Re: Hello Im New

[Guest guest]

Remember the 3 C's  I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it. 

but we can set boundaries.  and take care of ourselves.  We deserve respect. 

!

Subject: Hello Im New

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, July 25, 2010, 3:19 PM

 

Hello,

Im new to this group and not sure if Im in the right place. I have a parent who

is either Manic or has BPD. I have never been able to do anything right. She

always is mad or raging. She use to be violent but I left when I was 17 years

old. Up and down mood swings all the time, having to watch what I say. She's had

3 suicide attmepts. I just dont know why I continue to put up with her behavior.

I live 1600 miles away and a phone call can wreck my day. She says horrible

things.

Last year I lost my son to unknown cause of death, I guess the attention was not

on her and she got mad at me because I could not waive the government taxes off

her sprint bill, I was a manager. She then sent back to me in the mail my sons

obituary, pictures, pictures of all my children, me, and cut her self out of

them. I had a necklace made that had s thumb print in it and she sent that

back to. If I would call she would scream and call me names and would not allow

my father to talk to me. He fell in July and broke his hip and she tried to

block my calls from the hospital. I then was told that I was adopted by a family

friend and that niether parent was my parent.

For 38 years I had been trying to please her, and to find this out. Well 4

months went by and she called me like nothing had happened except to blame me

for the fight. I confronted her about the adoption and she said it was true,

then wanted to help me find my bio family.

I have found them just a month ago, she knows and now she is being insecure. my

father passed away on June 17th 2010, and now this has set her off. She calls

and filps out over the smallest things, I hung up on her and shut off my phone

for 6 hours, I finally got an appology.

So, Im not sure if this is Manic, or BPD? All I know is Im sick of it, and how

do i break away with out feeling guilty

[Guest guest]

Welcome to a bittersweet party!

I'd like to address the last topic of your last sentence: guilt. Honey, you

don't get to get out without it...but you can stay out without holding on to it.

We were all born, or programmed, to breathe guilt of their creating. That was

our purpose - fill their holes/ live their guilt. We were sort of a vessel for

them to ooutsource it into so they didnt' have to feel it themselves. So, it

stands to reason that when we start taking care of ourselves (boundaries,

walking away, LC or NC) there is little to no room for

'their stuff' in our buckets anymore - we've filled them with 'our stuff'. And

man, the guilt they will throw and we will throw at ourselves, becomes a hideous

monster all by itself. For awhile. Then they will find someone else to meet

their needs. And we slowly let ourselves off their hook and learn to dance.

Lynnette

>

> Hello,

>

> Im new to this group and not sure if Im in the right place. I have a parent

who is either Manic or has BPD. I have never been able to do anything right.

She always is mad or raging. She use to be violent but I left when I was 17

years old. Up and down mood swings all the time, having to watch what I say.

She's had 3 suicide attmepts. I just dont know why I continue to put up with

her behavior. I live 1600 miles away and a phone call can wreck my day. She

says horrible things.

>

> Last year I lost my son to unknown cause of death, I guess the attention was

not on her and she got mad at me because I could not waive the government taxes

off her sprint bill, I was a manager. She then sent back to me in the mail my

sons obituary, pictures, pictures of all my children, me, and cut her self out

of them. I had a necklace made that had s thumb print in it and she sent

that back to. If I would call she would scream and call me names and would not

allow my father to talk to me. He fell in July and broke his hip and she tried

to block my calls from the hospital. I then was told that I was adopted by a

family friend and that niether parent was my parent.

>

> For 38 years I had been trying to please her, and to find this out. Well 4

months went by and she called me like nothing had happened except to blame me

for the fight. I confronted her about the adoption and she said it was true,

then wanted to help me find my bio family.

>

> I have found them just a month ago, she knows and now she is being insecure.

my father passed away on June 17th 2010, and now this has set her off. She

calls and filps out over the smallest things, I hung up on her and shut off my

phone for 6 hours, I finally got an appology.

>

> So, Im not sure if this is Manic, or BPD? All I know is Im sick of it, and

how do i break away with out feeling guilty

>

[Guest guest]

ne, I am so sorry about your son. That really sounds BPD to me. It's good

that you live so far away; I am sure that helps. You will find much support and

advice here. Welcome.

