Re: Nada's momentos- to toss or not to toss?

[Guest guest]

Mozz

Pictures are irreplacable. I have a couple of crates of them that I dug

out of nada s after her death. Dug, literally as they were hidden all

over the place. It has been 14 months, and I have yet to look at them.

Yet someday I might.

As for the other stuff, I kept what I wanted, trashed Trashy Treasures

given to me as though they were the crown jewels. I kept one small box

of mementos, to go thru when I am up to it.

The rest, I had an open house, to her friends, neighbors, other

residents at the senior apartments, come one , come all, take what you

want. What was left, trash or the thrift store at a local church.

Hey, kid, remember the FOG. You are not obligated to keep what you dont

want, and nada is not around to dump guilt on you for not doing so.

Own your own life.

Doug

>

> Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high

school class ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act

very hurt and offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it.

Now I have all this and I am not sure what to do with it. Good will?

Seems kind of messed up. I just threw her year books away. Then the

ultimate what the heck am I going to do with this: I " accidentally " left

an 8x10 framed painting of her as a toddler at her house to go to the

estate sale b/c I figured someone might buy it for the frame. Well her

friend went to the sale and assumed I didn't know I left it, bought it

and mailed it to me. I don't know what to do with it. I was about to

take it to good will when my 19m old dtr saw it and ran up and gave the

picture all these kisses. I felt so guilty I kept it. I almost feel like

I am abandoning the toddler in the picture. I have a ton of baby pics of

her. What do I do with all this? I don't feel any nostalgia or warmth

toward her memory, but I think I might in time. Who knows?

>

[Guest guest]

I guess it would be best to put a lot of it in a box and deal with it later. I

mean it's only been 2-3 m since she died, maybe I should allow myself more time

to process before tossing things. It's just that she forced so much on me, laid

the FOG on so thick, that I feel the need to purge anything having to do with

her.

> >

> > Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high

> school class ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act

> very hurt and offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it.

> Now I have all this and I am not sure what to do with it. Good will?

> Seems kind of messed up. I just threw her year books away. Then the

> ultimate what the heck am I going to do with this: I " accidentally " left

> an 8x10 framed painting of her as a toddler at her house to go to the

> estate sale b/c I figured someone might buy it for the frame. Well her

> friend went to the sale and assumed I didn't know I left it, bought it

> and mailed it to me. I don't know what to do with it. I was about to

> take it to good will when my 19m old dtr saw it and ran up and gave the

> picture all these kisses. I felt so guilty I kept it. I almost feel like

> I am abandoning the toddler in the picture. I have a ton of baby pics of

> her. What do I do with all this? I don't feel any nostalgia or warmth

> toward her memory, but I think I might in time. Who knows?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Axiom: Never make decisions based on emotions and stress, that do not

have to be made right away.

Never put an artificial time contraint on yourself. Deal with what you

must now, and with what can wait , when you are ready.

Boxes sitting in your attic will be right there waiting when your baby

is a sleeping toddler, or in the first grade.

But if tossing some of her shit gives you a cathartic release from that

FOG, the F%%% it! Toss it. Most important right now are you, and that

baby you are carrying.

>

> I guess it would be best to put a lot of it in a box and deal with it

later. I mean it's only been 2-3 m since she died, maybe I should allow

myself more time to process before tossing things. It's just that she

forced so much on me, laid the FOG on so thick, that I feel the need to

purge anything having to do with her.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have a little " Thing " I do when Im trying to decide whether to keep stuff (Im

a big collector of all sorts of things).

I will keep things in a box for a long while if Im not sure whether to keep

them, and at some point down the track I will take it out and look at it. If it

triggers memories, and makes me remember something WORTHWHILE REMEMBERING, then

Ill keep it. Every thing I keep must have a story connected to it of some type.

Or if it is simply a beautiful thing, Ill keep it. If it doesnt fit into those

two categories, it goes.

Over time, stuff that is no longer special to me will go, and are replaced by

other things over time, so my collections are always evolving, although there

are a lot of things I will never part with. I dont ever collect more than I am

able to enjoy - that goes for photos too (ie I dont hoard).

You dont need to decide whether to keep something " forever " . You can change your

mind whenever you like - even if its just plonking it in a box in the shed for

the next 10 years.

> > >

> > > Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high

> > school class ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act

> > very hurt and offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it.

> > Now I have all this and I am not sure what to do with it. Good will?

