Re: Looking for support

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy! First off, let me say how much I appreciate your honesty and

willingness to put it all out there. That takes alot of courage and I hope you

will find this forum a safe place to share your thoughts with us.

I am sorry for your recent separation from your husband, but it sounds like you

have taken some significant steps to obtain counseling and continue on a

medication that you know provides you with some relief, in spite of the side

effects.

I can relate to much of what you have written. We share some common ground in

that I am divorced (although not recently), have been a frequent Weight Watchers

member with sucess only to gain it all back and more each time (I'm also at my

highest weight ever), crave carbs/sugar regularly, and have a family history of

addiction.

I think you are on the right track with your thinking about IE. It is a journey

and you need to allow yourself some time to put it into practice and not expect

perfection right out of the gate. When you are already feeling badly about

yourself, it is very difficult to give yourself the freedom to eat whatever you

want even if it means you might put on a few pounds, or stay where you are at

for a while, rather than lose weight. I did find that legalizing sweets and

carbs took some of the obsession with them away. What has been a challenge is

waiting until I'm hungry to indulge in them, and stopping when I'm full. When I

find myself craving sweets or carbs, and if I'm not hungry, I tell myself that I

can have them if I still want them when I reach a place of hunger. That takes

away the forbidden aspect, and sometimes it actually works for me!

You sound like a very thoughtful and introspective person. I'm still fairly new

to IE also, so I'm not sure if I'm offering up an pearls of wisdom that you

haven't already thought of, but if it's been a while since you opened the IE

book, you might want to read it again, or better yet buy the book on CD and

immerse yourself in it. It seems like everytime I listen to the CD, I pick up

something that hadn't sunk in before. I've also made it a point to focus on

what I like about myself, and to stand in front of the mirror each day and

remind myself that I am a worthy, lovable, and unique person and that does not

change with my size or body shape. Each day is a new opportunity, a second

chance to think or choose differently than the day before, regardless of what

you may have eaten or thought the day before. Each day that I am successfull at

implementing IE offers more encouragement that I can do this, even if tomorrow I

take a step backwards, and I've taken a few steps backwards.

But reaching out to others, like you've done today, is a huge step forward and I

admire you for sharing so much of your personal struggles. I look forward to

seeing more of your posts.

PJ

>

> My name is Kathy. I'm 42 with two teenage daughters and recently separated

from a 20+ year relationship. I am seeing a therapist for support.  I am also a

counselor myself (licensed clinical social worker working in a program

for clients with medical, mental health and substance abuse issues).

>

>

[Guest guest]

Kathy,

How brave of you to say it like it is and be upfront with yourself

about what you are up against. When I read your story I just kept

remembering a sentence Geneen Roth said on a podcast I listened to

recently. " We are all overeating for a good reason " ...to be kind to

ourselves and love ourselves. Our intention is a good intention.

It's not a bad thing to want to comfort ourselves. And for most of

us, food feels like comfort.

You have been through (and are going through) possibly one of the most

difficult times of your life. Instead of beating yourself up for the

binge overeating...maybe think about ways you can be kind to yourself

and acknowledge that you have already made a step forward to care for

yourself, which is coming here to talk about it with people who

understand what it feels like.

I think what helps me avoid eating in the middle of the night is to

eat the right thing before I go to bed so I feel full if I wake up.

Is it protein? Carbs? Are you actually feeling hunger at night? Or

are you just wanting to " feel better? " If it is pure hunger, then

maybe you aren't getting the right type of food your body wants.

Kate

>

> My name is Kathy. I'm 42 with two teenage daughters and recently

> separated from a 20+ year relationship. I am seeing a therapist for

> support. I am also a counselor myself (licensed clinical social

> worker working in a program for clients with medical, mental health

> and substance abuse issues).

>

> I believe in the principals behind intuitive eating. I have read

> Geneen Roth's older books years ago, but wasn't ready to let go of

> emotional over eating. I then read Intuitive Eating and I Can Make

> You Thin within the past 3 years. At the time I had been fairly

> successful on Weight Watchers -- and twenty pounds thinner! I had

> short periods of success with IE after reading the books but always

> fell off the wagon. And unlike the WW program I did not obsess about

> food -- IE brought me some peace while I practiced it.

>

> I realize IE is a journey. I am trying to permit myself to take two

> steps backward and one step forward if needed. But lately I feel

> like I just can't get off the ground with IE. I am at my highest

> weight ever. This is due to increased binging and decreased

> exercising.

