Guest guest Posted September 1, 2010 Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 Oh, I think you should do my therapy home work with me. We are working on " self definition " this week and I'm making a list of opinions I have about myself, and then figuring out if it is really my opinion - or is it Nadas. I had a hard time getting started, figuring out what I actually think of myself - i don't know, I think whatever of myself the last person I was with thought about me, I guess. Or more acturately what I thought they thought. That's it, what I thought they thought about me is my self definition. Great, I'm off to a roaring start. No but really, I have a list going, and I've even been able to pick out thoughts of mine that are actually my cowboy dad's thoughts not mine They usually involve the word " pansy " or another P word that is less polite but means essentially the same thing. . . . And a couple of time the words " swift kick of a cowboy boot up the ass " came to mind, and I was like, oh no no that is NOT girlscout talking. Not one bit. That there is a cowboy blast from the past (I'm not actually the cowby in my pseudonym, that's my pet.) So do it with me, lets see if we can figure out who we really are. `` On Wed, Sep 1, 2010 at 1:17 PM, sweetsoulmusic09 <sweetsoulmusic09@... > wrote: > > > I guess I'm asking more to find out if it's normal or warning signs to look > out for... not sure really. > > I think I'm pretty okay in the life skills department. I read a book called > " Getting Rich Your Own Way " by and it really laid everything out > for me. It was a great help after my own Bankruptcy slapped me upside the > head. Plus I use mint.com to manage my money and it's been a tremendous > help! I was able to save up money to buy a brand new iMac that I've always > wanted, and still have a good amount left over. I'm pretty low-income but I > have a lot for how little I make. > > Various people have taught me how to do things along the way. In 6th grade > a kid in my home-ec class realized, after baking cookies, that I actually > had no idea how to wash the dishes. She thought I was kidding at first but > when she saw me attempt it, she was pretty surprised. But the girl was > really nice about it and taught me how to wash dishes. I figured out how to > wash my own clothes by reading the back of the laundry soap bottle at 15 > years old. As far as the car goes, one of my friends taught me a lot about > that type of thing, and my boyfriend's best friend is a mechanic. > > My housing is in good shape. My boyfriend makes a little over double my > yearly income, so we're in a good place. He paid for all the furniture and > let me pick literally everything in the apartment, it turned out really nice > and modern. I even chose the apartment... I have specific standards lol. For > some reason he rarely says no to me. > > I've been through many many controlling relationships. One was actually > worse than my father, and ended in a 10 year protective order. I'm assuming > that since I'm actually going through this struggle with accepting freedom, > it means that something must be different. > > I went through counseling for a year and a half when I was living with my > dad, since it was the only way I could make it through. > > Not very sure what to do next. I guess just making decisions for myself... > And seeing how I like certain things. Not sure, really. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I've been reading a lot of posts on these forums. It always amazes me > how > > > everyone seems to know exactly what myself and everyone else is going > > > through. I guess BPD parents seem to produce the same type of struggles > in > > > their children. It's all been extremely helpful to know these struggles > are > > > not just a personal character flaw and are perfectly normal for the > children > > > of BPD. > > > > > > What happens when you get older and have to learn to deal with > everything? > > > For the first time, I am away from my father, don't talk to him, have > no > > > financial ties to him and I find myself completely clueless. I feel a > lot > > > like a prisoner who has been in jail for two decades, and when they get > out > > > it's exhilarating at first, but eventually they get overwhelmed. They > are so > > > used to being controlled that they have no idea how to be free. And > that is > > > basically where I'm at now. > > > > > > I've literally had no real parenting. My father started brainwashing me > at > > > only 3 years old, and my mother became highly verbally and physically > > > abusive for several years during my childhood. It only happened when my > dad > > > was traveling a lot on business trips. I didn't do very well in school > > > because I was being drastically under challenged. I have had zero role > > > models. All the parenting I got was from books like " The Road Less > > > Traveled " . > > > > > > I've always thought I knew myself but apparently I didn't. I've spent > my > > > life serving all my abusers, molding myself for their acceptance. With > their > > > words, they've convinced me I am someone else. Now that I am entirely > free, > > > I feel a bit like an innocent child child who doesn't know anything and > is > > > learning everything for the first time. I find myself asking basic > childlike > > > questions; " What is love? " ... " Is it supposed to feel like