Re: My lurking days are over.

[Guest guest]

I'm glad you're no lonoger lurking! I share your sentiment about being glad the holidays are over.... each year I try to remember self-care and stress relief in December, but by the end of the month I find myself reverting to mindless eating. I do think it was better this year in terms of my stress levels and awareness, so that's something.

Anyway, welcome!Alice

Subject: My lurking days are over.To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, January 2, 2011, 9:39 AM

Hi All,I've been reading many of the messages for the past few months, and finally feel motivated to jump in and truly start my ball rolling here with IE.Have read most of the books mentioned, and think they are great resources, despite the difficulties I've been having with non-intuitive eating. Hopefully, writing and sharing about it will help me, and maybe even help others. :-)First of all, thank goodness the holidays are over!!! It just makes things easier--for people with emotional eating, drinking, gambling, shopping-- whatever-type problems, not just us. Not trying to make excuses--my husband and son did not gain an ounce over the past few months, I am certain!! They eat when hungry and stop when full...just like that, with no special thoughts about it. It's like breathing for them. I try to observe it--out of interest--and am amazed at how natural it is for

them. I think we all have it in us--it's just gotten lost somehow.I've been trying to put this into practice for many months now. There are times when I've been successful, but most times not. It's definitely EMOTIONAL eating for me (we've fortunately come through some very stressful events with great success--months of stress over my husband's getting laid off, son applying for Master's degree programs, and me with all my own idiosyncracies). After almost 10 months, my husband landed a really good, solid job, our son starts his program tomorrow (for what sounds like a great career--physician's assistant), so there's now just me and my own shtick to blame things on--no real external excuses.Just wanted to say hello to everyone, as I plan to start sending posts regularly about what works (when it works) and what seems to go very wrong when that happens. I also want to say

that I think "putting this into practice," really is true--it does take practice --almost like a sport, or dancing, or anything else that takes a lot of practice! I feel like it's gotta be foremost on my mind (that-- in itself-- will take major practice on my part -- putting this ahead of so many other things that fill my thinking but honestly are not nearly as important.Diets don't work! Whether or not I overeat while trying to be an intuitive eater, diets are HELL.Happy New Year to everyone!

[Guest guest]

Hi, Since others have had the courage to come forth, I think I need to also because I've been lurking in the shadows myself for several months. So much has happened since June that my head is spinning! My mother-in-law almost died. We adopted two really wonderful Australian shepherds from a local rescue organization (a highlight but we've never had rescue dogs!). We had to foreclosure on a property we owned. We were the victims of identity theft. Prior to that my husband was thought to maybe have cancer (he's okay). Of course, it didn't help when the holidays came because Christmas Eve was the anniversary of my father's death! Sounds like some awful black comedy, doesn't it? But it really happened! I've gotten a bit off track, both with my eating and thinking, and would

greatly appreciate some help or advice on how to turn it around please! I'm not totally out of control (binging), but eating way too much, mostly for comfort, I guess! When you think or seem to be on a negative spiral, how do you stop it and get back on track? Thanks!Happy New Year to you all! Best wishes,Jeanne

[Guest guest]

Hi, Jeanne.

Wow, what a lot to go through!

We had to put our beloved dog down on Christmas Day, and two days later is the anniversary of my son's death, and I too had more feelings than I could quite manage without food, especially in the presence of so many sweets.

The answer to this that I'm trying to work with is this: we get back by going very, very gently. Without any negative judgments about having used food emotionally. Understanding that we needed - and my still need - to do that. Being very, very compassionate toward ourselves, noticing that we're sad, or angry, or overwhelmed or whatever, with tremendously gentle compassion. It seems when I do that I'm more likely to calm down enough to wait until I'm hungry to eat.

