Re: nada wants to visit but too sick

[Guest guest]

Maybe you and the boys can hop on the train and go visit nada at nada's home for

the afternoon, the Saturday after their birthday parties?

-Annie

>

> My nada usually comes to our house for a weekend for our kids birthdays. Her

> health has really deteriorated this year and I have been assuming she would

> not be able to travel to our home for the birthday's this fall. We live 300

> miles away and she usually takes the train, but the last time we saw her in

> the summer she could barely walk a few steps without gasping for breath

> (some of which I think was real and some of it faked or at least exagerated

> and she says she currently spends most of her time sleeping. Even when she

> was doing better healthwise a trip to our house was fairly exhausting for

> her. - just trying to climb the stairs in our house is significant for her.

>

> Since my kids have been asking if she is coming I thought I would at least

> have it out in the open so I said to her. " The boys asked me if you would be

> coming for their birthday, but I am assuming that would be way to big of a

> trip for you right now. " She surprised me by saying she is thinking about

> coming!

>

> This was after she told me about how she had one of her gasping/can't breath

> episodes trying to walk into a doctor's office that they now come out to her

> car to give her her shot. And that she won't go to the casino without one

> particular friend (although others are able/willing to go with her) because

> this friend takes such good care of her and is like a nurse with her.

>

> So, no surprise nada has no grip on reality that she actually is not well

> enough to make a trip like this. I tried to diplomatically talk her out of

> it and encouraged her to talk to her doctor. She ended up just saying she

> will think about it and that she would really like to get out of the house

> (she has not been going much of anywhere because of her health - which

> actually is unlike her - she is very, very social and extroverted). Well,

> for goodness sake, mom, get out of the house by going out to lunch, to the

> movies, etc. rather than trying to take a 300 mile trip.

>

> I am reminded that nada is essentially a child in an adult's body and is not

> capable of making a reasonable decision in this case - more likely a selfish

> and foolish decision that will have a huge impact on us and likely on

> whoever is on the train with her. I really don't want to have the stress of

> hoping she is not going to have a medical emergency while she is here nor

> the likely fact that she will require or at least want an enormous amount of

> care and attention.

>

> I've been trying to think of a way to tell her she simply can not come -

> it's foolish and I will not have her come when it is obviously not something

> she is capable of health wise. But I can't think of a way to approach it

> that does not either trigger her by her hearing that we don't want her to

> come (which she was already starting to claim last night when I was trying

> to talk her out of even considering it) or her becoming obstinate i.e. " You

> can't tell me what to do. " and trying to come just to be contrary. This is

> common with her and also another way she is like a child - if you tell her

> she can't do or have something, she is likely to be darn sure to prove you

> wrong or do it anyway.

>

> Fortunately, my boys will be having their birthday parties the weekend

> before she is thinking of coming - so she at least can not negatively impact

> these.

>

> Any advice or input is always appreciated.

>

> MY

>

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