> > Seems kind of messed up. I just threw her year books away. Then the

> > ultimate what the heck am I going to do with this: I " accidentally " left

> > an 8x10 framed painting of her as a toddler at her house to go to the

> > estate sale b/c I figured someone might buy it for the frame. Well her

> > friend went to the sale and assumed I didn't know I left it, bought it

> > and mailed it to me. I don't know what to do with it. I was about to

> > take it to good will when my 19m old dtr saw it and ran up and gave the

> > picture all these kisses. I felt so guilty I kept it. I almost feel like

> > I am abandoning the toddler in the picture. I have a ton of baby pics of

> > her. What do I do with all this? I don't feel any nostalgia or warmth

> > toward her memory, but I think I might in time. Who knows?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Along the lines of Doug's response. My brother and I will have a ton of

stuff of nada's to make decisions about. I've not made decisions about the

stuff, but I have thought that I am not in a good place to decide about it

now. Now I might not want anything that reminds me of her, but I might not

always feel that way and may regret just getting rid of everything. So, we

are going to take our time and deal with most of the stuff later. Personal

papers and notes and letters - I can't handle reading most of them now - but

I'm throwing them all in one box and may or may not read them later.

Pictures will be a mixed bag too - some of my brother and I, I think likely

to have good memories and I/we will want to keep them - but overall I can't

look at the pictures right now even if I had the time, I'm sure they would

trigger bad things as well as good. So, they also will go in a box to deal

with later. I'm only at the very beginning of all of this though.

On Wed, Sep 22, 2010 at 8:08 PM, mozzarella27 wrote:

>

>

> Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high school

> class ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act very hurt

> and offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it. Now I have all

> this and I am not sure what to do with it. Good will? Seems kind of messed

> up. I just threw her year books away. Then the ultimate what the heck am I

> going to do with this: I " accidentally " left an 8x10 framed painting of her

> as a toddler at her house to go to the estate sale b/c I figured someone

> might buy it for the frame. Well her friend went to the sale and assumed I

> didn't know I left it, bought it and mailed it to me. I don't know what to

> do with it. I was about to take it to good will when my 19m old dtr saw it

> and ran up and gave the picture all these kisses. I felt so guilty I kept

> it. I almost feel like I am abandoning the toddler in the picture. I have a

> ton of baby pics of her. What do I do with all this? I don't feel any

> nostalgia or warmth toward her memory, but I think I might in time. Who

> knows?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

May I psychoanalyze for a moment? We are taught that BPDs are stopped at a

certain developmental stage. Usually toddlerhood, right. So she was a

healthy child up to that age - or an abused child who was developing her

defenses, but still quite human. And you can love the seed of humanhood that

was in her as a toddler. So the picture keeps finding you. Later pictures

after her disfunction was fully developed may not do the same thing for you,

because you knew her then better than anyone else.

Also a suggestion - I would keep or record or whatever anythign about her

health or mental or family (meaning genetic and behavioral) history for your

own research. I'm currently trying to gather that kind of info while

maintaining NC. So if you have that goldmine in front of you, i would

consider not chucking it.

Hugs. Amazing the power we give to certain things.

___________________________

of the stuff later. Personal

papers and notes and letters - I can't handle reading most of them now - but

I'm throwing them all in one box and may or may not read them later.

Pictures will be a mixed bag too - some of my brother and I, I think likely

to have good memories and I/we will want to keep them - but overall I can't

look at the pictures right now even if I had the time, I'm sure they would

trigger bad things as well as good. So, they also will go in a box to deal

with later. I'm only at the very beginning of all of this though.

On Wed, Sep 22, 2010 at 8:08 PM, mozzarella27 wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high school

> > class ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act very

> hurt

> > and offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it. Now I have

> all

> > this and I am not sure what to do with it. Good will? Seems kind of

> messed

> > up. I just threw her year books away. Then the ultimate what the heck am

> I

> > going to do with this: I " accidentally " left an 8x10 framed painting of

> her

> > as a toddler at her house to go to the estate sale b/c I figured someone

> > might buy it for the frame. Well her friend went to the sale and assumed

> I

> > didn't know I left it, bought it and mailed it to me. I don't know what

> to

> > do with it. I was about to take it to good will when my 19m old dtr saw

> it

> > and ran up and gave the picture all these kisses. I felt so guilty I kept

> > it. I almost feel like I am abandoning the toddler in the picture. I have

> a

> > ton of baby pics of her. What do I do with all this? I don't feel any

> > nostalgia or warmth toward her memory, but I think I might in time. Who

> > knows?

