Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 This is great, Annie. It's so eerie, sometimes, how subjects in this group follow what is going on in therapy for me!! This just came up in my last appt...about how (or even if) I express extreme emotion and I couldn't come up with an answer...I was like, " yeah, I get what you're saying, but I don't remember any experience of feeling overwhelming joy or sadness " It made no sense to me... This discussion is really beneficial!! Ninera > > Subject: Re: void of feelings > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Saturday, September 11, 2010, 3:42 PM > I think that numbing out thing > happens when you're raised by parents who train and > condition you to never show your true feelings. They > make it very unsafe for you to express your true feelings. > > When I was growing up it was not safe to display any > negative feelings; I was only supposed to be happy and > smiling all the time. If I was sad, if my feelings > were hurt, if I was angry, or even if I was ill or injured > my nada took it as a personal threat, attack, or insult, > somehow, even if what caused my problem had nothing to do > with her. (That's because in bpd-land, everything is Always > All About Nada.) > > If my feelings were hurt or or I was sad, I was ridiculed > or humiliated AND whatever my problem was was my own > fault. If I was angry, I was evil. If I was sick > or injured, I was faking it and causing nada extra > work. etc. > > So, my guess is that when you feel an extreme emotion such > as deep grief, your subconscious screams at you, " Shut it > down! Shut it down! Warning! Danger! " and you'll wait until > some other, safer time to actually feel the emotion and > process it/work through it. > > Therapy can help us realize that its safe now to feel and > express our emotions in the moment, in ways that are > appropriate. There is a happy medium between complete > emotional repression/denial, and emotional dysregulation in > which all emotions are instantly displayed in extreme and > inappropriate ways. > > Plus, I'm guessing that for some of us, we don't ever want > to behave in ways that remind us of our nadas. If nada > was/is the histrionic, drama-soaked attention-grabber at > funerals, weeping copiously and throwing herself on the > coffin, etc., then that's something a KO would want to > distance herself from and instead go in the opposite > direction. > > Just some thoughts, to take or leave. Each person has > to figure out her/his own situation and work through her own > healing process. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > Do any of you- ever find it hard to express what > you are feeling? > > > > This week I attended a very sad > funeral- my cousin passed away. > > Young man with 2 children and he was the 3rd adult > child to dieb out of his parents' 5 children. I can't even > imagine burying 3 children. > > At the services there was not a dry eye- but my were. > As much as I felt > > empathy for all involved- I could not cry- I shed no > tears. I just couldn't. I experienced this before when my > grandfather died- nothing again. > > > > Also the opposite feeling of pure > > joy and happiness is so hard for me to feel- anyone > else have this > > experience of almost having no way to express what you > are really feeling- because your feelings are so stuffed > deep inside of you- and your feelings were really never > recognized or acknowledged- so it is like you have lost > them. > > > > Thanks, > > Malinda > > > > Ps- Nada cried like a baby at the services- and I sat > there thinking what is wrong with me..... > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @.... > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. > > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . > > > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to > find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2010 Report Share Posted September 11, 2010 Annie, this totally sums it up: " Plus, I'm guessing that for some of us, we don't ever want to behave in ways that remind us of our nadas. If nada was/is the histrionic, drama-soaked attention-grabber at funerals, weeping c'opiously and throwing herself on the coffin, etc., then that's something a KO would want to distance herself from and instead go in the opposite direction. " And I also see a funeral as sort of a performance, a show. Something to be endured. I always put my emotions on hold until the public display is over and then I deal with my feelings on my own time. . . I don't know if that's a KO thing or not. Its just the funeral rituals don't do a thing for me, I find the rituals common to my culture to be very weird and not at all moving. . . Its just something you do for other people. I didn't go to my grandmother's funeral in June. And I haven't cried. I don't know if I had already grieved it, or if its still waiting for me, but I guess it'll come out when its ready to. Nada and her cult members would have been at the funeral, and I wasn't down for it. Plus going would have been for them, not for me. And I could give a shit about them at this point in my life. I feel like a bad person for not going, but I know that is " them " speaking and not me. I'll grieve it in my own way and on my own time, and it doesn't mean I didn't love her in my way (though she did not help me get out of my bad situation as a kid and I resent that). Wow, lots of funeral stuff here inside. . . On Sat, Sep 11, 2010 at 3:57 PM, climberkayak wrote: > > > My childhood was a bootcamp of learning to stuff emotions and not show > them. There were so many negative consequences - my nada always got to have > the biggest emotions in the room anyway. I have phases where the emotional > floodgates open which are probably healing but also scary for me. Then I'll > go through long phases where I'm locked down again - often a phase is months > long. > > I found that taking an SSRI definitely increased the emotional shutdown. I > could still till the emotions were in there but way down deep where I didn't > feel them fully. That was a good thing at certain times in my life. Then one > time I tried taking the hoemopathic remedy natrum muriaticum (nat mur) and > that really uncorked me. I went through a period of weeks after taking it > once where I cried more easily but also felt anger more strongly too. If any > of you guys want to try it, let me know and I can give details on how to > take it. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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