Guest guest Posted September 17, 2010 Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 I have been sitting here racking my brain trying to say something helpful and meaningful. All I can say right now is I wish I could give you a hug. > > So, it turned out that it was not 2 - 3 weeks, but more like 3 days. She > died peacefully today - just stopped breathing. I'm sad and tired and > relieved and empty and weary. But I know it will be a long road toward > healing. > > When I have more time and am thinking more clearly I will post about this > amazing priest who came to see her today. He blessed her, prayed for her and > clearly cared about her, but he also told her and my brother and I the truth > about who she was. Just one example, apparently once when she came to see > him, he said to her " You are an incredibly conniving woman. Do you see how > much you are trying to manipulate and control your children? " > > He basically completely validated how difficult it has been for us to be her > children and that she was incredibly demanding and needy and controlling and > stubborn and difficult to be with - these were seriously words he used to > describe her all while clearly caring for her as a person. Anyway, this was > such a blessing to me - I did not think anyone did not simply believe her > tales of woe about her awful children - and this was from someone who had > never even met us. > > This priest told her that he knows she is stubborn, but that it is time to > let go and be with Jesus and she did just a few hours later. > > Grateful but weary, > > MY - (I have no more fear of my mom finding me on here.) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2010 Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 How wonderful for you and your brother to have the priest provide you with some validation regarding your nada's character and personality. So often our nada's act as if nobody else in the world knows or would believe us about their true colors, so receiving this sort of validation is a gift. I hope this same priest does the eulogy. I offer you my condolences as well as congratulations on your newfound freedom. I look forward to the day...... > > So, it turned out that it was not 2 - 3 weeks, but more like 3 days. She > died peacefully today - just stopped breathing. I'm sad and tired and > relieved and empty and weary. But I know it will be a long road toward > healing. > > When I have more time and am thinking more clearly I will post about this > amazing priest who came to see her today. He blessed her, prayed for her and > clearly cared about her, but he also told her and my brother and I the truth > about who she was. Just one example, apparently once when she came to see > him, he said to her " You are an incredibly conniving woman. Do you see how > much you are trying to manipulate and control your children? " > > He basically completely validated how difficult it has been for us to be her > children and that she was incredibly demanding and needy and controlling and > stubborn and difficult to be with - these were seriously words he used to > describe her all while clearly caring for her as a person. Anyway, this was > such a blessing to me - I did not think anyone did not simply believe her > tales of woe about her awful children - and this was from someone who had > never even met us. > > This priest told her that he knows she is stubborn, but that it is time to > let go and be with Jesus and she did just a few hours later. > > Grateful but weary, > > MY - (I have no more fear of my mom finding me on here.) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2010 Report Share Posted September 18, 2010 ((((((((MY)))))))))) Thank you for sharing this with us. I am impressed with the kind priest who was able to be completely honest with your nada about her abusive behaviors; he " called " her on it, bluntly, and yet he was also able to have compassion for her simply as a fellow human being. That is just so touching. Its kind of apples and oranges, though, really. He was aware that she was a toxic person but he didn't receive any damage from it, himself. You and I and the other adult kids of abusive, mentally ill parents are in a different situation, and on a different road. It is an entirely different situation when the abuse and resulting damage were inflicted on us by our own parent(s) when we were too little to even realize that we were being traumatized. The road toward personal healing and possibly compassion and even forgiveness for our abuser is different when you grow up thinking that being mistreated is normal and deserved, particularly when the mistreatment continues into our adulthood. So. Anyway. I think its understandable that you are feeling many mixed feelings right now. I think its probably good that you were able to actually be there and that it gave you some kind of sense of closure. I'm glad you and your brother have each other for support. You have us, here, too. I'm thinking about you and offering you my condolences. sincerely, -Annie > > So, it turned out that it was not 2 - 3 weeks, but more like 3 days. She > died peacefully today - just stopped breathing. I'm sad and tired and > relieved and empty and weary. But I know it will be a long road toward > healing. > > When I have more time and am thinking more clearly I will post about this > amazing priest who came to see her today. He blessed her, prayed for her and > clearly cared about her, but he also told her and my brother and I the truth > about who she