Re: educating friends on BPD - any quick references?

September 5, 2010

Perhaps you could send her the information below in an e-mail; its part of the

DSM-IV (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) which is what psychiatrists use

to categorize and define the various mental illnesses:

" Borderline Personality Disorder is a pervasive pattern of instability of

interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked

impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts,

as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include

suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized

by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense

of self.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g.,

promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless

driving). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in

Criterion 5

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such

as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at

oneself.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense

episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only

rarely more than a few days).

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays

of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative

symptoms

It is a requirement of DSM-IV that a diagnosis of any specific personality

disorder also satisfies a set of general personality disorder criteria. "

***

If you think your nada also has narcissistic pd traits, here is the list of

criteria used to diagnose npd:

" The essential feature of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a pervasive

pattern of grandiosity (either in fantasy or actual behavior), need for

admiration, and lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in

a variety of situations and environments.

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder

(NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and

talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance,

beauty, or ideal love

3. Believes that he or she is " special " and unique and can only be understood

by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or

institutions). Rarely acknowledges mistakes and/or imperfections

4. Requires excessive admiration

5. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially

favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve

his or her own ends

7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and

needs of others.

8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitude.

***

-Annie

>

> I was wondering if anyone could recommend an online resource (or some other

resource) that I could use to explain BPD to my friend? I've had several

discussions with my friend, and she is starting to understand why I'm NC with my

parents, but she is a really nice person and has a hard time setting (and

enforcing) boundaries with my nada, who calls her once a month to try and get

info about my kids. I've told her that it is dangerous for her to give my nada

*ANY* information, so she tries to avoid my nada's calls, but sometimes picks up

the phone by accident. She thinks telling my nada things like " the kids are

doing great, they're happy, they play with my daughter all the time " is

harmless, but I'm not sure she fully understands that she is dealing with an

irrational, manipulative and destructive person who is looking for any excuse to

call CPS on me, or may show up one day and try to take my kids herself! I'm

hoping to find something simple that she can read that explains " BPD is a mental

illness " in one or two pages since she is a busy mom and doesn't want to spend a

lot of time (like I have) online researching. She is starting to " get it " but

I'd like to drive the point home :-)

>

> Thanks for your help!

>

> -

>

September 5, 2010

It also occurs to me that you could write a personal example of how your nada's

behavior illustrates each one of the criteria. In my case, for example, after

bpd criteria #8 I would write: " When I was growing up my mother seemed to me to

be on " low boil " most of the time: she was chronically irritable. She also had

a hair-trigger temper and would explode in frightening, red-faced,

spittle-flying, screaming rages against me; frequently her rage-tantrums

included physical assault. I'd be slapped in the face, gripped by the arms and

shaken, pushed to the ground, spanked, and even beaten with dad's belt if she

was really ballistic. I was terrified of her. "

So in your case, after criteria #9 you might write something like, " My mother

has the delusional belief that I am hurting my children and that she needs to

spy on them and perhaps kidnap them to protect them. She has tried before to

have my children taken from me by CPS. Fortunately since I do not abuse my

children nothing happened, but my mother is mentally ill and persists in her

false beliefs despite reality. "

-Annie

> >

> > I was wondering if anyone could recommend an online resource (or some other