something? " > ... > > > " How do you know what's right for you? " ... " How do you know if you like > > > something or not? " And numerous other what is this what is that > questions. > > > > > > Does anyone have any books they can recommend? This state I am in is > > > extremely vulnerable and rather frightening. Then again I guess some > people > > > would give anything to go back to the innocent mainframe of a child. > Anyone > > > else ever go through this? Or going through it now? > > > > > > - > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2010 Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 Hi , I know what you mean about life skills. I feel like in my thirties I am learning things I should have in my twenties. So many things you said struck a chord with me - for example, the thing about washing dishes. I was like that. And I remeember being in middle school and learning that you are supposed to use soap when you take a bath, or brush your teeth at night. I know, it seems obvious. But I learned these things from my peers, not my Nada. Today, it is another level - me learning that I am allowed to have my life and my choices, and the right to nurture healthy relationships with other people. Nada says I reject her, but I do not, I jjust reject being an object, and letting her control me. You mentioned reading The Road Less Travelled. I read People of the Lie, also by F Peck this summer, and it helped me tremendously. Notably in the life skills department,a nd also giving some insight into the evil within which I was raised. I am building, slowly. I only hope that my life will be different. I don't comment on here much, mostly read the emails, but yours struck a chord. Good luck and all my best, sweetsoulmusic09HI , a écrit : > > I guess I'm asking more to find out if it's normal or warning signs to > look out for... not sure really. > > I think I'm pretty okay in the life skills department. I read a book > called " Getting Rich Your Own Way " by and it really laid > everything out for me. It was a great help after my own Bankruptcy > slapped me upside the head. Plus I use mint.com to manage my money and > it's been a tremendous help! I was able to save up money to buy a > brand new iMac that I've always wanted, and still have a good amount > left over. I'm pretty low-income but I have a lot for how little I make. > > Various people have taught me how to do things along the way. In 6th > grade a kid in my home-ec class realized, after baking cookies, that I > actually had no idea how to wash the dishes. She thought I was kidding > at first but when she saw me attempt it, she was pretty surprised. But > the girl was really nice about it and taught me how to wash dishes. I > figured out how to wash my own clothes by reading the back of the > laundry soap bottle at 15 years old. As far as the car goes, one of my > friends taught me a lot about that type of thing, and my boyfriend's > best friend is a mechanic. > > My housing is in good shape. My boyfriend makes a little over double > my yearly income, so we're in a good place. He paid for all the > furniture and let me pick literally everything in the apartment, it > turned out really nice and modern. I even chose the apartment... I > have specific standards lol. For some reason he rarely says no to me. > > I've been through many many controlling relationships. One was > actually worse than my father, and ended in a 10 year protective > order. I'm assuming that since I'm actually going through this > struggle with accepting freedom, it means that something must be > different. > > I went through counseling for a year and a half when I was living with > my dad, since it was the only way I could make it through. > > Not very sure what to do next. I guess just making decisions for > myself... And seeing how I like certain things. Not sure, really. > > > > > > > > > > > > > I've been reading a lot of posts on these forums. It always amazes > me how > > > everyone seems to know exactly what myself and everyone else is going > > > through. I guess BPD parents seem to produce the same type of > struggles in > > > their children. It's all been extremely helpful to know these > struggles are > > > not just a personal character flaw and are perfectly normal for > the children > > > of BPD. > > > > > > What happens when you get older and have to learn to deal with > everything? > > > For the first time, I am away from my father, don't talk to him, > have no > > > financial ties to him and I find myself completely clueless. I > feel a lot > > > like a prisoner who has been in jail for two decades, and when > they get out > > > it's exhilarating at first, but eventually they get overwhelmed. > They are so > > > used to being controlled that they have no idea how to be free. > And that is > > > basically where I'm at now. > > > > > > I've literally had no real parenting. My father started > brainwashing me at > > > only 3 years old, and my mother became highly verbally and physically > > > abusive for several years during my childhood. It only happened > when my dad > > > was traveling a lot on business trips. I didn't do very well in school > > > because I was being drastically under challenged. I have had zero role > > > models. All the parenting I got was from books like " The Road Less > > > Traveled " . > > > > > > I've always thought I knew myself but apparently I didn't. I've > spent my > > > life serving all my abusers, molding myself for their acceptance. > With their > > > words, they've convinced me I am someone else. Now that I am > entirely free, > > > I feel a bit like an innocent child child who doesn't know > anything and is > > > learning everything for the first time. I find myself asking basic > childlike > > > questions; " What is love? " ... " Is it supposed to feel like > something? " ... > > > " How do you know what's right for you? " ... " How do you know if you > like > > > something or not? " And numerous other what is this what is that > questions. > > > > > > Does anyone have any books they can recommend? This state I am in is > > > extremely vulnerable and rather frightening. Then again I guess > some people > > > would give anything to go back to the innocent mainframe of a > child. Anyone > > > else ever go through this? Or going through it now? > > > > > > - > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2010 Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 yes! Â this is great, let the child in you play sometimes.. finger painting is good.. nice and messy and creative i think.. what would be your idea of a fun thing to do? Â even if it seems a little strange at first, try it! Â trust yourself to experiment a little. Â one little step at a time. Â good luck! Â and happy exploring..ann Subject: Re: Self-Identity? To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Wednesday, September 1, 2010, 5:36 PM Â Its like you're re-parenting yourself! What normal parents do when they have a little one is to expose the child to different safe, fun experiences so the child has a chance to try this new thing (going down a sliding board, riding a pony, playing with finger-paints, playing with musical instruments, walking up a tall hill and looking at the expanded horizon, etc.) to see if she likes it or not. Just reading about something or watching it on TV isn't the same as actually trying it. Have you ever taken a cooking class? A poetry-writing class? A drawing class? Ever learned to play a musical instrument? Taken a martial arts class? Gone hiking with the Sierra Club? Ever go to museums or art galleries? To a planetarium or a star-gazing party? Have you done much traveling around your country or to foreign countries? There is a whole world of experiences out there to sample; you'll either enjoy this or that particular activity or you won't, but your inner child won't know until you try it. In my opinion, tasting and feeling and hearing and smelling and live-in-person experiences are how you figure out what YOU, personally, like and don't like, what grabs your interest, what thrills and inspires you, what piques your curiosity and where your talents lay. You gradually discover what makes you uniquely you! Go for it! Re-parent the heck out of yourself! -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > I've been reading a lot of posts on these forums. It always amazes me how > > > everyone seems to know exactly what myself and everyone else is going > > > through. I guess BPD parents seem to produce the same type of struggles in > > > their children. It's all been extremely helpful to know these struggles are > > > not just a personal character flaw and are perfectly normal for the children > > > of BPD. > > > > > > What happens when you get older and have to learn to deal with everything? > > > For the first time, I am away from my father, don't talk to him, have no > > > financial ties to him and I find myself completely clueless. I feel a lot > > > like a prisoner who has been in jail for two decades, and when they get out > > > it's exhilarating at first, but eventually they get overwhelmed. They are so > > > used to being controlled that they have no idea how to be free. And that is > > > basically where I'm at now. > > > > > > I've literally had no real parenting. My father started brainwashing me at > > > only 3 years old, and my mother became highly verbally and physically > > > abusive for several years during my childhood. It only happened when my dad > > > was traveling a lot on business trips. I didn't do very well in school > > > because I was being drastically under challenged. I have had zero role > > > models. All the parenting I got was from books like " The Road Less > > > Traveled " . > > > > > > I've always thought I knew myself but apparently I didn't. I've spent my > > > life serving all my abusers, molding myself for their acceptance. With their > > > words, they've convinced me I am someone else. Now that I am entirely free, > > > I feel a bit like an innocent child child who doesn't know anything and is > > > learning everything for the first time. I find myself asking basic childlike > > > questions; " What is love? " ... " Is it supposed to feel like something? " ... > > > " How do you know what's right for you? " ... " How do you know if you like > > > something or not? " And numerous other what is this what is that questions. > > > > > > Does anyone have any books they can recommend? This state I am in is > > > extremely vulnerable and rather frightening. Then again I guess some people > > > would give anything to go back to the innocent mainframe of a child. Anyone > > > else ever go through this? Or going through it now? > > > > > > - > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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