>

> In the past I have been a regular exerciser. I developed some knee

> problems which made my favorite activity (running) no longer an

> option. I have an elliptical, which I try to use and I walk with a

> friend, but it's not the same. I'm not as passionate about either.

>

> Binging has become progressively worse for me over time. It tends to

> occur in the middle of the night (last night I was up at 2am and

> wound up eating the remainder of some chocolate pudding, while

> putting whipped cream on the top over and over again). I have a

> similar issue if I take a nap. Upon awakening I tend to want to get

> up and eat carbs. Just seeing that container in the recycling bin

> this morning gives me such feelings of failure and remorse. I am

> like a hamster on a wheel. Spinning and spinning but getting nowhere!

>

> While binging is difficult for me in general (at least twice a week

> most weeks) it is particularly difficult to prevent upon awakening.

> It's like I'm in a trance and all of the tools I try to tap into

> normally just fly out the window. Does anyone else have this

> problem? I am feeling very stuck and hopeless.

>

> I take an antidepressant for depression/panic which has been managed

> successfully for many years. Unfortunately it is an older medication

> (Anafranil) which tends to enhance appetite. I have tried many other

> medications because of this, but this is the one that keeps me most

> sane, functional, etc. so I do not plan to change what is otherwise

> working. While I am permitting myself some leeway because of this, I

> also know the medication doesn't control the food I put in my mouth!

> Additionally, I haven't always binged this much while on the

> medication so I believe I can make positive changes if I put my mind

> to it.

>

> I have a strong family history of addiction and while I am not a

> drug or alcohol user, sugar affects my body in much the same way as

> any other mind or mood altering substance. But restricting sugar

> seems to make me want it (and wind up binging on it) even more.

>

> I realize stressors in my personal life as of late have increased my

> emotional eating. (But why couldn't I be one of those women whose

> husband leaves them and they losetwenty pounds?!) My tight clothing

> or hiding in newer bigger baggier clothing make me feel so bad, I

> wind up eating more to deal with the uncomfortable feelings.

>

> I appreciate anyone willing to read this post (I know it's a bit

> long). Specifically, I really need help with binging upon awakening

> (at night or after a nap) and with how to forgive myself for all of

> this emotional eating so I can get back on track with IE.

>

> Thanks you for any feedback. I really enjoy reading these emails. I

> feel at home here.

>

> Kathy :-)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy!

I'm really sorry that you're going through such a rough time, but it's great

that you're doing the work to seek the help you need. We all know that's the

hardest step.

I think that if you're waking up at 2 am you might want to speak with your

therapist about how to get a more sound night's sleep, so you're not waking up

several times in the middle of the night. That way you won't have any late night

binges. Also, if you're sleeping soundly at night you won't have to nap during

the day.

Make sure you're getting 8 hours of sleep a night. I know that's hard to do, but

it is as important as eating and drinking water. Getting the right amount of

sound sleep can work miracles!

And, finally, when you wake up you should allow yourself 5-10 minutes to be with

yourself, just breathing deeply, stretching, and clearing your mind. It gives

you an opportunity to put your mind in the right place and create a positive

mental/emotional/spiritual atmosphere for that day. Center yourself every

morning and inspire yourself to nurture all parts of you, regardless of

difficult things are around you.

I think IE is most effective when your soul is properly nurtured and your body

properly rested and cared for.

-

>

> My name is Kathy. I'm 42 with two teenage daughters and recently separated

from a 20+ year relationship. I am seeing a therapist for support.  I am also a

counselor myself (licensed clinical social worker working in a program

for clients with medical, mental health and substance abuse issues).

>

> I believe in the principals behind intuitive eating. I have read Geneen Roth's

older books years ago, but wasn't ready to let go of emotional over eating. I

then read Intuitive Eating and I Can Make You Thin within the past 3 years. At

the time I had been fairly successful on Weight Watchers -- and twenty pounds

thinner! I had short periods of success with IE after reading the books but

always fell off the wagon. And unlike the WW program I did not obsess about food

-- IE brought me some peace while I practiced it.

>

> I realize IE is a journey. I am trying to permit myself to take two steps

backward and one step forward if needed. But lately I feel like I just can't

get off the ground with IE. I am at my highest weight ever. This is due to

increased binging and decreased exercising.

