Re: Can't seem to do this!

[Guest guest]

Bakum,

Thank you so much for your kind reply. I'm a little embarrassed to say it

actually moved me to tears! (Having a pretty emotional day I guess!)

You're so right about the feelings. Anxiety, loneliness, sadness,

disappointment, anger (usually directed at myself). I think these are the ones

I'm avoiding the most. I'm in a pretty bad place right now (literally as well as

emotionally). And I guess it's so uncomfortable for me to feel these feelings

that I try to shove them down with food. I'm terrified of just sitting and

FEELING my feelings. They overwhelm me enough as it is. But I do understand that

I need to if I'm going to overcome this. And I want so badly to overcome this.

Your encouragement has really given me some strength, and really means a lot to

me, so thanks again

Nicky

[Guest guest]

Hi

Thanks for the suggestions - I think taking a pause would be really beneficial

to me, if only even for one minute! Because right now I go STRAIGHT for the food

without pausing even for one second!

Unfortunately the bubble bath is out of the question but I think the other ones

might really help. And knowing I can still eat afterwards if I really am hungry

- I think this is a crucial factor because otherwise I think it would feel kind

of like slipping into diet/ED mode - that self-denial and avoidance of food.

Hopefully I can give this pausing method a go next time I get that urge!

Nicky

[Guest guest]

I know where that's at. I'm no longer in the middle of that, but (I believe) moving toward the end. The only change I've really noticed is that the shame does not hold me and grind me up anymore. I have moved into acceptance. I've gained 15 pounds in the process (in about 3 weeks), but I feel much more at peace. I'm looking for a therapist to help me stablize, and I'm going to see a nutritionist soon as well. I want you to know you are not alone, and maybe the next step for you is acceptance of where you are at, with NO SHAME! That's a big deal to me.

To: IntuitiveEating_Support From: reneegavin@...Date: Sun, 2 Jan 2011 00:11:33 +0000Subject: Can't seem to do this!

For some reason, I seem to be failing at this. I've gotten the allowing myself to eat what I want step down pat. However, I can't seem to get beyond that. I am still CONSTANTLY eating. I am gaining weight very rapidly. I can't seem to be able to pause when I get the thought of food in my head. UGH!!

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I like what you wrote about no shame being attached. A few days ago I posted a

Byron worksheet about a late night binge & at the end of it I gritted my

teeth to write " I look forward to bingeing again " . But I wrote it anyway. Last

night at 2:00 it happened, I did it again, the only difference was that this

time I did not have the shame & guilt after it happened. This morning I woke up

realizing that I really don't need those late night binges anymore (unless, of

course, I do at some point down the road). This morning I feel great, ready to

start the day, waiting until my body got hungry (at around 1:00 this afternoon)

& then i ate my oatmeal. Just so. Now I am waiting agin for my body to tell me

that it is hungry once more & I will eat.

Can it really be that simple? Yes, maybe it can.

mj

>

>

> I know where that's at. I'm no longer in the middle of that, but (I believe)

moving toward the end. The only change I've really noticed is that the shame

does not hold me and grind me up anymore. I have moved into acceptance. I've

gained 15 pounds in the process (in about 3 weeks), but I feel much more at

peace. I'm looking for a therapist to help me stablize, and I'm going to see a

nutritionist soon as well. I want you to know you are not alone, and maybe the

next step for you is acceptance of where you are at, with NO SHAME! That's a

big deal to me.

>

>

>

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> From: reneegavin@...

> Date: Sun, 2 Jan 2011 00:11:33 +0000

> Subject: Can't seem to do this!

>

>

>

>

>

>

> For some reason, I seem to be failing at this. I've gotten the allowing myself

to eat what I want step down pat. However, I can't seem to get beyond that. I am

still CONSTANTLY eating. I am gaining weight very rapidly. I can't seem to be

able to pause when I get the thought of food in my head. UGH!!

