Re: Nada wants stay in my place more time

[Guest guest]

Oh this is not easy for you or husband. Sorry but if my vote counted I would say

3 weeks is More than long enough. You are very generous. I would say don't worry

about offending her or not giving enough or her health or the guilt or anything

else, worry about your relationships that will matter in the long run, and by

that I mean the relationship with yourself, and with your husband. If you feel

more than 3 weeks will make you suffer mentally or emotionally or cause pain in

your home than don't feel forced.

My MIL wants to come for Months at a time and this drives me bonkers because she

has characteristics of a BP " poor me suicidal waa waa cry followed by rage

followed by oh I'm so sick and the whole time really controlling. " It's

especially hard since she gets mad when I am in her house for more than 4 days.

I have talked to my DH and we made the agreement that when his mom comes here it

can't be more than a week or 2 and visa versa. The last time we were together

for 2 ½ months and there was a MAJOR blowout and it was not worth sacrificing my

mental health or our marriage and his relationship with his family.

Soon after the blow out she came to stay with my BIL for 3 months and I think

she kind of burned that bridge too at least with his girlfriend who he plans to

marry.

I guess I would say especially when you are dealing with a nada the shorter the

visit the better.

>

> I'm back here after almost 10 months. Last time you gave me advices of what to

do with nada duringmy wedding lunch party.

> She arrived at the party place looking strange after an overdose of

tranquilizers ( I guess), wearing a long sleeve suit in a melting summer where

everyone was in summer dress. Thanks God nothing worst happened during the

party. I met her after 18 months that time. We live in opposite part of the

globe so it's hard

> to travel for visitings. In my mind some mother who doesn't see the daughter

for 18months and in a ocasion of her marriage, would naturally behave kindly at

least inthe first few days but,when she got the chance to be only with me, she

started the FOG game and accusations. We spent 10 stressful days together and

even my in-laws had enough with her.

> Nada said she was depressed cause I was going to travel so long and she was

afraid something bad would happen to me . As soon as I returned to the place I

live=she was fine again.

> Now she needs to come to where I live because otherwise she will loose her

permanent residence visa( she used to live where Im now).

> My husband can't stand her anymore and said he would tolerate max. 3 weeks

with her in our house. Mom asked me how long she could be in my house. I asked

her how long she would like too.

> She replied: " the house is yours so you decide how long I can be there " .

> Me: " ok, what about 3 weeks? "

> She broken up in tears, screaming and crying " how a daughter would say only 3

weeks for her 74yo. Mother travelling from the other side of the world? I though

you would say 2,3 months, mom take a rest and stay at home " .

> After that we had moments of calm alternated with more crying and screamings

and she even played that she felt sick and felt inthe floor as a good actress

could do. Right away I called her neighbour who lives next door and has her home

key ( nada lives alone and only think to live with me).this neighbour is my

hotline salvation everytime mom has a crisis. I talked to the neighbour for

1:36sec after my mom drops the phone with breath difficulties saying she was

feeling sick. This neighbour run to her house just to find her watering the

plants inthe garage ( what she was doing when I call mom). " Feel sick " and felt

inthe floor and wake up and water the plants within 5 min...

> She's getting worst,she stopped her medicines a month or so ago.

> She begs me now to take care of her and allow to stay more time at my place.

My husband says no and I can imagine how stressful will be her stay here.

> She had another crisis over the phone than I cut the phone and did not call

her back. She might be feeling I don't mind about her anymore as she usual

feels.

> I know I look like a child too but what should I do now?

> Stick on 3 weeks at home: she will blame for not leave her stay more. If I let

her stay,my husband and I will be more stressed.

>