Re: So confused about my binge last night...

[Guest guest]

Jen,

I'm even more curious now...you wrote that you were " in the mood for chocolate. "

If you're comfortable, I'd love to read more about what that means for you.

When I legalized foods that I tended to overeat, I waited until I was sure that

my body wanted the food at the time. There's this great quote that I heard in a

movie recently that went something like " How can you know that you've had enough

of something that you didn't want in the first place? "

I've learned to make a distinction between " thoughts " that I have about

eating/wanting a food versus genuinely knowing intuitively that my body wants a

particular food. I mentioned salt water taffy in my previous post. A few months

ago, I had a salt water taffy massacre! I kept all of the wrappers from that

particular episode so that I can take a picture to include in a future blog

post. I bought the taffy because it made me reminisce about a trip I made to

Savannah with some friends about 6 years ago. I was going to visit one of those

friends and decided to take a bag of taffy along as a gift.

Well, I ate more than half of the bag over a few days before I left! I hadn't

had the stuff in years and found myself eating it until I hit a " yuck " feeling

and stopped. I did honor my hungry. I was able to really eat the taffy

mindfully...look at it, smell it, and taste it and realized that it really

didn't deliver much pleasure for me at all. Also, I could taste the food

coloring. On some level, I was eating that taffy in a vain search for a sense of

satisfaction or pleasure that I will probably never feel with that food. The

most important point was that my body didn't really want it in the first place.

I was attracted by the bright and sunny colors of the taffy on display at the

store and by my memories.

Latoya:)

>

> Thanks for the feedback!

>

> Well, my motivation in making them was basically that I was in the mood for

chocolate and my body seemed to be okay with that and I knew that depriving

myself of them contradicts what I am trying to accomplish. So I made them,

hoping I would save lots of them for later! That didn't happen!

>

> Thanks for reassuring me that I don't have to know WHY I binged right now.

It's a work in process and I have to forgive myself for not always knowing.

[Guest guest]

I've been doing IE for about a month now and I can relate to binge eating. For

me it's not so much about the food as it is how I think about the food. I have a

mantra, " all food is good, no food is restricted, I can have it if I want it. " I

struggle with body checks still and how my clothes fit ( tighter, mild panic,

looser, subtle desire to restrict). I'm not sure how to be ok with this.

> >

> > I pray that all of these binges (I had more last week) are not indicative of

the fact that I can't become an intuitive eater. I try every single day. I don't

give up. But I often feel lost and out of control and this scares me so much. I

have no idea how long it takes others to end most of the huge binges once they

begin IE and I feel so behind. I have been at this for about a month now.

> >

> > Thanks again for listening and offering your wonderful advice,

> > Jen

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Jen,

Believe you me, I understand the whole Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde routine...one

eater by day...another eater by night! Admittedly, I didn't have a specific

fixation on one food, like you seem to be encountering...which is the reason why

I believe that chocolate definitely has an important message for you.

Legalizing/ making peace with food is simply the most tricky process within

intuitive eating, except for rejecting the diet mentality for some. You may

want to postpone legalizing chocolate completely until you feel more strong in

your intuitive eating skills. For example, I didn't get around fully to

legalizing ice cream until about 1.5 years into my process. I did allow myself

to eat ice cream. For example, I would buy a cone when I was out or buy a carton

every now and again. However, ice cream wasn't in my house all of the time

because I wouldn't buy it every time that I went to the grocery store.

About 1.5 years in to IE, I knew that I was strong enough to attempt that

process. I bought ice cream every time I went grocery shopping for about a

month. In the beginning of that process, I did overeat it. However, I believe

the legalizing went very quickly because my hunger and fullness signals were so

clear by then...so the checks were in place and my body would not allow for the

continued overeating or the eating when I was not hungry. My legalizing process

with ice cream would have been more drawn out and scary, if I had done it at the

beginning of my IE journey.

So, there's this taste pleasure, sensual, inviting, irresistible nature of

chocolate for you. I'm assuming you're eating milk chocolate and not dark? Do

you find yourself binging with dark and milk? There are a lot of practices you

may want to try. Do you have a warm chocolate blanket or one that you can buy to

wrap yourself in at night or a item of chocolate brown clothing? Maybe get some

playing cards or a puzzle that pays homage to chocolate in its picture...some

chocolate-lovers games. Maybe even have some chocolate flavoring on tap to take

a sniff of when you need. Discover other non-food activities that can help you

generate that sensual, inviting or irresistible nature of chocolate...belly

dance, read out loud to yourself...