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

bk has copies of worksheets on her website. There are even some for stressful

thoughts about our body (or something of that nature). Next time the " voice "

kicks in about " you're gaining weight " of " you look fatter " etc etc etc, I'm

going to pull one out or maybe a couple because I tend to have consecutive

stressful thoughts around body image.

mj

> > >

> > >

> > > I know where that's at. I'm no longer in the middle of that, but (I

> > believe) moving toward the end. The only change I've really noticed is that

> > the shame does not hold me and grind me up anymore. I have moved into

> > acceptance. I've gained 15 pounds in the process (in about 3 weeks), but I

> > feel much more at peace. I'm looking for a therapist to help me stablize,

> > and I'm going to see a nutritionist soon as well. I want you to know you are

> > not alone, and maybe the next step for you is acceptance of where you are

> > at, with NO SHAME! That's a big deal to me.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > To:

IntuitiveEating_Support <IntuitiveEating_Support%40yahoogroups.co\

m>

> > > From: reneegavin@

> > > Date: Sun, 2 Jan 2011 00:11:33 +0000

> > > Subject: Can't seem to do this!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > For some reason, I seem to be failing at this. I've gotten the allowing

> > myself to eat what I want step down pat. However, I can't seem to get beyond

> > that. I am still CONSTANTLY eating. I am gaining weight very rapidly. I

> > can't seem to be able to pause when I get the thought of food in my head.

> > UGH!!

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

April,

I really love what you wrote here. It really helps me put it into perspective.

Thank you for posting. It was very re-assuring.

mj

> >

> >

> > Â

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > I'm feeling like this too. I bought some dark chocolate chips and for

> a while I was able to eat them slowly and enjoy them, but lately I'm been

> eating a whole bag of them. I'm gaining weight, my clothes feel tight

> and I'm thinking of going back to Weight Watchers meetings. I'm really

> tired of this. I should be able to control what I put in my mouth, but it

> seems I can't like I'm a food addict. Â

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > From: jetblacknewme <jetblacknewme@>

> >

> > To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> > Sent: Sat, January 1, 2011 8:09:58 PM

> >

> > Subject: Re: Can't seem to do this!

> >

> > Â

> >

> > I wish I had something to say in reply to this other than " me too " . I've

> been trying to do this for so long (over a year). And I've managed to

> legalise almost every 'forbidden' food. I have all the chocolate etc in my

> house. And there are times, occasional times when it clicks. The other day I

> went to the cinema and ate a few chocolates really slowly, and really enjoyed

> them and felt in control and satisfied by those few. But today I shoved

> the rest of the box down my throat in a guilt-filled frenzy and didn't enjoy

> it or feel in control at all. I'm gaining weight like crazy, and it's

> starting to bring up all the panicky diet thoughts in me again. Just saw

photos

> of me from Christmas, and UGH indeed.

> >

> > I know it is - for me - all about using food as a drug, as a sedative to

> numb me out of feeling any uncomfortable emotion. I KNOW that knowing this

> MUST be the key to overcoming the emotional eating and beginning to eat

> intuitively. But I, like you, seem unable to pause before I reach for food,

> before I start yet another binge. I wish I knew the solution. I know

> journalling helps me to figure out the emotional stuff. That's as close as

I've

> gotten so far. Let me know if you find anything that helps!

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Yahoo! Groups Links

>

[Guest guest]

I would agree with April on this. While I absolutely understand the feeling of

not being able to stop eating something, I've never really subscribed to the

complete abstinence idea for a couple of reasons.

First, NOTHING makes me want something more than not being allowed to eat it.

Even if it was something that I normally would not crave. I know I've told this

story on the list before but there are new members, so I'll repeat it. I have

very vivid memories of being on a diet many years ago and knowing that I was not

supposed to eat high fat foods. While grocery shopping one night, I saw a jar

of Cheez Whiz and the craving to have it was so overwhelming I could barely

stand it. Now, Cheez Whiz is not anything I regularly ate, desired, or craved

prior to that point, but seeing it and knowing it was forbidden made it

absolutely irresistible to me! Similarly, whenever I've been on any kind of

diet that eliminated a particular food, that was exactly the food I wanted.