was. Just one example, apparently once when she came to see > him, he said to her " You are an incredibly conniving woman. Do you see how > much you are trying to manipulate and control your children? " > > He basically completely validated how difficult it has been for us to be her > children and that she was incredibly demanding and needy and controlling and > stubborn and difficult to be with - these were seriously words he used to > describe her all while clearly caring for her as a person. Anyway, this was > such a blessing to me - I did not think anyone did not simply believe her > tales of woe about her awful children - and this was from someone who had > never even met us. > > This priest told her that he knows she is stubborn, but that it is time to > let go and be with Jesus and she did just a few hours later. > > Grateful but weary, > > MY - (I have no more fear of my mom finding me on here.) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2010 Report Share Posted September 18, 2010 Annie, The priest primarily had a 'professional' relationship with her so no he did not reallly suffer any real abuse at her hand and I think it unlikely that he would say he had. I mostly really impressed and truly blessed that he talked directly to my brother and I about how hard it was for us to be her kids He said that she seemed to need someone to blame and she blamed us. He said things like " Your mom wanted you to take care of her 24/7 and do what she wanted all the time. And it is a really good thing that you did not " and " With your mom if you give her an inch she'll take a mile. " I was especially glad for how he talked to my brother - who has been painted black and been her scapegoat the vast majority of the time. He told him that he knew that he bore the brunt of my mom's stuff - which is oh so true. He never said mental illness or BPD, but regardless of whether he knew this he certainly had an accurate assessment of her and the effects her behavior has had on her children. He could not, nor did he try, to make it all better for us in terms of my mom, but he did validate our experience. My mom was high functioning - so she fooled the vast majority of people and most believed her tale that she is just a lonely old woman whose children have abandoned her. Thankfully, no one who has been here is coming right out and saying anything negative to my brother or I (which was one of my fears), but you can tell that some seem to be surprised that we are actually loving, caring, normal kids and people. (many of her friends had never met us before.) So, I could not believe that a priest of all people saw right through her. It was incredibly validating. I am not Catholic, so I don't have a lot of experiences with priests, but I'm not sure that he is your typical priest. In any case, this priest will be officiating her service and I am so glad. Thank you to everyone for your kind words and support. It has been wonderful to continually have a place where people " get it " On Fri, Sep 17, 2010 at 11:16 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > ((((((((MY)))))))))) > Thank you for sharing this with us. I am impressed with the kind priest who > was able to be completely honest with your nada about her abusive behaviors; > he " called " her on it, bluntly, and yet he was also able to have compassion > for her simply as a fellow human being. That is just so touching. > > Its kind of apples and oranges, though, really. He was aware that she was a > toxic person but he didn't receive any damage from it, himself. > > You and I and the other adult kids of abusive, mentally ill parents are in > a different situation, and on a different road. It is an entirely different > situation when the abuse and resulting damage were inflicted on us by our > own parent(s) when we were too little to even realize that we were being > traumatized. The road toward personal healing and possibly compassion and > even forgiveness for our abuser is different when you grow up thinking that > being mistreated is normal and deserved, particularly when the mistreatment > continues into our adulthood. > > So. Anyway. I think its understandable that you are feeling many mixed > feelings right now. I think its probably good that you were able to actually > be there and that it gave you some kind of sense of closure. I'm glad you > and your brother have each other for support. > > You have us, here, too. I'm thinking about you and offering you my > condolences. > > sincerely, > > -Annie > > > > > > > So, it turned out that it was not 2 - 3 weeks, but more like 3 days. > She > > died peacefully today - just stopped breathing. I'm sad and tired and > > relieved and empty and weary. But I know it will be a long road toward > > healing. > > > > When I have more time and am thinking more clearly I will post about this > > amazing priest who came to see her today. He blessed her, prayed for her > and > > clearly cared about her, but he also told her and my brother and I the > truth > > about who she was. Just one example, apparently once when she came to see > > him, he said to her " You are an incredibly conniving woman. Do you see > how > > much you are trying to manipulate and control your children? " > > > > He basically completely validated how difficult it has been for us to be > her > > children and that she was incredibly demanding and needy and controlling > and > > stubborn and difficult to be with - these were seriously words he used to > > describe her all while clearly caring for her as a person. Anyway, this > was > > such a blessing to me - I did not think anyone did not simply believe her > > tales of woe about her awful children - and this was from someone who had > > never even met us. > > > > This priest told her that he knows she is stubborn, but that it is time > to > > let go and be with Jesus and she did just a few hours later. > > > > Grateful but weary, > > > > MY - (I have no more fear of my mom finding me on here.) