hello out there! i'm new to this .....

[Guest guest]

....well new to this group, i have been living with my BPD mother all my life, so

naturally being 25 with 2 small children I want to break the cycle that has

tormented me for so long. I receive anywhere from 2-6+ calls from my mother

everyday, in which she is " worried " about my daughter. She constantly thinks

people are abusing her (daycare, myself, her father, etc.), none of which is

true and is even more crazy due to the fact that she physically, verbally,

emotionally abused all of us as children (she had 3 out of 4 kids taken by

cps)-and blatantly denies it all. She makes-up straight-up lies and calls just

to rant, pretty much-won't listen to a word I say, sometimes she will call and

put the phone to the television when Grace is on...I have asked her in the

past to stop calling me, and it turns into a cycle of me " forgiving " her (she

never admits guilt or apologizes) and visiting her and trying to move

forward...it's always the same. I almost want a restraining order against her

due to the wild and extremely untrue things she says, especially when she throws

around sexual abuse (in her mind she trusts no man, thinks men are all

rapists/child molesters). It makes me so angry, and there is no reasoning with

her. There are many other aspects of her BPD that have stayed the same or

manifested themselves in different behaviors over the years, but recently this

has been the most disturbing to me because my kids are involved in her crazy web

of ideas-Everything else is pretty manageable for me because I am used to her

craziness. Any suggestions?...I have been doing my studying on this disorder,

and realize now the importance of limiting ANY personal info because it will be

used against me at some point. I am to the point that I don't want her calling

me, I really wish she wasn't my Mother- I just want her to stop the crazy

accusations she has about everyone..my worst fear is that any authorities would

take her seriously, as she can appear pretty " normal " to outsiders (only us kids

and ex-husbands, really know her ugly side and how she bold faced lies with no

remorse) I just want to protect my circle from her distructive wrath. In her

head she is doing good by " protecting " her grandchildren, but she is doing so

much damage and even tells my daughter that her dad is bad, i'm a " bad woman/

bad mommy " , and that her aunt (my bro's fiance) is bad- my daughter just turned

two and is understanding and repeating what she tells her. I want to get her out

of my life, I want to be free of her madness. Does anyone have any thoughts of

what i should do- any advice helps, i have felt alone for so long and consider

myself lucky for making it out without a totally crushed spirit...i want to take

a proactive approach to this and not be a passive victim to the outlandish

behavior she consistently unleashes on me. So thankful there is a community for

this, I never knew what was wrong with her for all these years....

[Guest guest]

Hi Esther,

Welcome to the Group.

I think your instincts are right, and your mother is showing a lot of signs of

personality disorder and possibly an even more severe and long-term psychotic

illness. (Borderline pds have " transient " breaks with reality under stress, but

your mother's delusions sound more fixed and permanent.)

Your mother's delusions are doing harm to your relationship with your children,

and could be potentially dangerous and destructive to yourself and your family

if she gets it into her mind to call the police or CPS on you.

When someone is being that actively hostile and toxic, deliberately trying to

poison your children's minds with fear about their own mother and father, and

actively trying to destroy your good reputation in your community with lies, you

need to take action.

Immediate action.

If I were you, I'd consult with a lawyer about the steps you need to take to

protect yourself and your family. A lawyer can guide you with getting such

things as restraining orders in place. You need to get your ducks in a row now,

ahead of time, in case she should call the police or CPS to come and investigate

you. Your lawyer may even be able to help you contact your mother's

doctor/therapist (if she has one) and get the ball rolling on having your mother

receive a thorough psychiatric evaluation.

I would consult with a lawyer ASAP, before you decide to cut off all contact

with your mother, because if you do that it will probably cause her

anxiety-driven delusional behaviors to escalate and she'll likely call the

police or CPS when you do that. You need to prepare for that ahead of time,

which is right now.

Please do not feel guilty for protecting yourself. Do what you need to do to

keep your family safe. Its sad that your mother is so delusional and toxic,

but, you didn't make her that way and you can't make her better, but she can do

real harm to you and your family, your good standing in the community, your

relationship with your kids if you let her.

That's my opinion anyway, to take or leave. Each person has to do what feels

right to her/him, and what works for her/him.

