help with a father who has BP...and a mother who can't leave him

September 9, 2010

I am new to this group after months and years of tears and sadness....trying to

figure out why I hate my father so much.

I am looking for advice/wisdom/support.

I realize now that he has BP...and the irony is that it is unlike any other

disorder/disease- where the person who HAS it CAN'T/Doesn't know that he has it.

So, he is emotionally abusive to my mom, who has been putting up with it and

" walking on eggshells " for years. It has slowly gotten worse. Now, I am

getting ready to start my own family...and I just can't be there for my mom-

emotionally, psychologically, etc..

It is too draining. I wish more than anything that they could divorce, however,

the concern is that my father will want/take half of all the wealth that my mom

has managed for 40+ years. She has built and maintained the family business,

while my father has been able to " play " and do whatever he wants (he was forced

to retire early from a gov't job due to a work related injury). What is so

scary is that his OWN mother (my grandmother)- i think went through this same

thing...and basically squandered all her wealth and now lives under a

conservator. From what I was told (as this happened when I was 10)...she

disinherited our family because they told her they were concerned for her and

she was told by a " friend " that it meant the family thought she was crazy.

Ironically, my father is now in this situation...my mom, my husband, and a

couple other very close friends see that he is acting in ways that are like his

mother...but of course, he would never admit it- or understand it. How can I

help my mom to help herself...and is there any light at the end of this very

despressing tunnel. I have cried so much and am so sad about this...and I

really don't have anyone else to turn to because it is so complicated to try to

explain; especially when my father- to a stranger- seems like a normal guy. The

extreme behaviors/outbursts and attitude are typically focused just on my

mom...sometimes at me.

September 11, 2010

Have you considered reporting BPD SIL to the authorities for child abuse? The

consequences would force societal boundaries on her, even if it makes her rage

(which rages are often if not always triggered by boundaries anyway). And at the

very least the kiddos know someone is in *their* corner...

I for one am vowing never to let another BPD mother slip away unreported.

Both my cents,

Tina

> >

> > I am new to this group after months and years of tears and sadness....trying

to figure out why I hate my father so much.

> >

> > I am looking for advice/wisdom/support.

> >

> > I realize now that he has BP...and the irony is that it is unlike any other

disorder/disease- where the person who HAS it CAN'T/Doesn't know that he has it.

So, he is emotionally abusive to my mom, who has been putting up with it and

" walking on eggshells " for years. It has slowly gotten worse. Now, I am

getting ready to start my own family...and I just can't be there for my mom-

emotionally, psychologically, etc..

> > It is too draining. I wish more than anything that they could divorce,

however, the concern is that my father will want/take half of all the wealth

that my mom has managed for 40+ years. She has built and maintained the family

business, while my father has been able to " play " and do whatever he wants (he

was forced to retire early from a gov't job due to a work related injury). What

is so scary is that his OWN mother (my grandmother)- i think went through this

same thing...and basically squandered all her wealth and now lives under a