Re: Resenting IE

[Guest guest]

I think perhaps stress is keeping you bound up in a cycle with it. Yes, it is hard to eat peacefully with small children and it also is difficult to find the best level of matching hunger and meals around a busy or chaotic schedule.

I see IE as a guide as are many of the mindful eating programs. They are not absolutes. They are not meant to cause frustration, only asking us to be aware by giving us lessons to practice and think about. So it is fabulous that you are aware that something is out of kilter for you and you seek an alternative.

I love the idea of eating only when hungry. when I am alone, that works perfectly. But I have a traditional husband who wants his three meals a day. Since he prefers to eat at the table and have me there, it only makes sense for me to eat my meals with him. I have spent my 55 years on this earth eating 3 meals a day too. It’s natural for us and for me. What I have learned to do is eat small and pay attention to when the earliest moment there is to stop eating and feel fine about it, body and mind. This way of eating adjusted itself to me being truly hungry at meal times. So I can practice mindful eating as I eat, even if it just has to be under a more traditional structure. Otherwise, I would be stressed cooking and preparing meals so many times a day!

I eat out of a very small bowl that holds only 1 cup of food at a time. This is my way of nourishing my body and providing a natural break to decide if I want more. The bowl is unique, I am the only one who eats from it, whatever I put in it, it is my gift of food to myself. It is a small ceremony for me to get out my bowl, fill it, see the food as delightful mixture of scents, textures and colours, eat from it, wash it by hand and set it aside. This “ceremony†pulls me away mentally from the constant distractions and helped me find a moment of peace when eating because it is MY bowl, MY moment. I have been able to eat with 4 squirming children with food flying over my head and still appreciate that whatever is in my bowl is mine to eat and my choice to enjoy.

Just an idea.

From: Dawn Rittenbach

Sent: Thursday, December 02, 2010 8:54 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Resenting IE

This is a vent, and ask for ideas post. I'm feeling frustrated with IE right now. For one, I have two small children, who are home with me most all the time still. The oldest is in preschool 3 mornings a week, but that's it. The only meal I have any peace at is dinner, and even that is small peace. Trying to eat peacefully and mindfully is difficult at best and with their ages, I can't not eat around them. I know, I do eat less when not constantly distracted and interrupted by them, and that often I eat more because of the stress a meal can be. But at the same time, I'm too close to the situation and don't know what to do about it. Secondly, I never get to eat what I want! Okay, that sounds like a crazy statement. Isn't part of IE allowing ourselves, giving ourselves permission to eat what we want. Well, I want ice cream and cookies and candy. I don't however want those items for breakfast, lunch or dinner. At those times of the day, I want the appropriate types of foods. Then, it turns out, most of my eating has been stress induced, not hunger, and it comes around, that I'm almost never hungry when I mentally want, or my taste-buds (still not my stomach,) wants the junk. Then I hear the voices in my head. I hear the diet voices, saying, "Oh the calories and the fat! horrors, tsk." and I even hear the IE voice saying, "you can have that if you want it, it is okay, but do you really want it?" Turns out the answer is usually no, I don't really want that. (I too have found I don't really like mochas, even though I used to drink many.) I'm starting to resent that gentle IE voice, because even though it's telling me I can have it, it also feels like it's telling me I can't because the answer is, I don't really want it, and that's part of IE learning that difference so I don't eat it, and I have wonderful yummy peppermint ice cream going bad in my freezer and it's December and I have all sorts of holiday goodies in my pantry, and they are going to rot there before I reach the 'right' hunger to eat them!So, anyone got any ideas? What's wrong here. I should be happy that I'm distinguishing better between my head, mouth and emotional hunger and my true stomach hunger. Instead, I'm getting upset and resentful.Dawn------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hi Dawn,

I definitely sympathize with your situation- I admit that I haven't managed to

completely quell that feeling of disappointment/frustration that I don't get to

comfort myself by overeating when I'm stressed/tired/sad etc. even as I

recognize that it's not really what I want or need. I think this feeling is due

largely to the fact that I've used food as a source of comfort for most of my

life and when I take that away as a coping method, I have to deal with my

emotions some other way and I haven't really completely developed these coping

methods. My solution has been to try to focus on other ways of nourishing myself

- if I'm tired from a long day, I'll try to take a nap instead of eating. If I'm

feeling down about something, I'll try to talk to someone about it or write in

my journal or distract myself by going for a walk.

I think a big thing in all of this is to be patient with yourself and not expect

perfection. " Normal eaters " do eat even when they're not physically hungry, they

also eat out of stress sometimes. I think it's important not to be too hard on

yourself if you give in to an impulse to eat when you're feeling down or

stressed but at the same time to focus on giving yourself whatever you think

food was giving you before - pleasure, relaxation, etc - in new ways as well.

Meg