I love and only briefly tried a practice from a book called Eating the Moment:

141 Mindful Practices to Overcome Overeating One Meal at a Time. The book

suggests using the food of your fixation in another way besides eating. Drawing

the food, having a food fight, covering yourself in it. I had a serious fixation

with CHOCOLATE cake. I took some of that cake and squeezed it in my hand

instead of eating it and slapped it around...sorta fun!

I'd love to hear if you find or create any night time practices that make sense

or work for you.

You can experience the intuitive eater within.

Latoya:)

>

> Latoya,

>

> I need to explore more what it is about the chocolate. In fact, I had another

binge last night and this one was huge. I went absolutely crazy. I can't even

believe a human being can consume as much as I did within 30 minutes of time.

And a lot of what I ate was chocolate. I have to say that it was the taste

primarily that draws me to it. The taste is so irresistible and sensual and

inviting. And it feels so addictive. I know that it might not be an addiction (I

ponder that and question the concept often) but it feels that way.

>

> I appreciate so much what you stated about it being easier in the morning due

to the fact that we are more alert and fresh and able to detect our hunger

signals/fullness more easily. The evening is so very different for me. I'm like

a different person in terms of food.

>

> I pray that all of these binges (I had more last week) are not indicative of

the fact that I can't become an intuitive eater. I try every single day. I don't

give up. But I often feel lost and out of control and this scares me so much. I

have no idea how long it takes others to end most of the huge binges once they

begin IE and I feel so behind. I have been at this for about a month now.

>

> Thanks again for listening and offering your wonderful advice,

> Jen

[Guest guest]

Josie,

Very true. I needed to read that- the fact that a month is virtually no time at

all considering how many years I've spent compulsively eating. And I have to

keep in mind that this is NOT a linear process. We all have to continue with the

commitment regardless of how off track we get.

I visited that website you mentioned and joined the newsletter. I've been

searching online for an IE therapist/specialist in my area and there seems to be

nothing. I'm tempted to start my own support group!

Best,

Jen

> >

> > I pray that all of these binges (I had more last week) are not indicative of

the fact that I can't become an intuitive eater. I try every single day. I don't

give up. But I often feel lost and out of control and this scares me so much. I

have no idea how long it takes others to end most of the huge binges once they

begin IE and I feel so behind. I have been at this for about a month now.

> >

> > Thanks again for listening and offering your wonderful advice,

> > Jen

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Alana,

Wow- I'm like that with ice cream as well. Actually with all sweets and carbs.

I try to think back to the past and how I was raised in regards to food and I

just can't recall. I do struggle with memory issues, so I don't expect myself to

remember much of it, but I was hoping that something substantial would be

triggered. I always just assumed that I was addicted to sugar and that was why

I chose the sweets to binge on.

I am practicing with keeping some of those foods in my house (keeping plenty of

them so I don't feel deprived) and I have ended up bingeing on them. So I

vacillate between keeping them in the house or keeping them out of the house. I

know what the IE theory is on that, but I often wonder how I can handle it.

Thanks again for your help!

Jen

Oh- I have read some of Dr. May's " stuff " and I found it really insightful too!

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks for the feedback!

> > > > >

> > > > > Well, my motivation in making them was basically that I was in the

mood for chocolate and my body seemed to be okay with that and I knew that

depriving myself of them contradicts what I am trying to accomplish. So I made

them, hoping I would save lots of them for later! That didn't happen!

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks for reassuring me that I don't have to know WHY I binged right

now. It's a work in process and I have to forgive myself for not always knowing.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Latoya,

Well, I actually don't fixate on only chocolate. I actually have a ton of

obsessions in regards to foods I feel out of control around. All sorts of

chocolate ANYTHING (milk, dark, cake, icing, pie etc), ice cream, peanut butter,

all kinds of nuts, cinnamon rolls, cereal...the list goes ON and ON. Mostly the

fixation is with sweets and carbs of all kinds. That's why I have always just

assumed that I have an addiction to sugar/carbs and this is part of the issue. I

am trying to come to the realization now that it isn't simply a physical

addiction, but a psychological one. Although, I admit, at times I believe it's

both.

I keep coming up with ideas about what I will try the next evening to fulfill

whatever need I am having-and it seems that nothing works. The cravings consume

my mind and body. This frightens me because I am losing faith that I will be

able to overcome these binges. But I still haven't surrendered and I try each

day. I just hope I'm not fooling myself.

I'm going to look into the book you mentioned. It might offer something that

could help tonight!

I really appreciate your input!

