the case for anyone who's as

> overweight as I am (347lb as a 5'8 " 31 year-old man).

>

>

>

> So, Styxia, I hope you will stay around. To the rest of the group, who I

> have thought about daily but in silence, I'm excited to be back and want you

> all to know how very much I need each of you.

>

>

>

> Jon

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Karlen wrote:

> I've been incredibly quiet myself for a while, too, for the same reasons.

> I've been struggling mightily with the dichotomy in my mind of needing to

> lose weight for real and present health concerns - primarily the same

> diabetes struggles you have and the need to the internal struggle caused by

> Intuitive Eating. In fact, I met with my dietitian who has encouraged me

> both to IE and Overeaters Anonymous this morning to discuss the confusion

> and mild panic as I've gained weight over the past few months.

I guess I need to discuss that mild panic (you hit the spot with this

oline) as well. I don't have people IRL to discuss that with. Well,

there are a few people who're willing to listen but it's frustrating for

me because they listen and mean to do good and all BUT DON'T REALLY

UNDERSTAND. That feeling of " being understood " is something online

groups give me. I'd like to have a real life support group but haven't

found one so far.

> What I've concluded is that the withdrawal I subconsciously made from this

> group is precisely the WRONG thing to do. I need this group, I need the

> people in it, I need as much love and support as I can find in an attempt to

> restore my life to sanity from a lifetime of highly disordered eating. I

> suspect that's what you need too Styxia.

I think you're absolutely right. After a few days of reading and posting

I feel reassured that the techniques of IE are important ones even if

you have to take medical restrictions into consideration. I know that

there are people who have problems when there is talk about restriction

(I can't stand detailed diet talk myself so I can understand) but I hope

there will be a place for people on restricted diets because of medical

resaons as well.

> If you have weight induced diabetes then the odds are you can still live a

> very long and very healthy life as you bring your weight back into a normal

> range.

I so hope you're right.

> The truth is you can do that through restriction and torturous

> exercise. But the other truth is that you won't keep it there - and that's

> what's important if you want to live to be anywhere near 100 - if you don't

> learn to eat normally.

I can't even REACH that normal weight because I decompensate a lot. So I

definitely need more than " a diet " .

> So, Styxia, I hope you will stay around. To the rest of the group, who I

> have thought about daily but in silence, I'm excited to be back and want you

> all to know how very much I need each of you.

I hope you will be posting more often, too. :-)

Best wishes

s.

[Guest guest]

I hate to be an OA evangelical here but this is what OA can be,

and for me, is. If you focus on the fact that some of its members are big

restriction fans you sort of miss the point. Everyone around an OA table

is going through their own process of self-growth – some come to the decision

that they need to do that by eliminating sugar and flour and other foods they

feel that, to them are “drugs”. Many don’t feel that

way. My sponsor eats fried shrimp regularly, I am a sponsor and I’ve

met those whom I sponsor over burgers and fries on more than one occasion.

I even have it writing from my sponsor – she said, and I quote, “fried

is ok”. I didn’t join OA to learn how to never eat a fried or

sugary object again – I did it to gain the inner peace required to be

able to only eat those things when I want and in the quantities I want without being

driven to eat it as if I were a dog in heat.

Nobody around any OA table that I’ve ever sat around has

ever judged my decision to eat the way I do or the decision to pursue IE.

What they have done is provided me exactly what you say you’re looking

for – real life love and support. A forum to weekly, or more if I

choose, talk about what’s going well and what’s not going so

well. A circle of people who understand what it means to have a chaotic

and damaging relationship with food. A group of people who know that it’s

not a lack of willpower, inability to follow a diet, lack of control, refusal

to just eat less and move more. And a whole swarm of love and hugs from

people who may or may not know you but are bound to you by the shared

experience of a life terrorized by food and dieting.

Every morning at 5:30am and this afternoon I go walking with

someone I met at OA and she is one of the nearest and dearest and most

wonderful people in my life. I call, text and visit with many people I’ve

met along my OA journey.

I do not mean to preach about OA. I just want to present

another version of the story from those who have experiences with members who

preach harsh restriction, the largely antiquated “gray sheet” which

tells you what foods you can and cannot eat (which is only used by a separate group

of OA members who decide to join gray sheet groups) or people who talk about

food the same way puritans speak of sex. The purpose of a 12-step program

is to get people who are suffering from any affliction, in our case a

compulsion around food, to support others and, in so doing, support

themselves.

All of that rambling aside, this group is a tremendous

resource. I feel a huge amount of love, support and strength from

it. If you, or anyone on this list, want to exchange offline contact

information as to give and receive further support via phone and text message I’d

love to participate in that. If anyone is in the St. Louis metropolitan

area I’m very happy to be part of an IRL support system.

From:

IntuitiveEating_Support

[mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of styxia@...

Sent: Saturday, June 05, 2010 2:51 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Been gone for a while

Karlen

wrote:

> I've been incredibly quiet myself for a while, too, for the same reasons.

> I've been struggling mightily with the dichotomy in my mind of needing to

> lose weight for real and present health concerns - primarily the same

> diabetes struggles you have and the need to the internal struggle caused

by

> Intuitive Eating. In fact, I met with my dietitian who has encouraged me

> both to IE and Overeaters Anonymous this morning to discuss the confusion

> and mild panic as I've gained weight over the past few months.

I guess I need to discuss that mild panic (you hit the spot with this

oline) as well. I don't have people IRL to discuss that with. Well,

there are a few people who're willing to listen but it's frustrating for

me because they listen and mean to do good and all BUT DON'T REALLY

UNDERSTAND. That feeling of " being understood " is something online

groups give me. I'd like to have a real life support group but haven't

found one so far.