Telling myself that I could no longer eat sweets, white flour, or anything else

would be the surest trigger to a binge on those exact substances than anything

else I could imagine. That's why, even when I was still dieting, WW was my diet

of choice because I knew I could eat anything, albeit in smaller portions.

Granted, restricting still made me want stuff that was " bad " , but not nearly so

much as forbidding those items.

The other reason is that I know, from experience, that when my life is calm, and

I'm happy and my head is in a good place, I can eat a normal serving of those

" forbidden " foods and be perfectly satisfied and go on my way without giving it

a second thought. So, I know it's not about the food but about what's going on

in my head that makes me want those things so much. And if that's the case,

then I need to fix my thought process and not eliminate the food. Because even

if I assume that I could successfully eliminate that food from my diet, I

haven't addressed the problem that made me eat it in the first place, so it's

probably going to come out in some other harmful way.

Just my $0.02.

Josie

> >

> >

> > Â

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > I'm feeling like this too. I bought some dark chocolate chips and for

> a while I was able to eat them slowly and enjoy them, but lately I'm been

> eating a whole bag of them. I'm gaining weight, my clothes feel tight

> and I'm thinking of going back to Weight Watchers meetings. I'm really

> tired of this. I should be able to control what I put in my mouth, but

it

> seems I can't like I'm a food addict. Â

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > From: jetblacknewme <jetblacknewme@>

> >

> > To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> > Sent: Sat, January 1, 2011 8:09:58 PM

> >

> > Subject: Re: Can't seem to do this!

> >

> > Â

> >

> > I wish I had something to say in reply to this other than " me too " . I've

> been trying to do this for so long (over a year). And I've managed to

> legalise almost every 'forbidden' food. I have all the chocolate etc in my

> house. And there are times, occasional times when it clicks. The other day I

> went to the cinema and ate a few chocolates really slowly, and really enjoyed

> them and felt in control and satisfied by those few. But today I shoved

> the rest of the box down my throat in a guilt-filled frenzy and didn't enjoy

> it or feel in control at all. I'm gaining weight like crazy, and it's

> starting to bring up all the panicky diet thoughts in me again. Just saw

photos

> of me from Christmas, and UGH indeed.

> >

> > I know it is - for me - all about using food as a drug, as a sedative to

> numb me out of feeling any uncomfortable emotion. I KNOW that knowing this

> MUST be the key to overcoming the emotional eating and beginning to eat

> intuitively. But I, like you, seem unable to pause before I reach for food,

> before I start yet another binge. I wish I knew the solution. I know

> journalling helps me to figure out the emotional stuff. That's as close as

I've

> gotten so far. Let me know if you find anything that helps!

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Yahoo! Groups Links

>

[Guest guest]

I SO love these ideas! I think they're really cool and could totally see myself

giving these a try. Thanks for sharing these. I'm gonna write them down and

try them the next time I feel like eating mindlessly.

Josie

>

> Eating fast and automatically is not only a habit, but it is a way of

disguising to ourselves how much we eat and a reactive behaviour that gives us

inner permission to eat, yet not deal with it.

>

> You might want to get playful with your food. I call it “making

puzzlementsâ€. Next time, change how you perceive eating by creating an offbeat

situation. Try putting one slice of bread on a plate, say, ten plates, ten

slices of bread and arrange them on the table in a way that pleases you. Sit

down and look at it. What happens? What are your thoughts? If you start to

eat, which plate did you pick? Why? Does seeing the individual servings make

you feel you’d never eat 10 slices, or are you disguising how much you eat

when they are all together in a bundle? There is nothing right or wrong about

eating 1 slice or 10 slices. It is about how you think and how it makes you

react. If you eat the way you always eat, there is nothing to think about.