-Annie

>

> ...well new to this group, i have been living with my BPD mother all my life,

so naturally being 25 with 2 small children I want to break the cycle that has

tormented me for so long. I receive anywhere from 2-6+ calls from my mother

everyday, in which she is " worried " about my daughter. She constantly thinks

people are abusing her (daycare, myself, her father, etc.), none of which is

true and is even more crazy due to the fact that she physically, verbally,

emotionally abused all of us as children (she had 3 out of 4 kids taken by

cps)-and blatantly denies it all. She makes-up straight-up lies and calls just

to rant, pretty much-won't listen to a word I say, sometimes she will call and

put the phone to the television when Grace is on...I have asked her in the

past to stop calling me, and it turns into a cycle of me " forgiving " her (she

never admits guilt or apologizes) and visiting her and trying to move

forward...it's always the same. I almost want a restraining order against her

due to the wild and extremely untrue things she says, especially when she throws

around sexual abuse (in her mind she trusts no man, thinks men are all

rapists/child molesters). It makes me so angry, and there is no reasoning with

her. There are many other aspects of her BPD that have stayed the same or

manifested themselves in different behaviors over the years, but recently this

has been the most disturbing to me because my kids are involved in her crazy web

of ideas-Everything else is pretty manageable for me because I am used to her

craziness. Any suggestions?...I have been doing my studying on this disorder,

and realize now the importance of limiting ANY personal info because it will be

used against me at some point. I am to the point that I don't want her calling

me, I really wish she wasn't my Mother- I just want her to stop the crazy

accusations she has about everyone..my worst fear is that any authorities would

take her seriously, as she can appear pretty " normal " to outsiders (only us kids

and ex-husbands, really know her ugly side and how she bold faced lies with no

remorse) I just want to protect my circle from her distructive wrath. In her

head she is doing good by " protecting " her grandchildren, but she is doing so

much damage and even tells my daughter that her dad is bad, i'm a " bad woman/

bad mommy " , and that her aunt (my bro's fiance) is bad- my daughter just turned

two and is understanding and repeating what she tells her. I want to get her out

of my life, I want to be free of her madness. Does anyone have any thoughts of

what i should do- any advice helps, i have felt alone for so long and consider

myself lucky for making it out without a totally crushed spirit...i want to take

a proactive approach to this and not be a passive victim to the outlandish

behavior she consistently unleashes on me. So thankful there is a community for

this, I never knew what was wrong with her for all these years....

>

[Guest guest]

Esther,

If she is telling your children lies about you and things like that you or their

father are " bad people " I would seriously recommend not allowing her near your

children. Children tend to BELIEVE adults, they think adults know what they are

talking about - they don't think adults lie. My nada ruined my relationship with

my brother by telling him that I didn't like him, that I was crazy, and other

nasty things.

Even if she is your " mother " you are an adult now and can choose to end this

" non-chosen relationship " if you want. Find a true family that is not your

family-of-orgin and surround yourself and your children with them. Children need

healthy adults as influence and your mother is not that.

Casey

> >

> > ...well new to this group, i have been living with my BPD mother all my

life, so naturally being 25 with 2 small children I want to break the cycle that

has tormented me for so long. I receive anywhere from 2-6+ calls from my mother

everyday, in which she is " worried " about my daughter. She constantly thinks

people are abusing her (daycare, myself, her father, etc.), none of which is

true and is even more crazy due to the fact that she physically, verbally,

emotionally abused all of us as children (she had 3 out of 4 kids taken by

cps)-and blatantly denies it all. She makes-up straight-up lies and calls just

to rant, pretty much-won't listen to a word I say, sometimes she will call and

put the phone to the television when Grace is on...I have asked her in the

past to stop calling me, and it turns into a cycle of me " forgiving " her (she

never admits guilt or apologizes) and visiting her and trying to move

forward...it's always the same. I almost want a restraining order against her

due to the wild and extremely untrue things she says, especially when she throws

around sexual abuse (in her mind she trusts no man, thinks men are all

rapists/child molesters). It makes me so angry, and there is no reasoning with

her. There are many other aspects of her BPD that have stayed the same or

manifested themselves in different behaviors over the years, but recently this

has been the most disturbing to me because my kids are involved in her crazy web

of ideas-Everything else is pretty manageable for me because I am used to her

craziness. Any suggestions?...I have been doing my studying on this disorder,

and realize now the importance of limiting ANY personal info because it will be

used against me at some point. I am to the point that I don't want her calling

me, I really wish she wasn't my Mother- I just want her to stop the crazy

accusations she has about everyone..my worst fear is that any authorities would

take her seriously, as she can appear pretty " normal " to outsiders (only us kids

