Re: A funny thing happened on the way to, NO!

[Guest guest]

what a great post. I am on my way there too.

And I know, what is true is, and someone else is going through this here, I

think it's , if I go I will not be missed. There won't be any phone

calls and I won't be a part of their lives. They just don't care about me that

much. I really don't have any family. The person they see when they look at me

is worthy of only contempt and derision. It is not really who I am.

This last confrontation, and the aftermath, makes them immoral in my eyes.

Because they are propping up a child-abuser. At the expense of a two year old

that I dearly love...it's more comfortable for them to be in complete denial

about her, and make me out to be 'crazy' although they know that when it

happened, that was not at all what the truth was. Funny how truth can change

over time.

Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack I am just 'right there' in the moment with this

pain. I am trying to find my way out of the fog too, and this might be what it

takes to get there.

>

> I came out of the FOG!

>

> No more fear, no more obligation, no more guilt. Over the last 41+ years,

I've feared that woman. I've cowered in her tantrums, in anticipation of her

tantrums, waiting for the next shoe to drop.... it's been a nightmare. But no

more fear.

>

> I've learned things about my family that I never wanted to know. I've learned

things that no one should know about the reason for their birth. Way, way, way

too much. I've been trying to fix things that were broken long before I was

conceived and have been trying to manage things that the child never should. No

more obligation.

>

> Feeling like a failure. Feeling like I'm not good enough for the good kind

love of honest people. Always feeling lesser than or a burden. Always feeling

like I have to over-perform to be worthy. Not taking care of my according how

she mandated she be taken care of. Believing her press of both herself and me

and everyone around her. No more. I will not be driven by guilt.

>

> How did all this happen? What was the final straw? I guess it was an ever

escalating, and never ending, barrage of assaults. It was looking at her, free

of the emotional engagement, through other people's eyes. It was knowing that I

consistently act with integrity and good will towards others... and admitting to

myself that she doesn't. It was appreciating the difference. It was protecting

my child from her influence and realizing that I needed to finally protect

myself from her, too.

>

> So, while her craziness is continuing to escalate as I withdraw from her...

and her reactions are over the top and as bizarre as ever... I am no longer

being ambushed emotionally... I refuse to wear the straight-jacket of insanity

that she has woven for me.

>

> Just an update.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

That's awesome, Lynnette! You go, girl!

((((((Lynnette))))))

-Annie

>

> I came out of the FOG!

>

> No more fear, no more obligation, no more guilt. Over the last 41+ years,

I've feared that woman. I've cowered in her tantrums, in anticipation of her

tantrums, waiting for the next shoe to drop.... it's been a nightmare. But no

more fear.

>

> I've learned things about my family that I never wanted to know. I've learned

things that no one should know about the reason for their birth. Way, way, way

too much. I've been trying to fix things that were broken long before I was

conceived and have been trying to manage things that the child never should. No

more obligation.

>

> Feeling like a failure. Feeling like I'm not good enough for the good kind

love of honest people. Always feeling lesser than or a burden. Always feeling

like I have to over-perform to be worthy. Not taking care of my according how

she mandated she be taken care of. Believing her press of both herself and me

and everyone around her. No more. I will not be driven by guilt.

>

> How did all this happen? What was the final straw? I guess it was an ever

escalating, and never ending, barrage of assaults. It was looking at her, free

of the emotional engagement, through other people's eyes. It was knowing that I

consistently act with integrity and good will towards others... and admitting to

myself that she doesn't. It was appreciating the difference. It was protecting

my child from her influence and realizing that I needed to finally protect

myself from her, too.

>

> So, while her craziness is continuing to escalate as I withdraw from her...

and her reactions are over the top and as bizarre as ever... I am no longer

being ambushed emotionally... I refuse to wear the straight-jacket of insanity

that she has woven for me.

>

> Just an update.

>

> Lynnette

>