>

> When I was having trouble keeping myself from cramming handfuls of potato

chips in my mouth, I would do things to make myself become aware of my

behaviour. Things like line up potato chips on a paper towel and number them

out of sequence. I used a sand type egg timer and I could eat one potato chip

every 3 minutes, in order. I noticed how I watched the timer with a hawk eye at

first, then grew irritated, then wondered why it bothered me that the chips

weren’t in the right order, creating a distracting pattern on the paper towel.

>

> These playful ways to eat help to get you to think differently, like creating

a puzzle for yourself and experiencing eating when all the cues have been

changed. When I first learned the One Bowl Method, I had all kinds of

reactions. I had to eat all of my food from a small bowl. There were no rules

about what went into the bowl, but I had to put the food in it, wash it

afterwards and take it everywhere with me. What I ended up dealing with is

resentments (the bowl was too small, it needed hand washing) happiness (the bowl

gave comfort, it was MINE, it meant nourishment) and finally it provided an

image of my stomach. I saw what I put in my bowl as what I was putting into my

stomach. Here are some of the other weird things I have done:

>

> Made my husband hide 20 caramels in plain site. I had to use my eyes to find

and eat them.

> Had my grandson decide on how much cake I could have. I had to see a serving

size through his eyes.

> Ate a plateful of food blindfolded. I tried to describe how it tasted through

other senses. I made a mess too!

> I laid out 100 mini marshmallows trying to decide at what number they didn’t

taste good anymore.

> I Fletcherized. lol, that is when you chew a mouthful until it dissolves

completely before swallowing. That was hard!

> Treated candy at work like a cigarette, I could eat candy when I went outside,

like the smokers do, one piece at a time. Hard in the wintertime!

>

> All these sorts of things are to be done in the name of fun and exploration.

Make up your own puzzlements. Ask your own questions about your own reactions.

One I have not tried yet and is suggested in one of my mindful eating books is

to see food as non-food. She suggests taking a food like a fruitcake and

throwing it against a tree in handfuls, as though they are snowballs. Just

experiencing that food can be used as an object that does not need to be eaten

to enjoy the act of playing with it. For fun, gaze at this website..... it gets

pretty creative in look at food as something other than nourishment:

http://noms.icanhascheezburger.com/

>

> Mindfulness comes from thinking what is happening in the moment, sometimes we

have to shake the tree to see it exists.

[Guest guest]

What wonderful ideas! I love these! I so agree, that we often eat out of

routine/habit. These sound like great ways to break our routine/habit and make

food FUN and like you say, increase our mindfulness! Thanks for sharing this!

Alana

>

> Eating fast and automatically is not only a habit, but it is a way of

disguising to ourselves how much we eat and a reactive behaviour that gives us

inner permission to eat, yet not deal with it.

>

> You might want to get playful with your food. I call it “making

puzzlementsâ€. Next time, change how you perceive eating by creating an offbeat

situation. Try putting one slice of bread on a plate, say, ten plates, ten

slices of bread and arrange them on the table in a way that pleases you. Sit

down and look at it. What happens? What are your thoughts? If you start to

eat, which plate did you pick? Why? Does seeing the individual servings make

you feel you’d never eat 10 slices, or are you disguising how much you eat

when they are all together in a bundle? There is nothing right or wrong about

eating 1 slice or 10 slices. It is about how you think and how it makes you

react. If you eat the way you always eat, there is nothing to think about.

>

> When I was having trouble keeping myself from cramming handfuls of potato

chips in my mouth, I would do things to make myself become aware of my

behaviour. Things like line up potato chips on a paper towel and number them

out of sequence. I used a sand type egg timer and I could eat one potato chip

every 3 minutes, in order. I noticed how I watched the timer with a hawk eye at

first, then grew irritated, then wondered why it bothered me that the chips

weren’t in the right order, creating a distracting pattern on the paper towel.