>

> In the past I have been a regular exerciser. I developed some knee problems

which made my favorite activity (running) no longer an option. I have an

elliptical, which I try to use and I walk with a friend, but it's not the same.

I'm not as passionate about either.

>

> Binging has become progressively worse for me over time. It tends to occur in

the middle of the night (last night I was up at 2am and wound up eating the

remainder of some chocolate pudding, while putting whipped cream on the top over

and over again). I have a similar issue if I take a nap. Upon awakening I tend

to want to get up and eat carbs. Just seeing that container in the recycling bin

this morning gives me such feelings of failure and remorse. I am like a hamster

on a wheel. Spinning and spinning but getting nowhere!

>

> While binging is difficult for me in general (at least twice a week most

weeks) it is particularly difficult to prevent upon awakening. It's like I'm in

a trance and all of the tools I try to tap into normally just fly out the

window. Does anyone else have this problem? I am feeling very stuck and

hopeless.

>

> I take an antidepressant for depression/panic which has been managed

successfully for many years. Unfortunately it is an older medication (Anafranil)

which tends to enhance appetite. I have tried many other medications because of

this, but this is the one that keeps me most sane, functional, etc. so I do not

plan to change what is otherwise working. While I am permitting myself some

leeway because of this, I also know the medication doesn't control the food I

put in my mouth! Additionally, I haven't always binged this much while on the

medication so I believe I can make positive changes if I put my mind to it.

>

> I have a strong family history of addiction and while I am not a drug or

alcohol user, sugar affects my body in much the same way as any other mind or

mood altering substance. But restricting sugar seems to make me want it (and

wind up binging on it) even more.

>

> I realize stressors in my personal life as of late have increased my emotional

eating. (But why couldn't I be one of those women whose husband leaves them and

they lose twenty pounds?!) My tight clothing or hiding in newer bigger baggier

clothing make me feel so bad, I wind up eating more to deal with the

uncomfortable feelings.

>

> I appreciate anyone willing to read this post (I know it's a bit long).

Specifically, I really need help with binging upon awakening (at night or after

a nap) and with how to forgive myself for all of this emotional eating so I can

get back on track with IE.

>

> Thanks you for any feedback. I really enjoy reading these emails. I feel at

home here.

>

> Kathy :-)

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy,

Thanks for sharing your story. I am sure that wasn't easy. I hope you see when you read others' stories that we all feel shame in our own histories... but no one else's sound nearly as terrible as our own!

Many of us reach for food, especially sweets, when we first wake up, to boost our energy. But there are other ways to do this. A hot shower works wonders for me. Many people enjoy coffee or tea... at least partly for the ritual, I bet! Make sure you are not rushing too quickly into your day. Sometimes we eat because we don't want to face life. Maybe a nicer and more leisurely waking up ritual will help? If you are still hungry once you wake up, THEN eat something -- definitely make sure you assure yourself that if you are hungry you will always allow yourself to eat. 

I also agree with Kate that you are going through a really hard time right now, and that it would be great to try to be kind and sympathetic to yourself right now. Coming to this group is indeed a big step. One thing I have found with this journey is that I really can't hurry through the steps. They take as long as they take, so I might as well be patient. I did not learn this the easy way! 

I think being with your emotions would be a powerful first step. After all, for most of us, it's not about food, it's about discomfort with being with our emotions. I started reading Geneen Roth's new book last night, Women, Food & God, and she talks about how our relationship with food mirrors how we see the world. this hit me like a ton of bricks! i am still thinking about it. great book so far!

when you are ready to look at more specific strategies, a book that I found helpful is Appetite Awareness workbook . It doesn't forbid any foods, just teaches you how to be more in tune with hunger and satiety. one strategy they discuss is that if you are going to binge, commit to not eating past moderate fullness. Maybe this book would be helpful for you as well?

finally, i am a runner as well, so I really " hear " you about your frustration with not being able to run. don't underestimate the impact of sudden withdrawal of endorphins from a runner! i encourage you to keep trying different kinds of exercise. this will help your mood and your self esteem, i really believe. walking doesn't give me the same boost but if i push myself on the elliptical it comes pretty close -- and it's great cross training for running! i also had fun trying different exercise classes, as they were just so different from running. i found cardio kickboxing fun, also pilates and yoga. 

i am glad that you wrote. please keep on sharing and let us know how you are doing and how we can help.best,abby

 

Hi Kathy!

