Guest guest Posted September 20, 2010 Report Share Posted September 20, 2010 My mom started in on me with the flattery after I started setting boundaries with her. It feels fake. I can't tell if she's trying hard to make up for things that she did wrong, or just trying to get me to like her again. I'd rather she didn't compliment me at all. I like the quote you shared. kt > > I thought it was narcissistic supply...that she'd lived with narcissists and so was quick to offer it. I still feel in some cases that is true. But,... > I think I've figured out the constant phoney flattery of my NADA. > > She is so intensely in your face with this stuff that it makes you want to throw up! People love her for it when they don't know her well. They don't realize that they are hearing the same phoney lines that she spreads over everyone! They will say how they love my mother. > > Now, I'm thinking it's more manipulation. As she does many manipulative things such as push every " guilt " button you've got over She even sais " how could you leave your mother " when you are just going to the bathroom. > > " Covert-aggressive personalities are adept at charming, praising, flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and surrender their trust and loyalty. Covert-aggressives are also particularly aware that people who are to some extent emotionally needy and dependent (and that includes most people who aren't character-disordered) want approval, reassurance, and a sense of being valued and needed more than anything. Appearing to be attentive to these needs can be a manipulator's ticket to incredible power over others. Shady " gurus " like Jim and Koresh seemed to have refined this tactic to an art. In the story of Al and Don, Al is the consummate seducer. He melts any resistance you might have to giving him your loyalty and confidence. He does this by giving you what he knows you need most. He knows you want to feel valued and important. So, he often tells you that you are. You don't find out how unimportant you really are to him until you turn out to be in his way. " > > > I'm so sick of it. She pulls it on me and I can't stand it. Because, I hear her telling everyone else they are God. > > I don't know how to quell it. And now that she is going senile, she just appears more stupid when she does it. Because, she keeps repeating the same thing to the same person fifty times and doesn't get it right. lol > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2010 Report Share Posted September 20, 2010 This bothers me too. I am in the medical field and so I get patients that have PDs every now and then. I can smell them a mile away. When they start laying on the compliments thick, " Oh you are just the BEST EVER!!! I have never met anyone as wonderful and understanding as you " (this being 5 minutes after meeting me and I haven't done anything for them) it makes me want to run away screaming. It's pure manipulation and it's sick. I think I am hypersensitive because I am a KO, but due to the nature of my job I have to deal with it. It makes my skin crawl. > > > > I thought it was narcissistic supply...that she'd lived with narcissists and so was quick to offer it. I still feel in some cases that is true. But,... > > I think I've figured out the constant phoney flattery of my NADA. > > > > She is so intensely in your face with this stuff that it makes you want to throw up! People love her for it when they don't know her well. They don't realize that they are hearing the same phoney lines that she spreads over everyone! They will say how they love my mother. > > > > Now, I'm thinking it's more manipulation. As she does many manipulative things such as push every " guilt " button you've got over She even sais " how could you leave your mother " when you are just going to the bathroom. > > > > " Covert-aggressive personalities are adept at charming, praising, flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and surrender their trust and loyalty. Covert-aggressives are also particularly aware that people who are to some extent emotionally needy and dependent (and that includes most people who aren't character-disordered) want approval, reassurance, and a sense of being valued and needed more than anything. Appearing to be attentive to these needs can be a manipulator's ticket to incredible power over others. Shady " gurus " like Jim and Koresh seemed to have refined this tactic to an art. In the story of Al and Don, Al is the consummate seducer. He melts any resistance you might have to giving him your loyalty and confidence. He does this by giving you what he knows you need most. He knows you want to feel valued and important. So, he often tells you that you are. You don't find out how unimportant you really are to him until you turn out to be in his way. " > > > > > > I'm so sick of it. She pulls it on me and I can't stand it. Because, I hear her telling everyone else they are God. > > > > I don't know how to quell it. And now that she is going senile, she just appears more stupid when she does it. Because, she keeps repeating the same thing to the same person fifty times and doesn't get it right. lol > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 24, 2010 Report Share Posted September 24, 2010 My mom has also been big with the flattery since I started creating distance between us (by moving a way) and later by setting more intentional boundaries. The flattery is usually thickest when she is currently pursuing or has recently orchestrating a distortion campaign against me. It makes my skin crawl as well. Even worse, she often segues from flattery to fishing for undeserved compliments, " I was a good mother, wasn't I? " Makes me want to scream. --Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 24, 2010 Report Share Posted September 24, 2010 That is something my nada did rather often in the past, and still does: the whiny fishing for compliments and reassurances that she was/is " a good mom " even when in the next breath she'll say something ugly and hateful to me. I just got so freaking tired of it, I didn't want to be around that any longer, its like torture. So, that's one of the reasons I'm in (virtual) No Contact. -Annie > > My mom has also been big with the flattery since I started creating distance between us (by moving a way) and later by setting more intentional boundaries. The flattery is usually thickest when she is currently pursuing or has recently orchestrating a distortion campaign against me. It makes my skin crawl as well. Even worse, she often segues from flattery to fishing for undeserved compliments, " I was a good mother, wasn't I? " Makes me want to scream. > > --Anne > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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