got you till age six

[Guest guest]

--yahoo is acting crazy and won't let me reply to your post, weird, anywho this

meant to be part of that thread---

Hi , thank you for your thoughtful reply - way more than two cents,

lol! You definitely hit the nail on the head about so many aspects of this.

On the one hand it is a small off-hand remark, but in reality it contains worlds

of issues the dynamics of the whole relationship even. Kind of like a

hologram, any little piece contains the whole.

I like your " Uh, huh " strategy and that's actually what I do most of the time

when she spouts this quote to get her to drop it. I've even done, " yes, you've

told me that before " and she'll be slightly taken aback that I've said she's

repeating herself. I'd put it down to old age but she's repeated herself about

this quote long as I can remember. If you'd add up all the times I've heard

it, it's like a friggin mantra either designed to brainwash me into submission

or deep fear of Jesuits. My other suspicion is that she focuses on it because

she herself felt brainwashed and owned by her mother.

And you point about how *muddled* it all is speaks to me " lord it over our kid

with our muddled denial of our own behavior and our muddled resentment and

muddled passive aggression " It's all muddy. On the rare occasions she or

other FOO have attacked me directly they regret it because I do not hesitate to

fight back an set consequences. Unfortunately they are masters of muddled

subtle stuff and I sink in the quicksand all too often.

You asked what I *want* about her saying this quote. I want her to stop saying

it. Period. In fantasy land what I want is her deep sincere grieving apology

for fucking me up as a kid. For leaving me to have to seek healing through

years of therapy, wizards, princes, and magic men. (re Chapman song " The

Tinman " a great KO song) I think it gets to me because it is true - I have

been working my entire life and will be to undo the affects of my childhood.

And because I'm still in relationship with her I am still being impacted to this

day. And yep, that's my choice and responsibility and a whole other kettle of

fish.

Welcome back - good to see you posting again.