> What I've concluded is that the withdrawal I subconsciously made from this

> group is precisely the WRONG thing to do. I need this group, I need the

> people in it, I need as much love and support as I can find in an attempt

to

> restore my life to sanity from a lifetime of highly disordered eating. I

> suspect that's what you need too Styxia.

I think you're absolutely right. After a few days of reading and posting

I feel reassured that the techniques of IE are important ones even if

you have to take medical restrictions into consideration. I know that

there are people who have problems when there is talk about restriction

(I can't stand detailed diet talk myself so I can understand) but I hope

there will be a place for people on restricted diets because of medical

resaons as well.

> If you have weight induced diabetes then the odds are you can still live a

> very long and very healthy life as you bring your weight back into a

normal

> range.

I so hope you're right.

> The truth is you can do that through restriction and torturous

> exercise. But the other truth is that you won't keep it there - and that's

> what's important if you want to live to be anywhere near 100 - if you

don't

> learn to eat normally.

I can't even REACH that normal weight because I decompensate a lot. So I

definitely need more than " a diet " .

> So, Styxia, I hope you will stay around. To the rest of the group, who I

> have thought about daily but in silence, I'm excited to be back and want

you

> all to know how very much I need each of you.

I hope you will be posting more often, too. :-)

Best wishes

s.

[Guest guest]

I think IE accommodates everyone. Many of us have some foods we need to restrict, whether for medical reasons (I have a history of digestive disorders, and certain foods make me sick), or because some foods trigger binges, or whatever. We each have our individual journeys to walk. I think the wonderful thing about IE is that it doesn't purport to tell you what's right for you, it simply encourages and supports you on your own journey to find peace/joy with food and eating.

It's wonderful to have a place we can turn for unconditional support. Most of us have been too hard on ourselves for too long, and finding a group that is as supportive as this one is a rare treat.

Laurie

Styxia wrote, in reply to :

>>>I hope there will be a place for people on restricted diets because of medical

resaons as well.<<<

[Guest guest]

Absolutely! There are many foods I need to avoid because I have

reflux, but I can still practice IE in other ways. I don't really miss

what I avoid (alcohol in particular), because I know how lousy I feel

if I indulge, and it's just not worth it.

Sohni

I think IE accommodates everyone. Many of us have some foods we

need to restrict, whether for medical reasons (I have a history of

digestive disorders, and certain foods make me sick), or because some

foods trigger binges, or whatever. We each have our individual journeys

to walk. I think the wonderful thing about IE is that it doesn't

purport to tell you what's right for you, it simply encourages and

supports you on your own journey to find peace/joy with food and eating.

It's wonderful to have a place we can turn for unconditional

support. Most of us have been too hard on ourselves for too long, and

finding a group that is as supportive as this one is a rare treat.

Laurie

Styxia wrote, in reply to :

>>>I hope there will be a place for people on

restricted diets because of medical

resaons as well.<<<

[Guest guest]

Jon and Styxia, I send you both a big hug!

Does anyone have any idea how dieticians reconcile their services with a non-diet approach, while still helping a client with health issues?

Thanks!

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

hi Jeanne,i just found out from a friend of mine who's started cardiac rehab...her dietitian is reading the newest Geneen Roth book you all have been discussing, "Women, Food and God" and was recommending it. i think more nutritionist and dietitians are perhaps realizing that a "diet" approach simply doesn't work and are maybe trying to incorporate IE into what they offer patients and clients. i was happy for my friend...i think it will be healthier for her.just my 2 cents.jenSubject: RE: Been gone for a whileTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date:

Sunday, June 6, 2010, 7:28 AM

Jon and Styxia, I send you both a big hug!

Does anyone have any idea how dieticians reconcile their services with a non-diet approach, while still helping a client with health issues?

Thanks!

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

Hi Jen,

That's wonderful for your friend! Hope she really benefits and is on her way to good health! I'm just a little unclear as to how a dietician or nutritionist marry up the two, a non-dieting approach and helping their clients improve their health without putting them on a "diet."

Hope you're having a good weekend!

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

Hugs are always deeply appreciated!I think it comes down to the same thing that's discussed here a lot. That it's not about restriction but if there's foods that make you ill it needs to be avoided. If you're a diabetic large amounts of sugar are lethal so honoring that craving for cheesecake is imprudent. A diet based on bacon isn't a good idea.I'm a diabetic with enough tolerance that allows for the incorporation of some sweets do my dietitian has worked with me to learn how to find balance. She focuses z little on daily caloric composition to try to make sure I'm getting percentages of carbs, protein, etc that work well with my body but doesn't push for certain foods or rail against any.

Jon and Styxia, I send you both a big hug!

Does anyone have any idea how dieticians reconcile their services with a non-diet approach, while still helping a client with health issues?

Thanks!

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Jon! Unfortunately, when I think of dietician, I think diet, x number of calories, and was curious how the traditional diet and the non-diet approaches are married up. I appreciate you telling me how it works for you!

Jon, my greatest wish and hope for you is not only getting your food issues under control, but also walk your daughter down the aisle and roughhouse with your grandchildren. I hope I'm not stepping out of bounds here.

All the best,

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

Funny, that's my first and last thought each day myself :)Not out of bounds by any stretch and appreciated greatly.

Thanks, Jon! Unfortunately, when I think of dietician, I think diet, x number of calories, and was curious how the traditional diet and the non-diet approaches are married up. I appreciate you telling me how it works for you!

Jon, my greatest wish and hope for you is not only getting your food issues under control, but also walk your daughter down the aisle and roughhouse with your grandchildren. I hope I'm not stepping out of bounds here.

All the best,

Jeanne