April

Hi, Since others have had the courage to come forth, I think I need to also because I've been lurking in the shadows myself for several months. So much has happened since June that my head is spinning! My mother-in-law almost died. We adopted two really wonderful Australian shepherds from a local rescue organization (a highlight but we've never had rescue dogs!). We had to foreclosure on a property we owned. We were the victims of identity theft. Prior to that my husband was thought to maybe have cancer (he's okay). Of course, it didn't help when the holidays came because Christmas Eve was the anniversary of my father's death! Sounds like some awful black comedy, doesn't it? But it really happened! I've gotten a bit off track, both with my eating and thinking, and would greatly appreciate some help or advice on how to turn it around please! I'm not totally out of control (binging), but eating way too much, mostly for comfort, I guess! When you think or seem to be on a negative spiral, how do you stop it and get back on track? Thanks!Happy New Year to you all! Best wishes,Jeanne

[Guest guest]

I think April's advice is brilliant and right on target! " tremendously gentle compassion " is such a lovely way to phrase it. i completely agree!sometimes i like to think of it as just observing what is going on, without judgement. As in, " i see you (meaning me) felt the need to eat a whole plate of brownies last night. good for you for doing what you needed to do to survive that moment. something must have been going on inside you (me). do you have any ideas what might have been going on there? "

I would also add that you use this group to help you wherever you can!And THANK YOU to the self-described lurkers who are coming out of the shadows! you don't know how much sharing your story helps you AND the rest of us. we are so glad to hear from you.

all the best,abby

 

Hi, Jeanne.

  Wow, what a lot to go through!

  We had to put our beloved dog down on Christmas Day, and two days later is the anniversary of my son's death, and I too had more feelings than I could quite manage without food, especially in the presence of so many sweets.

   The answer to this that I'm trying to work with is this:  we get back by going very, very gently. Without any negative judgments about having used food emotionally. Understanding that we needed - and my still need - to do that. Being very, very compassionate toward ourselves, noticing that we're sad, or angry, or overwhelmed or whatever, with tremendously gentle compassion. It seems when I do that I'm more likely to calm down enough to wait until I'm hungry to eat.

April

 

Hi, Since others have had the courage to come forth, I think I need to also because I've been lurking in the shadows myself for several months.    So much has happened since June that my head is spinning!  My mother-in-law almost died.  We adopted two really wonderful Australian shepherds from a local rescue organization (a highlight but we've never had rescue dogs!).  We had to foreclosure on a property we owned.  We were the victims of identity theft.  Prior to that my husband was thought to maybe have cancer (he's okay).  Of course, it didn't help when the holidays came because Christmas Eve was the anniversary of my father's death!  Sounds like some awful black comedy, doesn't it?  But it really happened!  I've gotten a bit off track, both with my eating and thinking, and would greatly appreciate some help or advice on how to turn it around please!  I'm not totally out of control (binging), but eating way too much, mostly for comfort, I guess!  When you think or seem to be on a negative spiral, how do you stop it and get back on track?  Thanks!Happy New Year to you all! Best wishes,Jeanne

[Guest guest]

April, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I don't know when you

lost him (and don't mean to pry--not asking, just commenting) but--it's

such a horrific loss. I can't think of anything worse--no matter how

old he was, what the circumstances were, etc. We have one healthy

son, and the thought of losing him is unthinkable.

Also, regarding putting your beloved dog down on Christmas day--we also

had to do the very same thing, two years ago, just a few days before New

Year's eve. It's as if it just happened, as each New Year's since then

has been very painful. A beloved pet is a family member, in many ways

almost like a child. Our little dog was almost 17 (little dogs live

longer in general). I kept trying to rationalize that he'd lived out his

life, the time had come, blah, blah, blah-- I kept wishing that he would

just go in his sleep. But he didn't--just kept on suffering, so we had

to take over and put him out of his misery. I have a lump in my throat

just writing about it. It just is what it is.

This type of thing--mourning--takes my appetite away completely--but

only for a very short time. Then the old behaviors kick right back in,

even through tears.

You're so correct--we have to be very compassionate with ourselves. I

guess we need to speak to ourselves internally as we would to a best

friend who we are trying to comfort, regardless of the cause of the

stress. For me, it's a matter of identifying that stress is present and

causing me to turn to food.

I know that I would not tell my best friend to go eat a pint of Ben and

Jerry's if something miserable were happening in her life! (It does

sound kind of funny, doesn't it?)

>

> Thanks, .

>

>

> In a message dated 1/3/2011 1:59:07 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> marydoe16@... writes:

>

>

>

>

> April I'm so sorry you had to put your dog down. I have two 14 yr

old

> dogs that are declining in health.

>

>

>

> ____________________________________

> From: " aprimartin@... " aprimartin@...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Sent: Mon, January 3, 2011 12:28:35 PM

> Subject: Re: My lurking days are over.