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2010 Report Share Posted September 18, 2010 My condolances are being sent your way. Healing takes time. Take care of yourself. nada died today So, it turned out that it was not 2 - 3 weeks, but more like 3 days. She died peacefully today - just stopped breathing. I'm sad and tired and relieved and empty and weary. But I know it will be a long road toward healing. When I have more time and am thinking more clearly I will post about this amazing priest who came to see her today. He blessed her, prayed for her and clearly cared about her, but he also told her and my brother and I the truth about who she was. Just one example, apparently once when she came to see him, he said to her " You are an incredibly conniving woman. Do you see how much you are trying to manipulate and control your children? " He basically completely validated how difficult it has been for us to be her children and that she was incredibly demanding and needy and controlling and stubborn and difficult to be with - these were seriously words he used to describe her all while clearly caring for her as a person. Anyway, this was such a blessing to me - I did not think anyone did not simply believe her tales of woe about her awful children - and this was from someone who had never even met us. This priest told her that he knows she is stubborn, but that it is time to let go and be with Jesus and she did just a few hours later. Grateful but weary, MY - (I have no more fear of my mom finding me on here.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2010 Report Share Posted September 18, 2010 Oh sweetie - wow, I'm sure that you have a full bag of mixed feelings. I'm even feeling the relief from here. Here's hoping your mom does a better job with the lot she's dealt in the next life. All my love, Girlscout > > > My condolances are being sent your way. Healing takes time. Take care of > yourself. > > > nada died today > > So, it turned out that it was not 2 - 3 weeks, but more like 3 days. She > died peacefully today - just stopped breathing. I'm sad and tired and > relieved and empty and weary. But I know it will be a long road toward > healing. > > When I have more time and am thinking more clearly I will post about this > amazing priest who came to see her today. He blessed her, prayed for her > and > clearly cared about her, but he also told her and my brother and I the > truth > about who she was. Just one example, apparently once when she came to see > him, he said to her " You are an incredibly conniving woman. Do you see how > much you are trying to manipulate and control your children? " > > He basically completely validated how difficult it has been for us to be > her > children and that she was incredibly demanding and needy and controlling > and > stubborn and difficult to be with - these were seriously words he used to > describe her all while clearly caring for her as a person. Anyway, this was > such a blessing to me - I did not think anyone did not simply believe her > tales of woe about her awful children - and this was from someone who had > never even met us. > > This priest told her that he knows she is stubborn, but that it is time to > let go and be with Jesus and she did just a few hours later. > > Grateful but weary, > > MY - (I have no more fear of my mom finding me on here.) > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2010 Report Share Posted September 18, 2010 > An excellent point Annie. Many people have toxic or unsafe people in their lives. Usually the choice is quite simple: Endure it or cut them out of your life. The 3rd, alternative, which comes back to the other 2, is to draw a line: change or its over. Healthy people will call the unsafe ones on thier behaviors, and if they don t change, avoid further contact. Co dependent people will endure their abuse because they can t abide the thought of letting them go. They are addicted to the abusive person. For us, the KOs, it is far less simple. As you noted, our toxic people are a parent. For all the formative years of our lives, we are forced to endure it. We are taught to be co dependent; required to be. As adults, we can start to understand and heal. Usually, we cling Oh, so hard , to the notion that , yes Nada is sick , but if only I ______, I can get her to change. Even when we go to LC or NC, we fight the guilt. FOG, anyone? If only we had been a better person, son, daughter, we would have been able to " fix " Nada, and make her finally love us, be normal, treat us with respect, acknowledge her abuses of us, and her own distorted thinking. But why should we expect to do that, when Licensed Professional Counselor, Clinical psychologists, and Therapists often cannot? Why should we be so special to know how to fix it, when those highly trained professionals often limit the number of BP s they will treat because of the time, effort, and emotional beating they take from them. Why, because Nada, in her sickness, had our formative decades to train us that THAT was our role in life. It s not. Quite the