and ex-husbands, really know her ugly side and how she bold faced lies with no

remorse) I just want to protect my circle from her distructive wrath. In her

head she is doing good by " protecting " her grandchildren, but she is doing so

much damage and even tells my daughter that her dad is bad, i'm a " bad woman/

bad mommy " , and that her aunt (my bro's fiance) is bad- my daughter just turned

two and is understanding and repeating what she tells her. I want to get her out

of my life, I want to be free of her madness. Does anyone have any thoughts of

what i should do- any advice helps, i have felt alone for so long and consider

myself lucky for making it out without a totally crushed spirit...i want to take

a proactive approach to this and not be a passive victim to the outlandish

behavior she consistently unleashes on me. So thankful there is a community for

this, I never knew what was wrong with her for all these years....

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That is exactly, word for word, what my mother is like. She was extremely

verbally and physically voilent with is kids when we were little (although noone

ever seemed to notice). She has an obsession with sexual abuse, thinking that

every man is committing it. She used to cut our hair off so that " rapists

wouldnt be interested in us " .

I went NC for a long while and am now LC - but when I hace children it will

probably go back to NC. Now I only answer the phone if I feel like it, and never

more than once a month. She can call til she is blue ion the face, doesnt

matter. She has gotten used to it over time.

Over the last few years she has run a deli, and recently threw a family out

because the father took a girl to the toilet while the mother was busy nursing

the baby - Mum accused the father of molesting the child and threatened to call

the police. I felt so bad for them when mum triumphantly told me what she had

done.

I dont have children yet, but when I do I will do whatever it takes to make sure

she is NEVER alone with them. Small children are very suggestible and will

repeat what they are told - which could be disasterous for you as a parent.

Take action now to keep her away from your kids. Things will get worse before

they get better, but it is worth it. Get a lawyer and protect yourself.

Im glad in a way that there is someone out there with the same type of insane

mother as me! As horrid as it is to know that someone else had to put up with

the same rubbish. Feel free to email me directly if you want to, Im happy to

chat if you need.

Best of luck!

>

> ...well new to this group, i have been living with my BPD mother all my life,

so naturally being 25 with 2 small children I want to break the cycle that has

tormented me for so long. I receive anywhere from 2-6+ calls from my mother

everyday, in which she is " worried " about my daughter. She constantly thinks

people are abusing her (daycare, myself, her father, etc.), none of which is

true and is even more crazy due to the fact that she physically, verbally,

emotionally abused all of us as children (she had 3 out of 4 kids taken by

cps)-and blatantly denies it all. She makes-up straight-up lies and calls just

to rant, pretty much-won't listen to a word I say, sometimes she will call and

put the phone to the television when Grace is on...I have asked her in the

past to stop calling me, and it turns into a cycle of me " forgiving " her (she

never admits guilt or apologizes) and visiting her and trying to move

forward...it's always the same. I almost want a restraining order against her

due to the wild and extremely untrue things she says, especially when she throws

around sexual abuse (in her mind she trusts no man, thinks men are all

rapists/child molesters). It makes me so angry, and there is no reasoning with

her. There are many other aspects of her BPD that have stayed the same or

manifested themselves in different behaviors over the years, but recently this

has been the most disturbing to me because my kids are involved in her crazy web

of ideas-Everything else is pretty manageable for me because I am used to her

craziness. Any suggestions?...I have been doing my studying on this disorder,

and realize now the importance of limiting ANY personal info because it will be

used against me at some point. I am to the point that I don't want her calling

me, I really wish she wasn't my Mother- I just want her to stop the crazy

accusations she has about everyone..my worst fear is that any authorities would

take her seriously, as she can appear pretty " normal " to outsiders (only us kids

