Re: Once a scapegoat, always a scapegoat?

[Guest guest]

Oh hon, that sucks. . . yeah, I've been there. Nada has no identity, so she

will try on yours by assuming your friends and things. And then since your

the scapegoat, she will smear you to them. I've been there many many times.

She would even do that in high school with teen agers. Gross! Pretending

your a kid - you know what I mean? Well I should say she especially did it

in High School and then I got wise to it and didn't give her the chance.

For me, I moved away from Nada for college at 18, and then after college to

the biggest city in my state. So my circle of friends doesn't touch nada's.

And then I just disconnected, went NC. All the people I grew up with, all

the family of course, even a few friends who were dear. I tried a few times

to be friends with them and be NC both, but it was weird. Big old elephant

in the room and who knows what she told them about me. . . . The only person

I haven't blocked on facebook who I knew growing up is one of my high school

teachers. But all it will take is one mention of nada and then he's going to

get blocked. And one artist friend knew my dad years ago - I don't think

they are in touch. I'll take the chance but one mention - blockarino!

But, if you can't move, I'd just distance myself. I do it all the time -

someone gets to close, you establish some boundaries. Make your interactions

a bit more professional. As for the best friend, I've had friends like that

and they aren't friends at all. Eff her. Find some real friends who support

you. I'd ditch her.

Good luck! I hope that helps and I'm sorry.

>

>

> I am trying hard to ignore the nada smear campaigns but it is tough

> sometimes. I feel like her poison has infiltrated every aspect of my life. I

> was wondering if anyone has some helpful thoughts on this for me.

>

> In short, I have a very interconnected group of stay-at-home moms as

> friends and acquaintances. Some of them know people who know nada and those

> friends I have left to their own preconceived notions.

>

> Over the last year, I have felt more and more like an outsider and subject

> of ridicule. One of these friends was being very nasty to me and another

> person so I confronted her, we talked and it seemed like it was worked out

> but her put downs and ridicules continued. Then this friend started hanging

> out with my best friend and my best friend also began making not so nice

> comments to me. It got to the point that I was so nervous around my best

> friend that I could hardly speak - which just made her make fun of me more.

>

> I hope I hit enough of the highlights for this to make sense. My husband

> thinks it is time for a new circle of friends. I could move on but it is

> tough. I have a small business and many are regular customers of mine. I

> think that friend/customer connection is tricky to begin with but then add

> all the nada and fleas garbage and it just sucks.

>

> I feel I am in a vulnerable place to begin with in this whole recovery

> process and this has just thrown me into a severe depression. I have learned

> to deal with dysthymia frequently but when I get so bad that I have

> insomnia, my functioning decreases pretty quickly. This week, I have had

> pretty severe insomnia.

>

> I think a combination of being the subject of nada's ridicule and now from

> people who I considered friends, I feel like I have no one besides my

> husband to turn to. I know, I need a therapist but I have tried two in my

> area and they didn't work out. I will probably have to travel 2 hours to get

> the help I need. I can't understand why wanting to get out of this so badly

> doesn't seem to be enough.

>

> patinage

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Expand your choices by making new friends and give yourself some space between

you and the ones that are being rude. You don't have to cut them off completely,

just find other things to do with other people. If they get in touch with you

and ask why they haven't heard from you lately, you can say you were just

noticing the same thing...any " friend " who is nasty to you isn't a real friend

and isn't worth having. The older I get the more I value having a few quality

friends over having a lot of superficial friends. The only ones that are keepers

are the ones that are really there for you, that don't use you as gossip

fodder...mean girls went out with high school and I didn't put up with it then

either - go for quality over quantity.

>

> >

> >

> > I am trying hard to ignore the nada smear campaigns but it is tough

> > sometimes. I feel like her poison has infiltrated every aspect of my life. I

> > was wondering if anyone has some helpful thoughts on this for me.

> >

> > In short, I have a very interconnected group of stay-at-home moms as

> > friends and acquaintances. Some of them know people who know nada and those

> > friends I have left to their own preconceived notions.

> >

> > Over the last year, I have felt more and more like an outsider and subject

> > of ridicule. One of these friends was being very nasty to me and another

> > person so I confronted her, we talked and it seemed like it was worked out

> > but her put downs and ridicules continued. Then this friend started hanging

> > out with my best friend and my best friend also began making not so nice

> > comments to me. It got to the point that I was so nervous around my best

> > friend that I could hardly speak - which just made her make fun of me more.

> >

> > I hope I hit enough of the highlights for this to make sense. My husband

> > thinks it is time for a new circle of friends. I could move on but it is

> > tough. I have a small business and many are regular customers of mine. I

> > think that friend/customer connection is tricky to begin with but then add

> > all the nada and fleas garbage and it just sucks.

> >

> > I feel I am in a vulnerable place to begin with in this whole recovery

> > process and this has just thrown me into a severe depression. I have learned

> > to deal with dysthymia frequently but when I get so bad that I have

> > insomnia, my functioning decreases pretty quickly. This week, I have had

> > pretty severe insomnia.