Deanna

>

> Hello,

>

> Im new to this group and not sure if Im in the right place. I have a parent

who is either Manic or has BPD. I have never been able to do anything right.

She always is mad or raging. She use to be violent but I left when I was 17

years old. Up and down mood swings all the time, having to watch what I say.

She's had 3 suicide attmepts. I just dont know why I continue to put up with

her behavior. I live 1600 miles away and a phone call can wreck my day. She

says horrible things.

>

> Last year I lost my son to unknown cause of death, I guess the attention was

not on her and she got mad at me because I could not waive the government taxes

off her sprint bill, I was a manager. She then sent back to me in the mail my

sons obituary, pictures, pictures of all my children, me, and cut her self out

of them. I had a necklace made that had s thumb print in it and she sent

that back to. If I would call she would scream and call me names and would not

allow my father to talk to me. He fell in July and broke his hip and she tried

to block my calls from the hospital. I then was told that I was adopted by a

family friend and that niether parent was my parent.

>

> For 38 years I had been trying to please her, and to find this out. Well 4

months went by and she called me like nothing had happened except to blame me

for the fight. I confronted her about the adoption and she said it was true,

then wanted to help me find my bio family.

>

> I have found them just a month ago, she knows and now she is being insecure.

my father passed away on June 17th 2010, and now this has set her off. She

calls and filps out over the smallest things, I hung up on her and shut off my

phone for 6 hours, I finally got an appology.

>

> So, Im not sure if this is Manic, or BPD? All I know is Im sick of it, and

how do i break away with out feeling guilty

>

[Guest guest]

ne,

I am so sorry about your losses- your dear son and like all of us a loving,

healthy and stable mother. I think the responses you have gotten give insight

into the craziness- the guilt- the sadness - the pain when a mother is

unhealthy. My mother too would do such mean things and yes crazy things due to

her own pain- and hole in her soul.

No matter how hard we try- not only is not are job to fill that

hole in our soul- it is not our respsonbility too. Remember to take care of you

and give you the love and understanding you so deserve. I hear and so understand

the guilt- but you lost a son- and this was your mother's response-

unbelievable....you are entitled to a life- a time to heal from your losses and

yes a healthy existence. I would definitely talk to a therapist to help limit or

end your contact with your mother. I know therapy has been such a help in my

journey.

Whatever her diagnosis- she is not healthy. Find and make your

peace. I have learned a long time ago it is our job to do that for

ourselves.

Keep reading and posting!

Malinda

>

> Hello,

>

> Im new to this group and not sure if Im in the right place. I have a parent

who is either Manic or has BPD. I have never been able to do anything right.

She always is mad or raging. She use to be violent but I left when I was 17

years old. Up and down mood swings all the time, having to watch what I say.

She's had 3 suicide attmepts. I just dont know why I continue to put up with

her behavior. I live 1600 miles away and a phone call can wreck my day. She

says horrible things.

>

> Last year I lost my son to unknown cause of death, I guess the attention was

not on her and she got mad at me because I could not waive the government taxes

off her sprint bill, I was a manager. She then sent back to me in the mail my

sons obituary, pictures, pictures of all my children, me, and cut her self out

of them. I had a necklace made that had s thumb print in it and she sent

that back to. If I would call she would scream and call me names and would not

allow my father to talk to me. He fell in July and broke his hip and she tried

to block my calls from the hospital. I then was told that I was adopted by a

family friend and that niether parent was my parent.

>

> For 38 years I had been trying to please her, and to find this out. Well 4

months went by and she called me like nothing had happened except to blame me

for the fight. I confronted her about the adoption and she said it was true,

then wanted to help me find my bio family.

>

> I have found them just a month ago, she knows and now she is being insecure.

my father passed away on June 17th 2010, and now this has set her off. She

calls and filps out over the smallest things, I hung up on her and shut off my

phone for 6 hours, I finally got an appology.

>

> So, Im not sure if this is Manic, or BPD? All I know is Im sick of it, and

how do i break away with out feeling guilty

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ne, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. I can't imagine

the pain you are suffering. It must have been unbearably difficult having your

mother behave like this throughout this time.

