Guest guest Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 Hmmm, why are our families so complicated? I guess the thing on the top of my mind right now is having choices. I'm not sure why. But I think you have a choice - you can be strong in your decision and not question it, and not worry about it. Or you can question it, feel guilty and assume other people are thinking bad things about you. Either way, it sounds like you have made up your mind, you know what's right for you and your fam. I say GO FOR IT! Don't doubt it! My 2 cents. XOXO Girlscout On Wed, Sep 15, 2010 at 10:09 PM, slingshot2hell wrote: > > > I know how you feel! 2 years ago my nadas queen mother died, and last week > her dad died. My nada is hermit/waif. I didn't even volunteer as much as you > did, I picked her up at the airport from the funeral. And man, do I regret > it! I DID have a policy on never being stuck in a spot with her where I > can't immediately leave. But once again I tried to be a good/normal daughter > and I watched her house and pets, and take her and my dad to the airport and > pick them up. Only to pay for it with verbal abuse and complete nuttiness > the whole way. > > Casey > > > > > > > So my nada's witch/queen mother just died. My nada, who is > waifish/hermit, called me crying to tell me the news: " Boo hoo. I already > told Mother I wouldn't be attending her funeral because I don't have any > money. " > > > > I, who am LC but couldn't avoid being sucked back in by guilt, told my > Nada that " I would get her to the funeral. " This is a couple of states away, > so it amounts to an all-day car trip or a plane ride with my mother which I > would have to pay for, in addition to paying for her hotel room and paying > to board her dog, all while she is possibly verbally abusive to me on the > trip. > > > > Then my cousin calls and tells me that there is no funeral, just a > cremation and maybe a memorial get-together next summer in the state where I > live, because my grandmother used to live here and most of the family is > still here. At first I was surprised, " Really? " I asked her. " We're going to > wait almost a year? " But then I got off the phone, came to my senses and was > profoundly relieved. > > > > A couple of days later, Nada calls and informs me that they've changed > their minds again and will be holding a funeral service either Saturday > October 23rd (for which my husband and I already have concert tickets) or > October 30th. (Seriously???? A funeral on Halloween??? WTF?) > > > > At this point, my Nada was still thinking that I was going to honor the > fact that I told her I'd get her to the funeral. What she doesn't understand > is after telling her I'd get her there, she proceeded to be verbally abusive > to me, and I thought " Eff you, lady. I'm not taking you anywhere! " > > > > So, today I talked to my aunt and uncle who are making the funeral > arrangements and they've pretty much settled on holding a funeral on the > 30th, which, ironically (or no so ironically) enough, is soooo appropriate > for my grandmother. So I told them that we're absolutely NOT coming to a > funeral on Halloween. We have a young child, and we're not going to subject > her to both a funeral AND no trick-or-treating in the same weekend. > > > > My aunt sounded relieved that we would not be coming, mostly because they > don't want to see my mother either, and in fact, no one in the family does, > though my mother is completely oblivious to this. " Surely she wouldn't be > able to get here on her own, " my aunt said, and I told her I seriously > doubted it. > > > > But Nada called again today, leaving a message because I wouldn't pick up > the phone, still expecting that I'm taking her to that funeral. Though I was > avoiding the call, I finally called her back to say that we would not be > going to a funeral on Halloween. > > > > She seemed to take it well, and got off the phone quickly, but I'm pretty > sure it was so she could go bawl her eyes out. > > > > Now I'm relieved to not go to the funeral and to not have to take my > mother, but once again I feel guilty. I know she's sad that she can't go. I > know she wants to see her out-of-state family but they don't want to see > her. I know she wants to see me, but she WILL NOT hear me when I ask her to > refrain from being an ass to me. I know that most people would not > understand choosing Halloween over their grandmother's funeral. (My > grandmother was HORRIBLE to my brother and me, but nicer to my cousins.) > > > > These people are so exhausting. I had a beer at lunch today because I > just couldn't take it. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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