opposite. So we wish and dream and hope that someday she ll be ok. And we pour that portion of our lives out on the ground to be wasted. Sadly, it usually does not happen. What we can do is painful. We can choose healthy paths, that she will likely not walk. We can choose, not, I think , as we are wont to call it, No Contact, but none of that stuff can come. Mom, you are most welcome to leave that illness behind, and come and love and be loved, and be on the path of living healthy with me in your life. But as long as you cling to your illness, sadly, it cannot come, so you cannot come. We do not reject the person of our mother with NC, but rather, the sick, broken personality she chose over us. , I lost my nada just over a year ago. Expect to grieve. Despite your strained relationship, the reality will come to you that now, all hope of ever having that normal , loving Mom you hoped for is gone. You did your best, but the odds were great. Grieve your loss. But be gentle with yourself. Don t do it alone. Talk to people who care about your heart. You are not weak. We have great strength and endurance. If not, we would have died. A strong person can say, I need help in this. And you will. A weak person fears to ask for help, since it may show that weakness. Be gentle. Be encouraged. You have people who love you and care about you. It is time to heal. Blessings Doug > Its kind of apples and oranges, though, really. He was aware that she was a toxic person but he didn't receive any damage from it, himself. > -Annie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2010 Report Share Posted September 18, 2010 , The validation truly is a blessing. You're so right. Moments like those stand out in the minds of children of BPs because it means that someone actually BELIEVED us ... without even needing to ask. My heart goes out to you. I am sorry for your loss. I am glad your nada went peacefully. Please use this board as a resource during this difficult time. - Cvidz, () > > So, it turned out that it was not 2 - 3 weeks, but more like 3 days. She > died peacefully today - just stopped breathing. I'm sad and tired and > relieved and empty and weary. But I know it will be a long road toward > healing. > > When I have more time and am thinking more clearly I will post about this > amazing priest who came to see her today. He blessed her, prayed for her and > clearly cared about her, but he also told her and my brother and I the truth > about who she was. Just one example, apparently once when she came to see > him, he said to her " You are an incredibly conniving woman. Do you see how > much you are trying to manipulate and control your children? " > > He basically completely validated how difficult it has been for us to be her > children and that she was incredibly demanding and needy and controlling and > stubborn and difficult to be with - these were seriously words he used to > describe her all while clearly caring for her as a person. Anyway, this was > such a blessing to me - I did not think anyone did not simply believe her > tales of woe about her awful children - and this was from someone who had > never even met us. > > This priest told her that he knows she is stubborn, but that it is time to > let go and be with Jesus and she did just a few hours later. > > Grateful but weary, > > MY - (I have no more fear of my mom finding me on here.) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2010 Report Share Posted September 18, 2010 Doug, What a great, great post. If I ever finish my book, I want to use it as a preface. That's a promise. (If you're willing, that is.) --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2010 Report Share Posted September 18, 2010 -- Please accept my condolences. I know this is a complicated loss, to say the least. Just know we're all here for you. May you be blessed in this new path of healing, freedom, and grief. Blessings, Karla > > So, it turned out that it was not 2 - 3 weeks, but more like 3 days. She > died peacefully today - just stopped breathing. I'm sad and tired and > relieved and empty and weary. But I know it will be a long road toward > healing. > > When I have more time and am thinking more clearly I will post about this > amazing priest who came to see her today. He blessed her, prayed for her and > clearly cared about her, but he also told her and my brother and I the truth > about who she was. Just one example, apparently once when she came to see > him, he said to her " You are an incredibly conniving woman. Do you see how > much you are trying to manipulate and control your children? " > > He basically completely validated how difficult it has been for us to be her > children and that she was incredibly demanding and needy and controlling and > stubborn and difficult to be with - these were seriously words he used to > describe her all while clearly caring for her as a person. Anyway, this was > such a blessing to me - I did not think anyone did not simply believe her > tales of woe about her awful children - and this was from someone who had > never even met us. > > This priest told her that he knows she is stubborn, but that it is time to > let go and be with Jesus and she did just a few hours later. > > Grateful but weary, > > MY - (I have no more fear of my mom finding me on here.) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2010 Report Share Posted September 18, 2010 Sure, go ahead. The preface for my book is already written! And parts of 4 different chapters. Doug > > Doug, > > What a great, great post. > > If I ever finish my book, I want to use it as a preface. > > That's a promise. (If you're willing, that is.) > > --. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 19, 2010 Report Share Posted September 19, 2010 Dear , I can't imagine the complexity of emotions that you must be feeling right now. I just wanted to say that I am sorry and I wish you great comfort and peace in your healing journey. We are here for you. With warmth, Lynda > > > > So, it turned out that it was not 2 - 3 weeks, but more like 3 days. She > > died peacefully today - just stopped breathing. I'm sad and tired and > > relieved and empty and weary. But I know it will be a long road toward > > healing. > > > > When I have more time and am thinking more clearly I will post about this > > amazing priest who came to see her today. He blessed her, prayed for her and > > clearly cared about her, but he also told her and my brother and I the truth > > about who she was. Just one example, apparently once when she came to see > > him, he said to her " You are an incredibly conniving woman. Do you see how > > much you are trying to manipulate and control your children? " > > > > He basically completely validated how difficult it has been for us to be her > > children and that she was incredibly demanding and needy and controlling and > > stubborn and difficult to be with - these were seriously words he used to > > describe her all while clearly caring for her as a person. Anyway, this was > > such a blessing to me - I did not think anyone did not simply believe her > > tales of woe about her awful children - and this was from someone who had > > never even met us. > > > > This priest told her that he knows she is stubborn, but that it is time to > > let go and be with Jesus and she did just a few hours later. > > > > Grateful but weary, > > > > MY - (I have no more fear of my mom finding me on here.) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2010 Report Share Posted September 20, 2010 I am so glad that the priest was validating and supportive. In response to this: >>I am not Catholic, so I don't have a lot of experiences with priests, but I'm not sure that he is your typical priest.<< I am a Catholic...and in my experience most priests are compassionate, decent people. But, before they are priests...they are HUMANS. They are just as flawed as the rest of us, they all have their own talents and weaknesses. They also are not trained in everything (nobody, in any field, is!). Because they are human, they can just as easily fall into the trap of believing a high functioning BPD. And, being that they are human, it stands to reason that some of them were raised by BPD parents, or some of them are BPD themselves (or have other mental health issues). That's not exclusive to the priesthood...I think it's true of every profession! But in general, most of the priests I've met have been really decent people. Ninera > > > > > > > ((((((((MY)))))))))) > > Thank you for sharing this with us. I am impressed > with the kind priest who > > was able to be completely honest with your nada about > her abusive behaviors; > > he " called " her on it, bluntly, and yet he was also > able to have compassion > > for her simply as a fellow human being. That is just > so touching. > > > > Its kind of apples and oranges, though, really. He was > aware that she was a > > toxic person but he didn't receive any damage from it, > himself. > > > > You and I and the other adult kids of abusive, > mentally ill parents are in > > a different situation, and on a different road. It is > an entirely different > > situation when the abuse and resulting damage were > inflicted on us by our > > own parent(s) when we were too little to even realize > that we were being > > traumatized. The road toward personal healing and > possibly compassion and > > even forgiveness for our abuser is different when you > grow up thinking that > > being mistreated is normal and deserved, particularly > when the mistreatment > > continues into our adulthood. > > > > So. Anyway. I think its understandable that you are > feeling many mixed > > feelings right now. I think its probably good that you > were able to actually > > be there and that it gave you some kind of sense of > closure. I'm glad you > > and your brother have each other for support. > > > > You have us, here, too. I'm thinking about you and > offering you my > > condolences. > > > > sincerely, > > > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > >Â > So, it turned out that it was not 2 - 3 > weeks, but more like 3 days. > > She > > > died peacefully today - just stopped breathing. > I'm sad and tired and > > > relieved and empty and weary. But I know it will > be a long road toward > > > healing. > > > > > > When I have more time and am thinking more > clearly I will post about this > > > amazing priest who came to see her today. He > blessed her, prayed for her > > and > > > clearly cared about her, but he also told her and > my brother and I the > > truth > > > about who she was. Just one example, apparently > once when she came to see > > > him, he said to her " You are an incredibly > conniving woman. Do you see > > how > > > much you are trying to manipulate and control > your children? " > > > > > > He basically completely validated how difficult > it has been for us to be > > her > > > children and that she was incredibly demanding > and needy and controlling > > and > > > stubborn and difficult to be with - these were > seriously words he used