A funny thing happened on the way to, NO!

[Guest guest]

I came out of the FOG!

No more fear, no more obligation, no more guilt. Over the last 41+ years, I've

feared that woman. I've cowered in her tantrums, in anticipation of her

tantrums, waiting for the next shoe to drop.... it's been a nightmare. But no

more fear.

I've learned things about my family that I never wanted to know. I've learned

things that no one should know about the reason for their birth. Way, way, way

too much. I've been trying to fix things that were broken long before I was

conceived and have been trying to manage things that the child never should. No

more obligation.

Feeling like a failure. Feeling like I'm not good enough for the good kind love

of honest people. Always feeling lesser than or a burden. Always feeling like

I have to over-perform to be worthy. Not taking care of my according how she

mandated she be taken care of. Believing her press of both herself and me and

everyone around her. No more. I will not be driven by guilt.

How did all this happen? What was the final straw? I guess it was an ever

escalating, and never ending, barrage of assaults. It was looking at her, free

of the emotional engagement, through other people's eyes. It was knowing that I

consistently act with integrity and good will towards others... and admitting to

myself that she doesn't. It was appreciating the difference. It was protecting

my child from her influence and realizing that I needed to finally protect

myself from her, too.

So, while her craziness is continuing to escalate as I withdraw from her... and

her reactions are over the top and as bizarre as ever... I am no longer being

ambushed emotionally... I refuse to wear the straight-jacket of insanity that

she has woven for me.

Just an update.

Lynnette