Re: In shock from NC

[Guest guest]

Hi , I am glad that you are keeping us up to date because I was really

worried that your mom would pester you to no end and maybe even try something

shady. I have never had NC (yet) but I bet what happens is that beforehand you

are constantly reacting to the drama and then suddenly when it is quiet you have

time to reflect and grieve. And I bet there is a tremendous amount of grief to

be had, since there is no one more important to you as a child than your mother,

and having a bpd one is like been born without a limb or one of your

senses...you never really know what it would have been like to have one, no

matter how hard you try. I hope you surround yourself with supportive people

while you are going through this initial grieving process. Hugs!

>

> I went NC just two weeks ago and my numbness is starting to turn into complete

shock. I don't regret my decision at all but I can't believe this has happened.

I can't believe how permanent it is and that I had to go to such extreme

measures just for the freedom to live my life. I can't believe parents like this

can exist, and that on top of it, I am certain they are blaming me for all of

this. I am shocked that something like this could happen to them, and they won't

for a second doubt themselves, or examine their actions.

>

> Nada and fada received my final letter from Paris this week stating I don't

want any contact and will get a restraining order if they try. Intellectually, I

am relieved that their efforts have ceased (I think). On another level, though,

it makes me really sad that I was right- that their " love " was conditional, and

they are ready to abandon me if I " misbehave " .

>

> I have been really busy with school, so it's only been hard on the weekends

when I'm not busy. I don't like going out with friends because I'm so

preoccupied with so many secrets I can't tell them. I am petrified of drinking

because I don't want to slip up and reveal my old name and identity. I also have

started crying at the bar and I'm fairly certain my neighbor who walks me home

every night thinks I'm crazy.

>

> When I first joined this group, I envied everyone who had gone NC. I thought

of you as strong and persistent, but I never thought about how much all of you

have had to go through emotionally to get to where you are.

>

> I know it will get better, it just doesn't *feel* like that right now. I

continue to read the board every day, which definitely helps. Thanks for

listening.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Coco, I've been very LC/NC for probably about a decade now (no definitive date

because it started well before I happily found you all here). So I wanted to

write in to you and give you some encouragement.

Yes, the grief feels like a tidal wave with an undertow at first, something near

impossible to fight, if even worth fighting. And the anger may numb you and

tempt you to lash out later. But this is natural and fleeting.

What lasts is the feeling of liberation from impossible expectations. Growing

certainty of your own strengths and talents, independent and in many cases (for

me) directly opposite what your BPD assesses they are. Increasing confidence in

your assessment of reality, because now you realize your reality matches

everyone else's reality too, that you are indeed normal, and your BPD parent is

so not normal.

Perhaps here's a glimpse of your future. I had a ten-minute call with my

stepnada the other day -- a LF witch/queen/hermit -- and I realized for the

first time she was all over the map emotionally in the conversation. She was

raging one second and pandering the next. The conversation had its impact on my

mood and concentration for the next couple of weeks, but the clarity from it was

priceless.

I pray that you too see the peace and -- for the first time -- joy that comes

from releasing yourself from their prison. You can do this. And it has a good

outcome.

Blessings,

Tina

>

> I went NC just two weeks ago and my numbness is starting to turn into complete

shock. I don't regret my decision at all but I can't believe this has happened.

I can't believe how permanent it is and that I had to go to such extreme

measures just for the freedom to live my life. I can't believe parents like this

can exist, and that on top of it, I am certain they are blaming me for all of

this. I am shocked that something like this could happen to them, and they won't

for a second doubt themselves, or examine their actions.

>

> Nada and fada received my final letter from Paris this week stating I don't

want any contact and will get a restraining order if they try. Intellectually, I

am relieved that their efforts have ceased (I think). On another level, though,

it makes me really sad that I was right- that their " love " was conditional, and

they are ready to abandon me if I " misbehave " .

>

> I have been really busy with school, so it's only been hard on the weekends

when I'm not busy. I don't like going out with friends because I'm so

preoccupied with so many secrets I can't tell them. I am petrified of drinking

because I don't want to slip up and reveal my old name and identity. I also have

started crying at the bar and I'm fairly certain my neighbor who walks me home

every night thinks I'm crazy.

>

> When I first joined this group, I envied everyone who had gone NC. I thought

of you as strong and persistent, but I never thought about how much all of you

have had to go through emotionally to get to where you are.

>

> I know it will get better, it just doesn't *feel* like that right now. I

continue to read the board every day, which definitely helps. Thanks for

listening.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It will get better. I promise.

I've been NC with my mother for 4 years. I still think of her and mourn " what

could have been " , but then I remember that she will never change and just causes

drama and heartache. I don't know if you have kids, but for me, NOT having her

in our lives is a good thing. I don't want my kids exposed to that.

>

> I went NC just two weeks ago and my numbness is starting to turn into complete

shock. I don't regret my decision at all but I can't believe this has happened.

I can't believe how permanent it is and that I had to go to such extreme

measures just for the freedom to live my life. I can't believe parents like this

can exist, and that on top of it, I am certain they are blaming me for all of

this. I am shocked that something like this could happen to them, and they won't

for a second doubt themselves, or examine their actions.

>

> Nada and fada received my final letter from Paris this week stating I don't

want any contact and will get a restraining order if they try. Intellectually, I

am relieved that their efforts have ceased (I think). On another level, though,

it makes me really sad that I was right- that their " love " was conditional, and

they are ready to abandon me if I " misbehave " .

>

> I have been really busy with school, so it's only been hard on the weekends

when I'm not busy. I don't like going out with friends because I'm so

preoccupied with so many secrets I can't tell them. I am petrified of drinking

because I don't want to slip up and reveal my old name and identity. I also have

started crying at the bar and I'm fairly certain my neighbor who walks me home

every night thinks I'm crazy.

>

> When I first joined this group, I envied everyone who had gone NC. I thought

of you as strong and persistent, but I never thought about how much all of you

have had to go through emotionally to get to where you are.

>

> I know it will get better, it just doesn't *feel* like that right now. I

continue to read the board every day, which definitely helps. Thanks for

listening.

>

>

>