to > > > describe her all while clearly caring for her as > a person. Anyway, this > > was > > > such a blessing to me - I did not think anyone > did not simply believe her > > > tales of woe about her awful children - and this > was from someone who had > > > never even met us. > > > > > > This priest told her that he knows she is > stubborn, but that it is time > > to > > > let go and be with Jesus and she did just a few > hours later. > > > > > > Grateful but weary, > > > > > > MY - (I have no more fear of my mom > finding me on here.) > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > >Â > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2010 Report Share Posted September 20, 2010 Ninera, This priest was wonderful and was a tremendous blessing to all of us. He even talked to my kids about if they had ever seen anyone dying - they have not - and talked to them about what a holy time it is and why. I did not mean that other priests may be somehow negative. I just found his honesty and down to earthness so refreshing and he would likely be like this in any setting or profession - but basically he was a lot more human than I expected him to be. So, I did not mean to offend or be negative about priests, I was just speaking out of ignorance and not really thinking particularly clearly right now. Thank you for sharing your experience as a Catholic with me and I do apologize if what I wrote was offensive. > > > I am so glad that the priest was validating and supportive. In response to > this: > > > >>I am not Catholic, so I don't > have a lot of experiences with priests, but I'm not sure that he is your > typical priest.<< > > I am a Catholic...and in my experience most priests are compassionate, > decent people. But, before they are priests...they are HUMANS. They are just > as flawed as the rest of us, they all have their own talents and weaknesses. > They also are not trained in everything (nobody, in any field, is!). Because > they are human, they can just as easily fall into the trap of believing a > high functioning BPD. And, being that they are human, it stands to reason > that some of them were raised by BPD parents, or some of them are BPD > themselves (or have other mental health issues). > > That's not exclusive to the priesthood...I think it's true of every > profession! > > But in general, most of the priests I've met have been really decent > people. > > Ninera > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ((((((((MY)))))))))) > > > Thank you for sharing this with us. I am impressed > > with the kind priest who > > > was able to be completely honest with your nada about > > her abusive behaviors; > > > he " called " her on it, bluntly, and yet he was also > > able to have compassion > > > for her simply as a fellow human being. That is just > > so touching. > > > > > > Its kind of apples and oranges, though, really. He was > > aware that she was a > > > toxic person but he didn't receive any damage from it, > > himself. > > > > > > You and I and the other adult kids of abusive, > > mentally ill parents are in > > > a different situation, and on a different road. It is > > an entirely different > > > situation when the abuse and resulting damage were > > inflicted on us by our > > > own parent(s) when we were too little to even realize > > that we were being > > > traumatized. The road toward personal healing and > > possibly compassion and > > > even forgiveness for our abuser is different when you > > grow up thinking that > > > being mistreated is normal and deserved, particularly > > when the mistreatment > > > continues into our adulthood. > > > > > > So. Anyway. I think its understandable that you are > > feeling many mixed > > > feelings right now. I think its probably good that you > > were able to actually > > > be there and that it gave you some kind of sense of > > closure. I'm glad you > > > and your brother have each other for support. > > > > > > You have us, here, too. I'm thinking about you and > > offering you my > > > condolences. > > > > > > sincerely, > > > > > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > So, it turned out that it was not 2 - 3 > > weeks, but more like 3 days. > > > She > > > > died peacefully today - just stopped breathing. > > I'm sad and tired and > > > > relieved and empty and weary. But I know it will > > be a long road toward > > > > healing. > > > > > > > > When I have more time and am thinking more > > clearly I will post about this > > > > amazing priest who came to see her today. He > > blessed her, prayed for her > > > and > > > > clearly cared about her, but he also told her and > > my brother and I the > > > truth > > > > about who she was. Just one example, apparently > > once when she came to see > > > > him, he said to her " You are an incredibly > > conniving woman. Do you see > > > how > > > > much you are trying to manipulate and control > > your children? " > > > > > > > > He basically completely validated how difficult > > it has been for us to be > > > her > > > > children and that she was incredibly demanding > > and needy and controlling > > > and > > > > stubborn and difficult to be with - these were > > seriously words he used to > > > > describe her all while clearly caring for her as > > a person. Anyway, this > > > was > > > > such a blessing to me - I did not think anyone > > did not simply believe her > > > > tales of woe about her awful children - and this > > was from someone who had > > > > never even met us. > > > > > > > > This priest told her that he