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mozzarella,

What I would do is I would tightly wrap them all up in one box and throw it in

my attic... that way it is out of sight out of mind... some day you may want

them and maybe not... You never have to open them again! but... they are there

if you decide to... You can always throw them away but never get them back!...

just my opinion... jen

>

> Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high school class

ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act very hurt and

offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it. Now I have all this and

I am not sure what to do with it. Good will? Seems kind of messed up. I just

threw her year books away. Then the ultimate what the heck am I going to do with

this: I " accidentally " left an 8x10 framed painting of her as a toddler at her

house to go to the estate sale b/c I figured someone might buy it for the frame.

Well her friend went to the sale and assumed I didn't know I left it, bought it

and mailed it to me. I don't know what to do with it. I was about to take it to

good will when my 19m old dtr saw it and ran up and gave the picture all these

kisses. I felt so guilty I kept it. I almost feel like I am abandoning the

toddler in the picture. I have a ton of baby pics of her. What do I do with all

this? I don't feel any nostalgia or warmth toward her memory, but I think I

might in time. Who knows?

>

[Guest guest]

You can sell the jewelry. Heck, I just went this week and sold some jewelry I

had that I didn't like or have any sentimental attachment to. Yay, vacation

money!

Or, my other thought is: this stuff means nothing to you because of all the

personal pain and injury nada did to you. I'm sure my great grandparents and

grandparents did their fair share of damage to their own kids, but they never

did it to *me* and I kind of love having pictures and mementos just to

say...this is where I came from, even if it sucked. Maybe just put all the

photos in an archival album, label them, and hang on to it in case your kids or

grandkids ever want them?

Ninera

>

> Subject: Nada's momentos- to toss or not to toss?

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Thursday, September 23, 2010, 3:08 AM

> Before nada died she kept giving me

> all this stuff like her high school class ring and charm

> bracelet. I took them because she would act very hurt and

> offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it. Now

> I have all this and I am not sure what to do with it. Good

> will? Seems kind of messed up. I just threw her year books

> away. Then the ultimate what the heck am I going to do with

> this: I " accidentally " left an 8x10 framed painting of her

> as a toddler at her house to go to the estate sale b/c I

> figured someone might buy it for the frame. Well her friend

> went to the sale and assumed I didn't know I left it, bought

> it and mailed it to me. I don't know what to do with it. I

> was about to take it to good will when my 19m old dtr saw it

> and ran up and gave the picture all these kisses. I felt so

> guilty I kept it. I almost feel like I am abandoning the

> toddler in the picture. I have a ton of baby pics of her.

> What do I do with all this? I don't feel any nostalgia or

> warmth toward her memory, but I think I might in time. Who

> knows?

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

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[Guest guest]

Good question. My take on this is that since you have a child/children, maybe

pack up a few of the photos, letters, newspaper clippings/other mementos, some

jewelry, etc., and put them away for your kids to have after they grow up. Then

sell or give away the bulk of the items and use the money to take a vacation, or

start a savings account, or give it to charity, or whatever makes you feel good.

I don't have kids, so I was toying with the idea of having a big ol' bonfire (in

a safe & secure way) and just tossing all the stuff she's ever given me into the

bonfire in sort of a cleansing or purification ritual. Well, some of it at

least. I'll sell or give away any valuable or useful stuff. But the useless,

thoughtless, meaningless crap that's encrusted with painful memories...maybe

just burn it.

-Annie

>

> Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high school class

ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act very hurt and

offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it. Now I have all this and

I am not sure what to do with it. Good will? Seems kind of messed up. I just

threw her year books away. Then the ultimate what the heck am I going to do with

this: I " accidentally " left an 8x10 framed painting of her as a toddler at her

house to go to the estate sale b/c I figured someone might buy it for the frame.

Well her friend went to the sale and assumed I didn't know I left it, bought it

and mailed it to me. I don't know what to do with it. I was about to take it to

good will when my 19m old dtr saw it and ran up and gave the picture all these

kisses. I felt so guilty I kept it. I almost feel like I am abandoning the

toddler in the picture. I have a ton of baby pics of her. What do I do with all

this? I don't feel any nostalgia or warmth toward her memory, but I think I

might in time. Who knows?