>

> These playful ways to eat help to get you to think differently, like creating

a puzzle for yourself and experiencing eating when all the cues have been

changed. When I first learned the One Bowl Method, I had all kinds of

reactions. I had to eat all of my food from a small bowl. There were no rules

about what went into the bowl, but I had to put the food in it, wash it

afterwards and take it everywhere with me. What I ended up dealing with is

resentments (the bowl was too small, it needed hand washing) happiness (the bowl

gave comfort, it was MINE, it meant nourishment) and finally it provided an

image of my stomach. I saw what I put in my bowl as what I was putting into my

stomach. Here are some of the other weird things I have done:

>

> Made my husband hide 20 caramels in plain site. I had to use my eyes to find

and eat them.

> Had my grandson decide on how much cake I could have. I had to see a serving

size through his eyes.

> Ate a plateful of food blindfolded. I tried to describe how it tasted through

other senses. I made a mess too!

> I laid out 100 mini marshmallows trying to decide at what number they didn’t

taste good anymore.

> I Fletcherized. lol, that is when you chew a mouthful until it dissolves

completely before swallowing. That was hard!

> Treated candy at work like a cigarette, I could eat candy when I went outside,

like the smokers do, one piece at a time. Hard in the wintertime!

>

> All these sorts of things are to be done in the name of fun and exploration.

Make up your own puzzlements. Ask your own questions about your own reactions.

One I have not tried yet and is suggested in one of my mindful eating books is

to see food as non-food. She suggests taking a food like a fruitcake and

throwing it against a tree in handfuls, as though they are snowballs. Just

experiencing that food can be used as an object that does not need to be eaten

to enjoy the act of playing with it. For fun, gaze at this website..... it gets

pretty creative in look at food as something other than nourishment:

http://noms.icanhascheezburger.com/

>

> Mindfulness comes from thinking what is happening in the moment, sometimes we

have to shake the tree to see it exists.

>

>

>

> From: reneegavin

> Sent: Tuesday, January 04, 2011 9:11 AM

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Subject: Re: Can't seem to do this!

>

> Ugh..I went grocery shopping yesterday, and instead of only buying the same

old foods, decided to really try and mix it up with foods I have been craving

and truly enjoy. I bought a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread, and did

great....with the first piece. However, last night and this morning, it all

went downhill fast. The entire loaf is almost gone! I don't get why it's SO

hard for me to take that pause. It's like I can't even remember to when the

thought of the food enters my head. It's thought, then straight to the food,

and it's in my mouth before I even realize it. Once in awhile when I am eating,

I will try to eat slowly and enjoy it, but it never lasts more than a few

seconds, and even in those few seconds, I'm not really tasting it. It's so odd.

How could I want the food so bad when I really hardly ever even taste it or

enjoy it???

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Nicky, sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Anyway, glad I could

help you at all. You really can do it. Your feelings seem like they will

overwhelm you but the won't. I PROMISE! Take it from someone who avoided all

feelings for 40 some years. Once I finally let my guard down I was nothing more

than shocked at what a non-event it was. Actually, what it amazing is when you

let yourself feel things the feelings GO AWAY! It's amazing!

Good luck! You can do it. Believe in yourself.

-mb

>

>

>

> Bakum,

>

> Thank you so much for your kind reply. I'm a little embarrassed to say it

actually moved me to tears! (Having a pretty emotional day I guess!)

>

> You're so right about the feelings. Anxiety, loneliness, sadness,

disappointment, anger (usually directed at myself). I think these are the ones

I'm avoiding the most. I'm in a pretty bad place right now (literally as well as

emotionally). And I guess it's so uncomfortable for me to feel these feelings

that I try to shove them down with food. I'm terrified of just sitting and

FEELING my feelings. They overwhelm me enough as it is. But I do understand that

I need to if I'm going to overcome this. And I want so badly to overcome this.

>

> Your encouragement has really given me some strength, and really means a lot

to me, so thanks again

>

> Nicky

>