Re: For MY () and others- when nada/fada has passed away

September 20, 2010

Mozz, I'm so glad you shared this - being haunted is something I've worried

about. It's a wonderful thing to think that your mother's spirit really is/was

separate from how she was in life and that the BPD really is a brain thing.

I thought I'd offer an out there thing for your younger self. Some believe that

time doesn't really exist, and that if you do a healing for your younger self at

say age 5 that it really does impact you then. Or if you like the versions of

your brain now that still hold the memories from that time. So you can imagine

explaining things to her and comforting her and it may make a difference.

>

> This is going to seem a little out there for some, but I wanted to share this

in case it might help. I know I never would have given this credit if it hadn't

happened to me.

> After my nada passed 2m ago I was living in fear that she was going to haunt

me in some way, and that she was not at peace. I always felt after she died I

would know she was at peace. Well after she died I just had this bad feeling she

wasn't. I have this woman that will occasionally read my " energy " . I never

volunteer any info. Well the last time she did it she saw my mom's energy (she

had passed about a week earlier) and she said that my mom said she was going to

leave me alone and that she realized all the damage she had done. She realized

that she was sick while living and something wasn't firing right in her brain.

She said she " was a prisoner in her mind " . Now she is at peace, went toward the

light for a lack of better terms and she wanted me to please forgive her and not

let what she did to me hold me back. Lastly, she wanted to tell me I am a good

mom.

> Now let me tell you, when this woman reads my energy she has NEVER

" communicated " with someone who has passed on with me. But she didn't know about

my mom's mental illness and what really struck me was that she didn't know my

fears about being a good mom but my mom DID and I just know that this was the

real deal.

> So I guess my take home point is that this may not be the case for all our

BPDs, but I do believe they can have peace after dying and realize they were not

right in the head. As Annie said in another thread- I believe it's an organic

problem combined with conscious choices. While I am still mad, confused and

angry about nada I am glad she's at peace.

> Lastly, my T told me yesterday that while the adult me knows I am free now, on

a cellular level the child in me still feels trapped. That's why i am having

these nightmares. I need to periodically tell that child she is safe and comfort

her. I wish I could somehow go back in time and meet myself as a child and

rescue me.

>

September 20, 2010

I love that rescue scenario you wrote, Karla. I am so impressed with it that

I'm going to try it myself.

My nada traumatized me in a profoundly negative and inappropriate way (it was

pretty much a rape) when I was about 4 years old. It was a life-altering

trauma, intended to shame me and break my will. The details were seared into my

consciousness, permanently. I was scarred by this incident; it changed the way

I thought about myself and about sexual things for decades. I believe the result

was a profound trauma bond that welded me to my parents in an unhealthy way for

decades.

I need to go back in time, even though its virtually, and rescue that little 4

year old child from that obscene, shaming, life-altering abuse. I need to punch

nada in the nose and take my 4 year old self to a safe place where she can grow

into the normal human being she was meant to be, instead of the unhealthily

enmeshed, isolated, toxic-ly shamed individual she grew up to be. In this

fantasy rescue scenario, the police will suddenly arrive and nada will be hauled

away in handcuffs for mistreating a child so abominably, with the neighbors

looking on in shock and disgust. Her foo will look at her with horror, contempt

and revulsion, and she herself will bear the shame she should have borne for

doing such a thing to a little, helpless child who desperately wanted her love

and approval.

Thanks for sharing your insight with us, its very helpful to me.

-Annie

> >

> > This is going to seem a little out there for some, but I wanted to share

this in case it might help. I know I never would have given this credit if it

hadn't happened to me.

> > After my nada passed 2m ago I was living in fear that she was going to haunt