>

[Guest guest]

Mozz - This is a great question. Considering that so many of our Nadas are also

hoarders, many of us face this problem. When " family " has had such a variable

and chaotic meaning, how do we decide what family keepsakes are precious, what's

just a reminder of bad times, and what should be tossed out without another

thought?

Doug had a great idea for the miscellaneous stuff that might be valuable to her

friends or other relatives - I'm going to use that " open house " idea, because my

mom's apartment is crammed floor to ceiling with stuff - cleanout is going to be

a dumpster-in-the-driveway undertaking. In addition, she owes money to people I

don't even know, so that would give them a chance to reclaim things they paid

for, or things they've given her, or things that would mean something to them.

I'll go through the apartment first in search of family photos, my dad's ashes,

and anything else that ranks as important, then put out the word to her friends

and enablers. Maybe I'll feel less guilty and embarrassed about being the

daughter of a manipulative con artist, too.

But as to items like her childhood charm bracelet or school ring - if you really

don't want to hold on to them, and if they might be of value as antiques - I'd

say sell them and put the money directly into college funds for your kids (or a

retirement fund, or a " trip to Europe " fund for yourself). Yellowing Polaroids

might elicit bad memories, and have no monetary value - so to create a family

history file for future generations, you (or a friend) could lay them out on a

scanner, scan them into a computer file, then go back and label them if you ever

get the urge. Then you can throw out the paper copies. Really old photos (like

her toddler pictures) might be worth cash, so you could scan those as well,

label them as best you can for future use in genealogy research, then sell the

old portraits. You'll have the image, it won't be taking up wall space but it

will be available, and you'll have a little more cash for the college fund. If

you let all those bad memories turn into a semester's tuition for your kids, it

might help to take a way the sting.

> >

> > Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high

> school class ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act

> very hurt and offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it.

> Now I have all this and I am not sure what to do with it. Good will?

> Seems kind of messed up. I just threw her year books away. Then the

> ultimate what the heck am I going to do with this: I " accidentally " left

> an 8x10 framed painting of her as a toddler at her house to go to the

> estate sale b/c I figured someone might buy it for the frame. Well her

> friend went to the sale and assumed I didn't know I left it, bought it

> and mailed it to me. I don't know what to do with it. I was about to

> take it to good will when my 19m old dtr saw it and ran up and gave the

> picture all these kisses. I felt so guilty I kept it. I almost feel like

> I am abandoning the toddler in the picture. I have a ton of baby pics of

> her. What do I do with all this? I don't feel any nostalgia or warmth

> toward her memory, but I think I might in time. Who knows?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I love tracy's plan. And can I suggest also letting your own support team

help where they can - because they can weed out the things that will trigger

or upset you. My boyfriend is always willing to help me with this, though I

don't think we will be dealing with the final departure of the nada for a

while yet.

On Thu, Sep 23, 2010 at 1:51 PM, shirleyspawn wrote:

>

>

> Mozz - This is a great question. Considering that so many of our Nadas are

> also hoarders, many of us face this problem. When " family " has had such a

> variable and chaotic meaning, how do we decide what family keepsakes are

> precious, what's just a reminder of bad times, and what should be tossed out

> without another thought?

>

> Doug had a great idea for the miscellaneous stuff that might be valuable to

> her friends or other relatives - I'm going to use that " open house " idea,

> because my mom's apartment is crammed floor to ceiling with stuff - cleanout

> is going to be a dumpster-in-the-driveway undertaking. In addition, she owes

> money to people I don't even know, so that would give them a chance to

> reclaim things they paid for, or things they've given her, or things that

> would mean something to them. I'll go through the apartment first in search

> of family photos, my dad's ashes, and anything else that ranks as important,

> then put out the word to her friends and enablers. Maybe I'll feel less

> guilty and embarrassed about being the daughter of a manipulative con

> artist, too.

>

> But as to items like her childhood charm bracelet or school ring - if you

> really don't want to hold on to them, and if they might be of value as

> antiques - I'd say sell them and put the money directly into college funds

> for your kids (or a retirement fund, or a " trip to Europe " fund for

> yourself). Yellowing Polaroids might elicit bad memories, and have no

> monetary value - so to create a family history file for future generations,

> you (or a friend) could lay them out on a scanner, scan them into a computer

> file, then go back and label them if you ever get the urge. Then you can

> throw out the paper copies. Really old photos (like her toddler pictures)

> might be worth cash, so you could scan those as well, label them as best you

> can for future use in genealogy research, then sell the old portraits.