> >

> > I think a combination of being the subject of nada's ridicule and now from

> > people who I considered friends, I feel like I have no one besides my

> > husband to turn to. I know, I need a therapist but I have tried two in my

> > area and they didn't work out. I will probably have to travel 2 hours to get

> > the help I need. I can't understand why wanting to get out of this so badly

> > doesn't seem to be enough.

> >

> > patinage

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Are you kidding? The mean girls get married, move to the expensive 'burbs, and

go nuclear in their competition to raise the best human 4-H projects - they

compete through their kids' achievements, the price of their Escalades, and the

number of days the maid comes in.

Listen to the Parent's Night chitchat at a " high achiever's school " some time -

it's one-up-manship as an art form. I just smile and wait for the inevitable

news that their kids have had nervous breakdowns.

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I am trying hard to ignore the nada smear campaigns but it is tough

> > > > sometimes. I feel like her poison has infiltrated every aspect of my

> > life. I

> > > > was wondering if anyone has some helpful thoughts on this for me.

> > > >

> > > > In short, I have a very interconnected group of stay-at-home moms as

> > > > friends and acquaintances. Some of them know people who know nada and

> > those

> > > > friends I have left to their own preconceived notions.

> > > >

> > > > Over the last year, I have felt more and more like an outsider and

> > subject

> > > > of ridicule. One of these friends was being very nasty to me and

> > another

> > > > person so I confronted her, we talked and it seemed like it was worked

> > out

> > > > but her put downs and ridicules continued. Then this friend started

> > hanging

> > > > out with my best friend and my best friend also began making not so

> > nice

> > > > comments to me. It got to the point that I was so nervous around my

> > best

> > > > friend that I could hardly speak - which just made her make fun of me

> > more.

> > > >

> > > > I hope I hit enough of the highlights for this to make sense. My

> > husband

> > > > thinks it is time for a new circle of friends. I could move on but it

> > is

> > > > tough. I have a small business and many are regular customers of mine.

> > I

> > > > think that friend/customer connection is tricky to begin with but then

> > add

> > > > all the nada and fleas garbage and it just sucks.

> > > >

> > > > I feel I am in a vulnerable place to begin with in this whole recovery

> > > > process and this has just thrown me into a severe depression. I have

> > learned

> > > > to deal with dysthymia frequently but when I get so bad that I have

> > > > insomnia, my functioning decreases pretty quickly. This week, I have

> > had

> > > > pretty severe insomnia.

> > > >

> > > > I think a combination of being the subject of nada's ridicule and now

> > from

> > > > people who I considered friends, I feel like I have no one besides my

> > > > husband to turn to. I know, I need a therapist but I have tried two in

> > my

> > > > area and they didn't work out. I will probably have to travel 2 hours

> > to get

> > > > the help I need. I can't understand why wanting to get out of this so

> > badly

> > > > doesn't seem to be enough.

> > > >

> > > > patinage

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

this is a toughie.. but i agree that some new friendships and a good therapist

would probably help a lot.. this doesn't mean you need to totally abandon your

old 'friends', you might be surprised  when they see you no longer depend so

much on them emotionally how they may lose interest in slamming you so much.  

you have taken the first and biggest step already, you are aware of the

situation and want to change.. now 'all' you have to do is the 'footwork' to

begin to change it.good luck!  ann

Subject: Once a scapegoat, always a scapegoat?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Tuesday, August 24, 2010, 5:57 PM

 

I am trying hard to ignore the nada smear campaigns but it is tough

sometimes. I feel like her poison has infiltrated every aspect of my life. I

was wondering if anyone has some helpful thoughts on this for me.

In short, I have a very interconnected group of stay-at-home moms as friends and

acquaintances. Some of them know people who know nada and those friends I have

left to their own preconceived notions.

Over the last year, I have felt more and more like an outsider and subject of

ridicule. One of these friends was being very nasty to me and another person so

I confronted her, we talked and it seemed like it was worked out but her put

downs and ridicules continued. Then this friend started hanging out with my

best friend and my best friend also began making not so nice comments to me. It

got to the point that I was so nervous around my best friend that I could hardly

speak - which just made her make fun of me more.

I hope I hit enough of the highlights for this to make sense. My husband thinks

it is time for a new circle of friends. I could move on but it is tough. I have

a small business and many are regular customers of mine. I think that

friend/customer connection is tricky to begin with but then add all the nada and

fleas garbage and it just sucks.

I feel I am in a vulnerable place to begin with in this whole recovery process

and this has just thrown me into a severe depression. I have learned to deal

with dysthymia frequently but when I get so bad that I have insomnia, my

functioning decreases pretty quickly. This week, I have had pretty severe

insomnia.

I think a combination of being the subject of nada's ridicule and now from

people who I considered friends, I feel like I have no one besides my husband to

turn to. I know, I need a therapist but I have tried two in my area and they

didn't work out. I will probably have to travel 2 hours to get the help I need.

I can't understand why wanting to get out of this so badly doesn't seem to be

enough.

patinage