Jen

> >

> > Latoya,

> >

> > I need to explore more what it is about the chocolate. In fact, I had

another binge last night and this one was huge. I went absolutely crazy. I can't

even believe a human being can consume as much as I did within 30 minutes of

time. And a lot of what I ate was chocolate. I have to say that it was the

taste primarily that draws me to it. The taste is so irresistible and sensual

and inviting. And it feels so addictive. I know that it might not be an

addiction (I ponder that and question the concept often) but it feels that way.

> >

> > I appreciate so much what you stated about it being easier in the morning

due to the fact that we are more alert and fresh and able to detect our hunger

signals/fullness more easily. The evening is so very different for me. I'm like

a different person in terms of food.

> >

> > I pray that all of these binges (I had more last week) are not indicative of

the fact that I can't become an intuitive eater. I try every single day. I don't

give up. But I often feel lost and out of control and this scares me so much. I

have no idea how long it takes others to end most of the huge binges once they

begin IE and I feel so behind. I have been at this for about a month now.

> >

> > Thanks again for listening and offering your wonderful advice,

> > Jen

>

[Guest guest]

Are you giving yourself absolute permission to eat these foods? Are you binging

on them because you feel you " shouldn't " have them even though you are allowing

them to be around? Try to give yourself permission to have a small portion with

out any guilt or remorse. Remind yourself that you can always go back and have

more if you really, truly want it. And then remind yourself that you can have

those foods whenever you want, preferably when you are truly hungry.

Alana

>

> Hi Alana,

>

> >

> I am practicing with keeping some of those foods in my house (keeping plenty

of them so I don't feel deprived) and I have ended up bingeing on them. So I

vacillate between keeping them in the house or keeping them out of the house. I

know what the IE theory is on that, but I often wonder how I can handle it.

>

> Thanks again for your help!

> Jen

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jen & Latoya & everyone else interested in the chocolate issue.

Chocolate (esp. Ice cream) was always a potential binge item for me, &

even when eating more mindfully, something I ate in small portions

when I wasn't hungry. Just one bite can lift my mood, & I am trying

not to use food that way.

Chocolate gas been proven to increase seratonin levels, just like

Prozac or other anti-depressants. Scientists say that it's got the

same chemical make-up as falling in love. So the effect is real

(aside from it's incredible taste).

I had to give it up for 10 yrs because it aggravated a tricky bladder

condition called Intersticial Cystitis. I learned to like vanilla and

other flavors, but chocolate is chocolate. Then I had to take a

supplement called L-Glutathione ( in powder form) & just as my dr.

told me it would, my chocolate cravings went away-- for the first time

in 60+ years! (My 1st memory is chocolate ice cream dripping from my

cone down my white eyelet pinafore at age 2 or 3.)

When I do have chocolate now ( & I do love it but not with the same

intensity) I notice that I want to eat it more & more, so I try to

break the cycle as soon as I can.

BTW, When I first started doing IE type work, I bought 6 choc choc

chip pints of Haagen Daasz and made them handy in my freezer. Some

wound up with freezer burn & ice crystals because giving myself

permission freed me from having to eat it.

Hope some of this info helps.

Best,

Ellen

Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

Jen,

There are a lot of directions that you can go in. Sometimes doing nothing

instead of doing something is the key. Your body and intuition can and will

guide you. Do you meditate/take the time to just breathe and be present with

yourself daily?

Choosing to focus on chocolate as the first challenge to work with (i.e., making

the " making peace with food " process manageable) and transforming your

relationship with that food will translate to the other food fixations as well.

Latoya:)

>

> Latoya,

>

> Well, I actually don't fixate on only chocolate. I actually have a ton of

obsessions in regards to foods I feel out of control around. All sorts of

chocolate ANYTHING (milk, dark, cake, icing, pie etc), ice cream, peanut butter,

all kinds of nuts, cinnamon rolls, cereal...the list goes ON and ON. Mostly the

fixation is with sweets and carbs of all kinds. That's why I have always just

assumed that I have an addiction to sugar/carbs and this is part of the issue. I

am trying to come to the realization now that it isn't simply a physical

addiction, but a psychological one. Although, I admit, at times I believe it's

both.

>

> I keep coming up with ideas about what I will try the next evening to fulfill

whatever need I am having-and it seems that nothing works. The cravings consume

my mind and body. This frightens me because I am losing faith that I will be

able to overcome these binges. But I still haven't surrendered and I try each

day. I just hope I'm not fooling myself.

>

>

> I'm going to look into the book you mentioned. It might offer something that

could help tonight!

>

> I really appreciate your input!

> Jen