> You'll have the image, it won't be taking up wall space but it will be

> available, and you'll have a little more cash for the college fund. If you

> let all those bad memories turn into a semester's tuition for your kids, it

> might help to take a way the sting.

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high

> > school class ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act

> > very hurt and offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it.

> > Now I have all this and I am not sure what to do with it. Good will?

> > Seems kind of messed up. I just threw her year books away. Then the

> > ultimate what the heck am I going to do with this: I " accidentally " left

> > an 8x10 framed painting of her as a toddler at her house to go to the

> > estate sale b/c I figured someone might buy it for the frame. Well her

> > friend went to the sale and assumed I didn't know I left it, bought it

> > and mailed it to me. I don't know what to do with it. I was about to

> > take it to good will when my 19m old dtr saw it and ran up and gave the

> > picture all these kisses. I felt so guilty I kept it. I almost feel like

> > I am abandoning the toddler in the picture. I have a ton of baby pics of

> > her. What do I do with all this? I don't feel any nostalgia or warmth

> > toward her memory, but I think I might in time. Who knows?

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes I think you are on to something here- I felt by getting rid of the pic I was

kind of abandoning that poor little girl. I look at it and wonder- what happened

to you??

>

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high school

> > > class ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act very

> > hurt

> > > and offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it. Now I have

> > all

> > > this and I am not sure what to do with it. Good will? Seems kind of

> > messed

> > > up. I just threw her year books away. Then the ultimate what the heck am

> > I

> > > going to do with this: I " accidentally " left an 8x10 framed painting of

> > her

> > > as a toddler at her house to go to the estate sale b/c I figured someone

> > > might buy it for the frame. Well her friend went to the sale and assumed

> > I

> > > didn't know I left it, bought it and mailed it to me. I don't know what

> > to

> > > do with it. I was about to take it to good will when my 19m old dtr saw

> > it

> > > and ran up and gave the picture all these kisses. I felt so guilty I kept

> > > it. I almost feel like I am abandoning the toddler in the picture. I have

> > a

> > > ton of baby pics of her. What do I do with all this? I don't feel any

> > > nostalgia or warmth toward her memory, but I think I might in time. Who

> > > knows?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

It's probably a good idea to keep some of it for my kids in case they are

interested. I don't know why I feel this crazy need to take care of it all right

this minute. I mean I am moving into a place that has a garage this weekend so I

will have plenty of space to store these things. I find myself throwing away a

lot of my things and even things of my dtr's that maybe I shouldn't. I guess I

just have this intense burning need to simplify. Nada put so much emphasis on

THINGS. She never focused on what's really important. Then I read that Eckart

Tolle (sp?) book and it made me feel like things aren't really important at all.

Now I have morphed into this person where nothing has any sentimental value. And

that's just not like me. Or is this the NEW me? I don't know.

> >

> > Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high school

class ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act very hurt and

offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it. Now I have all this and

I am not sure what to do with it. Good will? Seems kind of messed up. I just

threw her year books away. Then the ultimate what the heck am I going to do with

this: I " accidentally " left an 8x10 framed painting of her as a toddler at her

house to go to the estate sale b/c I figured someone might buy it for the frame.

Well her friend went to the sale and assumed I didn't know I left it, bought it

and mailed it to me. I don't know what to do with it. I was about to take it to

good will when my 19m old dtr saw it and ran up and gave the picture all these

kisses. I felt so guilty I kept it. I almost feel like I am abandoning the

toddler in the picture. I have a ton of baby pics of her. What do I do with all

this? I don't feel any nostalgia or warmth toward her memory, but I think I

might in time. Who knows?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not there yet since my nada is still alive. I'm an only child so there are

no siblings to get involved about who gets/wants this or that. For now my nada

keeps asking me about her stuff, what will happen to it. I just tell her I don't

want to think about that right now. She thinks I mean I don't want to think of

her dying. Hmm.

She worries about all her dolls and beanie babies, her furniture, her clothes

and jewelry. I think it would be hurtful to say I don't want any of her stuff

so I avoid the conversation. Some day, possibly sooner than I think, I'll have

to deal with it. Mostly I expect to give most of it away or have an estate sale

of what's worth selling.