and ex-husbands, really know her ugly side and how she bold faced lies with no

remorse) I just want to protect my circle from her distructive wrath. In her

head she is doing good by " protecting " her grandchildren, but she is doing so

much damage and even tells my daughter that her dad is bad, i'm a " bad woman/

bad mommy " , and that her aunt (my bro's fiance) is bad- my daughter just turned

two and is understanding and repeating what she tells her. I want to get her out

of my life, I want to be free of her madness. Does anyone have any thoughts of

what i should do- any advice helps, i have felt alone for so long and consider

myself lucky for making it out without a totally crushed spirit...i want to take

a proactive approach to this and not be a passive victim to the outlandish

behavior she consistently unleashes on me. So thankful there is a community for

this, I never knew what was wrong with her for all these years....

>

[Guest guest]

Esther, yeah, if she's doing all those things NOW, just think what she'll get up

to when your kids are older and in school - driving by the playground! Picking

them up without your permission! Accusing their teachers of heinous acts!

Accusing THEIR FATHER of heinous acts! And because doctors, teachers, social

workers, and other concerned adults are interested in protecting children, they

will all err on the side of caution and so they'll take your mother's

accusations seriously. And your kids will be totally confused and learn to

trust no one.

There are bad people in the world, and we have to teach our kids to discern the

good from the bad - and even the best parents sometimes can't protect their kids

from evil adults. But your mom is muddying the water right up front, so your

kids won't know who's a predator and who's a kindly neighbor.

Not to mention that she could very well slander you and your husband - and be

believed. And if she manipulates your kids into believing her wild tales, you

and your husband could wind up in serious trouble.

So yes, it's time to start laying the groundwork NOW. If you can't move far

enough away to keep your kids away from her, you're going to need court orders

and instructions to the schools, etc. When you were growing up, you had no

choice but to put up with her insanity. Your kids are lucky - they have YOU to

stand between them and their crazy grandmother.

> >

> > ...well new to this group, i have been living with my BPD mother all my

life, so naturally being 25 with 2 small children I want to break the cycle that

has tormented me for so long. I receive anywhere from 2-6+ calls from my mother

everyday, in which she is " worried " about my daughter. She constantly thinks

people are abusing her (daycare, myself, her father, etc.), none of which is

true and is even more crazy due to the fact that she physically, verbally,

emotionally abused all of us as children (she had 3 out of 4 kids taken by

cps)-and blatantly denies it all. She makes-up straight-up lies and calls just

to rant, pretty much-won't listen to a word I say, sometimes she will call and

put the phone to the television when Grace is on...I have asked her in the

past to stop calling me, and it turns into a cycle of me " forgiving " her (she

never admits guilt or apologizes) and visiting her and trying to move

forward...it's always the same. I almost want a restraining order against her

due to the wild and extremely untrue things she says, especially when she throws

around sexual abuse (in her mind she trusts no man, thinks men are all

rapists/child molesters). It makes me so angry, and there is no reasoning with

her. There are many other aspects of her BPD that have stayed the same or

manifested themselves in different behaviors over the years, but recently this

has been the most disturbing to me because my kids are involved in her crazy web

of ideas-Everything else is pretty manageable for me because I am used to her

craziness. Any suggestions?...I have been doing my studying on this disorder,

and realize now the importance of limiting ANY personal info because it will be

used against me at some point. I am to the point that I don't want her calling

me, I really wish she wasn't my Mother- I just want her to stop the crazy

accusations she has about everyone..my worst fear is that any authorities would

take her seriously, as she can appear pretty " normal " to outsiders (only us kids

and ex-husbands, really know her ugly side and how she bold faced lies with no

remorse) I just want to protect my circle from her distructive wrath. In her

head she is doing good by " protecting " her grandchildren, but she is doing so

much damage and even tells my daughter that her dad is bad, i'm a " bad woman/

bad mommy " , and that her aunt (my bro's fiance) is bad- my daughter just turned

two and is understanding and repeating what she tells her. I want to get her out

of my life, I want to be free of her madness. Does anyone have any thoughts of

what i should do- any advice helps, i have felt alone for so long and consider

myself lucky for making it out without a totally crushed spirit...i want to take

a proactive approach to this and not be a passive victim to the outlandish

behavior she consistently unleashes on me. So thankful there is a community for

this, I never knew what was wrong with her for all these years....

> >

>