>

>

> Hi, Jeanne.

> Wow, what a lot to go through!

> We had to put our beloved dog down on Christmas Day, and two days

later

> is the anniversary of my son's death, and I too had more feelings

than I

> could quite manage without food, especially in the presence of so

many

> sweets.

> The answer to this that I'm trying to work with is this: we get

back

> by going very, very gently. Without any negative judgments about

having used

> food emotionally. Understanding that we needed - and my still need -

to do

> that. Being very, very compassionate toward ourselves, noticing that

we're

> sad, or angry, or overwhelmed or whatever, with tremendously gentle

> compassion. It seems when I do that I'm more likely to calm down

enough to wait

> until I'm hungry to eat.

> April

>

>

> In a message dated 1/3/2011 12:08:12 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> jimbodog02@... writes:

>

>

>

> Hi,

>

> Since others have had the courage to come forth, I think I need to

also

> because I've been lurking in the shadows myself for several months.

>

> So much has happened since June that my head is spinning! My

> mother-in-law almost died. We adopted two really wonderful

Australian shepherds from

> a local rescue organization (a highlight but we've never had rescue

dogs!).

> We had to foreclosure on a property we owned. We were the victims

of

> identity theft. Prior to that my husband was thought to maybe have

cancer

> (he's okay). Of course, it didn't help when the holidays came

because

> Christmas Eve was the anniversary of my father's death! Sounds like

some awful

> black comedy, doesn't it? But it really happened!

>

> I've gotten a bit off track, both with my eating and thinking, and

would

> greatly appreciate some help or advice on how to turn it around

please!

> I'm not totally out of control (binging), but eating way too much,

mostly for

> comfort, I guess! When you think or seem to be on a negative spiral,

how

> do you stop it and get back on track? Thanks!

>

> Happy New Year to you all!

>

> Best wishes,

> Jeanne

>

[Guest guest]

So sorry to hear about your tough time.

One of the things my therapist has told me several times is that when you binge,

you need to forgive yourself and move on with the very next meal. Don't dwell

on it. Part of what makes it spiral out of control is the negative feelings

associated with it, which drive you to keep eating to suppress them. I'm

definitely not binge free, but since starting to work with my therapist I

haven't binged in the same way that I used to before. Before, at it's worst, it

involved eating until I felt ill, then probably waiting and hour or two until I

didn't feel ill anymore and then going back for more. Or sometimes even

continuing to eat even though I did feel ill! At its best, I wouldn't eat to

the point of physical illness, but I'd just constantly graze all day long, then

swear I would do better the next day. But if I wasn't " perfect " at breakfast,

I'd figure I'd blown the day and so would repeat the pattern. This could go on

for days or weeks.

Now, I'm definitely not eating as well as I'd like to, but I've come a long way.

The closest I've come to my past actions is eating a fast food value meal and

dessert all at once. I've been pretty full, but not uncomfortably so, for

months. And I'm having a much easier time going back to eating reasonable

portions after a slip. I think it's because I'm letting go of the guilt that

used to accompany being " bad. "

Don't get me wrong, I've still got a LONG way to go, but I'm definitely feeling

more positive. Again, for me, it all goes back to what's going on in my head.

So I have to work really hard to keep those negative thoughts in check, and the

rest isn't necessarily easy, but it's getting easier.

Josie

>

> Hi,

>

> Since others have had the courage to come forth, I think I need to also

because I've been lurking in the shadows myself for several months.   

>

> So much has happened since June that my head is spinning!  My mother-in-law

almost died.  We adopted two really wonderful Australian shepherds from a local

rescue organization (a highlight but we've never had rescue dogs!).  We had to

foreclosure on a property we owned.  We were the victims of identity theft. 

Prior to that my husband was thought to maybe have cancer (he's okay).  Of

course, it didn't help when the holidays came because Christmas Eve was the

anniversary of my father's death!  Sounds like some awful black comedy, doesn't

it?  But it really happened! 

>

> I've gotten a bit off track, both with my eating and thinking, and would

greatly appreciate some help or advice on how to turn it around please!  I'm not

totally out of control (binging), but eating way too much, mostly for comfort, I

guess!  When you think or seem to be on a negative spiral, how do you stop it

and get back on track?  Thanks!

>

> Happy New Year to you all!

>

> Best wishes,

> Jeanne

>