[Guest guest]

If you've watched the TV show " Hoarders " , it seems clear that the person who

amasses collections of things invests a great deal of emotional connectedness or

bonding to these things. I watched as several of the hoarders refused to part

with their collection unless they were sure the objects were going to " a good

home " where someone would " care for them. "

As though the object was a child or a pet with feelings, that needed to be loved

and cared for.

It struck me as so completely bizarre that the hoarder imbues the

characteristics of living creatures onto his or her inanimate objects, yet the

bpd/npd person treats living human beings as though they are inanimate objects

without needs or feelings.

Its so... insane.

I think it would be a kindness to just reassure your nada that her things will

be loved and cared for after she passes away. No matter what you actually

intend to do with them, just keep telling her that these collections of useless

stuff will be loved and cared for. That's all she's wanting to hear, I think.

I don't plan to tell my nada that I am thinking about cheerfully burning or

selling everything she's ever given me after she dies, I think that would be a

cruel. Her objects are very important to her. Since I am in virtually no

contact with her the subject probably will never come up, but, if asked I'll

just say something blandly reassuring or I'll redirect the question.

-Annie

>

> I'm not there yet since my nada is still alive. I'm an only child so there are

no siblings to get involved about who gets/wants this or that. For now my nada

keeps asking me about her stuff, what will happen to it. I just tell her I don't

want to think about that right now. She thinks I mean I don't want to think of

her dying. Hmm.

>

> She worries about all her dolls and beanie babies, her furniture, her clothes

and jewelry. I think it would be hurtful to say I don't want any of her stuff

so I avoid the conversation. Some day, possibly sooner than I think, I'll have

to deal with it. Mostly I expect to give most of it away or have an estate sale

of what's worth selling.

>

[Guest guest]

Since my nada died I have had a strong desire to get rid of stuff - both

hers and mine. I am back at my home now and I spent most of yesterday

throwing away stuff in my house that had been here for quite some time. I am

normally a bit of a pack rat and tend to think I can use just about anything

at some point, but I had no trouble throwing stuff away yesterday. I was

similar when I was at my mom's house trying to begin to clean things out.

Again, this is somewhat unlike me as I tend to keep way more stuff than I

need to.

You wondered if you have a need to simplify. I do not know why I am suddenly

wanting to get rid of stuff that has literally been in my house for months

if not years. I thought I just suddenly got sick of the piles and my stuff

at work is neat and orderly and I spent time trying to make order of my

mom's stuff and I thought I just really wanted to make some order in my own

house. But since you mentioned a similar tendency in yourself it made me

wonder if it is in some way connected to nada dying and having to deal with

her stuff.

On Thu, Sep 23, 2010 at 8:07 PM, mozzarella27 wrote:

>

>

> It's probably a good idea to keep some of it for my kids in case they are

> interested. I don't know why I feel this crazy need to take care of it all

> right this minute. I mean I am moving into a place that has a garage this

> weekend so I will have plenty of space to store these things. I find myself

> throwing away a lot of my things and even things of my dtr's that maybe I

> shouldn't. I guess I just have this intense burning need to simplify. Nada

> put so much emphasis on THINGS. She never focused on what's really

> important. Then I read that Eckart Tolle (sp?) book and it made me feel like

> things aren't really important at all. Now I have morphed into this person

> where nothing has any sentimental value. And that's just not like me. Or is

> this the NEW me? I don't know.

>

>

> > >

> > > Before nada died she kept giving me all this stuff like her high school

> class ring and charm bracelet. I took them because she would act very hurt

> and offended if I didn't and it was just easier to take it. Now I have all

> this and I am not sure what to do with it. Good will? Seems kind of messed

> up. I just threw her year books away. Then the ultimate what the heck am I

> going to do with this: I " accidentally " left an 8x10 framed painting of her

> as a toddler at her house to go to the estate sale b/c I figured someone

> might buy it for the frame. Well her friend went to the sale and assumed I

> didn't know I left it, bought it and mailed it to me. I don't know what to

> do with it. I was about to take it to good will when my 19m old dtr saw it

> and ran up and gave the picture all these kisses. I felt so guilty I kept

> it. I almost feel like I am abandoning the toddler in the picture. I have a

> ton of baby pics of her. What do I do with all this? I don't feel any

> nostalgia or warmth toward her memory, but I think I might in time. Who

> knows?

> > >

> >

>

>

>