knows she is > > stubborn, but that it is time > > > to > > > > let go and be with Jesus and she did just a few > > hours later. > > > > > > > > Grateful but weary, > > > > > > > > MY - (I have no more fear of my mom > > finding me on here.) > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2010 Report Share Posted September 20, 2010 Oh no...it wasn't offensive...I'm so sorry if I came across as offended!! I was actually just trying to say that in my experience, he's actually fairly typical...but that's because *most* of my experiences with priest have been really really positive. I know that's not true for everyone, so I was trying to *not* offend or trigger those who have had different experiences! I'm sorry! I'm really glad you got one of the good ones in this. Ninera > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ((((((((MY)))))))))) > > > > Thank you for sharing this with us. I am > impressed > > > with the kind priest who > > > > was able to be completely honest with your > nada about > > > her abusive behaviors; > > > > he " called " her on it, bluntly, and yet he > was also > > > able to have compassion > > > > for her simply as a fellow human being. That > is just > > > so touching. > > > > > > > > Its kind of apples and oranges, though, > really. He was > > > aware that she was a > > > > toxic person but he didn't receive any > damage from it, > > > himself. > > > > > > > > You and I and the other adult kids of > abusive, > > > mentally ill parents are in > > > > a different situation, and on a different > road. It is > > > an entirely different > > > > situation when the abuse and resulting > damage were > > > inflicted on us by our > > > > own parent(s) when we were too little to > even realize > > > that we were being > > > > traumatized. The road toward personal > healing and > > > possibly compassion and > > > > even forgiveness for our abuser is different > when you > > > grow up thinking that > > > > being mistreated is normal and deserved, > particularly > > > when the mistreatment > > > > continues into our adulthood. > > > > > > > > So. Anyway. I think its understandable that > you are > > > feeling many mixed > > > > feelings right now. I think its probably > good that you > > > were able to actually > > > > be there and that it gave you some kind of > sense of > > > closure. I'm glad you > > > > and your brother have each other for > support. > > > > > > > > You have us, here, too. I'm thinking about > you and > > > offering you my > > > > condolences. > > > > > > > > sincerely, > > > > > > > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >Â > So, it turned out that it was not > 2 - 3 > > > weeks, but more like 3 days. > > > > She > > > > > died peacefully today - just stopped > breathing. > > > I'm sad and tired and > > > > > relieved and empty and weary. But I > know it will > > > be a long road toward > > > > > healing. > > > > > > > > > > When I have more time and am thinking > more > > > clearly I will post about this > > > > > amazing priest who came to see her > today. He > > > blessed her, prayed for her > > > > and > > > > > clearly cared about her, but he also > told her and > > > my brother and I the > > > > truth > > > > > about who she was. Just one example, > apparently > > > once when she came to see > > > > > him, he said to her " You are an > incredibly > > > conniving woman. Do you see > > > > how > > > > > much you are trying to manipulate and > control > > > your children? " > > > > > > > > > > He basically completely validated how > difficult > > > it has been for us to be > > > > her > > > > > children and that she was incredibly > demanding > > > and needy and controlling > > > > and > > > > > stubborn and difficult to be with - > these were > > > seriously words he used to > > > > > describe her all while clearly caring > for her as > > > a person. Anyway, this > > > > was > > > > > such a blessing to me - I did not think > anyone > > > did not simply believe her > > > > > tales of woe about her awful children - > and this > > > was from someone who had > > > > > never even met us. > > > > > > > > > > This priest told her that he knows she > is > > > stubborn, but that it is time > > > > to > > > > > let go and be with Jesus and she did > just a few > > > hours later. > > > > > > > > > > Grateful but weary, > > > > > > > > > > MY - (I have no more fear of > my mom > > > finding me on here.) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have > been > > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > > > > > **This group is based on principles in Randi > Kreger's new > > > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline > Personality > > > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on > Eggshells, > > > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? > Write @...