My mother hasn't been diagnosed with BPD either, but it just seems to fit. For

me, even though I don't know for certain, it is serving as a useful framework to

help me attempt to understand the crazy, volatile behaviour.

I find the support, insights and advice here to be amazing and it has helped me

so much since I joined a month or so ago.

I think you can more than justify doing whatever you need to do in order for you

to go through your grieving process, with absolutely no guilt. I know it's

easier said than done.

Please do keep writing and hopefully it will help you get closer to finding the

peace and freedom you so deserve.

I wish you many blessings and healing in your journey.

With warmth,

Lynda

> >

> > Hello,

> >

> > Im new to this group and not sure if Im in the right place. I have a parent

who is either Manic or has BPD. I have never been able to do anything right.

She always is mad or raging. She use to be violent but I left when I was 17

years old. Up and down mood swings all the time, having to watch what I say.

She's had 3 suicide attmepts. I just dont know why I continue to put up with

her behavior. I live 1600 miles away and a phone call can wreck my day. She

says horrible things.

> >

> > Last year I lost my son to unknown cause of death, I guess the attention was

not on her and she got mad at me because I could not waive the government taxes

off her sprint bill, I was a manager. She then sent back to me in the mail my

sons obituary, pictures, pictures of all my children, me, and cut her self out

of them. I had a necklace made that had s thumb print in it and she sent

that back to. If I would call she would scream and call me names and would not

allow my father to talk to me. He fell in July and broke his hip and she tried

to block my calls from the hospital. I then was told that I was adopted by a

family friend and that niether parent was my parent.

> >

> > For 38 years I had been trying to please her, and to find this out. Well 4

months went by and she called me like nothing had happened except to blame me

for the fight. I confronted her about the adoption and she said it was true,

then wanted to help me find my bio family.

> >

> > I have found them just a month ago, she knows and now she is being insecure.

my father passed away on June 17th 2010, and now this has set her off. She

calls and filps out over the smallest things, I hung up on her and shut off my

phone for 6 hours, I finally got an appology.

> >

> > So, Im not sure if this is Manic, or BPD? All I know is Im sick of it, and

how do i break away with out feeling guilty

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ne,

I don't know for sure if my mother has bpd either but her behavior/symptoms are

spot on. Either way, I have gotten tremendous support here and I hope you do as

well. Just having a place to come to, to vent and let it out is a big help.

I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your son. I'll tell you, your mother's behavior

after his death is very bpd-ish, or at the very least incredibly selfish and

narcissistic. That's how my mother is, too. Like she's in competition with my

husband and kids for my affections. That's how it has been from the day I got

married, and still is.

Also, my condolences on your dad's passing.

Well, we're here for you, anytime you need to just let off the steam!!

Fiona

>

> Hello,

>

> Im new to this group and not sure if Im in the right place. I have a parent

who is either Manic or has BPD. I have never been able to do anything right.

She always is mad or raging. She use to be violent but I left when I was 17

years old. Up and down mood swings all the time, having to watch what I say.

She's had 3 suicide attmepts. I just dont know why I continue to put up with

her behavior. I live 1600 miles away and a phone call can wreck my day. She

says horrible things.

>

> Last year I lost my son to unknown cause of death, I guess the attention was

not on her and she got mad at me because I could not waive the government taxes

off her sprint bill, I was a manager. She then sent back to me in the mail my

sons obituary, pictures, pictures of all my children, me, and cut her self out

of them. I had a necklace made that had s thumb print in it and she sent

that back to. If I would call she would scream and call me names and would not

allow my father to talk to me. He fell in July and broke his hip and she tried

to block my calls from the hospital. I then was told that I was adopted by a

family friend and that niether parent was my parent.

>

> For 38 years I had been trying to please her, and to find this out. Well 4

months went by and she called me like nothing had happened except to blame me

for the fight. I confronted her about the adoption and she said it was true,

then wanted to help me find my bio family.

>

> I have found them just a month ago, she knows and now she is being insecure.

my father passed away on June 17th 2010, and now this has set her off. She

calls and filps out over the smallest things, I hung up on her and shut off my

phone for 6 hours, I finally got an appology.

>

> So, Im not sure if this is Manic, or BPD? All I know is Im sick of it, and

how do i break away with out feeling guilty

>