I'm really sorry that you're going through such a rough time, but it's great that you're doing the work to seek the help you need. We all know that's the hardest step.

I think that if you're waking up at 2 am you might want to speak with your therapist about how to get a more sound night's sleep, so you're not waking up several times in the middle of the night. That way you won't have any late night binges. Also, if you're sleeping soundly at night you won't have to nap during the day.

Make sure you're getting 8 hours of sleep a night. I know that's hard to do, but it is as important as eating and drinking water. Getting the right amount of sound sleep can work miracles!

And, finally, when you wake up you should allow yourself 5-10 minutes to be with yourself, just breathing deeply, stretching, and clearing your mind. It gives you an opportunity to put your mind in the right place and create a positive mental/emotional/spiritual atmosphere for that day. Center yourself every morning and inspire yourself to nurture all parts of you, regardless of difficult things are around you.

I think IE is most effective when your soul is properly nurtured and your body properly rested and cared for.

->

> My name is Kathy. I'm 42 with two teenage daughters and recently separated from a 20+ year relatio...

[Guest guest]

Kathy,I'm not sure if this would help but how about setting out a nice cup of tea with the teapot full of water to turn on and in one minute there is hot tea that is cozy and homey. Something that is nurturing and calming. Have a journal ready - right there by the pot and maybe write a sentence or two about what you're feeling. Maybe in the morning there will be some help and insight for you. Sometimes when I wake from a nap I do exactly what you do. Maybe it is a response buried deep from long, long ago. I wish you well.p My name is Kathy. I'm 42 with two teenage daughters and recently separated from a 20+ year relationship. I am seeing a therapist for support. I am also a counselor myself (licensed clinical social worker working in a program for clients with medical, mental health and substance abuse issues). I believe in the principals behind intuitive eating. I have read Geneen Roth's older books years ago, but wasn't ready to let go of emotional over eating. I then read Intuitive Eating and I Can Make You Thin within the past 3 years. At the time I had been fairly successful on Weight Watchers -- and twenty pounds thinner! I had short periods of success with IE after reading the books but always fell off the wagon. And unlike the WW program I did not obsess about food -- IE brought me some peace while I practiced it. I realize IE is a journey. I am trying to permit myself to take two steps backward and one step forward if needed. But lately I feel like I just can't get off the ground with IE. I am at my highest weight ever. This is due to increased binging and decreased exercising. In the past I have been a regular exerciser. I developed some knee problems which made my favorite activity (running) no longer an option. I have an elliptical, which I try to use and I walk with a friend, but it's not the same. I'm not as passionate about either. Binging has become progressively worse for me over time. It tends to occur in the middle of the night (last night I was up at 2am and wound up eating the remainder of some chocolate pudding, while putting whipped cream on the top over and over again). I have a similar issue if I take a nap. Upon awakening I tend to want to get up and eat carbs. Just seeing that container in the recycling bin this morning gives me such feelings of failure and remorse. I am like a hamster on a wheel. Spinning and spinning but getting nowhere! While binging is difficult for me in general (at least twice a week most weeks) it is particularly difficult to prevent upon awakening. It's like I'm in a trance and all of the tools I try to tap into normally just fly out the window. Does anyone else have this problem? I am feeling very stuck and hopeless. I take an antidepressant for depression/panic which has been managed successfully for many years. Unfortunately it is an older medication (Anafranil) which tends to enhance appetite. I have tried many other medications because of this, but this is the one that keeps me most sane, functional, etc. so I do not plan to change what is otherwise working. While I am permitting myself some leeway because of this, I also know the medication doesn't control the food I put in my mouth! Additionally, I haven't always binged this much while on the medication so I believe I can make positive changes if I put my mind to it. I have a strong family history of addiction and while I am not a drug or alcohol user, sugar affects my body in much the same way as any other mind or mood altering substance. But restricting sugar seems to make me want it (and wind up binging on it) even more. I realize stressors in my personal life as of late have increased my emotional eating. (But why couldn't I be one of those women whose husband leaves them and they lose twenty pounds?!) My tight clothing or hiding in newer bigger baggier clothing make me feel so bad, I wind up eating more to deal with the uncomfortable feelings. I appreciate anyone willing to read this post (I know it's a bit long). Specifically, I really need help with binging upon awakening (at night or after a nap) and with how to forgive myself for all of this emotional eating so I can get back on track with IE. Thanks you for any feedback. I really enjoy reading these emails. I feel at home here. Kathy :-)