<%40BPDCentral.com> > > . > > > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. > > > > > > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to > > WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe <WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe%40ya\ hoogroups.com> > > . > > > > > > > > > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a > Borderline > > > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline > Mother " (hard to > > > find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2010 Report Share Posted September 20, 2010 So glad I did not offend you and I'm so encouraged that there are so many wonderful priests out there. My mom's cousin, who is a priest is flying in to help officiate the service and he is pretty darn great too. Thanks, > > > Oh no...it wasn't offensive...I'm so sorry if I came across as offended!! > > I was actually just trying to say that in my experience, he's actually > fairly typical...but that's because *most* of my experiences with priest > have been really really positive. > > I know that's not true for everyone, so I was trying to *not* offend or > trigger those who have had different experiences! > > I'm sorry! I'm really glad you got one of the good ones in this. > > Ninera > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ((((((((MY)))))))))) > > > > > Thank you for sharing this with us. I am > > impressed > > > > with the kind priest who > > > > > was able to be completely honest with your > > nada about > > > > her abusive behaviors; > > > > > he " called " her on it, bluntly, and yet he > > was also > > > > able to have compassion > > > > > for her simply as a fellow human being. That > > is just > > > > so touching. > > > > > > > > > > Its kind of apples and oranges, though, > > really. He was > > > > aware that she was a > > > > > toxic person but he didn't receive any > > damage from it, > > > > himself. > > > > > > > > > > You and I and the other adult kids of > > abusive, > > > > mentally ill parents are in > > > > > a different situation, and on a different > > road. It is > > > > an entirely different > > > > > situation when the abuse and resulting > > damage were > > > > inflicted on us by our > > > > > own parent(s) when we were too little to > > even realize > > > > that we were being > > > > > traumatized. The road toward personal > > healing and > > > > possibly compassion and > > > > > even forgiveness for our abuser is different > > when you > > > > grow up thinking that > > > > > being mistreated is normal and deserved, > > particularly > > > > when the mistreatment > > > > > continues into our adulthood. > > > > > > > > > > So. Anyway. I think its understandable that > > you are > > > > feeling many mixed > > > > > feelings right now. I think its probably > > good that you > > > > were able to actually > > > > > be there and that it gave you some kind of > > sense of > > > > closure. I'm glad you > > > > > and your brother have each other for > > support. > > > > > > > > > > You have us, here, too. I'm thinking about > > you and > > > > offering you my > > > > > condolences. > > > > > > > > > > sincerely, > > > > > > > > > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > So, it turned out that it was not > > 2 - 3 > > > > weeks, but more like 3 days. > > > > > She > > > > > > died peacefully today - just stopped > > breathing. > > > > I'm sad and tired and > > > > > > relieved and empty and weary. But I > > know it will > > > > be a long road toward > > > > > > healing. > > > > > > > > > > > > When I have more time and am thinking > > more > > > > clearly I will post about this > > > > > > amazing priest who came to see her > > today. He > > > > blessed her, prayed for her > > > > > and > > > > > > clearly cared about her, but he also > > told her and > > > > my brother and I the > > > > > truth > > > > > > about who she was. Just one example, > > apparently > > > > once when she came to see > > > > > > him, he said to her " You are an > > incredibly > > > > conniving woman. Do you see > > > > > how > > > > > > much you are trying to manipulate and > > control > > > > your children? " > > > > > > > > > > > > He basically completely validated how > > difficult > > > > it has been for us to be > > > > > her > > > > > > children and that she was incredibly > > demanding > > > > and needy and controlling > > > > > and > > > > > > stubborn and difficult to be with - > > these were > > > > seriously words he used to > > > > > > describe her all while clearly caring > > for her as > > > > a person. Anyway, this > > > > > was > > > > > > such a blessing to me - I did not think > > anyone > > > > did not simply believe her > > > > > > tales of woe about her awful children - > > and this > > > > was from someone who had > > > > > > never even met us. > > > > > > > > > > > > This priest told her that he knows she > > is > > > > stubborn, but that it is time > > > > > to > > > > > > let go and be with Jesus and she did > > just a few > > > > hours later. > > > > > > > > > > > > Grateful but weary, > > > > > > > > > > > > MY - (I have no more fear of > > my mom > > > > finding me on here.) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have > > been > > > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > > > > > > > > **This group is based on principles in Randi > > Kreger's new > > > > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline > > Personality > > > > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on > > Eggshells, > > > > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? > > Write @... <%40BPDCentral.com><%40BPDCentral.com> > > > > > . > > > > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. > > > > > > > > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to > > > WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe <WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe%40ya\ hoogroups.com> > <WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe%40yahoogroups.com> > > > > . > > > > > > > > > > > > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a > > Borderline > > > > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline > > Mother " (hard to > > > > find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.