The letter

[Guest guest]

I decided to post " the letter " . This is the one my momster delivered the

day after I came home from the hospital with DD2. It was the first and only

time she has seen DD2. I have been told that there is nothing wrong with

the letter, it is not hurtful, it is not nasty, it is not abusive, and I am

overreacting. Here it is:

It's time I have a talk with you. I'm writing because I don't want any

screaming or yelling. I can't take it anymore. I just have to get this off

my chest. Please don't get me wrong, I am not blaming everything on you and

(hubby), I am just letting you know what is bothering me. (me), you only

get one mother in this world. I am sorry you got stuck with me.I don't know

what I did to you in life that makes you so hateful towards me. If you

would like to talk about it I am here for you. I always will be. I have

been a worry wart all my life, It drove me nuts when you kids were little.

I can't change, you will just have to accept it. I accept the way you are.

There are things I don't agree with you about. But I don't yell at you like

you do me. You and (hubby) both treat me like shit. I have to walk on

eggshells every time I come to your house. I am so afraid of saying or

doing something wrong. In fear that you will yell at me. That's not the

way it's supposed to be. You are my daughter, I should feel very

comfortable in your house. And the fact that you won't let me watch your

kids, just puts a knife right through my heart. I have been watching

(neice) since she was born. And I do a hell of a job with her. It gives us

time to bond together. You won't give me that chance to bond with (DD1) and

I'm sure the same with (DD2). What does (hubby)'s mother have that I

don't? She gets to keep (DD1) overnight every week. Why can't I? You have

never given me an honest answer. I really need to know. And the fact that

you called me 20 minutes before (DD2) was born, is just proof you did not

want me there. A very important moment in my life, to be there when my

granddaughter was born, you took that away from me. But I see (best friend)

was there. You must have called me last. Another stab in the heart.

Honey, I don't want to go on like this, I want us all to get along. (me),

this is the hardest thing I ever had to do in life, but I have to do it.

Until you and (hubby) start treating me with respect, I can no longer come

to your house. However, I hope you can find it in your heart to bring the

kids over to see me. I love all three of my grand babies more than life

itself

Mom

First, " if you would like to talk about it I am here for you " --I tried when

I called her to discuss boundaries and how she has hurt me. She screamed

over me and would not listen.

" I don't yell at you like you do me " --most times she doesn't yell but has

other family gang up on me or pushes something over and over until I cave.

She does scream at the top of her lungs at times.

As for me yelling at her it has only been 4 times in 18 months. 1)DD1's

first Christmas when I spent all day cooking and she showed up and demanded

I leave the meal to sit and get cold because she wanted to see my 4 month

old open gifts. She freaked out and I yelled at her to leave. 2) DD2's

second Christmas when she called 2 weeks before and demanded I abandon all

my plans so she could have her " right " to have Christmas at her house.

3)The day I went into labor with DD2 when she ignored my request to stop

interfering with DD1 5 TIMES in less than an hour. 4) When I was in late

labor and about to deliver she whined to me about all the ways I could die

in the hospital.

" The fact that you won't let me watch your kids... " --This is because with my

niece she leaves her alone with 2 mean dogs, refuses to use a safe and

properly installed carseat, and smokes in a closed car with her and then

asks people not to tell my brother.

" You have never given me an honest answer " --We have discussed it several

times.

" You won't give me the chance to bond with DD1--She was at our house for

hours one a week and often invited herself over without asking other times.

That I did not want her at the birth was true but also she told me she did

not want to be there and I called her all night and her phone was out of

order.